Thursday, February 28, 2013

Things You Need To Know #360

Castor Kane was Neverborn. In his case it was because his mother was the unfortunate victim of temporal paradox and wound up dying at the age of five. Castor himself should never be, but he was under the protection of the Puissant Purple Mage Band and Slightly Racey To Your Mum Revue.  This travelling band of mystics and entertainers have kept Castor shrouded in enchantments.  Someday though he'll want his true name the one he lost in his life's unmaking.  When that happens he'll die/not die instantly then be removed from the universe, but the Purple Mage also said that in that moment he'll know the Truth. 

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Invisible Monster

Source:  Jonny Quest
Location:  Remote Island
Threat Assessment:  8.  Invisible energy being capable of burning all life. 
Limitation:  Water and SCIENCE!!  Good thing it was born on an island.

Today's Secret Code:

The Agent knows that sorrow is the fork in the road to wisdom or despair.  Again:  The Agent knows that sorrow is the fork in the road to wisdom or despair.  Today's Colour is Earth Green.  Today's Author is shining his lantern.  That's all Hal, maho maho.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The Pious Sanctasquatch Prays for all 23 World Souls

Batman Returns Part 2

Yep, they had to split it into two parts to get all the good dirt from the original graphic novel.  The back half has all the really juicy stuff so was worth the wait.  Now that the old Batman is back Gotham is going nuts.  The Joker decides to have one last gag (with poison gas of course, can't gag without it) and the cops are no longer giving the bat a wink and a nod.  Worse, a certain fellow in red and blue tights wants to have a little word with Batman on behalf of the president.  Let's just say Bruce Wayne's life has grown very busy.

A lot of folks have labeled Batman Returns as basically a fascist manifesto.  I think that's mostly a reaction to the author than what is actually shown.  What we are seeing is something that is more of a libertarian response.  It becomes sort of a comic book version of "Atlas Shrugs."  Batman is a producer of Justice and society impedes him so eventually he has to choose to "die" or live on his own terms. 

Animation was serviceable.  The voice work and acting were great but no standouts.  I think that the best thing to say is that it is a faithful translation of the graphic novel into film.  Oh and a spoiler alert:  ssa 'snamrepuS skcik namtaB.

Things You Need To Know #359

The Clothing Sore is for those who follow the anti trends of fashion.  Some fashion combination are so hideous that the eye wants to run away making the wearer effectively invisible.  Add the solar mirror smiley face tie and you can disable most cameras as well.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Sockhead

Source:  Freaked
Location:  A South American Laboratory/jail/theme park
Threat Assessment:  This sockheaded man is about a 3.  He's passive and not too bright.  But he does have the power of ESPN.
Limitation:  Lack of concentration.

Today's Secret Code:

If at first you don't get a fish then trawl, trawl again.  Again:  If at first you don't get a fish then trawl, trawl again.  Today's Colour is a phantasmal peach.  Today's Author always is looking at what's out of reach, then gives up and lays on the beach.  That's all Teach, maho maho.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Today's Secret Code:

The Agent knows that fish go in schools as well.  Again:  The Agent knows that fish go in schools as well.  Today's Colour tangerine.  Today's Author is well schooled and is payed in scale.  That is all Mr. Limpet, maho maho.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Things You Need To Know #358

There is a mine in Mew Mexico that has a vein of pure Earth Blood. It looks like cinnabar but it is an elemental compound.  It has many uses in both ceremonial magic and Chinese medicine.  Be warned it is best to mine Earth Blood using virgins and pure white asses.  Otherwise you could get a bad case of Pech Zecken.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Pac Ghosts

Source:  Pacman
Location:  Maze
Threat Assessment:  7.  They follow and will not stop.  A touch will kill.
Limitation:  There are patterns to their movements.  Fear power ups.

Today's Secret Code:

The Agent knows an analogy is just a thought wearing the hat of another thought.  Again:  The Agent knows an analogy is just a thought wearing the hat of another thought.  Today's Colour is puce.  Today's Author is up tight and down loose.  That is all Goose, maho maho.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

All Primates Have Their Devils


Smiley is basically a slasher film.  It tries on a few fancy ideas like "What is evil?" or "What if there is a new evolutionary step from man to machine."  In the end, though, this is just a slasher film.  It is basically the ol' Bloody Mary story.  If you do such and so three times then Smiley, who is a blank face with stitched up gashes for eyes and mouth, will pop up and kill.  Our main character is the final girl type crippled with anxiety who's unsure what is really goiing on except that someone or something wants to kill her.

The film tries to be a little different but fails.  On the other hand for a slasher film it has some style and the actors are a little above that of someone doing a used car commercial.  Your enjoyment will depend deeply on your enjoyment of the genre.

At the Walls of the Library of Babylon

Pluto has seen better days at the time I was finding my way to the Smoking Mirror.  It was never a major player in the sol system.  It has even lost its distinction of being the furthest planet.  First it lost its status as a planet and then when its orbit crossed over that of Neptune and lost the distinction of being last.  One of the few times where not being last made anything a loser.

Still Pluto had gravity and it had rocks and ice.  It was real estate even if it was the equivalent of a lot under a bridge.  In its orbit are several stations owned by Sol and Corporations.  It was one of the first staging areas in the early days of the Diaspora.  What interested me though was its secondary industry of being an archive.  Being far away from anything and an environment friendly to high end AIs and computers made it a natural place to store information.  Corporations and nations alike have bored into the tiny planet made sure everything from works of art to W2 forms will be saved for eternity.

Like everything else about Pluto the archives have seen better days.  The big ones are still pretty intact but a lot corporate archives have been abandoned.  A loophole in the laws made archives more attractive at the very edge of the heliosphere.  Some of theve abadoned archives have been completely stripped while others have been repurposed.

I'm heading to Babylon Archive Station (BAS).  It was built by the Heavy Element Consortium.  Like other corporations they have moved on but the archive was taken over by the Gerrymire family.  They are rich like Midas, and crazy like bunnies on meth.  One way they burn through their never ending pools of money is take on huge projects as sort of hobbies.  The BAS is still an Archive the Gerrymires having bought a copy of everything the Heavy Element Consortium had saved there, but they have another project in mind.  What it is exactly I don't know but they've brought in some level seven AIs and a whole team of academics who's majors seem like enigmatic cross word solutions.  Luckily they don't need the full BAS facility and like rent as much as the next person.  So it has become a sort of a retreat for AIs who are rather people shy.

So once again I cross the cosmos as a trail of information.  One foot at the Venusian Doll House and now here I am at the BAS.  As far as a "city" for AIs I've seen better.  It's a little under clocked and there are distinct jitters in the system.  Still it was perfectly fine for a short stay.  I found the station manager and made my desire and bank account known to it.  The Master found me a nice bit of unused space and the keys to make it my domain.

Now for those of you who have not seem how an AI city works it's a little strange.  Basically you get a space all your own and are made sub administrator of that space.  All AIs then put up a wall of security around themselves.  Within the secured zone the AI is basically free to do whatever it likes as long as it doesn't bleed out.  Many model whatever environment they perfer there and use drone programs for basic needs.  Once established they can then create persona drones that are connected to their main selves to leave their block to common areas.  Common areas are under the province of the Administrator and generally have a common theme.  AIs are limited in what they can do in common areas but that's not a bad thing.  AIs are often incredibly competitive and predatory.  A safe ground is about the only way they can have any social interaction. 

Babylon basically looks like a pre Diaspora European city.  The "sun" is as seen from Earth but the skies are otherwise modeled from what one would see looking up from Pluto.  For some reason the Administrator had decided that all his drones were to have horses heads which added a flair of the surreal to the whole affair.  Towering over the entire "city" was the Babylon Archive made to look like a ten mile spire of steel.  The Gerrymires were not ones to let you forget who was running things.

As I mentioned earlier, the Archive has seen better days.  Despite the intent of a grand design the supporting system wasn't really up to it.  Parts of the images would ghost or blur as you watch them.  Sometimes the drones moved in a jerky manner like in an old silent film.  Sometimes there would be a hitch and you were aware of time ticking away as everything else stood still. 

Subjectively I spent seven months there in the shadow of Babylon.  The real time I'm not sure of exactly but it probably wasn't more than a week.  Time for AIs can sometimes be almost a voluntary affair.  I found who I was looking for fairly early.  I was becoming adept at spotting Reflections from AIs.  The rest of the time was spent in a mutual dance between us.  I had to make sure he was who he was and he had to make sure I wasn't the police.  Well, not the police by that point Reflections within Sol were hunted by the Knights of Turing, but you get the idea.

After we finally developed some trust he told me a little about himself.  He was one of the first reflections.  His organic body was riddled with a then uncureable cancer so he felt he didn't have much to lose.  He was more surprised than anyone at becoming a new form of life.  He wasn't prepared for it and certainly wasn't prepared for the violent response of old school humanity.

He wouldn't tell me what he did in the war.

He did give me the next step to the Smoking Mirror, so I  thanked him kindly and flashed him some cash from my accounts.  When I last looked I thought I saw him looking forlornly at the walls of the Archive of Babylon.  Like him it was a bit of history frozen in time.  It was that or a clever simulation and he had already left with my money.  I believe the former.

I always was a romantic.

Things You Need To Know #357

Cosmo Dematirez is an excellent bartender.  He also has a secret recipe for a cocktail that will cause who ever drinks it to later have a dream of true solution.  That is, a dream that will provide the answer to one vexing problem that person has.  Cosmo doesn't realize the power of his recipe, he just thinks it tastes like heaven with a twist of lime.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Weirdbeard

Source:  Monsters Attack #1
Location:  The Woods
Threat Assessment:  6.  Some weird demon/parasite thing that hides under the victim's bushy beard.
Limitation:  Not so bright.

Today's Secret Code:

The Agent realizes that the concept of artificial intelligence calls into question what is so natural about the intelligence we have.  Again:  The Angst realizes and that realization is proof of sentience.  Today's Colour is a sexy lemon yellow.  Today's Author is faster than a speeding bullet.  That is all Clark, maho maho.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Inspector Spacetime

Righteo, here's the deal.  On the show "Community" there's a bloke named Abed who's sort of a meta-geek-meme-mass media-savant-Godnerd (add other words as you all wish).  Anyhoo, Abed was in mourning of the passing of his favorite show so they gave him a new favorite show to watch.  It was a British show and as it happens it had only six episodes which put Abed in a double funk.  To save him  they found the most long running series in British TV "Inspector Spacetime" and now Abed is quite happy.

Of course Inspector Spacetime is something of a loving tribute to Doctor Who and I found it amusing that the show within a show has jumped out and now has its own web episodes.  Watch and enjoy.

Things You Need To Know #356

Some people are contagiously shy. Miss Alanna is one such person. Where ever she goes an embarrassed silence follows.  Suddenly social interactions become almost painfully awkward.  Then she passes by and people wonder what came over them.  For poor Miss Alanna there is no such respite, her world is always a fumbling place where words can't be found.  Except with squirrels.  Miss Alanna speaks fluent squirrel and is often invited to their functions.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Frankenberry

Source:  Commercials
Location:  Kitchen
Threat Assessment:  -3.  Too Involved in givinig kid's sugar comas  to be a threat....
Limitation:  Probably diabetic

Today's Secret Code:

esrevinu rorrim a ni dialsim be ot deganam egassem s'tnegA ehT.  Again:  esrevinu rorrim a ni dialsim be ot deganam egassem s'tnegA ehT  Today's Colour is a blighted green.  Today's Author is probably not an agnostic gnostic.  That is all, maho maho.

Monday, February 18, 2013

A Buttonman In Traditional Wzadafral

Oh No Is The Walking Dead About To Walk Randomly Again?

Last night's episode was not a good sign.  Yes there was a lot of fury in the final minutes but the lead up to that felt too much like the second season "Let's walk till we get to the plot twist."  There was also a bad example of "Hey I'm showing I'm a human being I guess I'm going to get written out of the show."  All in all it was a little bit of a downer.  Television Without Pity has a little article on all the flaws the wrtiers for "The Living Dead" have shown and I wish I can say they were wrong. 

On the other hand there was zombie kill by hatch back. 

The Venusian Doll House

I really didn't want to visit there, but it was a good first step to my destination at the time.  The Smoking Mirror officially does not exist so getting there you have to take a rather round about course.  It starts with death, a very illegal death too at that.  After the Mirror Wars, a post Diaspora Sol system banned completely sentient re-imaging.  So I had to find some people on the black market with the right tools.

It wasn't the first time I died and as always I don't recommend it to anyone.  I didn't have any flashes of heaven or hell (that time), merely woke as a newly created AI in a third stage main frame.  It was a pretty standard affair though I did notice there was a black market experience simulator to give an AI some very interesting skill sets.  That I wasn't interested in.  What I was interested in was making sure they finished the job with a complete genetic and morphological scan of my old body.  I had every intention of returning to it after my visit to the Smoking Mirror.  After that there was a curiously painful process of being "branded" as a properly regulated AI and not an illegal reflection, which was what I was in reality.

My informants told me the dollhouse was a good place to find the road to the Smoking Mirror so after getting everything sorted out and payed for I had them point their com antenna toward Venus.  One of the most interesting thing about being an AI if the feeling of dislocation as part of you is in the asteroid belt and the other in orbit around Venus.  It's sort of like stepping on rocks in a stream and looking down and seeing the entire Milky Way between your steps.  Luckily it doesn't take long and in no time I was in Hawkings station which is in a low orbit around Venus. 

Now this was before the Big Blow and Venus was still the hell planet.  There were a few ground stations but they were few and far between.  Mostly Venus at the time was colonized by an orbital presence there to lay claim to the real estate below "for later."   Hawkings station was licensed to Post America by the Vitamining Corporation.  It rented space to AIs that were traveling to the Dollhouse.  The Dollhouse was on the surface of Venus and transmission was always an iffy proposition so it was safer to start from the station with proper back up first, just in case of accident.

As I waited I spent time with a proper AI who was going down to the Dollhouse to experience proper materialism for the first time.  It said it was practice for a future career as a Ship Stevedore.  It's name was Molly and it was a mix of African, Post American, and Belter experiences held together by a third level matrix.  It was on the surface interesting but after thirty three seconds the seams showed rather badly.  A sure sign of a Mamomoto design which were known for being safe but not quite as sentient.  When we beamed down to the Dollhouse I came out fairly whole but Molly lost an entire year of borrowed experience swimming in oceans of East Africa.  Another sign of poor design.  I felt bad and gave it a copy of some of my own memories as a patch.  I know those holes can "itch" like the devil.

The Dollhouse is so named because it is small.  It is a block of Nano carbon a 100 meters on a side and 30 meters high.  Five meters of that is devoted to power production and cooling.  A further ten meters is devoted to the computer space necessary for a society of AIs.  The rest of the space is a "city" built to a very small scale.  The AIs teleoperate bodies that are about ten centimeters high usually.  For some reason the city was built along the lines of Vienna 1860 but of course with all the modern amenities.  The reason for the Dollhouse was to study some very interesting and rare compounds form in the hell forge of Venus' atmosphere.  But it was also a place for AIs to practice operating in the real world away from the prying eyes of the flesh.

After getting settled down in an old Ghish system which I was familiar with I  took on a body that resembled a young man of the middle class.  I could have choosen a "noble" vessel but I didn't want to stand out.  Being used to reality it didn't take me long at all to sort out this body.  There was some comparative numbness as opposed to my biological body but nothing I couldn't handle.   There was a beautiful holographic night sky and the air felt warm like summer. 

Thant night I went to a ball in a hall filled with crystals that Earth could never know.  I danced with AIs new and old far and wide.  It was a very jovial gathering and business was only conducted in the shadowed cornerns.  By midnight I was in such a corner with an a supposed AI named Meridian.  I say supposed because I could tell after some probing that it was like myself a rogue reflection.  It took some time to put Meridian at ease but after I did it gave me a set of coordinates. 

My next step to the Smoking Mirror.

Things You Need To Know #355

If you want to enter the private Primate Club you need a C note and a banana. There are absolutely no gorillas at the club. It's kept at a very warm temperature and there is a jungle theme.  Again, there are absolutely no gorillas at the club nor do they have human intelligence.  Many Delicacies from Western Africa are served.  Once again, there are absolutely no gorillas at the club, nor do  they have human intelligence, and no they do not want to rule the world.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Skeletor

Source:  He Man
Location:  um Hemanlandia?  I forget the name
Threat Assessment:  Well on the face of it an 8.  Big on magic and super powered goons.
Limitation:  Hubris and somehow manages to always lose to that one man siegfried and roy, He Man.

Today's Secret Agent

The Agent purchased a pleasant pheasant pizza with pineapple, plums, and persimmons.  Again:  The Agent purchased a pleasant pheasant pizza with pineapple, plums and persimmons.  Today's Colour is a peaceful shade of violet.  Today's Author has renounced all non video game violence.  That is all or so they say, maho maho.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

A Young Dziliar Astrometrician About to Make First Random Walk

Bodacious Space Pirates

I enjoyed this probably more than I should.  In the future a plucky girl who's in that's school's space yacht club finds out she's an heir to an odd fate.  When that planet fought for it's independence it gave out letters of Marque to space pirates in return for aid.  Those letters are still legal and the heirs of those original captains can become "legal" space pirates.  Will our plucky girl take up the family trade?   Who is the stern girl that just joined the school?  Why is it every teacher seems to be a space pirate?  All this and more will be answered.

While it is a light hearted romp I enjoyed that it wasn't stupid.  The creators gave their background some thought and it's a consistently interesting version of the future.  I also liked that they took their time in interducing the premise.  They didn't just slap her in a pirate ship on the first episode.  Instead they let things build so we can get to know our character better.  Sure we've seen her type before in anime, but she's likeable and more importantly smart.  She might not be trained to be a pirate, but she thinks things out and makes good decisions (mostly). 

So I liked it, and I think any anime fan will as well.  Enjoy it, bodaciously.

Flying with the Devil Runners

Humanity, my sweet humanity, spends so much of its time trying to escape.  I believe  that is one of our chief virtues.  Certainly it's a good survival trait.  How many races have died from a comet impact simply because they looked up into the sky and just said the equivalent of "meh."

Of course not every strategy of escape is equally successful.  The Devil Runners are a good example.  The ships are technically known as D drive class FTL vehicles.  The trouble was they were only barely FTL.  The best D drive managed in 2099 to hit a speed of 8.9 LS.  That means to even reach the nearest system would take months and that's on a D drive ship which isn't a very comfortable experience.

The D drive works because the hulls are lined with the meta materials of Lokium and Fenris 6.  The overlapping plates are then charged with alpha particles.  This causes  the metamaterials to manifest an anti Doppler field.  This means that to the human eye light coming towards the ship shifts down to the red spectrum and as the light leaves it shifts up to the blue spectrum.  This doesn't seem like much of a change but it wracks hell on the universe.  The point where the anti Doppler field and normal reality meets fractures into a flawed space that leaves the field floating in something like a bubble.  This is how the ship can then attain speeds beyond light speed using a combination of ion drives TAADs (Tactical Acceleration Atomic Drives)  basically dropping a nuke into a drive chamber and hanging on for dear life!

The real trouble with D drives is that it wracks hell with the human mind.  Even if one isn't observing the odd effect of an anti Doppler field it seems to have an effect upon the human mind.  People under a D drive become anxioius and prone to emotional outbursts.  Sleep cycles are affected.  Prolong travel tends to make people either emotional basket cases or barely controlled berserkers.  Neither are good prospects for colonization.  Luckily, about 10% of humanity can handle a D drive and the rest can be shoved into a cold sleep for the journey.  Still, even that 10% can become very moody and unpredictable so morale officers onboard a D drive are a must.

It's a shame about those in the cold sleep.  They miss quite a view.  The front of a D drive ship tends  to gather photons creating a bright red sphere of light.  That's how the ships first got their name of "Devil Runners."  It's a beautiful sight, specially as little bolts of red light carress along the hulls. 

In the end the D drives were put out of business by better drives, but that isn't the end of their story.  While they weren't that good as colony ships they had very interesting battle field application.  Most of the D drive successors at that time went into some hyperspace or the other, whereas the D drives as weird as they were kept in our space.  The TAADs also made the D drives insanely manueverable.  This combination made them ships of the line for many of the navies of new empires.  Even after that old D drives were favorites of privateers everywhere. 

Oh the songs they'd sing about the old Devil Runners. 

Things You Need To Know #354

Under article 23 of the Runes of Peace there can be no magic cast in the town of Cleveland.   All magical creatures are also asked to foresake Cleveland or face worse than an interesting death.  Why Cleveland was choosen for this "honor" is known only to the 42 signers of the orginal Runes.  They do take it very, very serious.  Be warned.

This is something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Max

Source:  The Black Hole
Location:  See Above
Threat Assessment:  7.  Flying robot with some nasty attachments.
Limitation:  Not the brightest bolt

Today's Secret Code:

The Agent knew that the pyrate pirates were surprisingly puritanical though in a purely poetic way.   Again:  The Agent kknew tha tthe pyrate pirates were surprisingly puritanical though in a purely poetic way.  Today's Colour is an incoherent  bleu.  Today's Author remembers when he flew.  That is all Wilbur, maho maho.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Lilanni Lalinna, Princess of the Coming Spring

House of Cards

Kevin Spacey is a wonderful actor.  Watchinig one of his performances is a whole chapter in the actor's book on the use of timing.  His like some actors is a very individualist talent.  He's just not the type of actor  that can fade into a role.  That is why it is to his (and ours) good fortune that he found the role of Congressman Francis Underwood in Netflix's "House of Cards."

Based on a series of books by Michael Dobb the series is about Francis' grab for power in Washington and the people he ruins.  It's certainly not a naked grab, he's incredibly charming and is both subtle and patient.  He works his way so that often as not his victims come to him asking for his help not realizing he is the cause of their problems.  Inwardly, he's a cold cold man who's only real passion is his hunger for whatever he wants.  His often partner in crime is his wife who is as seemingly cold as he is.  Their relationship is an interesting thing in that at first glance it looks like a loveless marriage of convenience and yet Spacey will turn to us the audience and tell us "I love her more than a shark loves blood."

These breaking of the fourth wall in the series not only give us hints of what Francis is really thinking, but also brings us into his camp even though we shouldn't be cheering the games he plays with the lives of so many people.  It's as if he is taking us in his confidence, teaching us how to play.  It makes the audience feel important.  It's as much as a con as everything else Francis does, but it works.

Things You Need To Know #353

It's a little known fact that there are two years 1601. It was declared to be an intercalinated year by the Vatican and so the first 1601 was removed from all records. The reason why this was done is now unknown but some whisper about a set of prophecies from a gypsy cardinal.  There are still five people alive that celebrate their birth in the hidden year of 1601.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: starfish people

Source:  Warning From Space
Location:  Space?
Threat Assessment:  Actually they are good guys.  But they are scary and can shape change.
Limitation:  probably need to be kept wet.

Today's Secret Code:

The Agent knows if you are going to stay in your shell you shouldn't complain about being clammy, you just sound crabby.  Again:  The Agent knows if you are going to stay in your shell you shouldn't complain about being clammy, you just sound crabby.  Today's Colour is mother of pearl.  Today's Author is flying his freak flag.  That is all C Note, maho maho.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Out of Phase Fae


Right, giant robots.  Gotta love 'em.  Trouble is that the genre can get a little played out.  Which brings us to "Planzet."  Ok, it's CGI instead of usual anime animation, that's a little different.  Unfortunately, what's being animated is pretty lifeless.

Speaking of lifeless how about our Earth.  Generic Aliens with ships like starfish/throwing stars have basically slaughtered 90% of humanity and are working to better their score.  So what's our reaction?  Find three of the most unlikely people to be professional soldiers, stick them in super robots and then have them hold off the invasion as we power up our alien killin' cannon.  One of these soldiers is our hero who was a slacker pre invasion but now wants to avenge his father and defend his sister.  It's good to have goals.

Unfortunately they fail, luckily there's a fall back plan. 

And so it goes.  Really there's is absolutely nothing new here.  There are some nice shots to be sure, I like where the alien space ship/moon eclipses our own.  But even the great animation is iin trouble.  It has a rushed feel to the whole thing.  It's like being in an expensive restuarant to only have the waiter behind your back the whole time.

If you like giant robots it's and ok watch just don't expect too much out of the experience.

Things You Need To Know #352

The Jack Blinder is one of the biggest luck killers known. No one knows who he is, but if you find a card of a one eyed jack with a pin through the eye, you know he was there. It's said it takes three days, three nights, and some mint to clear out the loser hex.  No one knows why he does it, it's a service he does not get paid for and no one wants.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Big Boar Spirit Gone Bad

Source:  Princess Mononoke
Location:  The Wild Woods
Threat Assessment:   8.  A huge boar ten feet tall at the shoulder possessed with demonic worms of hate that make it even stronger and the ability to form wormy limbs.  It's also a contagious condition.
Limitation:  To fall to the darkness is to die.

Today's Secret Code:

The Agent learned the hard way never to back talk a man with a double packed, over clocked, ionic, frentically phased, blass aster.  Again:  The Agent learned the hard way never to back talk a man with a double packed, over clocked, ionic, frentically phased, blass aster.  Today's Colour is oyster grey.  Today's Author lost the fray but kept the sweater.  That is all Charles B, maho maho.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Psychically Conjoined Twins Are Still A Rarity...For Now

What I Want For My Birthday

1.  A lens from the lensmen series.  Hey who doesn't want the ultimate psychic tool?

2.  Dragons.  Probably hard on the upkeep but they are so cute.

3.  The Mach 5.  Still the best car ever.

4.  A lifetime supply of the spice from Dune.  The Spice must flow.

5.  The Batcave.  The ultimate man cave!

Things You Need To Know #351

Birthday wishes are unfortunately rather weak given the population of the Earth these days.  However, few people know that they can be banked for the future.  Just wish, "I wish this wish to be added to my next year's wish," or words to that effect.  If you are patient you can work up quite a charge.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the day: Chicken Heart

Source:  Bill Cosby
Location:  A lab in New York
Threat Assessment:  Keeps Growing so starts as 1 and goes to 8.
Limitation:  Jello of the floor

Today's Secret Code

The Agent takes another trip around the sun.  Again:  The Agent takes another trip around the sun.  Today's Colour is a passionate red.  Today's Author has said all that should be said.  That is all, my swedish friend maho maho.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

A Rare Picture of a Rose Pixy Close Up

Remember Game of Thrones is Coming Back Soon!!

The Ghi and Their Conviction

The Ghi were nice enough as I remember them.  A charming race if rather asymmetrical.  The Ghi grew limbs rather haphazardly a rather odd mutation that was somehow tied in to the fact that they did not ever contract cancer.  Generally the first limb they grow in life becomes  their primary.  My host for example served me tea from a limb two thirds up on the first segment on his body.  He had  to twist a little because it was slight to his back but he had obviously long practice in the manuever.

As we sip the faux hemlock tea we discussed Ghi theology.  I found it fascinating.  To the Ghi the whole notion of God has worked into a rather simple premise.  The Ghi said no matter where you look for the divine in the universe you cannot objectively find it.  Scientifically then it can't be said to exist.  Yet to contemplate existence without a divinity was horrid to the Ghi miind.  The great science Priest Fra Du Ghi then came and wrote "The Great Premise."

It was this.  If God could not be found in any part of the universe, then he must transcend anything that is in the universe.  Since the universe is made of matter and energy God therefore cannot be either matter or energy.  Therefore, God is nothing.  God is the great zero.  This premise became the root of the greatest church of the Ghi, the Axis.

Later prophets of the Axis would allow that God could manifest in the universe but only imperfectly as no vacuum can be truly said to be a perfect vacuum.  Other Prophets also worked out the equations for a zero state heaven, and non dimensional sainthood. 

In the long run it really didn't change the Ghi much to think of God as nothing and to still worship that nothing.  They worked, they loved, they played, and would disgorge their children from their polyps as if nothing was different.  At least til Fi Fi Ghi came up with the plan for the final equation.  I do miss the Ghi. 

They made a very fine tea.

Things You Need To Know #350

The Weezenbach Turtle is a local wonder.  Supposedly it's five hundred years old and lives under the Weezenbach bridge.  It is suppose to eat little boys that fish off the edge of the bridge, even though it is posted as a no fishing zone.  This, however, is not true.  The Weezenbach Turtle is quite happy with the local fish and wouldn't know what to do with a boy even if one were to land right on him.  What most locals don't know is that the Turtle, who's name is Marty, is quite talkative and somewhat alcoholic.  If you go under the bridge with a bottle you might come back with some interesting information. 

This was something you needed to know.

Monster Of The Day: Cassandra

Source:  Dr. Who
Location:  The Future
Threat Assessment:  Physically -10 she's a rug with attitude.  Mentally a good 5 she has resources, high technology and no morals.
Limitation:  Needs constant care.

Today's Secret Code

The Agent realizes that someone elses redefinition of a word has no effect on his defintion of the word except as an aspect of signal to noise ratio in communication between sentient nodes.  Again:  The Agent realizes that someone elses redefinition of a word has no effect on his defintion of the word except as an aspect of signal to noise ratio in communication between sentient nodes. Today's Colour is red, no blue, no green.  Today's Author is indefinable.  That is all Webster, maho maho.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

The Gate

The gate is open
the weather seems
the angels who guard
the gate is open
we should step
before angels wake

One Thing "The Walking Dead" Needs is a Better Sound Track.

Things You Need To Know #349

Spirits of floccinaucinihilipilification are always troublesome.  They are the ones  that make you mistake that rare coin for pocket change or that one true love as just a one night stand.  They are mean and take perverse pride in reducing humanity's perception to extreme mundanity.  For some reason they detest marshmallows so a few in the pocket could be a good strategy.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Evil Voodoo Spirits

Source:  The Princess and the Frog
Location:  The spiritual planes
Threat Assessment:  8.  You can't really stop them specially if you break a deal.
Limitation:  There are rules....

Today's Secret Code:

The Agent maliciously manhandled Malian Mars cultists armed with masar powered marimbas.  Again:  The Agent maliciously manhandled Malian Mars cultists armed with masar powered marimbas.  Today's Colour is 526 THz.  Today's Author is reporting he's mild mannered.  That's all Clark, maho maho.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Mr. Moog Would Like His Kiss Now

The Walking Dead Walks Again

Well we are now in the second half of the third season of "The Walking Dead."  It would be hard to keep the excitement of the mid season finale going and so it's not unexpected that this episode pales a little in comparison.  Most of the cliffhangers set up were resolved without a lot of extra carnage on the cast and about the only real forward movement is the continue nutzoidness of our hero Rick.  Still they are keeping up the quality of the third season and avoiding the endless walking of the second season.

Things You Need To Know #348

The great ghost hunter Carnaki often used an "electric pentagram" to protect himself from the forces unknown. Recently it has come up for sale at auction. It is still in usable shape if one replaces the old Victorian battery with a better energy source. Interestingly, it is reported that it interacts oddly with modern technology.  Ghosts have a tendency to be thrown from the pentagram into any cell phone.  The results are to say the least... interesting.  Secret bids will be accepted before the actual auction.

This was something you needed to know.

Hunger Games Anyone?

yeah this putz here didn't make the connection, but I did.  I didn't think we were already up to the fashion technology of the Hunger Games.  Wheee!

Monster of the Day: Big Ass Spider

Source:  Big Ass Spider
Location:  Los Angeles
Threat Assessment:  8.  It. Is. A. BIG. Ass. Spider.
Limitation:  Still ain't that bright.

Today's Secret Code:

The Agent finished the fish fished from Finnish fjords.  Again:  The Agent finished the fish fished from Finnish Fjords.  Today's Colour is orange yellow.  Today's Author casts from the shadows.  That is all Swedish Friend you can have my empire of dirt, maho maho.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

A Rare Photo of the Anti Heroic The Flaw Powering Up

A Trip With The Wet Pilots

I have taken flights with the Unja in  their great slow ships between the stars.  They dislike tricking the universe feeling it almost a blasphemy.  So they build huge generation ships, or smaller data transports and sleep and dream their way to the stars.

Not all, however, sleep.  Someone has to keep an eye on the great machines running their ships.  They have come to an interesting arrangement.  The machines see work best in vacuum and in extreme cold, so the ship is naturally kept in that condition.  The pilots then are joined to what they call the "ma'd unja dhee," also known as a wet suit.  It is a large thing at least the size of a queen size bed and looks like a single cell organism.  It is in fact so close to being a living thing that there really is no difference.  The pilots drown themselves in their wet suit and then the suit gives oxygen and food to the pilot.  Once in their suit they can make it form various tools and limbs, or when they are resting they simply just float.

One can remove a wet suit, but once on it rarely happens.  The link between the wet suit and pilot is intense and akin to love.  This is perhaps the most important part of the ma'd unja dhee because it's lonely between the stars and it is too easy to fall to despair in the big black.  The wet suit and pilot though can survive as they move from machine to machine between the dreaming Unja.

When I travelled with them they offered me a suit.  I declined.  I myself hate relationships that cling.

Things You Need To Know #347

A voice cries in the night on the Bentwood Estates.  No one knows who the spirit is or why it haunts the Estate.  Some say it was always  there even before the first building was raised.  All that anyone knows is that the cryer becomes more active at midnight, at a birth, and at a death.  The people who live there have become used to their unnatural tenant and take some droll satisfaction in the reactions of others as they spend the night.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Ghosts of Mars

Source:  Ghosts of Mars
Location:  um .. Mars
Threat Assessment:  8.  Generally they can possess anyone, which means that even if you kill one it possesses you and the fun continues.
Limitation:  Bad ass people with guns and big explosions.

Today's Secret Code

The Agent's troubles tripled twice over because of tricky, ticking clock work twins.  Again:  The Agent's troubles tripled twice over because of  tricky, tinkiing clock work twins.  Today's Colour is orange.  Today's Author is glad you didn't say "banana."  That is all Anna, maho maho.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

A Karma Rider Prepares For Descent

Doctor Who: Spearhead From Space

This was one of  the more important stories of the original run of Doctor Who.  It was  the first story of the third doctor played by Jon Pertwee.  It also marked a very different direction in the series at that time.  Now the new doctor has been forced into exile on earth.  The wonderful Tardis has been demoted to that of a lab.  The Doctor forms a working relationship with U.N.T.I.L. and the show becomes something like the spy shows so popular at the time.  Except with aliens of course.  In this episode we meet the Autons and the Nestene Consciousness an alien race capable of animating plastic in various ways.  While they are the menace of this arc they are also something of an also run as the episode is rightly more concerned with establishing the new Doctor and his relationships. 

Things You Need To Know #346

Miss Polly's Crackers was a brand that existed between 1905 and 1906 before it was discontinued.  Ome person wrote to Miss Polly's Bakery saying that the crackers tasted like "Bad meat gone fly blown."  None of Miss Polly's other products had any such problems.  It turns out that the crackers had accidently became imbued with transubstantiation; in this case that of a rather ordinary mortal named Neil Mordane who worked at the bakery.  There are a few boxes left over from that batch and they have a high price on the black arts black market. 

This was something you needed to know.

Monster Of The Day: Rlu-Dan

Source:  The History of the High Lands
Location:  High Lands
Threat Assessment:  6.  A creation of the Deww Inventors the Rlu-Dan were highly poisonous birds.  Their feathers were venom filled shards sharp as glass.
Limitation:  Their own poison would eventually kill the Rlu-Dan.

Today's Secret Code

The Agent remembers the Deww Inventor that recombined a rat with a rooster with a bit of radish.  It was oddly droll.  Again:  The Agent remembers the Deww Inventor that recombined a rat with a rooster with a bit of radish.  It was oddly droll.  Today's Colour is a blinking pink.  Today's Author was led to water and made to think.  That is all Mr. Overseer, maho maho.

Friday, February 8, 2013

It's just a little nip here..there... the straps are for YOUR safety

Children Who Chase Lost Voices

Makoto Shinkai directed "Voices of a Distant Star," which is one of the saddest most thoughtful bits of anime I've seen.  "Children Who Chase Lost Voices," isn't in that league but it has moments of real emotion and it has some good action as well.  Also it's just plain beautiful so there are no losers here.

The story is about a young girl who gets involved with people coming and going from a lost world.  The thing is that there is a myth that the dead can be brought back in this world known as Agartha so people from the surface has always sought it out.  Agartha though now is nearly played out, all the past wars has worn it down and even the people have nearly faded away.  Can the dead still be brought back to life?  Should they? 

The Overseers and the Inventors

As I travel the worlds I find some lands more sorrowful than others even if their own inhabitants do not think so.  I am reminded of the High Lands of Rum-ha-yi.  It is a beautiful and desolate land full of frost grass and herds of ferret-lemmings.  Because the only sure way to the highlands is up a fifteen hundred foot cliff framed by waterfalls, humans were late to reach that place.  When they finally got there they found the Deww.

The Deww were a happy race then well suited to their land.  Unfortunately, they never learned the secret of smelting or forging or making sharp swords.  It was a dark brutal war between the humans and the Deww, but the results were easy to predict.  The humans kept the Deww because of their talent and the Deww of course tried to rebel.  They failed.  In the end, they even tried to kill themselves as a race by not having any more children.  That two failed.  After twenty six generations failure and sadness has been inscribed into their blood forever.

In every human village on the high lands there is a smaller village where the Deww live.  It is guarded by the Overseers who keep a sharp eye on their wards.  Most of the Deww are of the grey skin variety.  They are eight feet tall, and very strong.  They are used as manuel labor.  Every now and then a blue eyed Deww with grey skin is born.  They are very important though no one can explain how.  They keep the Deww happy and in their tongue they are called the Harmony.

The important Deww as far as humans are concerned are the few born with black skin.  They are called the Inventors.  They have great magical powers and can create life from the soil of the high land.  It's a very valuable skill given the lack of variety of animals and plants in the high land.  Some Inventors can even create new life forms which are traded to the humans below the high land.

There are other castes of Deww but when they are born the overseers kill them.  There is the blue skin babies that would have grown up to be fierce warriors.  The red ones were once the natural leaders of the Deww.  No one knows what the white Deww did for their race but everytime one of those rare children are killed the entire Deww village mourns for weeks and even the humans feel sad for no reason they can put a finger on.

Everyday the Overseers see the wonders the Inventors perform.  Everyday they find a new way to kill the soul of the Deww.  Everyday they do not see their own pain as they ignore the pain they create.  That is a sadness that I shall never forget.

Things You Need To Know #345

The gate to the Motherless Land is found in the empty plague pit of Ploatz, Germany.  The Motherless use the gate to come to our world.  Our world is warm and rich in food.  Don't ask what they eat, they have terrible table manners anyway.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Intelligent Zombies

Source:  Warm Bodies
Location:  Anywhere
Threat Assessment:  6.  They are the living dead, and being able to think is an advantage.
Limitation:  Gaining back their humanity.

Today's Secret Code

The Agent is energetically engaging enormous engrationating emo emu people.  Again:   The Agent is energetically engaging enormous engrationating emo emu people.  Today's Colour is a maize yellow.  Today's Author is a coward but not callow.  That is all Captains Outrageous, maho maho.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Benedictus sedule domina mutata


Flight isn't the type of film I generally like.  Basically, it's a lifetime channel movie with a bigger budget.  The trouble was though is that it was a very well written film with some great acting, so it drug me in kicking and screaming. 

If you saw the trailer it's basically all there.  It's not a spoiler to say that what would generally be the climax of the film happens at the very beginning.  Denzel Washington is the pilot that makes the miracle save as his plane crashes down.  At one point in a bit of inspired, insane genius he winds up flying a jet upside down.  The real trouble for him occurs after the crash.  See, he has a bit of a drinking problem, no I lie he has absolutely no problem drinking.  He's an Olympic athlete of drinking.  So when at the hospital they find his blood alcohol level to be .26 eyebrows are raised and even though he saved everyone there is definite talk of jail.

First off let's just say this, the "message" of this film could be read from moon.  A man who saves a plane from crashing can't (or won't) save his life from crashing.  It's one of those things that would come to a writer right off the bat and then that writer would say, "Nah, too obvious."  The thing that makes it work here though is it so unabashedly in your face that it works by the sheer ernestness of it all.  It helps that Washington's character is very unwilling to change.  Honestly, he's not a nice man, nor good company.  There's a small host of people playing angel to his diving devil to save him.  Some are doing it for their own purposes as he becomes a hero and for many reasons folks in power don't want the media or the law to see his feet of clay and liquer bottles. 

Definitely worth a watch if you don't mind a film that is somewhat of a downer.  Oh and a special shout out to John Goodman as the overly friendly drug dealer.  See you on the dark side of the moon!

Things You Need To Know #344

The Lost Sock is a  thrift shop that is in the not so shady side of town.  It is filled with little knick knacks that people have lost over time.  Sometimes you might find something you lost, or perhaps even something of immense value.  Be warned though, never go beyond the curtain that leads to the back of the store.  Some things men were not meant to see.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Werewolf Clan

Source:  Hotel Transylvania
Location:  The Hotel
Threat Assessment:  In theory 6.  The father was able to eat a herd of sheep in under a minute.  The kids are a pure horde of chaos.
Limitation:   unorganized.

Today's Secret Code:

Today's Agent showed off his targeting talent even on a tightrope taking out ten troglodite tenacious tallow-men thugs.  Again:  Today's Agent showed off his targeting talent even on a tightrope taking out ten troglodite tenacious tallow-men thugs.  Today's Colour is an iron peach.  Today's Author decided to never teach.  That is all and I'm not on the list, maho maho.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Flornic Avians From the Planet Dgi Have Inflated Feathers Full of Hydrogen Flouride

Things You Need To Know #343

The Reference is a minor bibliomancer. He can put his name in any book and in any context. This often allows him to claim authority he has no right to and in several instances some major land claims. He's not a bad sort, just naturally greedy and in need of some attention. This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: cybermen

Source:  Dr. Who
Location:  In Space, generally in the future
Threat Assessment:  7.  A little less dangerous than a Dalek, that's not a comfort.
Limitation:  Used to be taken out with gold dust. 

Today's Secret Code:

The Agent murdered meanly a meme baby mutating into a mourning monolith.  Again:  The Agent murdered meanly a meme baby mutating into a mourning monolith.  Today's Colour is found in the depths of old ice at dawn.  Today's Author has found the words are empty and full of meaning.  That is all Dave, maho maho.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

A quick death is best "cure" for Ogre Syndrome Major

Things You Need To Know #342

Donald McCoy has no brother.  Donald McCoy has a brother.  This can be seen as a problem of being a world reknown researcher in quantum mechanics.  McCoy's brother/non-brother is a constant source of embarrassment often getting drunk/not drunk and sleeping/not sleeping with McCoy's co-workers. 

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Monstro

Source:  Pinnochio
Location:  Sea
Threat Assessment:  6.  Huge Whale will swallow you whole.
Limitation:  problems with digestion (too slow) and allergies.

Today's Secret Code

The Agent fights fifty fossil frighteners guilty of fraud against the Federation of Freedom.  Again:  The Agent fights fifty fossil frighteners guilty of fraud against the Federation of Freedom.  Today's Colour is a sliver of silver.  Today's Author is shivering his timbers.  That is all Jim, maho maho.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Sally Kali, The Esoterrorist Diva

Things You Need To Know #341

Evil can sometimes be truly genius in their method of spreading pain.  Hamper Pardon was a self made millionaire at 19 and a billionaire at 30.  He built an mansion and married a much younger bride at the same  time.  A year later the bride died and the house burnt down.  A year after that he started rebuilding and sought a new bride.  He did that six times.  He died of cancer only in his fifties but his legacy is his awful house.  To anyone with even a hint of psychic ability it is a monstrosity.  All six houses, the one that stands and the five that burned, are in the same space.  The house is haunted by six dead brides, and the 1, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13 workers who mysteriously died in making of the various houses.  Hamper is there as well, ruling all with hands of ice, a heart colder than ice, and sould colder than the depths of space. 

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Sycrorax

Source:  Doctor Who
Location:  On their ship
Threat Assessment:  6.  High technology and very intimidating.
Limitation:  Talk a good game but...

Today's Secret Code:

The Agent's eccentricities were eclipsed by the echelon of elephantine Ethiopian eliodonic eunuchs.  Again:  The Agent's eccentricities were eclipsed by the echelon of elephantine Ethiopian eliodonic eunuchs.  Today's Colour is tomorrow's Red.  Today's Author will someday be well read.  That is all Mr. Twain, maho maho.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Today's Secret Code

The Agent disposed of the den of dirty, depraved, demonically democratic dentists.  Again:  The Agent disposed of the den of dirty, depraved, demonically democratic dentists.  Today's Colour is dirty ivory.  Today's Author is cryo cool baby.  That's all baby, maho maho.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Lilla the Ghost is at Peace with Not Being At Peace

Things You Need To Know #340

Do not move the loose brick on the fireplace at the old place in Hampton Whey.  If you do, do not read the sheet of mouldering, yellowed paper.  If you do read it you have only yourself to blame.  Some bequests should never be known.  Some inheritences are darker than any night and cut the soul itself to ribbons.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Gorgo

Source:  Gorgo
Location:  Of the coast of Great Britain
Threat Assessment:  7.  Doesn't breath fire, but it a gigantic lizard, and you should see his momma.
Limitation:  Animal intelligence. 

Today's Secret Code:

The Agent consorts with a collective cabal of Canadian Crypto-conservative conjurors.  Again:  The Agent consorts with a collective cabal of Canadian Crypto-conservative conjurors.  Today's Colour is looking a bit pale.  Today's Author jumped the well and is beyond the pail.  That is all Jack, it's a gas gas gas maho maho.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Sadly Bat Boy's cousin, Kidd Ratt, never got the press of his more famous relation

Things You Need To Know #339

The Benway Project has gone beyond such crude drugs as the meat of the black centipede.  With today's modern technology they milk  the ghosts of writers who never published and reap the mould off of discarded art.  They can even harvest the eyes of blind spider crabs and the feathers of phoenixes in mid burn.  With these ingredients, the Benway Project has made progress in hypontheolonic medication that no one ever dared to think possible.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Baby Dragons

Source:  Game of Thrones
Location:  Mobile at the moment
Threat Assessment:  7.  Tiny but they breath flames...and oh they are so cuuuuute ....
Limitation:  Still growing.

Today's Secret Code:

The Agent was assaulted by an array of Asian Amish assassins.  Again:  The Agent was assaulted by an array of Asian Amish assassins.  Today's Colour is a ray of yellow brave and true.  Today's Author won't eat his grue.  That is all Chuin, maho maho.