"Assault of the Sasquatch" is pretty bad. Maybe if there were more people watching with me, or if I had the habit of drinking and viewing it might have been a "fun" bad movie. But no, it's just a really bad movie. It apes (sasquatches?) Carpenter's "Assault on Precinct 13," a bunch of crooks, cops, and others are trapped in an isolated police station by a very upset Sasquatch. Add in a fat teen doing a very bad and over broad Chris Farley (Yes for YOU it is too soon.), and you have the recipe for a migraine.
"The Craving" didn't fair much better. Add one desert, one shack, and a bunch of characters we wished would have died before the film began and you have a waste of time. The bizarre creature who has the ability to turn other people into orange eyed crazy people, just isn't bizarre enough to save things.
Just goes to show, you can't have a treat every time you dip into the movie bag. Some days it is all black jelly beans. ewww..
STRANGE SPANNERS being an accounting of strangeness of the warp and woof of my mind For those of you new here, think of this as 1/2 "Night Gallery" Our Motto: Nos somnium quisnam es futurus fatum quod insolitus tutus vos!
Showing posts with label horrible. Show all posts
Showing posts with label horrible. Show all posts
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Squeal
You I actually hate to review a bad film. That might seem odd for a critic type fellow like myself, but I'd rather spread happiness. I'd much rather find a good film, maybe one no one has ever heard of, and promote that. Trouble is, I see a lot. You have to go through a lot of dirt when you pan for gold dear readers, and gold is awfully rare. So sometimes everything just comes up a cropper and all I get is a wet fart little picture like "Squeal."
Well.... it had nice previews on the DVD.
Basically, people we don't care about and would rather see dead get captured by pig people and put in cages and treated like.. gasp... animals. Oh the horror, oh the horror.
I wish.
Look folks, I get it. The animals are treating us like animals. This is like PETA's dream. But, as you can see from the above description we have a problem. We don't care that these particular people are being treated like animals. I have no idea right now what their names were, I think it was "Jerky, Blandie, Slutty, Screamy, and Huh?" Look, whomever made this, just go back and try again. Pay your players more than a case of scotch, remember that a script has to have these things on it called WORDS, and maybe next time you'll be worth something.
Well.... it had nice previews on the DVD.
Basically, people we don't care about and would rather see dead get captured by pig people and put in cages and treated like.. gasp... animals. Oh the horror, oh the horror.
I wish.
Look folks, I get it. The animals are treating us like animals. This is like PETA's dream. But, as you can see from the above description we have a problem. We don't care that these particular people are being treated like animals. I have no idea right now what their names were, I think it was "Jerky, Blandie, Slutty, Screamy, and Huh?" Look, whomever made this, just go back and try again. Pay your players more than a case of scotch, remember that a script has to have these things on it called WORDS, and maybe next time you'll be worth something.
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