STRANGE SPANNERS being an accounting of strangeness of the warp and woof of my mind For those of you new here, think of this as 1/2 "Night Gallery" Our Motto: Nos somnium quisnam es futurus fatum quod insolitus tutus vos!
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Today's Secret Code:
"You die, she dies, everybody dies." Again: "You die, she dies, everybody dies." Today's Colour is evil glowing green. Today's Author's only hope is that they bury his body in an unmarked grave even though he has an in because hanging's too good for him; burning's too good for him, they should rip him into itty bitty pieces. That is all Hanover Fist, maho maho.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Unlucky Charms
Charles Band is at it again, and finally he's done his leprechaun picture without getting his B movie butt sued. Oh wait, it's not a leprechaun it's a far darrig a.k.a. the red man. What ever, it's short, has the hat and the shillelagh, and is in a film punnily named after a breakfast cereal; so screw you Charlie it's a damn leprechaun. Congratufabulation.
So, what's happening? Well first turns out our far darrig should have been named gearán soith (go to google translate), because he just complains complains and oh yes complains. Turns out that him and three other wee beasties name raped from celtic lore are the slaves to the charms on a certain necklace. After centuries of hanging around they have finally been called back to earth to do the bidding of whomever has the necklace.
Meanwhile, at Wayne manor (well, ok but it looks sort of like it) a reality show is in progress. Ok, now mentioning Charlie's short coming as a director is sort of low at this point. It's like kicking an autistic puppy. The puppy isn't going to learn anything and you just look like a jerk. But I do have to say that it takes a true lack of ability not to be able to ape the tropes and look of a reality show. It's just sad and an under used concept in this movie. It's only used for two purpose the first is to have a bunch of girls hang out together call each other names and take off their clothes (take off their own clothes I should clarify), the other use to come up with ridiculous reasons to split everyone up so they can be alone and attacked. Or alone and be ogled, one of the beasties (the one eyed monster naturally) has been out of circulation for centuries so takes the time to appreciate the female beauty to the gynacological upmost. So does anyone figure out who has the charms? Will there be any ladies left by the end? Will the damn leprechaun shut up please?
Well, who cares.
Yeah that's the feeling this film left in me. It's about a half hour worth of material stretched into a feature in a painful manner. For example, one of Charlie's tricks is to end the whole thing with a slow crawl roll call of all the players. The acting of the actresses aspires to the level of strippers everywhere. The beasties at least were able to hide their embarrassment. Unfortunately they hid it behind make up that falls below halloween high school party levels. I will say on the plus side the movie on DVD starts with a introduction of Charlie talking about his plans while a stripper behind him is doing various breast tricks. On the down side one of Charlie's plans is "Gingerdead man vs. the Evil Bong.
So, what's happening? Well first turns out our far darrig should have been named gearán soith (go to google translate), because he just complains complains and oh yes complains. Turns out that him and three other wee beasties name raped from celtic lore are the slaves to the charms on a certain necklace. After centuries of hanging around they have finally been called back to earth to do the bidding of whomever has the necklace.
Meanwhile, at Wayne manor (well, ok but it looks sort of like it) a reality show is in progress. Ok, now mentioning Charlie's short coming as a director is sort of low at this point. It's like kicking an autistic puppy. The puppy isn't going to learn anything and you just look like a jerk. But I do have to say that it takes a true lack of ability not to be able to ape the tropes and look of a reality show. It's just sad and an under used concept in this movie. It's only used for two purpose the first is to have a bunch of girls hang out together call each other names and take off their clothes (take off their own clothes I should clarify), the other use to come up with ridiculous reasons to split everyone up so they can be alone and attacked. Or alone and be ogled, one of the beasties (the one eyed monster naturally) has been out of circulation for centuries so takes the time to appreciate the female beauty to the gynacological upmost. So does anyone figure out who has the charms? Will there be any ladies left by the end? Will the damn leprechaun shut up please?
Well, who cares.
Yeah that's the feeling this film left in me. It's about a half hour worth of material stretched into a feature in a painful manner. For example, one of Charlie's tricks is to end the whole thing with a slow crawl roll call of all the players. The acting of the actresses aspires to the level of strippers everywhere. The beasties at least were able to hide their embarrassment. Unfortunately they hid it behind make up that falls below halloween high school party levels. I will say on the plus side the movie on DVD starts with a introduction of Charlie talking about his plans while a stripper behind him is doing various breast tricks. On the down side one of Charlie's plans is "Gingerdead man vs. the Evil Bong.
Things You Need To Know #411
Haunting spiders are normally only annoying. They develop a passionate desire to wrap one person in webs. They wait till they sleep and begin to work. Usually the victim wakes up to just a thin webbing and the feeling of scuttling legs. However, things can go differently if the victim is otherwise detained say by an accident. Sometime later police might find a rather odd, morbid silk package. No spider in sight as it seeks another to devote itself to.
This was something you needed to know.
This was something you needed to know.
Monster of the Day: The Bridge
Source: The Bridge
'Location: A ruined bridge, then the world
Threat Assessment: 10. There is no hope. The Bridge is a singularity level event leading to new life based on man's waste.
Limitation: Individual creatures can be killed but the event cannot be stopped. No future.
'Location: A ruined bridge, then the world
Threat Assessment: 10. There is no hope. The Bridge is a singularity level event leading to new life based on man's waste.
Limitation: Individual creatures can be killed but the event cannot be stopped. No future.
Today's Secret Code:
Jack was a pre-theist believing there is not a God...yet. Again: Jack was a pre-theist believing there is not a God...yet. Today's Colour is a charming chocolate. Today's Author is not afraid to listen to ABBA. That is all dancing queen, maho maho.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Today's Secret Code:
Bing Bang Digga Rigga Dong: First things I say after I wake up. Again: BIng Bang Digga Rigga DOng: First things I say after I wake up. Today's Colour is UN blue. Today's Author is not through. That is all Sporticus, maho maho.
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