 |
| Limmpats are masters with numbers and are in high demand the Great Limmpat is the foreman of the race and must be treated with great respect and pies |
STRANGE SPANNERS being an accounting of strangeness of the warp and woof of my mind For those of you new here, think of this as 1/2 "Night Gallery" Our Motto: Nos somnium quisnam es futurus fatum quod insolitus tutus vos!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
The Great Limmpat
Werewolf: The Beast Among Us
This is a good example of a dumped project. Universal put some big stakes in bringing back its classic monster line. Unfortunately they put all their money on "Van Helsing" and "The Wolfman." Both films basically crashed and burned. So someone said, "hey let's reboot 'The Wolfman." Well, there most have either been a sea change in the management of Universal or testing came back fairly odious because this fairly big budget project went straight to video.
Is that a bad thing, though?
The film creates a universe more in line with "Van Helsing," in that werewolves are so common that there are whole packs of werewolf hunters. They are a gritty bunch who are uncouth but very well armed. In this instance they are drawn to a remote village that is suffering from a rather odd werewolf. There is a lot of tension between the villagers and the hunters. One of the villagers, the young doctor's assistant, wants to help them to save the village and impress his girlfriend but they are leery of letting an amateur into their game.
The production values are first rate and the actors definitely are into scenary eating to a ghoulish degree. The plot is a basic "who is it?" with fractions adding frictions. There are some nice bits like a doctor's office with a bullet hole ridden wall to take care of all the victims of the werewolf. Overall, this is a nice bit of cheese and deserved better than direct to DVD.
Is that a bad thing, though?
The film creates a universe more in line with "Van Helsing," in that werewolves are so common that there are whole packs of werewolf hunters. They are a gritty bunch who are uncouth but very well armed. In this instance they are drawn to a remote village that is suffering from a rather odd werewolf. There is a lot of tension between the villagers and the hunters. One of the villagers, the young doctor's assistant, wants to help them to save the village and impress his girlfriend but they are leery of letting an amateur into their game.
The production values are first rate and the actors definitely are into scenary eating to a ghoulish degree. The plot is a basic "who is it?" with fractions adding frictions. There are some nice bits like a doctor's office with a bullet hole ridden wall to take care of all the victims of the werewolf. Overall, this is a nice bit of cheese and deserved better than direct to DVD.
Things You Need To Know #283
On every other Halloween the house on Birkenshire lane is open for tricks. You knock on the door and you recieve a brightly wrapped trick. Give it to your friends if you dare, something very exciting will happen. Maybe leathal but definitely exciting.
This was something you needed to know.
This was something you needed to know.
Today's Secret Code:
The secret to the labyrinth is often in the heart. Again: The secret to the labyrinth is often in the heart. Today's Colour is chocolate. Today's Author is fasting. That is all Gunga Din, maho maho.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Things You Need To Know #282
Quicksilver glass should not be confused with mercury glass. Neither contains mercury (thankfully) but quicksilver glass is aware. It moves around when no one is looking and it likes to hide. It's best to keep a set in a locked cabinet.
This was something you needed to know.
This was something you needed to know.
Monster of the Day: Dead Psychic Martians
Source: Quatermass and the Pit
Location: Mars and London
Threat Assessment: 8. They are dead but they can psychically fire up genetic memories and behaviours in humans creating a huge mass mind.
Limitation: Still dead. The psychic energy can be grounded.
Location: Mars and London
Threat Assessment: 8. They are dead but they can psychically fire up genetic memories and behaviours in humans creating a huge mass mind.
Limitation: Still dead. The psychic energy can be grounded.
Today's Secret Code
"With the sun as my door I walk through the divine fyre, but I will not burn as long as I fear not the pyre." Again: "With the Son as my way I travel with divine fyre, but I will not be burnt as long as I keep faith." Today's Colour is the all color of white light. Today's Author is looking for a place for punctuation, a period piece if you will. That is all Detective Friday, maho maho.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Hooray for the Walking Dead
Merle is back and isn't he a breath of fresh air. This episode was a meeting of this seasons bad guys and it was great fun. Merle is his usual self, but written a bit better than first season. He obviously has a bone to pick with Rick's crew, or rather he wants to give him his new metal hand point first. He was the best surprise of this episode and will create a lot of tension between Rick's prison and the Govenor's Woodbury.
Now the Govenor is a piece of work. Outwardly he's smooth. So smooth. Sure he's a tyrant but he papers it over with enough sentiment that the 78 scared people buy the bullshit eagerly. In the dark you gravitate to the light even if it's a fuse. Inwardly the Govenor is obviously a bag of crazy. His sanctum is a room full of aquariums filled with walker heads. He kills without remorse and really he kills the soldiers not just for their loot but because he knew he could not control them. That's his watch spring. Control.
So, now we are having fun. Rick's crew is cleaning up the prison which is much easier to defend than Woodbury. So eventually we'll have a classic seige situation where the fort with less forces has to defend against a larger well armed force. The key will be the Govenor's ability to control his new captive (though she doesn't know it yet) Andrea. Will the new cold blooded Rick let her die? Will Michonne get her sword back and do some dicing and slicing?
As the great Willy Wonka said, "The suspense is terrible, I hope it lasts."
Now the Govenor is a piece of work. Outwardly he's smooth. So smooth. Sure he's a tyrant but he papers it over with enough sentiment that the 78 scared people buy the bullshit eagerly. In the dark you gravitate to the light even if it's a fuse. Inwardly the Govenor is obviously a bag of crazy. His sanctum is a room full of aquariums filled with walker heads. He kills without remorse and really he kills the soldiers not just for their loot but because he knew he could not control them. That's his watch spring. Control.
So, now we are having fun. Rick's crew is cleaning up the prison which is much easier to defend than Woodbury. So eventually we'll have a classic seige situation where the fort with less forces has to defend against a larger well armed force. The key will be the Govenor's ability to control his new captive (though she doesn't know it yet) Andrea. Will the new cold blooded Rick let her die? Will Michonne get her sword back and do some dicing and slicing?
As the great Willy Wonka said, "The suspense is terrible, I hope it lasts."
Things You Need To know #281
The Casper is a typical ghost con. The ghost plays shy, always scampering off when it is sure it is being seen. It's meant to look harmless, to have the poor putz follow the ghost. Don't ever fall for the Casper cause no good will ever come of it. The dead have needs you don't even want to understand.
This was something you needed to know.
This was something you needed to know.
Monster of the Day: Rat Monkey
Source: Dead Alive
Location: Isolated Island and zoos
Threat Assessment: 8. Little bigger gives a nasty bite, but worse carries zombie disease.
Limitation: little bugger is squishable.
Location: Isolated Island and zoos
Threat Assessment: 8. Little bigger gives a nasty bite, but worse carries zombie disease.
Limitation: little bugger is squishable.
Today's Secret Code
You cannot always be graceful and balanced. You cannot always slow yourself down. But when you put your hands out for support with either, rest assured that you can always be stung. Look before you touch. Today's Colour is a transparent blue. Today's Author is an obtuse blues man. That is all Big Daddy, maho maho.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
The Wild Ghoulroo
 |
| Ghoulroos are the high priestess of the Ghoul culture They are always ethical and hungry |
Things You Need To Know #280
The shadows of Barrowfield are very possessive. They don't like the living, the substantial. They will take actions, sometimes drastic ones. Barrowfield is a ghost town now, or rather a shadow burg.
This was something you needed to know.
This was something you needed to know.
Monster of the Day: Little Shrinky Dinks
Source: Phantasm
Location: Your local funeral home
Threat Assessment: 5. Despite their small size they are very strong and attack in numbers and by surprise.
Limitation: Probably insane.
Location: Your local funeral home
Threat Assessment: 5. Despite their small size they are very strong and attack in numbers and by surprise.
Limitation: Probably insane.
Today's Secret Code:
What is the bounty on wisdom? Can you collect on a dead idea? Again: What is the bounty on wisdom? Can you collect on a dead idea? Today's Colour is a posh pynk. Today's Author has skipped a beat, dropped a beat, and ate some beets. That is all Captain Beefheart, maho maho.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Berserk
Berserk is some old school anime that I enjoy. It's one of those shows that at the end of the episode will freeze frame and go from standard anime cel animation to a "dramatic" protrait of a character in mid snarl. Love it.
The story is one of those back and forth deals where we see the grizzled hero in the future then go into the past to see what made him such a bad ass. Said bad ass is named oddly enough "Guts." In the future he's armed with a fake hand/cannon, repeating crossbow, and a sword the size of a house. In the past he still has a sword at least the size of a bungalo but he's still young. He gets involved with a band of mercenaries called "The band of the hawk," who is commanded by Griffith who is one of those girlish bad asses you only see in anime. There's something of a triangle between Griffith, Guts, and the butch but sexy Casca. Obviously events will eventually lead to betrayal and other nasty stuff so the fun of the show is just watching things slowly unraveled.
The animation is not exceptional but professional enough and for some reason the English/Japanese songs tickle me. It is exceptionally violent but often in silly ways. It's the type of show where a sword fight can end with Guts grabbing the other guy's sword between his teeth. For fans of old school definitely fun to watch.
The story is one of those back and forth deals where we see the grizzled hero in the future then go into the past to see what made him such a bad ass. Said bad ass is named oddly enough "Guts." In the future he's armed with a fake hand/cannon, repeating crossbow, and a sword the size of a house. In the past he still has a sword at least the size of a bungalo but he's still young. He gets involved with a band of mercenaries called "The band of the hawk," who is commanded by Griffith who is one of those girlish bad asses you only see in anime. There's something of a triangle between Griffith, Guts, and the butch but sexy Casca. Obviously events will eventually lead to betrayal and other nasty stuff so the fun of the show is just watching things slowly unraveled.
The animation is not exceptional but professional enough and for some reason the English/Japanese songs tickle me. It is exceptionally violent but often in silly ways. It's the type of show where a sword fight can end with Guts grabbing the other guy's sword between his teeth. For fans of old school definitely fun to watch.
Things You Need To Know #279
The notorious "meat glue" used by some in the meat industry was originally invented by occultists who wanted to create chimeras. They had very few successes, and even fewer still exist, but if you want to see one go to Bald Doctor's Hill In Oregon. It can sometimes be seen flying in the moonlight. All seventeen wings a flapping.
Monster of the Day: Prophecy Bear
Source: Prophecy
Location: Maine woods
Threat Assessment: 7. Giant, mutant bear. Claws and teeth.
Limitation: Animal intelligence, bow and arrows.
Location: Maine woods
Threat Assessment: 7. Giant, mutant bear. Claws and teeth.
Limitation: Animal intelligence, bow and arrows.
Today's Secret Code:
The first rule of ZZ is that there is no ZZ. Go back to AA and try again. Again: The first rule of ZZ is that there is no ZZ. Go back to AA and try again. Today's Colour is a plastic, plasmatic plum. Today's Author has it in hand. That is all David Lo Pan, maho maho.
Dream Operator #32
 |
| We are sorry we cannot find your dream involving the perfect love of your life while waiting please enjoy a dream of humiliating public nudity thank you |
Mockingbird Lane
Well this was a pilot that was a reboot of the old Munster's show. Apparently NBC declined to pick it up and after watching it last night I could see why. It was simply too good of a show to be regular fare. The production design, the cast, and the special effects were simply beyond NBC's desires to handle on a weekly basis. Shame really, if I was NBC what I would do is go back the the NBC Mystery Movie layout and have shows like this staggered by other equally great shows. Say do four Mockingbird Lanes a year, a follow up to Heroes maybe, or better yet the Cape. Anyway give it some thought NBC.
As to the show itself its sort of a bright, fairy tale Gothic in look and feel. The old Munster house is there but it is a brighter shade of black. With rooms with tree limbs poking through so the crows can have their indoor play area. The Munsters themselves are a lot more bright, no longer using cast off Universal horror make up. If you saw them on the street you might say, "well he's a little strange...," but you'd shrug and move on. It's only when you get talking to them do you realize that they are really really strange.
Grandpa is a certified vampire and unapologetic killer. His entrance, where he came in a form of a seething sea of rats was marvelous. Also, it's fun that like Professor Farnsworth Grandpa is not afraid to show off his ancient bones. If left to his devices he'd turn the town into his slaves and have a "drink" or two every night. He is an absolute monster and loves it.
The others in the family act as the conscience, specially herman who's a stitched together frankenstein type that literally has a problem with broken hearts. He loves too much and sometimes unwisely. That said, he's a nice guy and for a frankenstein type didn't look too bad at all. His wife, Lily, was also quite the looker, but I can't get too excited by anyone who dresses by spider. Gross. Marilyn is of course the "normal" one, but by the way she hangs around Grandpa I believe she's more a monster in mind than what you first see. Finally, there's Eddy who's having issues with growing body hair. Not puberty, lycanthropy. They are trying to keep it a secret but how many "baby bear" attacks can there be? Oh, as a super bonus point the beginning had a big hello to that mutant bear film of the seventies "Prophecy." Delicious.
As to the show itself its sort of a bright, fairy tale Gothic in look and feel. The old Munster house is there but it is a brighter shade of black. With rooms with tree limbs poking through so the crows can have their indoor play area. The Munsters themselves are a lot more bright, no longer using cast off Universal horror make up. If you saw them on the street you might say, "well he's a little strange...," but you'd shrug and move on. It's only when you get talking to them do you realize that they are really really strange.
Grandpa is a certified vampire and unapologetic killer. His entrance, where he came in a form of a seething sea of rats was marvelous. Also, it's fun that like Professor Farnsworth Grandpa is not afraid to show off his ancient bones. If left to his devices he'd turn the town into his slaves and have a "drink" or two every night. He is an absolute monster and loves it.
The others in the family act as the conscience, specially herman who's a stitched together frankenstein type that literally has a problem with broken hearts. He loves too much and sometimes unwisely. That said, he's a nice guy and for a frankenstein type didn't look too bad at all. His wife, Lily, was also quite the looker, but I can't get too excited by anyone who dresses by spider. Gross. Marilyn is of course the "normal" one, but by the way she hangs around Grandpa I believe she's more a monster in mind than what you first see. Finally, there's Eddy who's having issues with growing body hair. Not puberty, lycanthropy. They are trying to keep it a secret but how many "baby bear" attacks can there be? Oh, as a super bonus point the beginning had a big hello to that mutant bear film of the seventies "Prophecy." Delicious.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Things You Need to Know #278
There are seven remarkable critters that reside in the House on Hayhill street. They are fast friends and travelling adventurers, but they always return home. There is the cat who sings opera. The very small bear. The raccoon twins. The most cynical dog in the world. A blue bird of moderate acceptance of reality, and the Spooze.
This was something you needed to know.
This was something you needed to know.
Monster of the Day: Pontypool Words
Source: Pontypool
Location: Up north.
Threat Assessment: 8. It could end humanity. It's not a virus it is a plague of words that drives people mad.
Limitation: Can be cured with mental will power and knowledge of language.
Location: Up north.
Threat Assessment: 8. It could end humanity. It's not a virus it is a plague of words that drives people mad.
Limitation: Can be cured with mental will power and knowledge of language.
Today's Secret Code:
Burn the fire and drown the water and you'll be truly wise. Again: Burn the fire and drown the water and you'll be truly wise. Today's Colour is a calico plaid. Today's Author is not wise, but can be a wise guy. That is all Mr. Mister, maho maho.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Things You Need To Know #277
The Harbor Master's Beautiful Daughter is a ghost that haunts the Big Bay. She floats over the water looking for people in danger of drowning and then ask them a question. If the answer pleases her she will save them. If not then they will drown three days and three nights before dying. No one will answer what question she asks, a pretty riddle that.
This was something you needed to know.
This was something you needed to know.
Monster of the Day: Zelgadis Greywords
Source: Slayers
Location: Nomadic
Threat Assessment: 8. Part human, demon, and golem Zelgadis is a master of shamanistic magic. He's also good with a sword.
Limitation: not pretty and pretty asocial.
Location: Nomadic
Threat Assessment: 8. Part human, demon, and golem Zelgadis is a master of shamanistic magic. He's also good with a sword.
Limitation: not pretty and pretty asocial.
Today's Secret Code:
I am a leaf in the wind. Again: I am a leaf in the wind. Today's Colour is a sassy frassy amber. Today's Author is a gentleman astronaut. That is all Major Tom Tom, maho maho.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Things You Need To Know #276
The people of Moorsville dream of a flood. A flood that will take their town and all the land between Mody Hill and the banks of the wild 'Possum River. They've been dreaming of that flood for the last fifty years and there is no drier place in Alabama. But it is coming just the same.
This was something you needed to know.
This was something you needed to know.
Monster of the Day: Leech Woman
Source: Puppet Master
Location: Might be behind you
Threat Assessment: 2. Throws up leeches on people.
Limitation: Teeny and Tiny.
Location: Might be behind you
Threat Assessment: 2. Throws up leeches on people.
Limitation: Teeny and Tiny.
Today's Secret Code:
"I went to charm school but flunked out." Again: "I went to charm school but flunked out." Today's Colour is a purple toad lily shade. Today's Author went to town a courtin'. That is all frong monger singer maho maho.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Sick and Dead
Wow, so far this season of "The Walking Dead" is a kicking ass and not even bothering to take names. The old doc is minus a leg and our gang has to deal with ex cons who for some reason spent over 200 days in a prison cafeteria. Yet they still think they are the bad asses.
So funny.
The true bad ass awards this episode goes to Carol who's practiciing her medical skill on zombies. Next in line is the fast growing Carl who's taking out walkers on his own to find medicine and still get bitched out by mom. Then there's our leader Rick who's finally gotten into the spirit of things and didn't get into a three episode discussion of the ethics of killing Smarty McPonytail and just takes him out with a machete at the first sign of his screwing around.
Definitely an improvement over last year's angst fest.
So funny.
The true bad ass awards this episode goes to Carol who's practiciing her medical skill on zombies. Next in line is the fast growing Carl who's taking out walkers on his own to find medicine and still get bitched out by mom. Then there's our leader Rick who's finally gotten into the spirit of things and didn't get into a three episode discussion of the ethics of killing Smarty McPonytail and just takes him out with a machete at the first sign of his screwing around.
Definitely an improvement over last year's angst fest.
Things :You Need To Know #275
The bells of Saint Bernadeth are made with fairy copper. They sound off into the world of fairies and deeper still. Sometimes something will answer the call and sometimes a priest must fend off the magics of earlier ages. But on the other hand, the bells do sound so lovely.
This was something you needed to know.
This was something you needed to know.
Monster of the Day: Tunneler
Source: Puppet Master
Location: Generally someplace small and hidden like under your bed right now.
Threat assessment: 4. Ok. Armed with a head drill. But he's like 2 feet tall. If he sneaks up on you expect some poking.
Limitation: Smallll, s-m-all. Short. Miniscule. Tiny.
Location: Generally someplace small and hidden like under your bed right now.
Threat assessment: 4. Ok. Armed with a head drill. But he's like 2 feet tall. If he sneaks up on you expect some poking.
Limitation: Smallll, s-m-all. Short. Miniscule. Tiny.
Today's Secret Code:
"There's no such thing as fighting dirty. There's fighting to live or die." Again: "There's no such thing as fighting dirty. There's fighting to live or die." Today's Colour is a magical manilla vanilla. Today's Author is innocent. That is all, maho maho.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Things You Need To Know #274
The chimes produced by Wendy Willows are beautiful and make the most lovely music in the wind. So lovely that the winds often become enchanted by the melody. They will spend days making the chimes sing out. This sometimes is not a good thing if they are big and strong ones.
This is something you needed to know.
This is something you needed to know.
Monster of the Day: Rabid Dog
Source: Cujo
Location: Barnyard
Threat Assessment: 7. Insane, huge dog. 'nuff said.
Limitation: Will die soon, just not soon enough.
Location: Barnyard
Threat Assessment: 7. Insane, huge dog. 'nuff said.
Limitation: Will die soon, just not soon enough.
Today's Secret Code:
"I dream of sleeping but never dream of dreaming." Again: "I dream of sleeping but never dream of dreaming." Today's Colour is a mysterious, mythical, magenta like mauve. Today's Author would mercy for cup of coffee. That is all Hopalong, maho maho.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Little Fleeder Wurm is the Most Educated of Worms
 |
| Cut apart one hundred times each time taught the maze it ate its brothers-sons and grew smarter still now it eats for knowledge |
Things You Need To know #273
The Online Knowsy Podium of Lost Names is a list of all lost names of angels. It's blank of course because the names have been lost. Some do say that sometimes the blank pages scroll with names, but rumors are the bread and butter of the internet.
This was something you needed to know.
This was something you needed to know.
Monster of the Day: Genio Innocuo
Source: Grimm
Location: Anywhere
Threat Assessment: 4. A non-violent race of turtle like people.
Limitation: Others can prey on them.
Location: Anywhere
Threat Assessment: 4. A non-violent race of turtle like people.
Limitation: Others can prey on them.
Today's Secret Code
Is a puzzle still a puzzle when the last piece is laid? Again: is a puzzle still a puzzle when the last piece is laid. Today's Colour is a lighter shade of played out plain plaid worn by puzzled paladins. Today's Author is reserved. That is all Danny Boy maho maho.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Things You Need To Know #272
The cats of Clurry Lane will suffer no dogs on their turf. They have sacrificed kittens to the dark secret goddess that only cats know the name. In her name they have made Clurry Lane cursed to all dogs and their owners. The dogs will find themselves buried with their bones. It's best not to ask what happens to the poor owners.
This was something you needed to know.
This was something you needed to know.
Monster of the Day: Damien
Source: Omen
Location: Preppy places
Threat Assessment: 9. Antichrist.
Limitation: Still a kid.
Location: Preppy places
Threat Assessment: 9. Antichrist.
Limitation: Still a kid.
Today's Secret Code:
Pretheist believe that God hasn't existed yet. Post-theist believe that God no longer exist. Again: Pretheist believe that God hasn't existed yet. Post-theist believe that God no longer exist. Today's Colour is a Turkish Rose. Today's Author is falling down again and again. That is all Brother Toad, maho maho.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Y'an Yin Yip The Sky Dragon
 |
| Once the Celestial Censor Y'an Yin Yip is now in charge of acid rainfall |
Prometheus
Prometheus is a sort of maybe prequel to the Alien saga. The creators hedged their bets and sort of made it somewhat of a reboot as well so that no one can really yell at them for not being slavish to the original series. They could and did yell at them for asking questions and not answering them. That doesn't bother me so much. What bothers me is that it pretends to be an intelligent and thoughtful film but it has a crew vastly unable to face up to the dramatic challenge of the piece.
First the good news. This is a beautiful film. Even when it is on an ass ugly piece of rock, it is just shot so perfect that it carries an unearthly beauty. The futuristic designs are beautiful and it's a good thing this is something of a reboot because it would be hard to believe that the computers in "Alien" were suppose to be made after this, though to be fair maybe that's like saying a truck doesn't have the classic lines of a '56 Ford. Something to think about.
So, a bunch of ancient civilizations have a picture of some dots. Two ardent scientists figure that dots equal starmap equal invitation by aliens that obviously created us and not just came by for tea. That is a LOT of assumptions to be the basis of a trillion dollar expedition. I want to see these two write a grant! Also, they assume that all languages come from one base and that base is what the aliens (called Engineers) speak and that THEIR language hasn't changed at all in 35,000 years and that their handsome android can figure from our languages what this root tongue is, learn it and speak it like a pro.
Me? I'd put stock in some rail guns and roses. Only way to be sure.
So they find the rock get down and find that there is some weird installation there is black slime in a can. Black slime is bad, really really bad. It infects some people, makes little snakes that slide into people, give other people surprises, and just seems to do whatever the screen writers want to make you jump at that moment. Now here is where the crew falls down. First there are like three different agendas. There is the ardent scientist camp that is there for pure science. Then there is the merc crew of scientists and support personal who don't seem to give two damns and a fig. Then there is the android wonderfully played by Michael Fassbender and the Suit in a dress played coldly by Charlize Theron who represent the company, the money and the madness behind the expedition. Now those two I don't have a problem with since they dramatic purpose, but really for a trillion dollars, A TRILLION DOLLARS, expedition can't you find a better crew than apathetic pot smoking in their space suit idiots? This isn't the equivalent of a space truck being waylaid by some beacon. This was supposedly a PLANNED affair. Maybe I wouldn't have minded so much if they were 10% more interesting as people but on the whole they are just blanks with props being manipulated by the screen writers.
As to the Engineers. Our example, isn't a stellar example of alien intelligence. Actually in looks and actions he reminds me of the original carrot monster in "The Thing." Maybe we should give a bit of lee way, I'm sure being frozen for thousands of years can't be good for you or your attitude. Still it says a lot that we root for the vagina squid over our supposed creators.
Difinitely worth a watch and I'd love to see them do a sequel to address the question of the Engineer's relationship to the Predators. That could be very interesting indeed.
First the good news. This is a beautiful film. Even when it is on an ass ugly piece of rock, it is just shot so perfect that it carries an unearthly beauty. The futuristic designs are beautiful and it's a good thing this is something of a reboot because it would be hard to believe that the computers in "Alien" were suppose to be made after this, though to be fair maybe that's like saying a truck doesn't have the classic lines of a '56 Ford. Something to think about.
So, a bunch of ancient civilizations have a picture of some dots. Two ardent scientists figure that dots equal starmap equal invitation by aliens that obviously created us and not just came by for tea. That is a LOT of assumptions to be the basis of a trillion dollar expedition. I want to see these two write a grant! Also, they assume that all languages come from one base and that base is what the aliens (called Engineers) speak and that THEIR language hasn't changed at all in 35,000 years and that their handsome android can figure from our languages what this root tongue is, learn it and speak it like a pro.
Me? I'd put stock in some rail guns and roses. Only way to be sure.
So they find the rock get down and find that there is some weird installation there is black slime in a can. Black slime is bad, really really bad. It infects some people, makes little snakes that slide into people, give other people surprises, and just seems to do whatever the screen writers want to make you jump at that moment. Now here is where the crew falls down. First there are like three different agendas. There is the ardent scientist camp that is there for pure science. Then there is the merc crew of scientists and support personal who don't seem to give two damns and a fig. Then there is the android wonderfully played by Michael Fassbender and the Suit in a dress played coldly by Charlize Theron who represent the company, the money and the madness behind the expedition. Now those two I don't have a problem with since they dramatic purpose, but really for a trillion dollars, A TRILLION DOLLARS, expedition can't you find a better crew than apathetic pot smoking in their space suit idiots? This isn't the equivalent of a space truck being waylaid by some beacon. This was supposedly a PLANNED affair. Maybe I wouldn't have minded so much if they were 10% more interesting as people but on the whole they are just blanks with props being manipulated by the screen writers.
As to the Engineers. Our example, isn't a stellar example of alien intelligence. Actually in looks and actions he reminds me of the original carrot monster in "The Thing." Maybe we should give a bit of lee way, I'm sure being frozen for thousands of years can't be good for you or your attitude. Still it says a lot that we root for the vagina squid over our supposed creators.
Difinitely worth a watch and I'd love to see them do a sequel to address the question of the Engineer's relationship to the Predators. That could be very interesting indeed.
Things You Need To Know #271
The Driest Rot only effects houses that had multiple murders. It sneaks behind the walls eating and eating and eating. What it truly wants though is tears. If it can sneak upon a crying person it will drain them dry to very dust. Houses affected by the Driest Rot are lonely quiet places.
This was something you needed to know.
This was something you needed to know.
Monster of the Day: The Monster at the End of This Book
Source: The Monster at the End of This Book
Location: At the end of the book
Threat Assessment: At first unknown. Grover just knows there is a monster and wants you to stop turning the pages.
Limitation: The monster wasn't what Grover expected.
Location: At the end of the book
Threat Assessment: At first unknown. Grover just knows there is a monster and wants you to stop turning the pages.
Limitation: The monster wasn't what Grover expected.
Today's Secret Code:
"Being in love is a lot like being drunk, Bukowski was both most of the time." Again: "Being in love is a lot like being drunk, Bukowski was both most of the time." Today's Colour is a fast furious red because a red car is always faster than a blue car. Today's Author asks, "What time is love?" That is all bwana beast, maho maho.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Killjoy Goes to Hell
Well this was different. I don't often say that but if there is one thing about Full Moon is sometimes they get a little crazy. Not good mind you, but crazy can be almost good. This is a million times better than the last Killjoy films. Never heard of Killjoy? Hah! I am not surprised my amigos. Let me edumacate yous blokes on the subject.
Empire pictures was created to go head to head against Roger Corman in the Drive In market. The trouble was that video done did kill the drive in. Bad timing perhaps, but Empire's emperor Charles Band dived head first into the direct to video market. Changing the name from Empire to Full Moon he boldly promised to release at least one new film a month.
Unfortunately, he kept his word.
It wasn't all bad at first to be sure. In fact, there were some definitely crazy weird things popping up like the first Puppet Master movie. Unfortunately, he couldn't keep the creativity up for a one film a month schedule. Also, as the years passed the returns on the films shrank like a shrinky dink in a furance.
The writing was on the wall, but Band was a dreamer and tried some end runs on fate. One plan was to sublet into the "urban" (read black) market. Thus was born Killjoy. A third rate Freddy Krueger in a clown suit. The films were cheap slasher films with a black cast set in generic places that might as well have been line drawings.
Well now how things have changed. In this version Killjoy is a true demon and is currently not possessing anyone. The reason is because he's currently in demonic jail. The reason is that Hell doesn't believe that Killjoy has it anymore. He's become more joke than jokester. They seem to have a strong case as his lawyer is incompentent (perhaps by design) and his witnesses are either mimes or can't be understood for all their colorful circus lingo. Only his clown succubus girl friend seems to have the ability to help but she's still a little mad that he blew her up for a mortal girl.
One thing you can say about this film is that it does try to be different. It also keeps moving avoiding the Full Moon Ennui that sometimes infects their films. It almost makes up even for the other Killjoy films and by George that's saying something.
Empire pictures was created to go head to head against Roger Corman in the Drive In market. The trouble was that video done did kill the drive in. Bad timing perhaps, but Empire's emperor Charles Band dived head first into the direct to video market. Changing the name from Empire to Full Moon he boldly promised to release at least one new film a month.
Unfortunately, he kept his word.
It wasn't all bad at first to be sure. In fact, there were some definitely crazy weird things popping up like the first Puppet Master movie. Unfortunately, he couldn't keep the creativity up for a one film a month schedule. Also, as the years passed the returns on the films shrank like a shrinky dink in a furance.
The writing was on the wall, but Band was a dreamer and tried some end runs on fate. One plan was to sublet into the "urban" (read black) market. Thus was born Killjoy. A third rate Freddy Krueger in a clown suit. The films were cheap slasher films with a black cast set in generic places that might as well have been line drawings.
Well now how things have changed. In this version Killjoy is a true demon and is currently not possessing anyone. The reason is because he's currently in demonic jail. The reason is that Hell doesn't believe that Killjoy has it anymore. He's become more joke than jokester. They seem to have a strong case as his lawyer is incompentent (perhaps by design) and his witnesses are either mimes or can't be understood for all their colorful circus lingo. Only his clown succubus girl friend seems to have the ability to help but she's still a little mad that he blew her up for a mortal girl.
One thing you can say about this film is that it does try to be different. It also keeps moving avoiding the Full Moon Ennui that sometimes infects their films. It almost makes up even for the other Killjoy films and by George that's saying something.
New Town #1: Peter Hammond, Detective
Hello, I am the Doll. I am an interactive aid between the Newton and the rest of the world. The Newton has asked me to relate some of the more interesting cases in our fine New Town. The Newton hopes you find it both entertaining and educational about the conditions of many of the New Humans.
Peter Hammond was a fairly successful Private Detective and a very failed human when it came to marital affairs. Before the Detonation he had left a wake of three divorces, four affairs, five children and one of those born out of wedlock. It wasn't that Peter didn't love, but that he loved both unwisely and with all the concentration of a child with ADD given candy and red bull.
When the Detonation occurred Peter was one of those people who effectively no longer existed. The universe had to quickly decide if his wives were married to anyone, if they had children and many other things that the universe seems to find highly annoying. Peter himself was in a pocket universe and at that moment, which lasted five years, he was a rabbit. He rather enjoyed that but had an aching suspicion he was something more, or perhaps less he couldn't decide.
The Newton brought Peter back, but even the Newton had limits. Did Peter exist? Did he not? Was he human or rabbit? Despite best efforts the universe decided in effect to split the difference. When Peter Hammond came back it was in the form of a big blue humanoid rabbit.
New Town is not as stable as the Newton would like. One section tends to attract those with are a little sad and bitter with how things have turned out. Colors there are faded. The music is sad, and the women are mysteries. The people who live there call it the Breakers and it has more bars than any other part of town. That is where Peter Hammond now lives. In the Breakers, not in the bars . . . well not all the time.
He's still a detective. He's still had three wives and five children. But most humans won't hire a rabbit, and it's a little hard to be subtle when you are seven feet tall (counting ears) and blue. His wives now have even less to do with him, and won't let him see the children. The courts will take years to decide if humanoid rabbits have any custody rights so maybe Peter has a right to be a little bitter.
It's not all bad though. He can hear a snitch snitching at ten miles away with those big baby blue ears of his. He's also fast on his feet and can leap up to ten feet straight up. Also, if you value your internal organs don't let him kick you. Also a big blue rabbit in a bar is absurd, but in a rather charming way. People trust him, talk to him. He knows a lot of New Town's little secrets and has lots of contacts. He's even working on a Mrs. Hammond mark 4.
Maybe this time it will all work out. The universe can be funny that way.
Peter Hammond was a fairly successful Private Detective and a very failed human when it came to marital affairs. Before the Detonation he had left a wake of three divorces, four affairs, five children and one of those born out of wedlock. It wasn't that Peter didn't love, but that he loved both unwisely and with all the concentration of a child with ADD given candy and red bull.
When the Detonation occurred Peter was one of those people who effectively no longer existed. The universe had to quickly decide if his wives were married to anyone, if they had children and many other things that the universe seems to find highly annoying. Peter himself was in a pocket universe and at that moment, which lasted five years, he was a rabbit. He rather enjoyed that but had an aching suspicion he was something more, or perhaps less he couldn't decide.
The Newton brought Peter back, but even the Newton had limits. Did Peter exist? Did he not? Was he human or rabbit? Despite best efforts the universe decided in effect to split the difference. When Peter Hammond came back it was in the form of a big blue humanoid rabbit.
New Town is not as stable as the Newton would like. One section tends to attract those with are a little sad and bitter with how things have turned out. Colors there are faded. The music is sad, and the women are mysteries. The people who live there call it the Breakers and it has more bars than any other part of town. That is where Peter Hammond now lives. In the Breakers, not in the bars . . . well not all the time.
He's still a detective. He's still had three wives and five children. But most humans won't hire a rabbit, and it's a little hard to be subtle when you are seven feet tall (counting ears) and blue. His wives now have even less to do with him, and won't let him see the children. The courts will take years to decide if humanoid rabbits have any custody rights so maybe Peter has a right to be a little bitter.
It's not all bad though. He can hear a snitch snitching at ten miles away with those big baby blue ears of his. He's also fast on his feet and can leap up to ten feet straight up. Also, if you value your internal organs don't let him kick you. Also a big blue rabbit in a bar is absurd, but in a rather charming way. People trust him, talk to him. He knows a lot of New Town's little secrets and has lots of contacts. He's even working on a Mrs. Hammond mark 4.
Maybe this time it will all work out. The universe can be funny that way.
Things You Need To Know #270
108 stars have visited the United States. Not famous humans, but condensed celestial bodies who were curious about the state of human affairs. Most were fairly impressed given our primative technology for thinking, that is our brains. One old rheumy red star though was unimpressed. "I liked the cockroaches more and they do better poetry." Everybody is a critic.
This was something you needed to know.
This was something you needed to know.
Monster of the Day: Mittbama
Source: Sadly Reality
Location: Seemingly every channel
Threat Assessment: 8. Somone is going to have control of nukes. Each greatly annoys at least half the population.
Limitation: They are basically the same.
Location: Seemingly every channel
Threat Assessment: 8. Somone is going to have control of nukes. Each greatly annoys at least half the population.
Limitation: They are basically the same.
Today's Secret Code:
If jerks are a dime a dozen we should go after the guy with all the dimes. Again: If jerks are a dime a dozen we should go after the guy with all the dimes. Today's Colour is mustard. Today's Author is spending his life a penny at a tyme. That is all, maho maho megaduce!
Monday, October 15, 2012
The Code of the Walking Dead
The third season shows that there is one rule that animates the living and the dead and that rule is keep moving. It's been a long winter for Rick and the gang and the zombies have only grown in the size of their massive herds. Herds? Mobs? What do you call a bunch a zombies?
Probably don't call them anything cause you are too busy running. With so many zombies that's the only choice the gang has or get mobbed. So the winters been hard, it's obvious that food and ammo are issues. Lori is near ready to pop out a baby and Rick looks just a little mad around trhe edges. Only Daryl seems still to have his edge. Maybe it's a diet of fresh owl meat.
Luckily, the gang finally finds the prison that was a very important in the graphic novels that the Walking Dead was based on. Immediately the gang can see the advantages of lots of thick wallls in a zombieverse. Of course, to claim it you have to take care of all the walking dead prisoners and guards. The guards were sort of funny to deal with because they were in riot gear. That made them rather bullet proof which was bad, but the face masks kept the biting to a minimum which is the funny part.
Overall, this was a great episode. The team finally had a plan and acted like they have had some practice now in walking dead killing. Little Carl might someday make me forgive his role in season 2 if he keeps up this way. Also Lori was less annoying, yet still annoying. Let's hope that level keeps dropping. Tne new characters are adding some new blood and excitement. The violence was very satisfactory. Let's hope we are past the days of random walking, pointless bitchery, and forever rescuing Carl.
Probably don't call them anything cause you are too busy running. With so many zombies that's the only choice the gang has or get mobbed. So the winters been hard, it's obvious that food and ammo are issues. Lori is near ready to pop out a baby and Rick looks just a little mad around trhe edges. Only Daryl seems still to have his edge. Maybe it's a diet of fresh owl meat.
Luckily, the gang finally finds the prison that was a very important in the graphic novels that the Walking Dead was based on. Immediately the gang can see the advantages of lots of thick wallls in a zombieverse. Of course, to claim it you have to take care of all the walking dead prisoners and guards. The guards were sort of funny to deal with because they were in riot gear. That made them rather bullet proof which was bad, but the face masks kept the biting to a minimum which is the funny part.
Overall, this was a great episode. The team finally had a plan and acted like they have had some practice now in walking dead killing. Little Carl might someday make me forgive his role in season 2 if he keeps up this way. Also Lori was less annoying, yet still annoying. Let's hope that level keeps dropping. Tne new characters are adding some new blood and excitement. The violence was very satisfactory. Let's hope we are past the days of random walking, pointless bitchery, and forever rescuing Carl.
Villains and Blackguards Incorporated #50: New Town
Villains and Blackguards Incorporated (VABI) is an organization found on Earth 32aa which has dedicated itself to protecting the interest of those of differently enabled morality and enhanced humanity. They take care of legal expenses and investments. It has become a very successful organization and is considering spreading to other Earths. In case they do here are some of it's members
We are currently only observing the events in a nearby dimension. Quite honestly we've seen reality bombs before, but nothing that has created something so . . . stable. We are not convinced that this situation will continue, so for now we are watching and keeping careful notes. And then there's Newton.
Doctor Newton was the inventor of that particular reality bomb. He didn't know he was making a bomb, but that just made everything that much more dangerous. We in VABI are dubious of inventors with no clear sense of the creation. On the other hand, if he had known he probably wouldn't have been five feet away when it went off. By, the way the best place to view a reality explosion is from the next universe.
It was a perceptive bomb which meant it mostly had an effect on observers. Thousands of people, including Newton, suddenly just never existed at all. Reality was reordered to take into account a massive lose of cause and effect. Then just as suddenly Newton returned, albeit in a slightly improved form. A godlike form some might say. He basically held together the widening gap of what was and what should be and managed to patch things the best he could.
Many people returned, albeit also changed. Others who "never existed" at all suddenly appeared. It was as you can guess a very chaotic time. Governments were very concerned as were insurance companies after Chicago nearly burned down again. Seeing that his "children" could be a handful he created a sanctuary. New Town is a city at the heart of where his bomb went off. It's 200 miles in diameter tucked in a one mile diameter space as people outside measure it. Besides creating New Town and keeping from falling back into chaos Newton hasn't done much more taking a "hands off" approach. We, however, are suspect of this. We find people like Newton are perpetual meddlers and we suspect that in time he'll want to make changes. It is for that reason we are not just simply "going to town" and collecting resources. It's best to take a true measure of the situation first despite the loss off some easy profits.
Indeed, there is a lot that VABI can redeem from New Town. If nothing else it can be a near epic talent pool. Hopefully in time VABI can harvest from this new field. Until then, we shall be watch Newton and his children with great interest.
Things You Need To Know #269
There is a man who is leaving glass slippers in public places. It's said that if a woman who is vain puts them on, they will shatter. Some say that if a good hearted woman tries them she will find true love. Others say all results are random and have nothing to do with the character of the women in question. Would you try one on?
This is something you needed to know.
This is something you needed to know.
Bonus Monster of the Day: Riot Dead
Source: The Walking Dead
Location: Prison
Threat Assessment: 5. Dead prison guards in riot gear. Basically bullet proof zombies.
Limitation: Face shields stop their bite attacks.
Location: Prison
Threat Assessment: 5. Dead prison guards in riot gear. Basically bullet proof zombies.
Limitation: Face shields stop their bite attacks.
Monster of the Day: Dubstep Demon
Source: First of the Year by Skrillex
Location: Underground
Threat Assessment: 7. Master of great mystic power and a bad attitude.
Limitation: Somehow linked to a little girl... or is it a little girl?
Location: Underground
Threat Assessment: 7. Master of great mystic power and a bad attitude.
Limitation: Somehow linked to a little girl... or is it a little girl?
Today's Secret Code:
The winds of change can also be the breeze of bewilderment. Again: The winds of change can also be the breeze of bewilderment. Today's Colour is an all around on the ground brown. Today's Author knows the Coda and it's not a secret. That is all, maho maho.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Monster of the Day: The Engineers
Source: Prometheus
Location: Homeworld unknown
Threat Assessment: 8. Extreme high technology and biotech. Physically imposing.
Limitation: Hubris
Location: Homeworld unknown
Threat Assessment: 8. Extreme high technology and biotech. Physically imposing.
Limitation: Hubris
Today's Secret Code:
Drowning your sorrows is often drowning IN your sorrow. Again: Drowning your sorrows is often drowning IN your sorrow. Today's Colour is puce. Today's Author realizes nothing has changed. . . again. That is all, maho maho.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Cartoon Network 20th Anniversary Countdown #16: The Powerpuff Girls
One criticism that has always been attached to TV animation is the quality of the animation. "Limited" animation was just something TV had to do for economic reasons. That doesn't make it any better to watch specially when compared with old animation shorts. It's disheartening to see a fifty year old short beat the pants off of the animation today. Still a clever animator can certainly make a limitation work for him.
Craig McCracken is a very clever animator.
Using a very kid friendly color palette and a design that was like a series of kid drawn pictures; he perfectly captures the kid-centric world of the Powerpuff girls. Here kids not only matter, they save the world. Well Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles do, but kids can live through their adventures. Add the world's most perfect dad and it's the perfect kid fantasy.
Thankfully McCracken didn't stop there. He knew that to be a really good toon people have to care about the heroes. The animation may be limited but the writing never was. The ups and downs between the sisters were always well written and universal. If you had a brother or sister you know all about the occassional rivalries, jealousies, and misunderstandings that crop up even in the very best relationships.
McCracken also realized that heroes are as defined by their villains as they are by their costumes. The Powerpuff girl's rogue gallery is wonderfully hip, funny, and the villains that you ALMOST wish would win. The best would either have to be the surly monkey genius Mojo Jojo who murders the English language worse than Yoda, or the very disturbing devil figure known only as . . . HIM.
Add to the mix some sly humor that even adults can enjoy and you have something very special indeed. I personally love music the show has inspired from the girl's own world saving song:
To this:
and even Devo!
Craig McCracken is a very clever animator.
Using a very kid friendly color palette and a design that was like a series of kid drawn pictures; he perfectly captures the kid-centric world of the Powerpuff girls. Here kids not only matter, they save the world. Well Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles do, but kids can live through their adventures. Add the world's most perfect dad and it's the perfect kid fantasy.
Thankfully McCracken didn't stop there. He knew that to be a really good toon people have to care about the heroes. The animation may be limited but the writing never was. The ups and downs between the sisters were always well written and universal. If you had a brother or sister you know all about the occassional rivalries, jealousies, and misunderstandings that crop up even in the very best relationships.
McCracken also realized that heroes are as defined by their villains as they are by their costumes. The Powerpuff girl's rogue gallery is wonderfully hip, funny, and the villains that you ALMOST wish would win. The best would either have to be the surly monkey genius Mojo Jojo who murders the English language worse than Yoda, or the very disturbing devil figure known only as . . . HIM.
Add to the mix some sly humor that even adults can enjoy and you have something very special indeed. I personally love music the show has inspired from the girl's own world saving song:
To this:
and even Devo!
Things You Need To Know #268
Every one in Jonnyford is represented by a flower in Mrs. Lanny's garden. They don't know that of course, but still they treat her garden almost as a shrine. Mrs. Lanny she takes good care of her garden, but she is getting on in years. Who knows what would happen to Jonnyford if her wonderful garden went to seed.
This was something you needed to know.
This was something you needed to know.
Monster of the Day: Venom Symbiont
Source: Marvel Universe
Location: Currently Nomadic
Threat Assessment: 7. In natural state semi liquid capable of forming tendrils to catch food/hosts. As a symbiont it boosts its host's natural power.
Limitation: Sonic attacks.
Location: Currently Nomadic
Threat Assessment: 7. In natural state semi liquid capable of forming tendrils to catch food/hosts. As a symbiont it boosts its host's natural power.
Limitation: Sonic attacks.
Today's secret code:
The imagination is the key to all the locks in the universe. Again: The imagination is the key to all the locks in the universe. Today's Colour is agent orange. Today's Author says it is rabbit season. That is all, maho maho.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Cartoon Network 20th Anniversary Countdown #17: Anime
Like #19 the Cartoon Network is taking the works of others so new generations can see just how cool they are. It's not the first time anime was on cable. There was always, for example, the whole pokemon craze and the syfy (then scifi) network would occasionally show mostly older shows. Once I remember seeing "Tank Police" hosted by Ralph Bakshi and confusedly wondered how Fred Gwynn had the time to animate "Wizards." What the Cartoon Network did was bring the kids and the geeks together and nothing was ever the same.
In the morning and the afternoons they would show all the Pokemon and pokeripoffs that they can cram into a two hour block. Parents hated them because they saw them as glorified commercials for the latest video game, cards, or whatever else was being marketed that season. They would have hated them even more if they had understood that Pokemon was the gateway drug to anime. In their defense many of these shows weren't that bad. Pokemon was bright, lively and always had a positive message (if you ignored the central premise of capturing wild animals for arena fighting that is), Digimon has one of the best toon theme songs ever,
and One Piece is crazy fun mixing Plastic Man with Pirates.
It was after the kids (at least the good ones) went to bed that the Cartoon Network out did itself. I remember just surfing at about eleven and then coming to this and getting absolutely gobsmacked:
Cowboy Bebop was just the beginning. From fantasy romcoms like Inuyasha to complete cluster fests like Paranoia Agent, their line of anime at night stretched for Americans what animation was capable of doing. For my money the jewel in the crown was showing FLCL. First it was brave of the network to show a show that had only six episodes. Networks tend to like a long term commitment. Also, and pardon my Basque, but it has to be said that FLCL is bat shit crazy in a wind tunnel. At once both a bizarre story involving aliens, guitars, and giant robots coming out of heads; it is also a thoughtful rumination of growing up out of childhood.
So thank you Cartoon Network. May you continue to freak the minds out of new generations.
In the morning and the afternoons they would show all the Pokemon and pokeripoffs that they can cram into a two hour block. Parents hated them because they saw them as glorified commercials for the latest video game, cards, or whatever else was being marketed that season. They would have hated them even more if they had understood that Pokemon was the gateway drug to anime. In their defense many of these shows weren't that bad. Pokemon was bright, lively and always had a positive message (if you ignored the central premise of capturing wild animals for arena fighting that is), Digimon has one of the best toon theme songs ever,
and One Piece is crazy fun mixing Plastic Man with Pirates.
It was after the kids (at least the good ones) went to bed that the Cartoon Network out did itself. I remember just surfing at about eleven and then coming to this and getting absolutely gobsmacked:
Cowboy Bebop was just the beginning. From fantasy romcoms like Inuyasha to complete cluster fests like Paranoia Agent, their line of anime at night stretched for Americans what animation was capable of doing. For my money the jewel in the crown was showing FLCL. First it was brave of the network to show a show that had only six episodes. Networks tend to like a long term commitment. Also, and pardon my Basque, but it has to be said that FLCL is bat shit crazy in a wind tunnel. At once both a bizarre story involving aliens, guitars, and giant robots coming out of heads; it is also a thoughtful rumination of growing up out of childhood.
So thank you Cartoon Network. May you continue to freak the minds out of new generations.
Things You Need To Know #267
Every third fire done on a Hidlebrache 1962 BBQ is elemental in nature. If you talk to it you might find some interesting onversation and maybe even a secret or two revealed. Just remember that fire is always hungry.
This was something you needed to know.
This was something you needed to know.
Monster of Day: Mojo Jojo Jojo army
Source: The Powerpuff Girls: The Movie
Location: The Town of Townsville
Threat Assessment: 8. Clearly able to terrorize a New York sized city with a staggering amount of different powers.
Limitation: Clearly as arrogant as their creator Mojo Jojo
Location: The Town of Townsville
Threat Assessment: 8. Clearly able to terrorize a New York sized city with a staggering amount of different powers.
Limitation: Clearly as arrogant as their creator Mojo Jojo
Today's Secret Code:
All 360 degrees of today's revolution will be televised. Again: All 360 degrees of today's revolution will be televised. Today's Colour is flaming hot green. Today's Author is Anaughtymous. That is all, maho maho.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
The Journey
 |
| The Journey is a journal of time spent neither here nor there but in the tween where anything anything can happen |
Atomic Brain Invasion
One reason I snark on SyFy's films (other than it's fun to do so) is that they are lazy. Their basic thought is that geeky fans enjoy bad films. We will make bad films. Then we'll say we are referencing older bad films so we aren't really making bad films but we are rather being ironic. There is nothing wrong with satire or parody but you have to work a little harder than that boys. When Duchamp hung a urinal on the wall at an art show it was funny and thought provoking ONCE. After that you got to roll up your sleeves and work at it.
Atomic Brain Invasion understands this and really gives us a lot for a buck ninety budget. The actors are game and obviously enjoying themselves. The special effects are cheesy but not bad, stinking smelly like nana's corn on her right foot which has turned slightly yellow bad. The writing and story are fast pace and funny and while the situations are silly (the military pretending that their suburban nuclear test site is testing bicycles for example) they don't come across as stupid. Most importantly, this never comes off as mean spirited. It's a fun romp and with Elvis.
The plot is that a very dumb species of aliens have been hired by another species to give us trouble. These creatures infect human who then rip their faces off leaving a spinal column, brains and googly eyes. It's like they are being attacked by slimey Beaker Muppets. Our heroes are "students" who are clearly in their thirties who consist of a fast talking, take control girl; the nerdy guy, and the mean, but secretly soft orgami obsessed bully. Add the military, a UFO watching Irishman, and of course ELVIS and you have lots of fun.
This is definitely something for fans of MST3K.
Atomic Brain Invasion understands this and really gives us a lot for a buck ninety budget. The actors are game and obviously enjoying themselves. The special effects are cheesy but not bad, stinking smelly like nana's corn on her right foot which has turned slightly yellow bad. The writing and story are fast pace and funny and while the situations are silly (the military pretending that their suburban nuclear test site is testing bicycles for example) they don't come across as stupid. Most importantly, this never comes off as mean spirited. It's a fun romp and with Elvis.
The plot is that a very dumb species of aliens have been hired by another species to give us trouble. These creatures infect human who then rip their faces off leaving a spinal column, brains and googly eyes. It's like they are being attacked by slimey Beaker Muppets. Our heroes are "students" who are clearly in their thirties who consist of a fast talking, take control girl; the nerdy guy, and the mean, but secretly soft orgami obsessed bully. Add the military, a UFO watching Irishman, and of course ELVIS and you have lots of fun.
This is definitely something for fans of MST3K.
Things You Need To Know #265
The Thistles are a family of Irish roots that have an odd occupation. They trap the bean sidee before they do any lasting damage. The ones that they trapped are dried with mystic herbs and sold to china as a help to erectile dysfunction.
This was something you needed to know.
This was something you needed to know.
Monster of the Day: Nixon
Source: Futurama
Location: White House
Threat Assessment: 7. Being a head in a jar hasn't improved his mood. Has vast resources and less morals.
Limitation: Head in a jar.
Location: White House
Threat Assessment: 7. Being a head in a jar hasn't improved his mood. Has vast resources and less morals.
Limitation: Head in a jar.
Today's Secret Code:
If I put my hand above my head, am I closer to the sky? If I lift up my gaze, am I closer to the moon? If I look through the glass will I be brothers with the stars? Oh why oh why? Again: If I put my hand above my head, am I closer to the sky? If I lift up my gaze, am I closer to the moon? If I look through the glass will I be brothers with the stars? Oh why oh why? Today's Colour is as dark as the moon. Today's Author is bright. That is all, maho maho.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Things You Need To Know #264
House flippers in Arkansa have been discovering hands left in the wall space of old homes. They are all left hands and male. So far 20 have been discovered between five houses. The mystery remains.
This was something you needed to know.
This was something you needed to know.
Monster of the Day: Vulnavia
Source: The Abominable Dr. Phibes
Location: English Mansion
Threat: 5. Dr. Phibes helper she kills quite a few people, but only under Doctor's orders.
Limitations: Absolutely loyal to Phibes, does not talk.
Location: English Mansion
Threat: 5. Dr. Phibes helper she kills quite a few people, but only under Doctor's orders.
Limitations: Absolutely loyal to Phibes, does not talk.
Today's Secret Code
The nightmare of fire is watery depths, the nightmare of water involves the burning wastes. My nightmare involves little pickles and public nudity and you don't need to know any more thank you very much. Again: See above. Today's Colour is mimicking blue. Today's Author is pretending to take a damn. That is all, maho maho.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Cartoon Network 20th Anniversary Top 20 #18: Cow and Chicken
Just a note to my dear readers. This list isn't meant as a straight up top twenty with #1 being the best. How can anyone determine the best cartoon. This is more of a quick guided tour, and next on our list is that anarchistic suburban barnyard hoot and moo the Cartoon Network called "Cow and Chicken."
In 1995 momma had a chicken and momma had a cow. Dad was proud he didn't care how, and that was how one of the stranger families in animation was born. It was clearly made to be in the same vein as "Ren and Stimpy" though not as extreme. It was gross and ugly and certainly funny. The difference between the two is all in the relationship. Ren is clearly abusive of stimpy where Chicken and Cow have a more brother sister rivalry. They might fight, but they'll also make up too much to the delight of their parents whom we only see from the knees down.
To keep the action going the Red Guy, a devil who is extremely aware he isn't wearing pants, comes in to stir up troubles. Both a tempter and something of a boob, he generally is able to wrangle someone in the family into his schemes. The sheer joy he takes in such minor mischiefs is extremely funny.
Cow and Chicken also had a short within it with I. M. Weasel doing one incredibly heroic thing after another much to the annoyance of his baboon assistant.
In 1995 momma had a chicken and momma had a cow. Dad was proud he didn't care how, and that was how one of the stranger families in animation was born. It was clearly made to be in the same vein as "Ren and Stimpy" though not as extreme. It was gross and ugly and certainly funny. The difference between the two is all in the relationship. Ren is clearly abusive of stimpy where Chicken and Cow have a more brother sister rivalry. They might fight, but they'll also make up too much to the delight of their parents whom we only see from the knees down.
To keep the action going the Red Guy, a devil who is extremely aware he isn't wearing pants, comes in to stir up troubles. Both a tempter and something of a boob, he generally is able to wrangle someone in the family into his schemes. The sheer joy he takes in such minor mischiefs is extremely funny.
Cow and Chicken also had a short within it with I. M. Weasel doing one incredibly heroic thing after another much to the annoyance of his baboon assistant.
Things You Need To Know #263
Marie Kanker Dee has been burning up the local Houston indy scene with her band, "The Canker Sisterhood." What few know is she is the great, great, great, great grand daughter of the muse Erato. As fitting as the relative of the muse of love poetry Marie often inspires passion in others. Unfortunately, they never seem to last and her love songs are always sad.
This was something you needed to know.
This was something you needed to know.
Monster of the Day: Old Lace
Source: The Runaways
Location: Marvel Universe
Threat Assessment: 7. A deinonychus it is well armed with teeth and claws and is hard to kill. It also has a telepathic link with its human owner who can give Old Lace direction.
Limitation: Animal intelligence when without direction.
Location: Marvel Universe
Threat Assessment: 7. A deinonychus it is well armed with teeth and claws and is hard to kill. It also has a telepathic link with its human owner who can give Old Lace direction.
Limitation: Animal intelligence when without direction.
Today's Secret Code
When the first tongue split into two was when brother first killed brother and man found himself alone. Again: When the first tongue split into two was when brother first killed brother and man found himself alone. Today's Colour is not insignificant. Today's Author is not a puny god. That is all, maho maho.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
A Reminder From Captain Zabu of Space Cops
 |
| Winning a debate is fine but no debator wins against a warm blaster |
Things You Need to Know #262
Dr. Charles Dance tried something different with his studies on fat. Why get rid of something that you can make useful. Fat cells are rather similar to nerve cells so he tried a stem cell therapy treatment to turn useful fat into a "Back up" brain. Things didn't go as planned and there is now a five hundred pound blob of nerves made from 100 test patients rolling around in the sewer. It's best not to approach.
This was something you needed to know.
Monster of the Day: Beetlejuice
Source: Beetlejuice
Location: The Neitherworld
Threat Assessment: Lots of magical power so that's worth an eight....Buuuuuttt....
Limitation: Needs to be called into the real world and suffers serious ADD so let's call it a 5.
Location: The Neitherworld
Threat Assessment: Lots of magical power so that's worth an eight....Buuuuuttt....
Limitation: Needs to be called into the real world and suffers serious ADD so let's call it a 5.
Today's Secret Code:
A potato bug is neither a potato nor a bug and your door is ajar. Again: A potato bug is neither a potato nor a bug and your door is ajar. Today's Colour is cornsilk blue. Today's Author is prone. That is all, maho maho.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Cartoon Network 20th Anniversary Top 20 #19: Bringing the dead back to life
Mostly this series is to glorify the original content the Cartoon Network is responsible for. I would be remiss though not to point out that the network has done much to perserve and show older animation to a new generation. This was specially true at the beginning when it ran classic Warner Brothers and MGM shorts along side "The Flintstones," or "The Jetsons." While they didn't go full tilt PBS on the kids, they provided a rich environment to learn the history of animation if only by Osmosis. Only the Cartoon Network could make Yogi cool again.
Proof positive though that the Network was doing a solid good came later as it began to play "Family Guy," and "Futurama." With a new audience both shows caught on again to be hot enough to be given brand new seasons. This is incredible and almost never happens in TV. Without the Cartoon Network we'd never have seen episodes like "The Late Philip J. Fry." True it's not all roses and lollipops because of the rebirth of "Family Guy," we had to suffer through "The Cleveland Show," but I'm willing to take the risks baby.
Proof positive though that the Network was doing a solid good came later as it began to play "Family Guy," and "Futurama." With a new audience both shows caught on again to be hot enough to be given brand new seasons. This is incredible and almost never happens in TV. Without the Cartoon Network we'd never have seen episodes like "The Late Philip J. Fry." True it's not all roses and lollipops because of the rebirth of "Family Guy," we had to suffer through "The Cleveland Show," but I'm willing to take the risks baby.
Things You Need To Know #261
I thought the homeless had it bad till I met Gilly Dean. Gilly Dean is not homeless, he's placeless. I can clearly remember the drinks we shared and that little incident with the police the monkey and the sock drawer. Unfortunately, when I think hard I can never remember WHERE all these things took place. Gilly has no place to be and he seems only to exist in a murky world of the past tense. If you remember Gilly next time you do I hope you will recall saying hi for me.
This was something you needed to know.
This was something you needed to know.
Monster of the Day: Warner's Hyde
Source: Warner Brother's Animation
Location: The Good Doctor's Office
Threat Assessment: Ugly enough to stop a clock, extremely long arms, casually homocidal.
Limitation: Erratic transformations.
Location: The Good Doctor's Office
Threat Assessment: Ugly enough to stop a clock, extremely long arms, casually homocidal.
Limitation: Erratic transformations.
Today's Secret Code:
Fantasy and dreams are where the fallen angel meets the rising ape. Again: Fancy and delirium are the crux where the prone seraphim engages the upright primate. Today's Colour is an enchanting emerald. Today's Author says if you put rule 8 on its side then its the symbol for infinity. That is all, maho maho.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Ogre nélkül fejjel
 |
| Wandering under skies that threaten snow Ogre nélkül fejjel seeks new prey in an old land |
Cartoon Network Top 20 For Its 20 Years #20: Dexter's Laboratory
So the Cartoon Network is 20 years old now. It makes me feel old, but it also makes me happy. Few networks have shown so much quality entertainment. Oh there's been some problems with mission creep as they show more and more live action shows, and not every year is great. Overall it's been quite a trip and why not celebrate it?
Dexter's Laboratory was one of the Cartoon Network's early hits and it hearkens back to even older cartoon traditions. Working along the trope of constant rivalries, there is not much difference in the action between a Dexter's Laboratory episode and say an old Tom & Jerry cartoon. The big difference is, of course, that Dexter and Dee Dee are sisters which creates complications not found in Tom & Jerry. If nothing else Dexter might think it, but he'd never do anything TOO awful to his sister. As far as Dee Dee is concerned she mostly means no harms but her combination of innocence, and desire to pester causes all sorts of mayhem. The results were incredibly funny and one never got tired of their antics.
As a bonus Dexter spawned two incredibly funny independent shorts. The ever loveable "Justice Friends"....
...and "Dial M For Monkey!
and no one can forget the little musical interlude with Paul Williams. The short guy in Smokey and the Bandit if you need reminding.
So a big thank you to Genndy Tartakovsky and the Cartoon Network for many a mispent, fun filled half hour.
Coming Soon New Town
I've enjoyed the VABI series and will continue it, but there will be a new companion to it involving the strange denizens of New Town. New Town is found on Earth 48aB and is a recent development there. A few years back a scientist accidently detonated a small chunk of reality. He was able to keep that universe from quantumly deflating like a balloon but there was a cost. Many people were changed and given powers by the events. Other peoples seem to have spontaneously come into the world some believing they came from another world and others with no memories other than their first steps after the detonation. These New People filled the general populance with misgiving so the scientist, now gifted himself with great powers, built New Town as a place of sanctuary. It hasn't always worked, but it has become home to these New People.
I hope you dear readers will enjoy this up coming series.
I hope you dear readers will enjoy this up coming series.
Villains and Blackguards Incorporated #49: Indigo
Villains and Blackguards Incorporated (VABI) is an organization found on Earth 32aa which has dedicated itself to protecting the interest of those of differently enabled morality and enhanced humanity. They take care of legal expenses and investments. It has become a very successful organization and is considering spreading to other Earths. In case they do here are some of it's members
There are mysteries even the higher management of VABI are unprepared to answer. How does one turn from being a nun to a murderous acolyte of Babalú Ayé, god of illness and death? We don't know and Maria Laroy, or as she is now known Indigo, is not telling.
What we do know is she has the power to cause and cure diseases. She can also cause waves of pain or peaceful sleep. She is a cold character and ruthless. She uses her power most often for blackmail. She will infiltrate the haunts of the very rich and give some millionaire cancer or aids and then remove it...for a price.
The other thing we know is that half the money she gets goes to a fund to relieve the suffering of the Haitian people. Perhaps deep down she is not quite as cold as she seems.
Things You Need To Know #260
Note: BOB and his band of bouncing neer'do'wells have been ousted. We return to our regular posts. We first met BOB at the Asylum, a rare conjunction of the magical and the mundane. A place where the brews were always true and the dice were hot even if the women were neither that night. The Asylum was destroyed by the Sandwich and IT, but that's another story.
This was something you needed to know.
This was something you needed to know.
Monster of the Day: Bad Hand
Source: Evil Dead II
Location; End of your arm genius.
Threat Assessment: A good 6 for you bub. It's attached to you, you get to feel its pain, and it just wants to kill you. Cut it off and you have a five legged homocidal cockroach. Congrats.
Limitation: The right spell or a good ho fire.
Location; End of your arm genius.
Threat Assessment: A good 6 for you bub. It's attached to you, you get to feel its pain, and it just wants to kill you. Cut it off and you have a five legged homocidal cockroach. Congrats.
Limitation: The right spell or a good ho fire.
Today's Secret Code
To debate a fool is to argue into a mirror. Again: To debate a fool is to argue into a mirror. Today's Colour is a fallen ashy auburn. Today's Author is polybinary. That is all, maho maho.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Officer Ivy
 |
| Green, green, green just one of dem things a green thing Officer Ivy A real clinger His clasps are the law he knows as he keeps those he catches well grounded six feet deep or more |
Battleship
Battleship deserved to fail not on its merits but from its genesis. Once again we have a serviceable idea taken to an extreme where it becomes both a joke and an insult. Now I generally loath the "Transformers" movies but it was based on a solid idea; let's take a bit of childhood nostalgia and update it and bring it to the screen as a blockbuster. Unfortunately, someone misread that simple concept as "toys" and then decided well if "toys" work why not games. So a host of boardgames from Candyland to Batttleship was sold (prostituted) to the screen. Halfway through the process various people behind the scenes suddenly became awarre they were doing something inanely stupid. Unfortunately, their attempts at sanity did nothing but add to the costs of the production. Finally, when Battleship came out it had a pricetag supposedly around two hundred million dollars, like "John Carter," and like that film it failed at the box office by only doing medium business for a Tiffany bill.
The strange thing is that it wasn't that bad of a film. Oh, it's no great shakes even by blockbuster standards but I liked it better than the last two "Transformers" movies. I think what happened that the concept was so silly that those making the movie basically ignored it and did what they wanted which some how slipped under the studio radar. The plot has that maverick character who's about to get drummed out of the navy given his big chance to be the hero. In this case it is because spiny bearded aliens land near Hawaii and set up a force field as they try to get reenforcements. First using a destroyer and then and old navy battle ship our hero must stop these high tech party poopers.
Now I said this isn't great shakes. The script is cliche-o-rama ville. The science is bupkiss. For instance no way our radio signal would reach theirr planet for at least decades if not centuries. Also the alien weapons are surprisingly badly aimed. We do better with our drones. On the other hand the cast is game and enthusiastic. The action is clearly done and you can understand what's happening unlike the Transformers movie which fall into just ugly CGI. The aliens are visually well realized though they admittedly look similar to the aliens in "The Avengers."
Truly if this film was budgeted at say a realistic sixty million dollars it would have been considered something of a hit. A lesson my friends of what happens when one's mouth is far bigger than one's hands.
The strange thing is that it wasn't that bad of a film. Oh, it's no great shakes even by blockbuster standards but I liked it better than the last two "Transformers" movies. I think what happened that the concept was so silly that those making the movie basically ignored it and did what they wanted which some how slipped under the studio radar. The plot has that maverick character who's about to get drummed out of the navy given his big chance to be the hero. In this case it is because spiny bearded aliens land near Hawaii and set up a force field as they try to get reenforcements. First using a destroyer and then and old navy battle ship our hero must stop these high tech party poopers.
Now I said this isn't great shakes. The script is cliche-o-rama ville. The science is bupkiss. For instance no way our radio signal would reach theirr planet for at least decades if not centuries. Also the alien weapons are surprisingly badly aimed. We do better with our drones. On the other hand the cast is game and enthusiastic. The action is clearly done and you can understand what's happening unlike the Transformers movie which fall into just ugly CGI. The aliens are visually well realized though they admittedly look similar to the aliens in "The Avengers."
Truly if this film was budgeted at say a realistic sixty million dollars it would have been considered something of a hit. A lesson my friends of what happens when one's mouth is far bigger than one's hands.
Things You Need To Know #BOB
Bob here taking this post over. Hail Eris! Hail Dada! Hail myself!! Lazarus Lupin refuses to pay me in girl scout cookies (mmmmm coookies) so until then I shall go "hey nonny non nonny" in this post until he gives in or taps out. If you are looking for wisdom never accept the fourth eggroll, never watch the fourth show on channel four and never date conjoined twins. Hey nonny non nonny!
Today's Secret Code
Nordberg did it. Again: Nordberg did it. Today's Colour is zebraffic. Today's Author is hard boiled but soft shelled. That is all babalouie, maho maho.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)