Monday, June 25, 2012


Ah Syfy.......

....well at least this was better than "Piranhaconda." How can the set the bar so low? What film won't they show? Actually that's been answered over at Topless Robot and after you watch it you'll weep that your children has to live on an Earth with such a horror.

Back to the task at hand, our hero for tonight is very laid back.  He thinks nothing of coming in hung over two hours late and missing one of the tour boats.  The good news is his boss is his dad.  The bad news is that his boss is his dad.  Our hero gets demoted to tour bus (do we really want him on the road in his condition??), and picks up a bunch of meat, um I mean tourists.  What no one knows is that an earthquake the night before has released a bunch of spiders small and large.  It was an..... Arachnoquake!  DUH DUH DUUUUUUUHHHHH.

Now when I was young and played Dungeons & Dragons I noticed many game masters were always trying to surprise the players with something new.  It didn't matter if it made any logical sense as long as it did the damage.  So you'd come up with humming birds that spit acid, or man eating giraffes.  The same principle applies here with these spiders.  The range in size from hand sized to two stories high.  They have sonar.  They can implant eggs in people that pop out as baby spiders at very inconvenient times.  They are poisonous and use webs like sticky lassos.  Oh, and they breath fire.  Cute aren't they?

With such an array of powers the number of meat//actors gets small real quick.  Luckily, there is resupplies from the mililtary, red neck bubbas, a girl's soft ball team on a bus, and our heroes dad and sister on a boat.  Even still things are looking bleak, but wait!  There's a queen spider and if you kill it all the other spiders will die.  And the scientist pretty much pulled that one out the rear end, one hopes for a goodly amount of preperation H.  Can our hero man up, get responsible, and kill the queen?  Yeah, you already know.

The film at least moves fast, and no one is too painful to watch.  I again like the musical choices.  There is definitely a feel of New Orleans.  So overall if you like bad films you could find worse than this.

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