Oh no movie lovers this is not the recent big screen version of Captain America. This isn't even Albert Pyun's abortion of straight to video wreckage of the eighties. This is the SEVENTIES Captain America that came in the form of two TV pilots. The first pilot was the basic origin story and the second was a bit more adverturous, but more about that later.
So, how did they handle Captain America's origin for the seventies? Well Steve Rogers, as hunkily acted by Reb Brown, drives to California in his tricked out van to start a life on the road seeing America. Turns out though that some scientists who work for the government want him to test his father's super steroid. Also turns out that a scientist friend of his is killed and when Rogers tries to find out why he is banged up pretty good. The government scientists see that his only hope is daddy's super steroid so they shoot him up. Rogers isn't happy about this first but as the super powers kick in he decides to work with the government to help the little guy.
So what did they do right and wrong here? Well first Reb Brown is already a super hunk, that's a bad thing. The heart of the Captain America story is he started off 4f and caught people's attention because he tried harder than anyone. This Steve Rogers is already an ex marine and professional motorcross rider. He's already practically a superhero. One the other hand making his dad the maker of the super soldier formula was a good idea since in the plot his father used his own cells to make it. That gives a good reason why Steve is the only one who can take it. They also do a good job showing just what the formula does. He definitely is much stronger and faster than a normal person and he says his senses are also better. On the other hand the muck up the shield badly. It's fricking plastic! They also mess with the classic design of the suit for no clear reason. On the other hand, they gave him a really radical motorcycle that even has a "silent" mode of travel. Cool.
The first was mildly interesting but a standard origin story. The second was better. It's a shame that they avoided using a super villain like the Red Skull but Christopher Lee is always a good choice. He plays a terrorist who kidnaps a scientists and secretly takes over a jail. From there he creates an aging gas that causes anyone exposed to age 38 days an hour. He of course has the antitoxin and he holds a town hostage for a ransom of a billion dollars. Captain America must first find him, break into the jail and get the scientist and antitoxin out. It's actually pretty decent for made for tv. It's a shame really that neither pilot really took. I think it could have been a lot of fun to watch.
STRANGE SPANNERS being an accounting of strangeness of the warp and woof of my mind For those of you new here, think of this as 1/2 "Night Gallery" Our Motto: Nos somnium quisnam es futurus fatum quod insolitus tutus vos!
Showing posts with label TV movie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TV movie. Show all posts
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Swamp Shark
Wow, almost decent. That's four stars in Syfy land. Simple story. There's a swamp, and there's a shark in it. An ugly shark. Maybe inbreeding is involved. In any case, it wouldn't be a "Jaws" rip off without some event that is going to attract clueless locals which in this case is some aligator fest. There's the typical beautiful and feisty lead, and there is a pair of friends of hers that act sort of light comedy relief. One is very much in Larry the Cable Guy mode, and the other is a pudgy computer nerd. Add to that a crooked sheriff and some animal smugglers and you have enough ingredients for gumbo.
The special effects are still gawd awful, but they aren't generally in the forefront screaming attention to themselves. The acting ranges from gawd awful to acting(?), but it doesn't distract from the film. Story wise it zips along and keeps things fairly interesting. Of course at this rate Syfy is fast running of of new places to put a shark. I doubt they could get much mileage out of "Log Ride Shark," or "Fountain Shark."
The special effects are still gawd awful, but they aren't generally in the forefront screaming attention to themselves. The acting ranges from gawd awful to acting(?), but it doesn't distract from the film. Story wise it zips along and keeps things fairly interesting. Of course at this rate Syfy is fast running of of new places to put a shark. I doubt they could get much mileage out of "Log Ride Shark," or "Fountain Shark."
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Sinbad and the Minotaur
I loved the original Sinbad films. Great works of fantasy brought to life with Harryhausen special effects. They were not only exciting but fun and light and full of swashes a buckling. The closest we have to them today are the Disney Pirate movies, but they are bloated in comparison to the light touch of the Sinbad films.
Well SyFy gave it a try and of course it was a whiff and a miss. That this is so par for course doesn't upset me anymore. To expect anything more would be madness. So let's just brush on the highlights and the lowlights, and be on with it.
Right off, we have a slow scroll up of "IMPORTANT THINGS WE NEED TO KNOW," and right off I'm a little confused. I look at the title again, aha it does say "Sinbad." Why then oh scribes of story telling are you telling me a bunch of hooey about greek myth? I mean true the originals didn't stay strictly with arabian fantasies, but they would always first ground us into the world of Sinbad before going to Mu or Atlantis. I have the feeling that as much as they want the name Sinbad, they want to distance themselves from anything arabic. Afterall, I'm sure they don't want to be accused of making "Sinbad the Terrorist."
This suspicion becomes much more firm when we get our first look at Sinbad. Again, the originals didn't play straight for arabic looking actors, I mean one of the Sinbads was John Wayne's son. But at least they got the beard and such to at least suggest an arabian origin. Not so here, this fellow looks straight out Jersey. He looks like the Sitch. He acts probably as good.
So in no time we meet our evil magician for the show. He's obviously seen the first Sinbad film and tries to act accordingly. Unfortunately he as well cannot act. We also meet Sinbad's girl who is feisty, Sinbad's pal who is black, and the rest of the crew who are forgettable. On the bad guy's side there's a real ugly guy who's called the "Undying," and seems to live up to that.
In no time at all both sides are sailing to an island looking for some lost treasure of Minos. The folks there are surly and given to fits of growing horns and homocide. The lair of the Minotaur is done in early D&D with canvas based cave walls and traps. The plot at this point is not important. What is important is that the Minotaur, traditionally half man and half bull is here... well looks like half bull, half legos? Maybe Half bull, half cactus? Seriously, what is half man here in this design? Is it the small wee wee?
Anyway, the film is basically 2 hours of your life missing in action. It doesn't rise to good badness and it's light years from any definition of good. So there you have it. As they say in the original films... "trust in Allah, but tie up your camel."
Well SyFy gave it a try and of course it was a whiff and a miss. That this is so par for course doesn't upset me anymore. To expect anything more would be madness. So let's just brush on the highlights and the lowlights, and be on with it.
Right off, we have a slow scroll up of "IMPORTANT THINGS WE NEED TO KNOW," and right off I'm a little confused. I look at the title again, aha it does say "Sinbad." Why then oh scribes of story telling are you telling me a bunch of hooey about greek myth? I mean true the originals didn't stay strictly with arabian fantasies, but they would always first ground us into the world of Sinbad before going to Mu or Atlantis. I have the feeling that as much as they want the name Sinbad, they want to distance themselves from anything arabic. Afterall, I'm sure they don't want to be accused of making "Sinbad the Terrorist."
This suspicion becomes much more firm when we get our first look at Sinbad. Again, the originals didn't play straight for arabic looking actors, I mean one of the Sinbads was John Wayne's son. But at least they got the beard and such to at least suggest an arabian origin. Not so here, this fellow looks straight out Jersey. He looks like the Sitch. He acts probably as good.
So in no time we meet our evil magician for the show. He's obviously seen the first Sinbad film and tries to act accordingly. Unfortunately he as well cannot act. We also meet Sinbad's girl who is feisty, Sinbad's pal who is black, and the rest of the crew who are forgettable. On the bad guy's side there's a real ugly guy who's called the "Undying," and seems to live up to that.
In no time at all both sides are sailing to an island looking for some lost treasure of Minos. The folks there are surly and given to fits of growing horns and homocide. The lair of the Minotaur is done in early D&D with canvas based cave walls and traps. The plot at this point is not important. What is important is that the Minotaur, traditionally half man and half bull is here... well looks like half bull, half legos? Maybe Half bull, half cactus? Seriously, what is half man here in this design? Is it the small wee wee?
Anyway, the film is basically 2 hours of your life missing in action. It doesn't rise to good badness and it's light years from any definition of good. So there you have it. As they say in the original films... "trust in Allah, but tie up your camel."
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Almighty Thor
Lately, the SyFy network has been in cahoots with making "Mockbusters," films that rip off big budget films that are still in the theater. Last night, being that Thor is a character from mythology, there was no force on earth to stop SyFy from putting out "Almighty Thor" to squeeze out an extra nelson share or two.
So the plot is Thor has to find his hammer and hammer his evil brother Loki. He comes to earth and is helped by a beautiful maid. Loki is helped by huge CGI monsters. That's the plot, enjoy.
The good news is actually for once the CGI was not complete suckage. Mostly they take the form of Loki's three giant wolf/jackal things with tattoos. The design is actually striking and the are well intergrated.
Now for the bad news....
The script was pure blah. blah blah blah, walk walk walk, glower glower glower, blah blah blah. It's like if an Adult from Peanuts would have written a script. Part of the problem is that Thor is basically powerless throughout most of the film. He doesn't even touch his hammer till about an hour in. All he can do is bluster and screw around. The film is long on walking/running scenes and short on everything else. It thinks it is going somewhere but really not so much.
Oh, and the hammer. Good Lord. Folks, I have rarely seen a prop look so fake. We are talking high school drama department here. Also bad was the whole bit set in Asgard. It did not feel like the land of the Gods. It felt more like the land of the LARP (live action role play). It didn't help to have the scenes on Earth in blue. If anything it made the Earth look more interesting than Asgard.
Finally, the acting. It's about as bad as you could imagine it to be. Very much wanting to go over the top but ther was no top provided in the script. So basically everyone is just left to bluster ineffectively.
In the end, this was as bad as I expected it to be. It's not the worst thing the SyFy people have proudly presented to us, but it lacks action, quality, and any sense of fun. The real Thor would hurl a lightning bolt at this sucker.
So the plot is Thor has to find his hammer and hammer his evil brother Loki. He comes to earth and is helped by a beautiful maid. Loki is helped by huge CGI monsters. That's the plot, enjoy.
The good news is actually for once the CGI was not complete suckage. Mostly they take the form of Loki's three giant wolf/jackal things with tattoos. The design is actually striking and the are well intergrated.
Now for the bad news....
The script was pure blah. blah blah blah, walk walk walk, glower glower glower, blah blah blah. It's like if an Adult from Peanuts would have written a script. Part of the problem is that Thor is basically powerless throughout most of the film. He doesn't even touch his hammer till about an hour in. All he can do is bluster and screw around. The film is long on walking/running scenes and short on everything else. It thinks it is going somewhere but really not so much.
Oh, and the hammer. Good Lord. Folks, I have rarely seen a prop look so fake. We are talking high school drama department here. Also bad was the whole bit set in Asgard. It did not feel like the land of the Gods. It felt more like the land of the LARP (live action role play). It didn't help to have the scenes on Earth in blue. If anything it made the Earth look more interesting than Asgard.
Finally, the acting. It's about as bad as you could imagine it to be. Very much wanting to go over the top but ther was no top provided in the script. So basically everyone is just left to bluster ineffectively.
In the end, this was as bad as I expected it to be. It's not the worst thing the SyFy people have proudly presented to us, but it lacks action, quality, and any sense of fun. The real Thor would hurl a lightning bolt at this sucker.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Going Postal
Sky Network, a british TV channel has been lately taking the works of Terry Pratchett and bringing them to the screen. Overall, they are respectful and well done though they suffer from a TV budget.
"Going Postal" is the latest of these. Part of Pratchett's "technology" branch of the great discworld tree it is a story about words, dreams, and papers. It's also the story of a man with the unfortunate name of "Moist." Is it any wonder he's taken to crime? A gentleman conman he has at the start of the story found himself in jail and then hung to nearly every inch of his life.
Nearly.
He wakes up in the office of Ankh Morpork's ruler Lord Ventinari. He's given the choice of either restarting the cities long dead post office, or he could leave through the door behind him. Moist being a rather suspicious fellow checks to see the door opens into a huge abyssal pit. So he takes the job. Not without reservations, or attempts to escape. He is brought back into the fold by Mr. Pump his golem parole officer.
Once at the post office he finds it stuffed with letters and staffed by two rather odd refugees of better times. Despite himself he begins to make good, but with no real zeal. That is, until he thinks he's found a new way to make money by inventing stamps.
Moist seems intent on going back to his old ways, but he's given a new direction from three fronts. Mr. Pump points out that despite his protests, he has to Mr. Pump's calculation killed 22 and fraction people with his "victimless" crimes. The second front comes in the formidable form of Adora who's current job is looking in on golems like Mr. Pump. She is Mt. Everest to a person like Moist who lives to charm others. As he tries to win her, he becomes involved in her past troubles. These past troubles form Moist's present problems in the form of murderous conman Reacher Gilt. Reacher is running the klacks, which are the steam tech competition to the post and he'll stop at nothing to quash any competition.
The story follows Moist's growth from a selfish charming lout to a true hero. The ups and downs of various scams to help the post office makes for a fascinating story. While the teleplay doesn't keep all the cool ideas Pratchett played with, it is still very smart and its fun seeing the invention of stamps in a new way.
Over all it's a smart production. I miss the true fantastic cosmopolitian nature of Ankh Morpork, but there's only so much you can do with a TV budget. The actors are good and sharp, and it's a fun show. I don't think they quite captured Reacher's character. He comes off much more of vaudvillian villain, rather than in the books a villain, playing a businessman, playing a villain.
Definitely look it up on You Tubes.
"Going Postal" is the latest of these. Part of Pratchett's "technology" branch of the great discworld tree it is a story about words, dreams, and papers. It's also the story of a man with the unfortunate name of "Moist." Is it any wonder he's taken to crime? A gentleman conman he has at the start of the story found himself in jail and then hung to nearly every inch of his life.
Nearly.
He wakes up in the office of Ankh Morpork's ruler Lord Ventinari. He's given the choice of either restarting the cities long dead post office, or he could leave through the door behind him. Moist being a rather suspicious fellow checks to see the door opens into a huge abyssal pit. So he takes the job. Not without reservations, or attempts to escape. He is brought back into the fold by Mr. Pump his golem parole officer.
Once at the post office he finds it stuffed with letters and staffed by two rather odd refugees of better times. Despite himself he begins to make good, but with no real zeal. That is, until he thinks he's found a new way to make money by inventing stamps.
Moist seems intent on going back to his old ways, but he's given a new direction from three fronts. Mr. Pump points out that despite his protests, he has to Mr. Pump's calculation killed 22 and fraction people with his "victimless" crimes. The second front comes in the formidable form of Adora who's current job is looking in on golems like Mr. Pump. She is Mt. Everest to a person like Moist who lives to charm others. As he tries to win her, he becomes involved in her past troubles. These past troubles form Moist's present problems in the form of murderous conman Reacher Gilt. Reacher is running the klacks, which are the steam tech competition to the post and he'll stop at nothing to quash any competition.
The story follows Moist's growth from a selfish charming lout to a true hero. The ups and downs of various scams to help the post office makes for a fascinating story. While the teleplay doesn't keep all the cool ideas Pratchett played with, it is still very smart and its fun seeing the invention of stamps in a new way.
Over all it's a smart production. I miss the true fantastic cosmopolitian nature of Ankh Morpork, but there's only so much you can do with a TV budget. The actors are good and sharp, and it's a fun show. I don't think they quite captured Reacher's character. He comes off much more of vaudvillian villain, rather than in the books a villain, playing a businessman, playing a villain.
Definitely look it up on You Tubes.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Syfy update....
Syfy, you still suck.
Behemoth was horrid, and worse boring. Take the old Mt. St. Helen story, then mix in global warming concerns and 2012 fears. Then add a dash of poorly realized monster and have the actors point in random directions. I'd almost give you points for an original creature design but I own that album cover from Blue Oyster Cult.
I still have my fingers crossed on "Being Human," since the folks in charge of the weekly shows have nothing to do with the movie division and vice versa.
Behemoth was horrid, and worse boring. Take the old Mt. St. Helen story, then mix in global warming concerns and 2012 fears. Then add a dash of poorly realized monster and have the actors point in random directions. I'd almost give you points for an original creature design but I own that album cover from Blue Oyster Cult.
I still have my fingers crossed on "Being Human," since the folks in charge of the weekly shows have nothing to do with the movie division and vice versa.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Triassic Attack
Oh Syfy here we are again. Another Saturday night and another huge honking stinker of a film. This one has a slightly more likeable cast than usual but the pain remains. So for the record. Jerk of a guy has the nerve to offer a lot of people money for their land. People take the money then say, "Hey you are making money off of this, so we want more."
This personally annoys me. If someone wants to pay you for something like land you can bet they think they can make a profit from it. So if you take the money then sorry. It was your deal. Anyway, there's also cultural cocerns from local native american group led by trinket store owner and shouty uncle. Shouty Uncle wants JUSTICE. Local cop wants everyone to shut up, and for his daughter to be chaste till she is ohhh around 32.
Local cop is frustrated.
Local cop's wife is a hot bone digger who is now dating the geek who has bought up all the land. She is more permissive with daughter and no doubt this will lead to trouble later. Daughter is trying to date a college boy, and wants to sneak out to the lake. So, with all plot points set on stun, now it's shouty uncle in the museum doing a tribal hokey pokey. He gets a hoodoo stiffee and causes all the dinosaur bones to get up and shake it all about. The rest of the film is folks running from dinosaurs bones, running to each other, and coming up with a suitably lame way to off a skeleton.
By the number plotting plodding along. Folks going, "It's all right shouty uncle you've killed a whole bunch of people but your heart was in the right place." Yeah, this is Syfy on a saturday night. Oh and bad special effects? Good gravy. There are several shots where the computer animated bones are transparent, there are other shots that don't match because when the bones appear the entire scene gets murky. Just ugly ugly ugly.
This personally annoys me. If someone wants to pay you for something like land you can bet they think they can make a profit from it. So if you take the money then sorry. It was your deal. Anyway, there's also cultural cocerns from local native american group led by trinket store owner and shouty uncle. Shouty Uncle wants JUSTICE. Local cop wants everyone to shut up, and for his daughter to be chaste till she is ohhh around 32.
Local cop is frustrated.
Local cop's wife is a hot bone digger who is now dating the geek who has bought up all the land. She is more permissive with daughter and no doubt this will lead to trouble later. Daughter is trying to date a college boy, and wants to sneak out to the lake. So, with all plot points set on stun, now it's shouty uncle in the museum doing a tribal hokey pokey. He gets a hoodoo stiffee and causes all the dinosaur bones to get up and shake it all about. The rest of the film is folks running from dinosaurs bones, running to each other, and coming up with a suitably lame way to off a skeleton.
By the number plotting plodding along. Folks going, "It's all right shouty uncle you've killed a whole bunch of people but your heart was in the right place." Yeah, this is Syfy on a saturday night. Oh and bad special effects? Good gravy. There are several shots where the computer animated bones are transparent, there are other shots that don't match because when the bones appear the entire scene gets murky. Just ugly ugly ugly.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
The Dark Knight of the Scarecrow
Sometimes, rarely, like blue moon rarely, the old TV would pull off a good made for television movie (This is in the days before HBO, and cable). Both of Kolchak movies are examples of a positive TV experience. "The Dark Night of the Scarecrow," is another.
Before Forest Gump taught us the magical powers of a man child there was Bubba. Played by Larry Drake, Bubba loves to play with the local kids. Unfortunately, the locals don't like this, not at all. So when a child is seemingly hurt by Bubba nothing can stop the posse. Led by Charles Durning who is the local mail man but plays like the great white hunter the posse finds poor Bubba who is trying to hide as a scarecrow. They shoot him dead and later escape justice. Soon though, scarecrows start popping up in near by fields and folks are finding themselves suddenly dead. Is there an undead Bubba afoot? Or is it some plot by someone else like his mother, or the local District Attorney? Definitely worth a watch to find out.
I do believe this was the first film to feature death by woodchipper. Definitely TV for the whole family, and pieces of family! Very watchable and the DVD is a worthy restoration. Not a classic per se, but good suspenseful fun! Charles Durning is a hoot!!
Before Forest Gump taught us the magical powers of a man child there was Bubba. Played by Larry Drake, Bubba loves to play with the local kids. Unfortunately, the locals don't like this, not at all. So when a child is seemingly hurt by Bubba nothing can stop the posse. Led by Charles Durning who is the local mail man but plays like the great white hunter the posse finds poor Bubba who is trying to hide as a scarecrow. They shoot him dead and later escape justice. Soon though, scarecrows start popping up in near by fields and folks are finding themselves suddenly dead. Is there an undead Bubba afoot? Or is it some plot by someone else like his mother, or the local District Attorney? Definitely worth a watch to find out.
I do believe this was the first film to feature death by woodchipper. Definitely TV for the whole family, and pieces of family! Very watchable and the DVD is a worthy restoration. Not a classic per se, but good suspenseful fun! Charles Durning is a hoot!!
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