Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Unlucky Charms

Charles Band is at it again, and finally he's done his leprechaun picture without getting his B movie butt sued.  Oh wait, it's not a leprechaun it's a far darrig a.k.a. the red man.  What ever, it's short, has the hat and the shillelagh, and is in a film punnily named after a breakfast cereal; so screw you Charlie it's a damn leprechaun.  Congratufabulation.

So, what's happening?  Well first turns out our far darrig should have been named gearán soith (go to google translate), because he just complains complains and oh yes complains.  Turns out that him and three other wee beasties name raped from celtic lore are the slaves to the charms on a certain necklace.   After centuries of hanging around they have finally been called back to earth to do the bidding of whomever has the necklace.

Meanwhile, at Wayne manor (well, ok but it looks sort of like it) a reality show is in progress.  Ok, now mentioning Charlie's short coming as a director is sort of low at this point.  It's like kicking an autistic puppy.  The puppy isn't going to learn anything and you just look like a jerk.  But I do have to say that it takes a true lack of ability not to be able to ape the tropes and look of a reality show.  It's just sad and an under used concept in this movie.  It's only used for two purpose the first is to have a bunch of girls hang out together call each other names and take off their clothes (take off their own clothes I should clarify), the other use to come up with ridiculous reasons to split everyone up so they can be alone and attacked.  Or alone and be ogled, one of  the beasties (the one eyed monster naturally) has been out of circulation for centuries so takes the time to appreciate the female beauty to the gynacological upmost.  So does anyone figure out who has the charms?  Will there be any ladies left by the end?  Will the damn leprechaun shut up please? 

Well, who cares. 

Yeah that's the feeling this film left in me.  It's about a half hour worth of material stretched into a feature in a painful manner.  For example, one of Charlie's tricks is to end the whole thing with a slow crawl roll call of all the players.  The acting of the actresses aspires to the level of strippers everywhere.  The beasties at least were able to hide their embarrassment.  Unfortunately they hid it behind make up that falls below halloween high school party levels.  I will say on the plus side the movie on DVD starts with a introduction of Charlie talking about his plans while a stripper behind him is doing various breast tricks.  On the down side one of Charlie's plans is "Gingerdead man vs. the Evil Bong.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for the warning! Been watching some old Full Moon, least they had good looking actors and some fun ideas.