Sunday, June 17, 2012


Well this was another waste of hours of my life, but not as bad as some things Syfy ironically call "movies." At least here old hand Roger Corman keeps things spinning along at a pace that you ALMOST don't see the gaping plot holes.

The story is that Michael Madsen, further insuring that he has left the acting wing, is a doctor of herpetology who's been looking for the "River Demon."  Turns out the River Demon is pretty darn easy to find.  It's a huge snake with super sized fangs and a permanent "I am so pissed face."  In about 30 seconds it eats all the party except for Michael who gets away with one of its eggs.  Of course momma river demon is going to hunt him down.  Luckily the woods are filled with a highly unlikely number of babes in bikinis to slow the snake down.  One reason for the babe-age is that there's a film crew filming a crappy movie (hey what a coincydink!) with our hero the manly stunt man and the brainy chick.   Everyone else is just meat for the beast.  There is also a band of crooks who plan on kidnapping the film crew.  It's one of these geniuses that names the big ass snake "Piranhaconda," followed by "I don't believe I said that."

I'm with you there dear.

Now I like giant snakes as much as the next geek.  There are a few problems here.  Nowhere is there piranhas or anacondas, nor is there anything particularly piranha like or anaconda like its look or behavior.  When I heard the title I had in my mind's eye a swarm of anacondas just like going town like a flesh shredding storm.  One giant snake running around just doesn't do it after being teased so by the title.  I will say that it's strikes which were so fast as to create huge clouds of blood was ambitiously absurd.  Other than that though it really lacked personality and you could only just begin to pick at the bad CGI as you wait for the next bikini babe to get smacked off the face of the Earth.

As for everything else, as I said they kept things rolling along.  No one is so bad that you wind up slapping your forehead against an available object.  I liked the music which had a surf music quality.  Loved the location shots, wish I was there.  So overall I was able to watch it.  Next week Syfy is showing a new film featuring giant, firebreathing spiders.

God help us all.

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