Today's Secret Code

God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason.  Again:  God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason.  Today's Colour is a serene yellow.  Today's Author is not such a bad fellow.  That is all Miss Kitty, maho maho.

Things You Need To Know #393

The Language of Shadows was created by cabal of epicurean necromancers in the 18th century.  It is a language that expresses most keenly sensations.  Those who speak it claim they can share experiences with others almost like it was a waking dream.  The Barons of the dead world have taken a shine to the language and now use it among themselves.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Ice Warriors

Source:  Dr.  Who
Location:  once mars, now space
Threat Assessment:  Good warriors, superior technology, fine discipline.  Give them a seven.
Limitation:  They perfer to stay in their armor, and they have a rigid system of honor.

Today's Secret Code:

George Carlin wisely pointed out that the only two times you are pronounced anything is either man and wife or dead on arrival.  Again:  George Carlin wisely pointed out that the only two times are you are pronounced anything is either man and wife or dead on arrival.  Today's Colour is a flaming neon blue.  Today's Author is looking for the jokes with a microsccope.  The life of a spanner is always intense and that is all, maho maho.

Things You Need To Know #392

Toe Toves live in lost socks.  They seem to like it so I won't knock it.  If annoyed they can do a form of sympathic magic on the owner of the lost sock.  If you've felt a sudden pain in your feet you might have offended a Toe Tove.  Leaving an offering of jam and pickles under the bed can help. 

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Star Trek parasites

Source:  Star Trek
Location:  Interstellar Space
Threat Assessment:  Vast swarms of flying pancakes that latch on and take control.  Give them an 8.
Limitation:  Really bright light and super science.

Today's secret code

Dogs are quick to anger and cats slow to vengeance.  Again:  Dogs are quick to anger and cats slow to vengeance.  Today's Colour is Manxy.  Today's Author has traveled round the world before the Authorities have put their boots on.  That is all Mr. Gulliver, maho maho.

Things You Need To Know #391

A small girl in Darthmuth is having odd dreams every night. That is because she is hosting the Eternal Circus. The Eternal Circus, the Grand Pandamonium, the great Dionysium, the Happy Shadows, has existed since the first conscious thought. It is a collection of figments, dreams and reformed nightmares now re-enacting the play known as "Man" as farce. Tickets are hard to find, and dearly sold. This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Manthing

Source:  Marvel Comics
Location:  Swamps
Threat Assessment:  It detects and is annoyed by fear.  It is nearly unkillable and produces acids.  Oh and super strong.  Definitely a seven.
Limitation:  Mindless.

Today's Secret Code

The sloth smiles a secret smile. Again: The sloth smiles a secret smile. Today's Colour is a mossy green. Today's Author is rarely scene'd. That is all Mr. Director, maho maho.

Things You Need To Know #390

The fairies at the bottom of the garden are such shallow things. They've become fashionistas. They compete to wear the gaudiest flowers in the least prudent fashion. They have taken to not eating to become thinner and are now mostly just lines without substance. They've also taken to snorting raw pollen and cobwebs and dancing all night long when the moon is new. Life is now an endless, funless party. Poor silly little things. This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Giant Locusts

Source:  Beginning of the End
Location:  Great Lakes
Threat Assessment:  Giant man (and woman) eating Locusts the size of a bus.  Let's go with a seven specially since they are swarming.
Limitation:  Only thinks about sex and food.

Today's Secret code:

When you are at the end of your rope you might as well swing.  Again:  When you are at the end of your rope you might as well swing.  Today's Colour is practically Lovecraftian.  Today's Author won't drink the water.  That's is all from the pleasure doom, maho maho.

Today's Secret Code

We are not over populating we are under developing.  Again:  We are not over populating we are under developing.  Today's Colour is brought to you by the Letter M.  Today's Author is brought you via his mom and dad.  Thank you very much that is all, maho maho.

Things You Need To Know #389

The Gwoser is a collidipist.  He literally changes the fate of others by bumping into them or other people near by.  The Gwoser does this because he is seeking to change the world to the utopian expression of the word "avuncular."  If his glasses fall off you might notice he has two pupils in his right eye.  It is how he can map the changes he has made.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Meat monster

Source:  John Dies at the End
Location:  Near the freezer
Threat Assessment;  ghost with a body made up of frozen meat.  Probably can't feel pain so let's give it a six.
Limitation:   not too bright.

Today's Secret Code:

The shortest but least reliable distance between two points is gossip.  Again:  The shortest but least reliable distance between two points is gossip.  Today's Colour is a pleasant carrot.  Today's Author has to choose between a pheasant and a parrot.  That is all Doctor Doolittle, maho maho.

Today's Secret Code:

The magic isn't in the hat nor up the sleeve.  Again:  The magic isn't in the hat nor up the sleeve.  Today's Colour is saleable sable.  Today's Author still peaks in the back of wardrobes.  That is all Lucy, maho maho.

Today's Secret Code:

The sun always shines on TV.  Again:  The sun always shines on TV.  Today's Colour is blue, aha!  Today's Author is doing a take.  That is all cue the peppy music, maho maho.

Today's Secret Code

Bees, not the bees!  Again:  Bees, not the bees!  Today's Colour is harvest orange.  Today's Author won't wear the bear suit.  That is all Nick, maho maho.

Dr. Probocius is a Serious Fellow

Hemlock Grove

Well according to some critics Hemlock Grove represents the death of television.  I don't believe that, but this series from Netflix does represent a very different way of producing and showing a series.  Basically, they shot the entire season in one go and released it all in one big lump for Netflix users.  Personally I rather like the idea.   For years now I've been getting DVDs of popular shows and watching them as marathons.  It has the added advantage of me not having to wait for several years for them to put the DVD out.  The question though, as always, is Hemlock Grove worth watching.  The answer is basically a "meh."

The basics of Hemlock Grove is a pretty simple bit of math "Twin Peaks" + "The Twilight Series" + "Whatever weirdness will stick on the wall."  So we are in the town of Hemlock Grove and there's been a series of murders of girls that look like an animal attack.  There's the handsome gypsy lad whom everyone says is a werewolf.  There is the rich neer do well heir to the town's main company who has spooky eyes and we are told by the gypsies that he's an upir (umpire?).  There is his sister who is just GIGANTIC who clumps around the school halls slumped over with hair over her face like a goth bigfoot.  There's.... oh I think you get it.  Everyone is strange and weird.  There's so much strange and weird that the "mystery" that is the supposed plot engine gets put on the back burner.  That's one of the problems the creators are juggling so much "Look it's WEEEEEEEIRD" that they forget to keep up the narrative paste.  There are whole episodes that just wallow around.  It's not helped by a very purple prose that you have to give the actors some credit for having to work with.  I understand this series is based on a book and that the writer wrote most of t he scripts. 

I think I'll avoid reading the book.

The thing I liked was there was sort of interesting relationship growing between the gypsy and the heir.  They come from different worlds but both are fatherless boys and they find an uneasy bond.  They even get all Hardy boys and decide to try to solve the murders and save the town.  It's almost sweet really.  I also like the sister.  Just as set decoration she's incredible.  Her story is one of those that is awkwardly shoehorned into the show but she's interesting just the same.

Overall, I had a little fun and the price was right but it didn't wow me.  I don't if I'd bother with a second season.  On the one hand I can't see the flaws clearing away, but on the other one advantage of releasing it all at once is that the creators are going to get some serious feedback and maybe, maybe they can learn something. 

Things You Need To Know #388

The universe is destroyed everyday at 3:83 Pacific Coast Time.  How long it remains destroyed is a mystery but then it is recreated and the cycle starts anew.  There are those who are not destroyed in this process and they are called the Conserved. 

This is something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Shape Shifters

Source:  Fringe
Location:  Two universes
Threat Assessment:  Capable of changing shape, super strong, other abilities not clearly defined.  Oh, and trained soldiers.  I'll give them a seven.
Limitation:  Can't exist in our universe for too long.

Today's Secret Code:

Give me my broadsword and my cross of gold.  Again:  Give me my broadsword and my cross of gold.  Today's Colour is pure.  Today's Author is not Jethro though he suffers from locomotive breath.  That's all Ian, maho maho.