Saturday, August 6, 2011

Dylan Dog

Right, let's get this done quick. Would you like Dylan Dog? Well did you wish for an extra episode of "Buffy" or "Angel" or "True Blood" and aren't picky about it being the best episode ever? If yes, then you can watch Dylan Dog without much pain. Were you a fan of the original Italian series? Ohhhh I'm sorry for you, best go somewhere else.

So the film is about Dylan who's a dick (of the private sort), but once was sort of a peace keeper of the races of the undead that haunt New Orleans (oh great not even mentioning Katrina by the way). He's drawn back into the supernatural world by taking the case of the beautiful daughter who's father has been killed. By the end he has to fight werewolves, vampires, and zombies.

One thing they sort of got right was the crazy friend of Dylan. In the original series it was first a fellow that looked like Groucho Marx. A little over the top for the movie so they went with an eager beaver type who accidently becomes a zombie and has to deal with living dead issues. It would have been even better if they had some actual good script writing but that's another story. Good gracious does the writing suck in this film. Lines like "You know what they say about hind sight, it will fuck with you." I know they were trying for the "tired world weary PI" feel but man lines like that stink on ice. I can do twenty lines better than that.

  • You know what they say about hind sight, look back and the future is picking your pocket.
  • You know what they say about hind sight, dogs like it but that's cause they can lick their balls.
  • You know what they say about hind sight? I wish I did, but I'm too busy making a living.

Never mind, it's just too sad.  Anyway the thing they get very wrong is there is now fire.  No sexual energy.  One thing about the original Dylan Dog was his adventures always had an element of smoldering sexuality.  The female lead is pretty but vapid, and one fears that Dylan is too busy looking into the mirror than noticing
raw sexuality. 

The sad truth is that the film that still best captures the spirit of Dylan Dog is "Cemetary Man," a wonderful delirious film that runs the train off the tracks half way through.  That's not a bad thing by the way.  So sharpen up your netflix memberships and rent that instead.

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