Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Grizel Thrim

Aliens are no less desiring faith than humans. They have many of the same needs and desires. This is a relic, an idol of the Thrim. The Thrim are very advanced, logical, and reasonable. Many still though make a pilgrimage to a cave on their homeworld, and there they pay homage to the Grizel Thrim.


Once upon a time there were a bunch of fairly talented artists at Marvel. They felt they were being treated unfairly. They were the stars, or so they believed. Well this led to strife and that lead to them leaving and forming their own company. At first they were mega super stars and could do no wrong, but here it is many years later and while they are plugging along they certainly are no long the juggernauts of the industry. Maybe they weren't the stars after all, maybe geniuses it was the stories.

Oh well.

I bring this up because one of their efforts was "Witchblade." Now "Witchblade" has one of those "have your cake and eat it to" approaches to character. Basically at first blush very pro feminist; tough female protagonist who wields a power only women can use. Buuuutttt.... she's fighting in as close to a g string as humanly possible. Yeah, there's empowerment for you happy campers.

Well the comics aren't consistently terrible, and someone came up with a "sound track" that I thought sort of rock. So far so good. Well then TNT tried to make a Witchblade TV series. Well it was paen of suckitude. Blandness ruled and the T&A element was jettisoned. So what do you do next?

Take it to Japan.

Oh yeah, the Japanese took it an ran with it. They did it as an anime of course which meant that our heroine was not just fighting in super butt floss but was drawn .. ahem.. dramatically. It says something that some in the series kept misprouncing her name as MELONy. In this version she's got amnesia and daughter and is trying to make ends meet in a tokyo half flooded after a huge earthquake. In this tokyo there are rogue cyborg/appliances running around microwaving ladies or doing terminal dental surgery. There are also cloned witchblades who defy the laws of physics and good taste. This is certainly a guilty pleasure but it never bores.

Today's Secret Code for August 31, 2010

"The end of August Time is the start of the FALL." Again: "The end of August Time is the start of the FALL." Today's colour is yellow. Today's author is not the King in Yellow and he is not in Carcosa. The play must go on, maho maho.

Monday, August 30, 2010


Yeah boyzzz, you think that pot of gold at the end of rainbow would be just there for the picking? The shortiez Mob is waiting and they be packing some heat. You want that gold best be armed and be ready to throw down homes!

River Troll

River Trolls are a nasty lot. All teeth and a mind full of recipes for tartar. They are not any more malicious than a piranha, or more evil than a shark. They are quite kind parents only eating the runts. River Trolls are repulsed by rosemary. River Trolls do not lurk under bridges out of professional courtesy to standard trolls.

Nova Bleu 6ix

Nova Bleu 6ix is blues shifting around. Singing the sad songs that get her across the unaddressed universe. Nova Bleu 6ix dated a Green Lantern but never got a ring. Nova Bleu 6ix also went out with Jonny Nova but that ended when she found him trysting with a Quasar named DaisZ. Nova Bleu 6ix is unlucky at love and doesn't know what cards are. So she sings the sad songs that get her across the unaddressed universe.

Today's Secret Code for August 30, 2010

"Half of all science fiction movies now take place in the past. We have one foot in tomorrow and no placemat to wipe it off." Again: "Half of all science fiction movies now take place in the past. We have one foot in tomorrow and no placemat to wipe it off." Today's colour is found at tomorrowland. Today's author is wearing his shades. That is all, maho maho.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

X2304 rocks the house

The X2304 is a perfect assassination unit. Capable of killing a man 2323 ways. Also very fond of dancing, but don't ask the X2304 to do the robot or else you will find out what #456 is. Trust us, it is nasty.


The flag for the Mars Liberty movement. Their motto: "From the twin moons to the Face, we will not let tyranny rule in place!" The martian war of independence lasted until the spacers started to drop rocks. BIG rocks. High ground rules.

Fay Girl

Fay Girl plays among the flowers of consciousness. She is less an entity than an IDity. She lives to react and play.

Dark House

"Dark House," is the Fangoria film festival entry that I like the least. That's a shame cause I love me some Jeffrey Combes. He's fine as egotistical, bombastic showman who has the brilliant idea of using cutting edge holographs in a real house of mass murder. What? He never saw an episode of "Star Trek: The Next Generation?" I swear their holo room was a menace to society.

This doesn't work much better as the ghost takes over things and makes the holographs REAL. Can the ONE person who was actually in the murder house at the time of the original murders get her little traumatized butt together to save herself? Perhaps, but I really didn't care. Every other other actor save Combes was a collosal bore. The closest to interesting was the fellow that tried to look like Captain Jack Sparrow. However, hair acting never substitutes for the real thing.

It has a few jumps, a few scares. But really after some nifty entries this is a let down. Note, never in your commentary say: "We wrote the script in 13 days, I hope that comes as a suprise to everyone listening."

Umm, no.

Today's Secret Code For August 29, 2010

"Memory can be a sad thing, forgetting often a tragedy." Again: "Memory can be a sad thing, forgetting often a tragedy." Today's colour is red. Today's author is not a red. That is all, maho maho.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Demon Cat

Purrs like a chainsaw, fur like velcro nettles. Worse than a normal cat because they are interested in you.

The Road to Morning

It is that moment of serene quiet. The sun has breached the horizon. Birds for a brief second catch their breath. Crickets retire from their nightly symphony. A moment. A point. Now.

Today's Secret Code for August 28th, 2010

"It is the falling stars that catch the attention more." Again, "It is the falling stars that catch the attention more." Today's colour is fading fast. Today's author is in the pleasure dome. That is all, Brooo HA, maho maho.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Jonny Nova

Jonny Nova is his name
Flaming Fame is his game
Jonny Nova will kiss a girl
Charm her with glowering alure
Jonny Nova will leave her crying
He does it with style without even trying
Jonny Nova is always around
He's the Singularity about the town

Dark and Stormy Night

I love this film more than I should because I appreciate the theatricality of the piece. It is a spoof of the "Old Dark House" genre (probably last seen in the big screen in the movie "Clue"), basically gather a bunch of odd ducks into a strange, spooky house and have them bumped off one by one by a mystery killer. Sprinkle with hard bitten reporters and gorillas and you have yourself a film.

The gem of this film is the writing. It is almost like spinal tap in that a line will start straight then just get bizarro. Each character has his own little oddness that just builds. The reporters are all hard bitten thirties style dialogue. One of my favorite characters is some big game hunter type and he'll say, "Like the Cantonese Walking Duck, I will bide my time." Another will spout sayings like, "The trouble with waiting is that after it is done, something happens." It all builds together deliciously. I could easily see this translated to a straight stage piece, maybe done by some community theater. I'd love it.

Definitely check this out if you can find it!


"Fragile" is yet another from the Fangoria festival. I'm very suprised by how the quality is holding up so far. I'm sure I'll hit a clunker soon. "Fragile" is a basic ghost story, but it is set in a hospital. A hospital with sick children. Ok, this immediately takes care of problem number one in haunted house pictures which is why the hell are you staying in the haunted house? How can our heroine abandon sick children?

Another interesting question the film addresses is how come everyone isn't seeing the ghost. In this film the rule is you have to be close to death to see things of a spiritual nature, either by sickness or impending death. So of course the doctors aren't believing the children who say that a "mechical girl" is upstairs.

I should also at this moment say you don't want to upset this particular ghost. The ghost through its past is very familiar with broken bones. It has great powers to break things in general, but annoy it and your arms are going to be flopping around like puppet. No fun at all.

So this is a well thought out ghost film. Very well produced with some great visuals. Definitely adds a shot in the arm to a genre about dying. Check her out!

Today's Secret Code for August 27, 2010

"We are all a few steps lower than MLK, what is that mournful singing in the glenn?" Again: "We are all a few steps lower than MLK, what is that mournful singing in the glenn?" Today's colour is in the rainbow. Today's author is communing. That is all, this is a dream, maho maho.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Spider Queen is not to be Annoyed

The Spider Queen is a modern type of mythological gal. She's not taking gruff from no one and knows how to use that ak-ak. Don't you make a mess in her web and she won't mess up your face. And don't you dare, don't you DARE, mess up her dress. Do you know how hard it is to fit a gal with extra legs?

Electric Larry

Electric Larry loves his gadgets. He loves the mind changer. With a full charge he could change the mind of the buddha himself. This lady never had a chance.

The Age of Stupid Dungeon Masters

"The Age of Stupid," is a striking visual plea for ecological sanity. It doesn't hurt that Pete Postlethwaite is the voice of reason. It is set in the future after we have screwed up the earth but good. The last keeper of earthly lore is going through the video feeds of our age to point out where we went wrong. Some of the stories are very fascinating like an Indian fellow who wants to start air service in India for as low as one rupee per passenger. Basically, the point is one we heard before; we are wasteful pigs and pigs make good bacon.

As a personal note, I have no doubt there will be a bad time in our future which we will rue the day. Cities will fall, and populations will die. If anything we are overdue for such a thing. But, I don't believe, as this documentary does, that it will be the end. Even in Easter Island (A current favorite scenario of eco-doom sayers) there was a population after the crash.

"The Dungeon Masters" is a more personal end of the world story. This is the story of those who have made the role playing game their life. As one author pointed out sadly enough, there is always a rent to the castle in the sky. It is a fun little documentary and certainly worth watching. I like the guy that tried to start his own cable access show and the lady who was totally into the drow. "The Dungeon Masters," is certainly not to be shown to mom to calm her about your desires to buy 20 sided dice, but for use who have been caught up in the mania it is a case of old home week. We have known these people or people like them. God help us all.

Make your saving throw.

Today's Secret Code for August 26 2010

"The man who knows everything is already lost." Again: "The man who knows everything is already lost." Today's colour is mysterious. Today's author is schultzing it and knows NOFFINK! That is all, maho maho.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The Mighty Bhoo

The Oan's once offered him a Green Lantern ring. The Mighty Bhoo has no fingers. Galactus once asked him for dinner. The Mighty Bhoo declined. Serene, wise, and sort of all knowing, the Mighty Bhoo has it pretty good.

The Countess of Bora

The Countess of Bora rules over the taigia and tarns and even the torrential tor. A Terrible ruler who rules well. Do not cross her, even though she is not a vampire.

The Keeper

"The Keeper" was the first novel by Sarah Langan. I liked her book "Audrey's Door" (Short form: Crazy architect lady builds a door in a crazy house, cause the house tells her to), so I wanted to read more. It's a pretty good read but definitely shows as a first novel.

"The Keeper is clearly in Stephen King territory. It is even set in Maine. Bedford, Maine to be exact. A dying town that is drying up blowing away. Well not drying. Bedford is famed not only for pollution, and its mill, but for the torrential spring rain that yearly causes flooding. It is here that Susan Marley walks. She walks at night, in the day, when ever she likes wearing a summer dress even in the depths of winter. Poor Susan they would say. They would say she is mad, that she hasn't spoken a word in years. They would say she's a drunk. They would say she's the town pump.

They whisper that she is a witch. They whisper she's now in their dreams.

Bad dreams.

When the rains come again this year, Susan will die. Some will be insightful enough to run away. But many will stay in town as the water rises and the monsters come. Susan will walk again, and the dying town will finally die.

Very good novel. Sarah Langan has a good feel for madness without it being MADNESS, if you know what I mean. I hope she keeps writing. As Willy Wonka said, "The Suspense is terrible, I hope it lasts."

Today's Secret Code for August 25 2010

"Never play bingo with a dog, you might be messin' with his name." Again: "Never play bingo with a dog, you might be messin' with his name." Today's colours are hot. Today's author is cool. That is all, M-A-H-O M-A-H-Oooooooooooooooo.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

King Mob in the Windmill

I loved "The Invisibles." I liked the character King Mob the best. This is how I think he would look as he psychically travelled through time.

abstract in stars


"Cash" is a fun little film. Money falls from the sky in a suitcase on some guys car. Of course he should turn it in. Of course he shouldn't spend it. He keeps it, he spends it. He and his wife are finally feeling a bit of good luck.

Then the guy who has been given the job of getting the money back shows up. He's polite enough, but very insistent. Not only does he want the money they haven't spent yet back, but he wants them to pay the balance of what they did spend. Of course they don't have it, but it's wonderful what a motivational talk from a guy with a gun can do.

A cute, small, dark tale of why it is always better to listen to the angel on your shoulder.

Grafitti in my head

Went to the doc
He said ain't dead yet
Pump'd me up buttercup
with drugs and scans
part of him beneficial plans

Waited for the bus
Dead Dry heat round the head
As I got on the amblin'lance arrived
Some one maybe dead in the john
Some black goddess reading dem all pslams

What a world, what a world
I melt back to my small town

Today's Secret Code for August 24th 2010

"Daisy it's full of Stars, my bi-cycle oh how it grows." Again: "Daisy it's full of Stars, my bi-cycle oh how it grows." Today's colour is stellerific. Today's author is meating tranquility. That is all, this is now, maho maho.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Boonville Stomp

featured in the movie "Pig hunt." Enjoy as I go to the Doctor.

Today's Secret Code for August 23, 2010

"It is often a treat to be the elite, but heavy hangs the crowns and weak are the seats. Beware of pratfalls, oracles, and winds of change." Again: "It is often a treat to be the elite, but heavy hangs the crowns and weak are the seats. Beware of pratfalls, oracles and winds of change." Today colour is bleu, today's author is behind the throne. That is all, long live the maho maho.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Important Note (B flat)

Hey folks, thank you for all of your support!! You are making a crazy person very happy. I have recently changed things so it is a lot easier to leave comments so feel free. Good or bad. Secret Codes. Whatever!!!

Thank ya all kindly

the Paris-Site

Paris-site in repose. The Paris-site is a lover of the finer things of life. The Paris-site will stroll through museums and galleries. Not generally found in the finest restaurants. The Paris-site dines alone. The Paris-site is mute, but people around the Paris-site tend to find themselves muttering its thoughts.

In the room the women come and go speaking of michaelanglo
fearsome hunger robs all of decorum
you look nice

Do "The Haunting"

"The Haunting" is a spanish film in the fangoria filmarama. It was originally called "No-D0," which might have been confusing to fangoria fans. There's a lot of smart folks who love horror films, but I have seen the letter page of Fangoria, and I will say they need written directions to use a butt scratcher.

This film even with a title change would be rather confusing for said letter writers to Fangoria Magazine. Somewhere in Spain a woman who has suffered a great loss is giving a nice place to recover from her trauma. A ISOLATED place. A big ol' SPOOKY place. A place that if you translated it's name I'm sure would either be "Amityville" or "Mordor." In other words, yet another person has lucked into a haunted house.

But is it haunted?

There are these priest see, and they ain't telling what happened many moons ago in spooky old house. They are keeping mum on a church scandal that didn't involve little boys, and talk in very confusing round about ways about the "Third option" when investigating claims of miracles. That and little phrases like "A whore can't be a saint," definitely give a clue that we aren't talking about your run of a mill haunting.

This is a good atmospheric film and certainly very intelligent. I'm not sure I followed all the catholic saint lore, but that's cool. Gives me something to look up later just to see if it was bull shit or not. Certainly worth watching even if you don't like subtitles.

Today's Secret Code for August 22, 2010

"There are not many puppet philosophers. Too many strings attached." Again: "There are not many puppet philosphers. Too many strings attached." Today's colour is shocking. Today's author is reading the paper. That is all, maho maho.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Painting found in English Cow Shed

"In time everyone will forget, and be happy. They will forget the troubles and tribulations. The grim spectre that haunted the corners and whispered secret sins. They will forget and the children will stop crying in the night. I will remember though, and will with one canvas, leave that memory for the future....God have mercy on my soul...." Vicar Albert Lawhn

Copped out

Kevin, I love you man, that's a serious geeky hetro love for you dude. I have watched everyone of your movies since "Clerks," yes even "Jersey Girl." I would say without hesitation that if I wasn't afraid of young ears, I'd hear you in a second for any public speaking gig. Heck, you should even ask comedy central if they can squeeze you in on the next roast they have. Few people have the command and timing of the art of the insult that you have.


Oh Kevin, you are until proven otherwise a one note director. "Cop Out," did not break that streak I'm afraid. I see what you were going for, specially after your stint on the Batman comic book where at one point you had Batman pee in his tights. You want to deconstruct the action hero, and I see that you are working from the premise that when you strip the action hero down he's nothing more than a big jerk. You even originally titled this film "A Couple of Dicks."

Well, ok. I can see where you are coming from. Slight, slight problem though Kev. It is very, very difficult to make a film about "A Couple of Dicks" watchable. Oh sure Bruce Willis makes a game try at it, and you did write nice bits here and there, but no. This film hurts to watch. It is sand paper on my eyes. It grates my soul, and is not great.

Kevin, my man. My buddy, my pal. Remember that Woody Allen movie? The one with the aliens at the end who tell Woody to go back to making his funny films?

Take the hint.

P.S. And I know you were pissed off they asked you to change the title. But really never give critics a free shot with a title like "Cop Out." Might have well named it "The Losers," oh there's a film already called that? Never mind.

Today's Secret Code for August 21, 2010

"Never slide on a diamond in the rough." Again: "Never slide on a diamond in the rough." Today's colour is of the first water. Today's author is dancing on a tightrope. That is all, maho maho.

Friday, August 20, 2010

What Ought to be not in Nought

Video camera in the Castle of Nought. The figure there is not there. The figure there is not in Nought. People have never died in the castle of Nought. There have been no screams, or blood streaked walls. Video cameras lie. There are openings in security in the Castle of Nought.

It is never the time for a ghostly Mime

Darkly shining

There's a dark side to every son, and shades can even haunt the sun
between the walls there are always spaces
Even the lost have their own special places
And in the dark, and in the cold, and in the out, and growing old
there are those who huddle in comfort most dubious

Pig Hunt and Road Kill

The past few years there has been a growing number of mini festivals of horror films. Beginning with "8 Films to Die For," it's an appealing mix for everyone. Low budget film makers have their direct to dvd efforts picked up and with a few tiny changes they get played in theaters. We as film goes get presented with things we might not have seen, and generally out of eight or so films anyone can find something they find interesting. It's a win win and I'm suprised other genres don't do this. I think for example there could be a really good western festival to be done, have six films and call it "Six Shooters," marketing people you may thank me now.

Anyhoo, I've started going through the Fangoria festival and so far I'm pleasantly suprised. Fangoria is (was?) a magazine that was preoccupied not just with horror films but with the gory special effects. I recall as a lad looking through a couple of issues why picking up and issue of "Mad" (before it sucked ditchwater), and there was always some eye popping picture on the cover.


So our first film is from Down Under and is called "Road Kill," actually it was called "Road Train" originally but we don't have road trains here in the states. What is a road train? Well it's very very flat down under and there is a lot of middle with no one really living there. So on those road run the trucks that are truly monsterous. Steroidal monsters that are basically three or six big rigs hitched together and hurtling up your rear view mirror. Our heroes get run down by a very odd road train. The first hint is the hood ornament of Cerebrus on the front. Things get weirder from there and there are definite questions over miles per gallon.

It's not a bad little film about a big truck. It's well shot and the vistas are impressive. The damn truck is impressive. The cast, not so much. Definitely not a waste for a rental.

"Pig Hunt" though is incredible. From the Les Claypool song "The Booneville Stomp" to beginning to end I loved it. "Pig Hunt" is like the movie "Razor Back" mixed with "Southern Comfort," "Deliverance," and "Godzilla." Basically, army grunts go on a hunting trip. They find themselves being threatened by crypto hippies and rednecks. Oh, and there's the pig. A real hogzilla that thinks nothing of eating a horse in one go. There's nothing not to like about this film if you like horror films or films about horrible people. Every little detail is fun from the the red neck off road vehicles to the hippie chick wearing what looks like dead owls that went through the dryer of fluff over her boobies.

It's a hoot!

Today's Secret Code for August 20, 2010

"It ain't easy being cheesy, but it's more fair than to be square." Again: "It ain't easy being cheesy, but it's more fair than to be square." Today's color is a gouda one boss. Today's author shot an elephant in his pants, but doesn't brag. That is all, maho maho.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Oh V, now we can see....

The Method School of Acting has its drawbacks
Monsters should never be internalized
Else when the moon is high following ancient tracks
the actor might be darkly immortalized

GGV Video

The next marriage of trends will be thanks to the success of films like the "Twilight" series. Still no one will be able to believe how successful "Girls Gone Vamp" videos will be. Of course, some ladies will be upset that they choose an enternal life in the night after being given 3 too many tequila fanny bangers, but that is what lawyers are for. And stakes.

The Collector

I do, I do, I do like me some horror. Oddly though, perhaps, I am not a fan of human killers. The more a film is close to "real killers" the more uncomfortable I get. There was a series of films direct to DVD that were basically biographies of real serial killers. I skipped them. I can't think of anything really good to say about "Hostel" and its ilk no matter how beautifully the carnage is rendered with loving care. Just not my thing.

I am reminded though of something George Carlin once said, "Anything can be funny. It is all how you construct the joke." He's right, of course, and that applies to all things beyond comedy. It's why I am fond of "The Collector," even though it encompasses things I don't generally like or am comfortable with.

The plot is simple. Our hero is a thief and for some very good reasons he breaks into a house for a quick score. Complication, it is the absolute wrong house to invade. It has been set up as the ultimate roach motel. No one is supposed to be checking out. There are traps galore and out titled "Collector" who is mutely bug shit crazy. Things get even more complicated as our thief discovers there are other people in the house that have been collected.

Will our thief try to save these others? Can he? Will he get what he was looking for? Most importantly will he be able to get out? I am not telling, folks. You'll have to watch it yourself. I will mention that in a commentary the filmmakers described some of the traps and events as "Tex Avery gone to hell." In that respect, it reminds me of the "Final Destination" films. I liked the cat and mouse, and dueling wits displayed in the film. Also, I must finally point out it has a very nice sound track. You can't go wrong with "Bela Lugosi is Dead." Give it a view!

Today's Secret Code For August 19, 2010

"The name of the game is secret, the players are a mystery, and we see only a board and hear the sound of dice." Again: "The name of the game is secret, the players are a mystery, and we see only a board and hear the sound of dice." Today's colour is not white. Today's author is not black. That is all, maho maho.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Dan the Mushroom

It's a Beautiful day said Mushroom Dan
A perfect day to play across the land
Or lay down under fast fruiting trees
hearing the buzzing of balloony bees

Crawling Up

(from braineaters web site, quote from
"Don't Be Afraid of the Dark)

Burning Bright

A crisis has been defined as barely tolerable circumstances rendered intolerable by the addition of a new one, the proverbial straw to the camel's back. In "Burning Bright" we start off a young woman who desparately wants to go to college. Unfortunately, her mom has recently passed on and her step dad is both a doofus and a moron going through mom's money as fast as he can drink it or waste it on some project or the other. This is doubly bad because little brother is deeply autistic and our girl knows she can't trust his care to El Dweebo. It's bad, but she's coping and this would quickly turn into a Lifetime movie.

That is till El Dweebo buys a tiger.

Yeah a full grown adult and very pissed off tiger. He mutters something about an idea for a zoo or circus when asked why he'd buy a fricking tiger. Oh, and there's a hurricane coming. Oh, and el Dweebo decidese to go out to a bar to drink after making the house impregnable to the storm.
All good ideas worthy of the Darwin award.

The crisis is now upon us as the hurrican hits and the tiger gets free in the house. Funny Walls aren't that good a defense against a very hungry tiger. Dragging along autistic little brother is basically having a pork chop around your neck in this circumstance. We are clearly in double A crisis territory and it's great, thrilling story telling.

Extra points for reciting Blake's "Tyger Tyger." Double extra points for this bit on the how they made it portion of the DVD: "We were told that in case of loss of tiger control we should all huddle together and be very still. No one should be the lone antelope on the veldt." IF Loss of Tiger Control is not the best name for a band I'm a monkey.

Today's Secret Code for August 18th, 2010

"Ideale sind wie Sterne. Man kann sie nicht erreichen aber man kann sich nach ihnen orientieren." Again: "Ideale sind wie Sterne. Man kann sie nicht erreichen aber man kann sich nach ihnen orientieren." Today's colour is way out there. Today's author is making circles with a compass. That is all, max schnell maho maho.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Floyd 2

Floyd 2, was born a criminal being the clone boy of the original Floyd. Illegal cloning being what it is left floyd 2 a little asymetrical and with an odd attraction to glassware. After branding himself with a big "2" to establish his identity firmly, Floyd 2 went on a crime spree across the midwest and van allen belts. He was later arrested by H men as he was in mid coitus with a large test tube. He was executed in the anti scalar wave chair leaving only a legacy of crime and a collection of fine citrus themed paintings.


Stinky Lulu reminds you all to keep your cotton pickin' hands to yourself. Thank you for smoking. Run like hell in the upright position, and be sure to change your undies when you get home.


A bit ago I was talking about Magical Girlfriend anime. Well there is a subset of Magical Girlfriend anime that is sometimes known as harem anime. It's basically Magical Girlfriend, then add another Magical Girlfriend lather and repeat. The Tenchi series in its various incarnations (except Magical Girl Pretty Sammy... don't ask, don't ask) is a good example. We have nerdy Tenchi and then we have five to ten girls all with zap powers or zap guns fighting for his favor. Property damage is a major part of most such series.

Which brings us to "Shuffle."

Our hero Rin is probably the nicest guy in Japan. As the series starts he already sort of has a girl. In fact he's living with her. Oh don't worry it's all platonic with some back story of her losing her parents. The upshot is girl #1 is they typical japanese doormat girl; "Oh Rin I just love cooking and cleaning!"

Seriously, they have to put something in fricking water supply in Japan.

Anyhoo, girl #2 is sensible girl at school. She's smart, successful, popular and knows what she wants. Also at this school we meet Rin's best friend who he always has to punch in the stomach to keep him from letching off a girl #1. Hey, you heard of tough love, this is obviously tough friendship I guess. At the school we find out that this world is a little different from ours. In their world there was an "Event" (Not to be confused with the NBC series), and now the doorways to the demon and the god worlds are open and now there are immigrant demons and gods.

Point of order, I can understand why someone living in a place called the Demon World would want to pull up stakes and go to Japan. I don't understand why someone living in the God World would. Maybe it's a bit a misleading name? Who knows, what we do know is that gods have cute little elf ears, and that demons have big long sideways donkey ears that stick out worse than Obama and Prince Charles combined. If everyone wore a hat no one would know where folks were from.


It turns out being the nicest guy in Japan isn't a good thing. The Kings of the God and Demon World have come to town and each have brought their daughters. Their daughters each want to marry Rin. Girl #3, the God girl, is a strong healthy gal prone to throwning furniture at annoyances. Girl #4, the demon girl, tends to just zap everything to burning cinders. It's ok though, Demon daddy pays for the damages and hospital bills. Oh, and there is mysterious girl #5 who is like lolita autistic mystical emo (or L.A.M.E.) So because Rin has so many girls hanging off of him all the men want to beat the crap out of him or cover him with the smell of sweat socks to get his girls.

Ah, Japan. What do you put in your water supply? Do you watch our shows like Law & Order and go, "WTF America?", or is this just a one way exchange of strangeness?

Today's Secret Code for August 17, 2010

"The World is a mystery, A cookie is a comfort. Eat one, Explore the other." Again: "The World is a myster, A cookie is a comfort. Eat one, Explore the other." Today's colours are found in sunrises. Today's author cannot be found in starbuck's ordering a grande trying to figure out if that's a large or not. That is all, maho maho.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Azchtl the Dark Senorita

The Skull Headed Aztec Angel of Flowers has a daughter. Her name is Azchtl, but she likes to be called Abby. Abby is a hello of a gal with a great personality. So far she has been the Goddess of always a bridesmaid never the bride. She is hopeful, though. Be careful of online romances.

Learn Where the Emergency Exits Are

The Angel Azzengal is one of the Strange Angels. Once the angel of healed quarks he now fritters his day following boats. It is best not to look back from your vessel and even better not to see Azzengal. Azzengal wants to be the angel of the next Titanic. So does James Cameron.

Today's Secret Code for August 16, 2010

"Work hard, work smart, and work happy. Even this shall pass and Friday is never more than six days away." Again: "Work hard, work smart, and work happy. Even this shall pass and Friday is never more than six days away." Today's colours are hopeful. Today's author is not blue. That is all, maho maho.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Tiki Ghost

Remember when Greg picked up that cursed Tiki Idol? Best becareful of your knick knacks and never trust Vincent Price being that he's dead now.

Naked Lunch

One of the best movies David Croenberg ever did. Everyone should see the Naked Lunch once, suitably attired of course.

Titan Maxium

Titan Maxium is the "brain" child of Seth Green and the Robot Chicken team. It is a scathing take on "Vultron" and the like. Our team of heroes must fight each other, their government, and their ex-team mate. In true adult swim fashion there is swearing galore and naughty jokes. It doesn't reach the low point of "Drawn Together" and Seth always tempers naughtiness with a geniune gay retarded love for the source materials (Appologies to gay retards, retarded gay people, and vegans who read this. [see this is an adult swim joke])

If you got the time, this might be your cuppa. As always the bad guys get all the best lines, but a close second is "Sasha" who is legendary for being able to find the genitals of anything that breathes and beat the living crap out of it.

Talented lady that sasha!


Now "Spike" is the low budget horror film I like. Yes it has zero budget but dang if it don't have heart. It's sort of a dark fairy tale. Our heroes are out in the wood when bad ju ju happens. Turns out one of the girls is the object of affections of Spike. Spike is basically a human porcupine that talks like ariel in Shakespeare. He has a serious, stalker love on for the girl and it becomes a question of how far will Spike go. Will he kill her boy friend? Will he keep her in the woods forever? Can she manipulate this crazed human hedgehog? Does she have any real feelings for this poor "Beast" to her "Beauty?"

The film starts slow, but it builds nice once Spike appear. The appearance of Spike is a very nice design and the actor is doing his best. There's not much blood or action but I believe it is a very imaginative and interesting entry. At least it's not another damn slasher.


There's been a squid napping in London. Not just any ordinary squid mind you. The perserved body of a giant squid in its glass tank from the London Museum of Nature. That's a lot of squid my boyos and it looks like that it is also big gris gris, hoodoo, mojo, pure A grade mage fuel. Cause now that the squid is gone the End of the Everything is now looming large.

Who took it? Was it the Cult of the Squid who worship giant Squids? Was it the criminal mastermind known as "Tattoo"Maybe it was the horrible Gunfarmers who raise guns like prime fighting dogs. It could even be the mystical police. This isn't your Dickens London. It is filled with magic, and cults, and prime nut balls that can kill with a glance or a sock. It's the type of place where magical familiars are everywhere but are on strike for better working conditions.

So who's going to find our squid? Why Billy of course. Why? Well Billy did perserve the squid in the first place. Bill did find the squid missing in the first place. Also, it just happens that half of London thinks Billy knows something about the squid and are now hunting him with a rather loose understanding of "Bring him in alive."

This is China Mieville's most fun book for adults that he's yet written. While I still like "The City & The City," and "The Scar" better, this book beats most fantasy novels by the country mile. Pages brim with innovation, imagination, and general WTF-ness. Seriously keep notes, there are at least 50 ideas worth stealing if you are a writer. I personally love the explanation about why Star Trek sucks. You'll never look at Kirk the same way again.

Read it!
Buy it!
Eat calimari!

Today's Secret Code for August 15th 2010

"The wind blows and some people suck, and very rarely some situations both suck and blow at the same time." Again: "The wind blows and some people suck, and very rarely some situation both suck and blow at the same time." Today's colour is invisible. Today's author is industrious. That is all, maho maho.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

The Sad Seer

Madame Flora is a seer. Seers are never happy people. She has seven cats named for the colours of the rainbow. She has seven birds named after the seven dwarves. She will have seven lovers, she has seen each romance and each break up. She will face death seven times. She charges seven times seven dollars for a reading. No refund.

What He Saw

What he saw we'll never know
There's nothing left not even a soul

Angels of the Green

Angels of the Green look after those without voices. They still tend the Garden of Eden, and sometimes bring strange fruit to those in need. They are the friend to farmers and little old women who's window sills burst with greenness. They are quiet, but in the nice way that everyone feels comfortable with.

Drawn Together, The Movie

"Drawn Together" definitely wasn't in my lists of favorite shows. This animated effort that claimed to be the first reality tv cartoon show (Actually I'd give that distinction to "Wacky Races" but why quibble?) appeared on the funny tv network (it has to be funny it has "Comedy" in its name). I will say there was a occassion fun bit, the good line and even a good episode or two (They seemed to be able to get their game on when dealing with racism), but over all it suffered two much from middle child syndrome. You can make all the poop jokes you want, but you can't make it look so much like work. You could almost hear the creators thinking.. "We have to top 'South Park,' we have to top 'South Park!'" Dudes, if it is any consolation, even "South Park" had to have it's "The Simpson's Did It First" episode.

Anyhooooo, "Drawn Together" got canned, but they scraped enough dough for a straight to DVD version. Freed of its Network "standards" it is a fest of the unlocked id write in excrement. Again, I like low humor, but guys pace yourself. Naming the little girl character drawn in "South Park" style (see that middle child syndrome is still showing) as Suck-My-Taint Girl is only really funny (?) as a once over. To use that name for an important character who keeps appearing again and again is like being hit by chloroform laced socks laced with quarters. Not. A. Good. Thing.

The jokes were off and on. They didn't do much special with the animation, well except with the effect of being hit with eraser bombs which were interesting. The cast was energetic except for Seth Macfarland who slept through his reading of the killer robot I.S.R.A.E.L. I guess Seth was there for moral support since his own "The Family Guy," was once in cancellation hell. I doubt though that "Drawn Together," will be back on the network. Though, one of the cast members had a point, "Hey Comedy Central, what do you really have on that's better?"

What indeed.

Today's secret code for August 14 2010

"When I'm old I'll wear midnight, and baggy shorts." Again: "When I'm old I'll wear midnight, and baggy shorts." Today's colour is a stable sable. Today's author ticked off another day on the calendar. That is all, tick tock, maho maho.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Unlock Your Mind

The Trepandetionists believe that the "third eye" is not an eye but a key hole to the ultimate lock. This explains some head wounds treated in ERs in the more eclectic neighbourhoods and the occassional out of body experiences.

Pardon Us For Rising Up

The Church of the Personal Apocalypse is a practical church. The dead of the faithful are asked to practice rising. They are still working on it.

Fraggles Smurf Smurfs

Fraggle Rock came just a little late to be a childhood memory, but certainly it was still fun to watch as a teen and it stood at one of the early proofs at the time that HBO was worth something besides boobies at 3 AM. Besides it was Jim Henson, and that there partners is the mark of quality.
The show was simple enough. Fraggles are litttle muppety things that live in their rock and they basically play and eat all day (minus a 30 minute work week). One fraggle Uncle Matt found the way to our world and has set out to explore it. He sends postcards back to the room the tunnel opens into which is being used as a workshop by an old man and his dog. Gobo Fraggle, Matt's nephew goes and fetches the mail. Gobo has many adventures with his friends; perky Red, morose Boober, star child Mookie, and agreeable Whembley. They interact with the doozers who always work and make buildings that the fraggles eat, and the grogs who are giants (by fraggle standards) who believe they rule the universe. When in need of advice they sneak off to ask the Gorgs magical trashpile who is a font of questionable wisdom. My favorite side character was always Convincing John who not only could convince people of anything but was rather petty about it. One could come back from a visit with Convincing John wearing a pair of flower pots over your hands because Convincing John told you it looked so stylish on you.
The real fun for me was the musical. It reminds me of the best of John Denver, it's light and airy and fun. I for the life of me can't figure out why no one has covered "Come Follow Me."
Definitely this was a fun reboot of memory lane!

Today's Secret code for Friday the 13, 2010

"To curse a cat is to curse a mountain, time, and Donald Trump's hairdresser; it will be about as useful." Again: "To curse a cat is to curse a mountain, time and Donald Trump's hairdresser; it will be about as useful." Today's colour is tawny. Today's author has the cat nip. That is all, maho maho.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Golem Girl

Clay and potent symbols can make a golem
To serve the rabbi given life and rise
But even a rabbi isn't always so solemn
and from dreams its amazing what you can devise

Bunny in Dream Time


Today's secret Code for August 12, 2010

"All metaphors for how long and winding the road were made before GPS, now there are alternate routes." Again: "All metaphors for how long and winding the road were before GPS, now there are alternate routes." Today's colour is asphalt. Today's author says it's not his fault. That is all maho maho beep beep.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Unbeholding To None

Medusa's kin are still cursed, but they manage. The snakes no longer exhibit from the top of the head. The down side is that now coitus must be done not only in the dark but with a snake bite kit close by. As for the terrifying, petrifying gaze, well let's just say never disrespect a pretty blind woman. Her vision might just be far more penetrating if she opens her eyes.

Today's Secret Code for August 11, 2010

"The Horn blows at midnight, B flat." Again, "The Horn blows at midnight, B flat." Today's colour is brassy. Today's Author is sassy. Gabriel says that is all, maho maho.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Hecate has the face of the Moon

powerful book

Today's Secret Code for August 9th, 2010

"The road may be straight and narrow, but that doesn't mean people will drive it that way." Again: "The road may be straight and narrow, but that doesn't mean people will drive it that way." Today's colour is caution yellow. Today's author can't be reached for comment. That is all, maho maho.


"Oh Black Rain rain heavy crash in bed whispering softly! Velvet Night ... Bowling repeatedly considerable noise and blue and white. Oh, if people wake up and sleep furiously!"

Monday, August 9, 2010

Found in the Junk Drawer of Noted Psychic Now Missing

Written on the back: Why are there TWO shadows?

spirit photography

About 80 proof

Fragments of a letter found after the fire

Dear Emmet Witchfinder,
...Forget the funeral of the best comedy, we know that the American cowboy plans an adventure tour. I know, I know XXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX because remembering the pain XXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX the loss of family members killed in Paciendo.

You must Kill Devil tattoos of the same XXXXXXXXXXXX where God in London XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. Must find Multi disc black gene "poseidon" XXXXXXX quarantine of children jug band XXXXX Importers and Terrorism. Ask for Joe Quaohilundui!

Just relax, you can not die. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX is part of the farm experience.

O God, thou art my rock
Aiaimite, myth, love and respect
Witchfinder Dan Franklin


Lexx was never my favorite science fiction tv show. Most episodes were rather fitful in quality. Weirdly enough, when I think of this show the word that comes to mind is "Fleshy." Not fat, but like looking at really really big lips, like you wonder if they've been to the plastic surgeon way too many times and you can't even imagine what it would feel to be kissed by those smackers except maybe horribly uncomfortable.


On the other hand, the show was brave in the way that few shows are. Aboard a ship that eats planets for food, our "heroes" often created as much mayhem as the villains. Also, few shows would have been able to function at all with a main character as wormy and craven as Stanely Tweedle.

Also, on the plus side I love Kai. Here's a character who's concept screams cool (Last of his race, made into an immortal divine assassin, now has his morality back), and yet they were not afraid to make him look horribly silly with a bee hive hair do, long hanging locks of hair, and a "beauty" mark. He's like boy band boy gone vampire cool. Plus he always has lines like "The dead do not squeeze and please." A riot. Really.

So, Lexx, you are never the best on my list but I will watch you. The best seasons are the first which consisted of many movies and had some interesting casting, and the fourth where the Lexx hits the earth with maximum destruction and irony. Give it a look.

Today's Secret Code for August 9th 2010

"No flowers for algebra, no rest for the brave, and nothing blue for you." Again: "No flowers for algebra, no rest for the brave, and nothing blue for you." Today's colour is not blue. Today's author is not you. That is all, maho maho.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Necrochromatic Vision


The icon of an unnamed Ican God. Found in the pocket of a corpse that was once considered for sainthood. It was doing in the pocket of a corpse in Spain is not known. What is known is that the person who re discovered the stone was later checked into a mental institution for bad dreams. He also suffered from vomiting flowers and bones. No one knows how this mad man managed to ingest these substances without the staff knowing about it, but everyone knows that the mad are fiendishly clever.

Stilled Life

Fireful cloud and dark angel as witness by landscape painter. Said painter was not found and only this canvas, a pair of smoking boots, and nearby four smoking tires from a gremlin were found. The Angel later appeared in Las Vague Us but did not allow for flash photography.

From the Disjointed Dreams of Broken TeaseVees

The difference is that to support the wildlife
follow no questions
Johnny, Johnny, and molly
with the 200,000,000 to the great death

...said the son died of a direct attack
on the bright son
so said Johnny Historian
.... was a terrorist attack...
A genius situation
he was certainly sound

Mozilla's disease is a new planet
Companies world wide including
The Casino, Speed of Light
with Igor Jane Baker and Roy 9 Million
seek cure with Dragon's teeth
of 100 meters in length
and quantum Electric fire

Chairman Slade!!
there is Zombie epidemic chatin'
the country of the poor child from hell
it's all the life of young eccentric masks
we must select the death of all fires
or Malibu Adventure camp
Please, contact war soldiers, zombies

Static clear

....And She Said, "Don't be raising Cain if you are Abel."

Today's Secret Code for August 8th, 2010

"There are no apostates in the City of Gods." Again, "There are no apostates in the City of Gods." Today's colour is mysterious. Today's author is on the rolls. That is all, maho maho forever and ever.