Monday, February 6, 2012

Films That Should Be Remade: "Gates of Hell."

If you haven't seen an Italian horror movie, well you are missing something that's for sure. The best are incredible vistas of bizarre imagery and horror.  The problem with an Italian horror movie is they tend to lack those little things we in America take for granted like logic and characters.  "Gates of Hell," is pretty much par for course in Italian horror.  It has some incredible gross out scenes like a girl puking her own guts out and weird scenes involving a ghost priest.  So how do you remake something that has no rhyme or reason?

Well let's get with the kernel of story.  Town is terrorized by undead priest who hangs himself.  Now, there's a good start for a horror movie.  Then add the Lovecraft bullshit that tacked on to the plot and we have a very good start.  Let's start in the village of Dunwich's church.  Make it a nice homey church not the usual creepy churches you see in horror movie.  Our priest is taking various confessions and he seems a nice sort.  Then enters a creepy old man with weird black eyes and a paper bag.  He goes into confession but we don't hear what he says, but we see the priests eyes go the same weird black.  The old man takes a bottle out of the bag and breaks it on the floor and soon the church is a roaring inferno.  The town tries to tame the fire but fails, as they watch the church burn no one sees the priest hang himself.

Unfortunately the hanging doesn't take.  The priest comes back filled with unholy power, but still in his heart the priest of the village.  Unfortunately he thinks taking care of his flock means killing them before they sin again starting with those that made their confessions that day.  Meanwhile, a psychic lady gets the aftershock of all this and falls into catatonic trance.  She's buried alive but is saved by her boyfriend and now awake tells them they have to go to Dunwich.  So now we have a three prong narrative.  The priest doing the killings, the ghostbusters from out of town, and the people of the village.  Near the end I'd like the entire village to be set afire and then the remaining survivors can enter the dark catacombs of burnt church to seek the priest.  In the end, I'd like someone live enough to finally kill the priest but then I want him to whisper something to the psychic lady and the film can end as her eyes go black.

That's my idea at any rate.

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