Thursday, May 31, 2012

Sending Syngals

Syngals are informational ectoplasm
a psychic "book"
that can be instantly read
with total comprehension

The Trance

Eight to Eight
six of seven
working working
then it happens
the film jumps the frame
in a trance
he travels past
closed gates

Reamde by Neal Stephenson


When I first saw that letter spew I read it as "Read Me." Then I saw "Remade," and even "Reamed." All these interpretation work in this novel by Neal Stephenson. It starts off as a techno thriller but that is somewhat of a red herring as half way through the novel a twist of fate totally changes up the game.

The novel starts in the Midwest at a family reunion. Richard Forthrast, both a legend and a black sheep of the family, is there most to avoid new rumors sprouting up. It's not that he doesn't enjoy his extended family, he's extremely proud of them and fond of many of them like Zula who an adopted refugee who has made good. It's just he's a busy man and he has things to do.

Those things involve his latest business venture which is T'Rain, an online game. The thing that makes T'Rain special is that it was made to create a virtual economy that can be translated to real world money. Most folks who play are happy enough to go around slaying this and that and building castles. But there's a core group, mostly Chinese teens, who are busy mining gold and making stuff and selling it and then converting it to real world currency in a very hard to trace fashion.

Things aren't going hunky dory in the world of T'Rain though. There's an at first subtle revolution going on having to do with color choices and the works of the two fantasy authors who helped create the world of T'Rain. This keeps Richard busy even at his ski lodge that was once on his route as a marijuana smuggler between Canada and the good ol' USA. It keeps him so busy that he doesn't even notice the real problems that are occurring both in T'Rain and the real world.

See, like in "Field of Dreams," if you build it they will come. In this case if you build what amounts to a hard to trace money laundering system someone who needs money laundered will use it. In this case it is a player known at first only as "The Troll." The Troll released the Reamde virus. The virus encrypts all the files on the infected computer and then tells the victim to deposit one thousand gold pieces in an isolated area of T'Rain to get the files back. Since this virus infects millions of machines the money starts rolling in. The Troll thinks he'll just need to sit back and watch folks literally shower him with gold.

Unfortunately things don't go as plan. In the game world, other players notice things like nearly a million people dumping gold in some wasteland. Soon the place looks like a cross between Scrooge McDuck's vault and Bosnia as thieves and thieves for thieves and the Troll's own men trying to foil the thieves fight in the hills. In the real world things get a bit more serious. Zula's boyfriend has been doing some things with a minor arm of the Russian Mafia. Unfortunately, he accidentally infected them with Reamde and all their files are now useless. Now a bunch of Russian Mobsters kidnap Zula and him and basically force them to help find the Troll.

So this is all very hackerish. Neal does a good job of helping readers get through the techness of it all. At the half way point though everything changes. Zula in a fit of compassion misleads the Russians so they don't kill the Troll. Unfortunately, it wasn't an empty room to which she leads them. It is a room full of Al Queada terrorists making bombs. Suffice it say its an explosive situation and soon all the players are scattered to the four winds and into new dilemmas.

The second half of the novel is a smart and savvy set of moves and counter moves as folks try to escape.  Some are trying to escape from terrorists.  Others from the Chinese government.  Eventually it all boils down to a big show down along the Canadian border where Richard's knowledge comes into play.

This was a very enjoyable and exciting novel and I always learn something new when reading a Neal Stephenson book.   He's like a jedi/bill nye/asimov type and his font of knowledge is vast indeed.  I also have to give it extra points when they traveled through Eastern Washington my old stomping grounds.  So I just found this a great read.

Things You Need To Know #170

The Fitts are a family in Wodensbach Kentucky. They all have a un-natural affinity with machines. There's nothing they can't fix or improve. Sometimes, though, they get a bit ahead of themselves and the machine is improved in an unexpected way. Like the time they got the old pick up to fly. They probably should have told Old Man Muldoone about that before giving him the keys.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: 13 ghosts

Source:  13 Ghosts (the remake)
Location:  Funky glass house
Threat Assessment:  8.  They are trapped so if you aren't in the house you are cool.  EXCEPT, they are part of a diabolic machine that will grant the person that works it all the power he wants which means you is boned to the stones.  If you are in the machine they are invisible without special glasses and can reach out and touch you, that is kill you good.
Limitation:  They have to follow the rules.  Spells can be used to ward them off.

Today's Secret Code

"A glower is a visual growl, a blooming flower of anger on the prowl"  Again:  "A glower is a visual growl, a blooming flower of anger on the prowl."  Today's Colour is Mars red.  Today's Author is well read.  That is all, maho maho.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Going Down?

When You Need Your Buzz Killed, Some Really Depressing Songs

The thing that makes this sad is the narrator just doesn't realize how pathetic he really is.

Through much of the show the American chess player is a sociopathic butt hole, but this song gives him some unexpected death. Like OLD the character's defensive denials keeps him from total realization that makes it just that much sadder.

This is one that depresses me because of the history of Jim Morrison.

Another song that gains depth because of its singer. Freddie we still miss you.

Metallica + "Johnny Get Your Gun" = mega down beat.

This is depressing in context of the movie, breaking glass. It represents the total final dehumanization of the heroine.

The same thing here. This is Pink's fairwell to the world. What wakens from the drug coma is no longer Pink.

This sounds upbeat till you really think about it.

Another song where someone loses their soul/self

Mad World is just a given.

Come on, you can do a whole book of depressing Cohen songs. Hey Lennie, get a hot dog!

The gold standard of pain

Things You Need To Know #169

The Old Gods are dead or never were, but still there are echoes in the world.  Jon Carlos has found he can take these echoes and incorporate them in his custom cars.  They are expensive in so many ways to make.  The last one cost him his little finger.  But they are lovely machines.  The Achilles is a black transam that protects its driver and itself from all harm, well except from collisions to its rear right end.  The Sisyphus is a blindly white hummer that can go up nearly any slope and never runs out of gas.  It gives the aura of being happy to be out in the great out doors.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Wasp Woman

Source:  Wasp Woman
Location:  Pharmaceutical Company
Threat Assessment:  6.  As a human smart and powerful if a little off.  As a wasp woman able to kill with wasp venom.
Limitation:  A good gun.

Today's Secret Code:

"When life gives you lemons loudly complain that 'Pardon me, but I ordered the steak.'" Again: "When life gives you lemons loudly complain that 'Pardon me, but I ordered the steak.'" Today's Colour is a soupy sloppy slobbery teal. Today's Author is thinking, just about what he cannot say. That is all, maho maho.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

The Ghost Witch

She's as quiet as a word left unsaid
She's a friend to all the usual dead
She's the Ghost Witch this is her house
You might just be the next light she douses

The Uzi Noh

The skin of the Uzi Noh can see as if it were one big eye
but it's all a bit blurry
when they want a good look
the Uzi Noh use sighters

Blackwater goes BOOM

Things You Need To Know #168

Do not check all the race options on a census form. It only angers the polymorphs locked into the hexgon buried under the pentagon. They will send you nattering nightmares where you are trying to write an angry letter to the editor but can't think of a thing to say.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: The Body Politic Hands

Source:  The Body Politics
Location:  Scurrying around the city
Threat Assessment:  7.   Ok its a hand.  Not really that scary except its a REVOLUTIONARY hand and it will convert your hands to the cause so they will want to hack themselves off.  Viva the revolution.
Limitation:  They don't have much without their grand glorious leader.

Today's Secret Code:

"All Meridians meet at the poles, a sphere once englobed has no beginning nor ending."  Again:  "All Meridians meet at the poles, a sphere once englobed has no beginning nor ending."  Today's Colour is a hazely squirrelly nutty brown.  Today's Author sees the trees and dreams the forest.  That is all. maho maho mi maholitos.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Today's Secret Code:

"Maybe one reason it's so hard to find a good man is because they are so often asked to sacrifice themselves to protect our nation."  Again:  "Maybe one reason it's so hard to find a good man is because they are so often asked to sacrifice themselves to protect our nation." Today's Colours are Red, White, and Blue may they never fade.  Today's Author is honestly thankful and humbled by the example of others.  That is all, maho maho.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

The Star Diva has Returned to Perform

The Aria of the New Dawn
is her most requested
but sometimes she will sing
the coda
and there is not an eye
left in the theater

It formed from the mists...

a beast
a man
a whisp
of both

Woman In Black

Woman in Black is a good old fashioned ghost story. Why shouldn't it be one one of the companies involved is the newly reformed Hammer studios. The trips across the benighted moors wouldn't look out of place in a Cushing/Lee film. Sort gave me a sense of nostalgia.

The film's plot is pretty standard. Troubled man who has lost his wife and is trying to raise his son is giving the job of going through the papers at an old mansion to put them in order. Of course the place is haunted and there's a tragic past that must be discovered.

Traditional ghost stories are often like mysteries stories and this is no exception. Our hero much figure out who the mysterious woman in black is and why is she still haunting the world. In finding these things out he might be able to avoid a grim fate.

This film is well acted and has beautiful sets and photography. It might seem to drag a little to younger viewers but I welcome a film that doesn't have MTV shakey cam every other shot. I could do well with a few more "retro" films like this.

I Can Watch Superman Get A Wedgie Like Forever

Things You Need To Know #167

Shoe Snitchers are a sad and debased race of fay. They horde and steal shoes. They are complete shoe junkies. Which is very sad for they have no feet. It is said they suffer their cursed life because an ancestor mismanaged a spit shine on the King of All Fay's riding boots. A lesson perhaps in either what is respectable in the presence of a king, or why kings are seldom respectable.

This was something you needed to know.

Yes I'll have what these animators are having

Monster of the Day: Blackheart

Source:  Marvel Universe
Location:  Someplace akin to hell
Threat assessment:  8.  He's the son of Mephisto and has more mystical ability in his little finger than he knows what to do with.
Limitation:  Daddy Issues.

Today's Secret Code:

Right now you are spinning on a globe that's spinning around the sun that is spinning around a galaxy that is hurtling through space.  Isn't it amazing you don't feel motion sickness?  Again:  Right now you are spinning on a globe that's spinning around the sun that is spinning around a galaxy that is hurtling through space.  Isn't it amazing that you don't feel motion sickness?  Today's Colour is dopplering around.  Today's Author has never Kipled.  That is all, maho maho.

Friday, May 25, 2012

A Glandorian Demon

Glandoian Demons
never stop grown
and never grow
the same way twice
every day

The Tenant

Now here is the equivalent of simple comfort food, except with more screaming of course.  No new ground is broken here, but what we have here a certain amount of craftsmanship and a well told tale.  It begins decades ago in an asylum/pre-haunted house.  Our doctor isn't mad but he's highly irrate.  After a life of being held back by a bad leg he is searching for a way to clear up such conditions in the womb.  He thinks he's so close but his mania for his project has put the asylum in crisis and a serious hole in his pocket.  His wife has had enough and tells him he has to quit because she's pregnant.  The head nurse/igor hears this and she is mad, in both ways.  The doctor can't stop his project!  So she injects the baby with the latest batch while still in the womb.  Smart move.  The wife has twins but one twin is twisted pretty bad and kills the mother in childbirth.  Later the Doctor goes over to fenced in cradle with a teddy bear and a gun.

Things do not go as planned.

Cut to the present.  A van full of deaf kids, an ex con, our heroine, and guy who wants to be Bruce Campbell but isn't up to it are driving in a bad storm.  Van goes blooey.  They find asylum/haunted house.  Have brain fart storm that going in is a marvelous idea.  Let the blood bath commence.  None of these characters here are terribly original, but the actors try to make a good go of it.  I like that some of the victims of deaf, it does change things up a little.  The beast is pretty nasty but still human enough that it sometimes generates a little sympathy for its condition.  The violence is pretty brutal but thankfully not to the level of Hostel or other torture pornish films.  Overall a good old fashioned horror movie.

10 Comic Books That Should Be Made Into Movies #1: 100 Bullets

This would be the most perfect TV show ever made.  Agent Graves contacts a person who's the victim of some horrible wrong.  He hands them documentation on who is ultimately responsible for this wrong, a hand gun, and 100 untraceable bullets.  There is no penalty for not taking the gun.  There's no reward for taking it either.  Each person must weigh if the person that has hurt them so is worth killing.

That's why it's beautiful TV.  Each episode is basically a mini play of morality told in a brutal noir style.  Will the person take the gun?  If they do, can they do the deed?  Will it blow back horribly on them.  With Agent Graves as the only reoccurring character (at least at first) anything can happen in these stories.

There is also the deeper mystery of Agent Graves.  Who does he represent?  Why are they passing out untraceable guns and ammo?  These questions (at least in the comic book) do get answered, but all in due time.  HBO are you listening?

Things You Need To Know #166

The Morrigan have returned.  There is one of the Morrigan working as a legal aid for a New York law firm.  She's sort of hot in that bad girl gone librarian look.  She doesn't date though, she's not that hungry yet.  Every morning she speaks with the ravens and to the Morrigan.  She is looking for something, and Heaven help us if she finds it.

This is something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Tar Man

Source:  Return of the Living Dead
Location:  Uneeda Medical Supplies
Threat Level:  5.  Insane strength, and a sanity shaking form.
Limitation:  Single minded (brains), weighs about five pounds

Today's Secret Code

It's amazing how fans will direct smoke up the rear of their idols.  Again:  It's amazing how fans will direct smoke up the rear of their idols.  Today's Colour is a dusky dandy lion tawny.  Today's Author doesn't have a clue.  That is all, maho maho.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Going Native

Once the alien commander
of a vast fleet
they lost because of the common cold
now weak and old
he stays in his government trailer
drinking jack and coke
eating charcoal and ginger

Big And Bad....

Big and Bad
barking mad
no one gets close
so no one knows
the truth
big and bad
oh so sad

Ten Comic Books That Should Be Made Into Films #2: Alan Moore's Swamp Thing

This is a bit of a cheat since they have filmed Swamp Thing twice and had his own TV series.  I will, however, say that none of these adaption came close to sheer invention under Alan Moore's writting.  The original Swamp Thing was like a Soggy Wolfman.  Forever the lonely monster longing for his humanity back.  Alan broke that plot thread in the first issue he took over the strip with.  In his version the Swamp Thing was not a man turned into a monster by chemicals and fire.  Instead, there never was a man there at all.  All of his memories were taken from the dead man but the Swamp Thing was always a botanical beast.  This news first drove the Swamp Thing mad since he had for years hoped to become a human again.  Moore's story follows how the creature picks up the pieces and forges an new identity for itself.  An identity that would eventually bring the Swamp Thing close to godhood. 

It's this heady mixture of high ideas and great characters that needs to see the screen.  Audiences today are not the same audiences who in the seventies and eighties thought of comics only in the 4 color funny book way.  We've seen some very mature works turned to film like "V For Vendetta" or "Road To Perdition."  Audiences today would welcome our favorite veggie man with open arms I believe.

Steel Beach

The ship has tipped
the crew gone
took the water
took the rum
Devil take them all
But it's ok, the sky is blue
and I'm happy on my steel beach

found a lawn chair
put it over the side
and some sheets and towels
making a terry cloth tent
It's hot enough to fry an egg
and sizzle a stone
But it's ok, the waters are green
and I'm content on my steel beach

Got lines in the water
Got nets strung out
Got a row of tarps and buckets
solar stills milking the air for water
Got nothing to do
listening to old songs
It's ok, I'm ok, the sun is setting
and I'll dream here on my steel beach


Dear Readers I'm only 9 short of 100 followers. Please if you aren't following spend the five minutes to do so. The suspense is killing me!

Things You Need To Know: #165

The Stuffed have found their own immortality. With rites passed from one member to the next they take scissor and needle to each other. After that they are all smiles, glass eyes a gleaming....

This was something you needed to know

Monster of the Day: Bad Bees

Source:  Wicker Man
Location:  Isolated village
Threat Assessment:  3.  They sting but Nick Cage is being a big baby.
Limitation:  Dumb and perfer flowers.

Today's Secret Code:

"The revolution will be tweeted."  Again:  "The revolution will be tweeted."  Today's Colour is totally LOL.  Today's Author has paid the price but lost the receipt.  That is all, maho maho.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Winter Troll

Winter Trolls
sleep through the summer
and are active in winter
they like looking for sleeping bears
and men
for dinner

Things You Need To Know #164

The Lupus Lahar is a natural geological feature on the south side of Mount Trubble. It's a bit of a tricky climb but if you reach the top of the Lahar you will find a cave. Within the cave rests Grandfather Wolf who has seen better days. He can still answer your questions about tomorrow and yesterday but he tires easily.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Pyramid Head

Source:  Silent Hill
Location:  Silent Hill
Threat Assessment:  8.  A giant with a blade so heavy he can barely lift it.  He can easily cut a person in two or rip off their skin in one move.  He's a living nightmare.
Limitation:  Subject to the dreamworld/afterlife rules of Silent Hill

Today's Secret Code:

The truth of falsehoods is often surprising, specially to the liar himself.  Again:  The truth of falsehoods is often surprising, specially o the liar himself.  Today's Colour is an unseasonable arsenical green.  Today's Author paid the toll to the troll and bought bridge and the swamplands.  That is all, maho maho.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The Gleeple of Fri**targus

The Gleeple of Fri**targus
are an industrious race
They have dual brains that take turns sleeping
Both brains are only awake in times of crisis
and then the Gleeple show off incredible intuition

An Old Picture of a Rather Odd Statue Found in an Unnamed Pagoda

Ten Comic Books That Should Be Made Into Films #3: Thunderbolts

Let's face it, most super hero groups are boring.   They generally end up like the Justice League where one guy does all the heavy lifting and we wonder why they let Hawkman in to play (Hey, I can... um... fly.)  Sometimes a group can be brought to life with a good writer but it never lasts and eventually it lapses again into a series of slug fests. 

The Thunderbolts at leas offer up something a little different.  They were the new hero group in the Marvel Universe after the regulars got blasted to somewhere else for a short duration.  On the face they were a pretty standard team looking like a knock off of the Avengers.  Underneath, though, there was a secret that made the Thunderbolts very different.

See they were all villains.  All ex-Avenger villains to be exact.  They have changed costumes and identies because Baron Zemu, AKA Citizen V, decided to use the lack of super heroes to their benefit.  They'd gain the trust of the public and use it to their evil advantage.  The funny thing is when you start to play the hero sometimes you actually become a hero.

This would work best as a TV series so we can get like flashbacks of what these guys were like before and what they are turning into.  It would be awesome if there was some Avengers/Thunderbolt crossover like maybe a Nick Fury cameo.  Come on Marvel build those franchises!

Things You Need To Know #163

The Clueless Codex is unfathomable, because all who read it lose their ability to read.  The only thing people can remember reading is; "Through the walls and the heart, above the earth and below the hell, lies the other.  The other is a fool in a room not a room.  The other thinks of nothing, and therefore thinks of obilvion.  The other is the final enemy of order."

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: brain bugs

Source:  Starship Troopers
Location:  Bug planets
Threat Assessment:  8.  Control vast bug resources.  Telepathic.  Able to suck brains for knowledge.
Limitation:  Big and fat.  Need help to move.

Today's Secret Code:

The Angel's bridle only works in conjunction with the Devil's dowry.  Again:  he Angel's bridle only works in conjunction with the Devil's dowry.  Today's Colour is a fantastic fuchsia.  Today's Author is a man with no name but a facebook page.  That is all, maho maho.

Monday, May 21, 2012

When You Remove The Syn-Plas From a 'Toonoid Only the Steel Remains

No one knows what happened to the photographer

It is rare to catch a shifter in mid shifting

A Man Can Kill But First A Man Must Have Coffee And Maybe Kick a Chicken

Things You Need To Know #162

The Shadow Court has decreed that the town of Pwanowa does not exist. They have further decreed that Dr. Drew Trent never existed. His experiments with verbal transplants never happened and the entire concept is obviously absurd.

This was something you could not have known because it never happened.

Monster of the Day: Max

Source:  The Black Hole
Location:  On board ship orbiting said black hole
Threat Assessment:  7.  Armored, can fly, has spinning blades.
Limitation:  Not the smartest bot.

Today's Secret Code:

Mr. Ripe eats rats with cream cheese and small bones soaked in lye every morning, he's something of a health freak.  Again:  Mr. Ripe eats rats with cream cheese and small bones soaked in lye every morning, he's something of a health freak.  Today's Colour is a motley plaid m'lad.  Today's Author won't open his closet.  That is all, maho maho.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

The Galan Nebula

The Galan Nebula
is intelligent
and sometimes
It is best to contact her
on one of her good centuries

The Oracle's Throne

He who sits on the Oracle's Throne
will have a power advisor
at his back
so secret

The Mutant Beast (AKA The Milpitas Monster)

Now if you must see a bad film, this is the type you should support.  Made somewhere between 1974 and 76, this is truly a labor of love.  It was made originally my Milpitas high school students (Milpitas is a small town about an hour away from San Francisco) and then the whole town took up the banner.  If you live in Milpitas you will see a lot of local personalities from radio and TV.  Even if you've never been there, the love for the town comes through.  Specially in the beginning narrated section. 

The story is basically a giant monster story.  Pollution has caused something (never clear what it was) to mutate into a giant moth man with what looks like a gas mask.  The special effects are bad, but by high school standards are what you would expect.  The acting is bad but energetic and enthusiastic.  Everyone is thrilled for their one minute of fame.  There's nothing new here, but the whole thing flows fast so all in all by bad film standards it's positively painless.

American Warships

Oh Syfy, syfy syfy.....
Look it's not even that "Battleship" had a chance in hell of being a good film.  It was a lazy film that ripped of all the rotten parts of the "Transformers" series like pack of hyenas on crack.  So did you and the Asylum have to go and rip off the bad parts of "Battleship?"  Is this the new auto-cannibalism of Hollywood today?

Anyway, look if you've seen the preview for "Battleship," you basically know the plot for the underwear stain.  An old warship is chugging around when there's a sudden attack that knocks out the electrical equipment of all the other ships and planes.  So now our only hope is Mario Van Peebles on an old ship looking for invisible alien ships.

By the way.  The special (ha!) effects can barely handlle INVISIBLE ships.  Think about that, let it set in.  Ok, then they have to do aliens.  Oh lord, they are the worst CGI I've seen.  Clunky and confusing and yet meaningless...oh wait I was just describing the acting. 


10 Comic Books That Should Be Made Into Movies #4: Girl Genius

I'm not much of a name dropper. But I once had the good fortune to meet Phil Foglio at a SF convention. At the time he was still mostly known as "The guy who does sex and D&D." But even then you could see that he had a lot of raw talent and was just a fantastically funny guy. Since then he has done several comic series from the pun filled "Myth Adventures" to the sex and pun filled "XXXenophile." Lately, he's been doing an online comic with lovely wife Kaja called "Girl Genius."

Girl Genius is set in alternate Victorian style world where "mad" science has created a lot of advance technology. Agatha Heterodyne is one such person. She has what is called "The Spark" which allows her to enter into a savant state of hyper focus. She's good with electrical devices and other mechanisms. She falls into the heated political state of Europa which is in the middle of the "Baron's Peace," which basically translates as "I have the biggest guns."

It's all a fine series of adventures and romances and it done in a fast pace and humorous style. After reading alot of gritty superhero comics it is certainly a palette cleanser.  Besides we need more movies with a strong (and FUNNY) female lead.

Things You Need To Know #161

Cast a shadow through the eye of the needle on Flear Street. Drop five pennies and a dime into the hat of Old Blind Don. Go to the church at the end of the street and pray. You will smell him behind you, Mr. Ripe. Say, "I have no wish to sup with you." He will then go away. Eventually you will meet Miss Tery and eventually everything will be all right.

This was something you needed to know

Monster of the Day: Killer Weed

Source:  The Lost Continent
Location:  Somewhere in the middle of the ocean, or maybe another dimension
Threat Assessment:  6.  As long as you are in a ship you are ok, trapped but ok.  But if you fall into the sea you will be eating as if by green viney pirhanas.
Limitation:  Can be hacked, and if you can get something wet to burn they burn quite nicely.

Today's Secret Code:

"Do not tempt fate or dogs."  Again:  "Do not tempt fate or dogs."  Today's Colour is sleekly ripply subtle sheen of green.  Today's Author was so ugly as a child he had to wear a poke chop around his neck to get the dog to play with him.  What's that smell?  Maho maho.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Mr. Argent On The Town

His guards are living shadows
very dependable
His is laced with silver
He is a gentleman
beyond compare
and rich as his uncle

Mr. Ripe Comes For A Visit

Mr. Ripe is tired of the boring old grave
the same old well gnawed bones
Mr. Ripe wants to meet new people
and take them for dinner

10 Comic Books That Need To Be Made Into a Film #5: The Invisibles

Right, this is pure mystic craziness with a side order of batshit crazy.  What we have here is a war between magicians.  They aren't however the Harry Potter type of magicians on their broom sticks.  Nor are they the Doctor Fate type with flashing bolts of energy.  These mystic, mages, and crazy people find various ways to coax reality to follow them instead of the where it should.  If that means being a transvestite who lets himself be ridden by Mayan gods then so be it.  Or a dapper assassin cut from the cloth of a Moorcock hero, then let it be. 

Movie could cover the first two arcs of the Invisible story.  The first is introducing a foul mouth little thug into the Invisible cell and magic.  The second is the weird tale of how the Invisibles have to mentally travel back in time and save De Sade of all people and bring him back to the future.  It would be like a David Lynch film ala James Bond.

Villainy and Blackguards Incorporated #42: Dr. Joe Min Dow

Villains and Blackguards Incorporated (VABI) is an organization found on Earth 32aa which has dedicated itself to protecting the interest of those of differently enabled morality and enhanced humanity. They take care of legal expenses and investments. It has become a very successful organization and is considering spreading to other Earths. In case they do here are some of it's members.

VABI stores many things besides money for our members. Some of it is of a personal nature, and some of it is legal in most countries and some treaties. What we store for Dr. Joe Min Dow is a little of both. We store his mini-earths.

Dr. Min Dow has created a series of minature earths. Each lovingly filled with micro-autominikins that represent various people of Earth 32aa. Each earth is something of a model of a "what if" scenarios. Their are two dangers to these mini earths. The first is that the OS that guides the what if scenarios is infections. Computers around a mini earth will tend to reflect what is happening in the mini earth. This can have drastic effects when it gets on the net with things like stock prices from another earth.

They can also blow up in the kiloton range if jostled wrong.

So there's a special vault whee Dr. Min Dow visits regularly. There 23 small hand ball earths float seeminly serenly as he takes notes and measurements.

Things You Need To Know #160

People talk about alligators in sewers, but in Salt Lake City it is mutant oysters in the system. They misshapen even for oyster and they have multiple pearls.  However, these pearls will cause sickness and death if worn against the skin.  There is a certain jeweler who makes necklaces for those with grievances.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Deep One Hybrids

Source:  Dagon
Location:  Spain
Threat Assessment:  5.  Some are too handicapped to be much danger, but there are some extremely strong ones with claws and teeth so it all averages out.
Limitation:  Damn Ugly.

Today's Secet Code:

"Oh my stars and garters."  Again: "Oh my stars and garters"  Today's Colour is a serene blue.  Today's Author always secretly rooted for Bluto.  That is all, maho maho.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Warp Fields and Genetics

Warp Fields are very useful
Unfortunately the distortions they cause
to the genetic code
can cause lasting damage
to the next generation

Assault Girls

Nice title.  Sounds exciting.
There's some interesting things here.  It plays sort of like "The Matrix" except with no real stakes.  In the future there's a boring narrator who's way to into the different economic systems of the 20th century.  The upshot is folks now live in substainable misery and now play a game in a virtual world to make life better.  The world doesn't look all that better though.  It's basic desert on desert with sand wormy things armed with rockets.  Hooo ray.

Our unlikely, and unlikeable, band of heroes are coax together by some overarching dungeon master and together they learn to work together.  Each character looks cool and has a cool code name.  Unfortunately they are as dull as ditch water.  Seriously, they should be called the novacaine mob.

So we have a very pretty movie that's essentially about nothing starring folks we couldn't give a tinker's cuss about, and around here boyos we take our tinker's cuss purty durn serious.  So if you like Japanese films or a rabid sf fan well it might give you some costume ideas for the next con.

Things You Need To Know #159

This is the Encryption key to the Omega Program. If this number is inputed on the right web site the Omega Program will be activated. You will then have ten minutes to find shelter. About six stories deep should do it.

THis was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Tetsuo Let's Himself Go

Source:   Akira
Location:  Neo Tokyo
Threat Assessment:  8.  He was a bad ass psychic before he let himself go.  Then he became protoplasm boy.  Then a living black hole.   You do the math.
Limitation:  Still a bit of humanity.

Today's Secret Code

Is it greater to be the greeter or the grater?  Again:  Is it greater to be the greeter o the grater?  Today's Colour is a blue shower of powerful gun bluing.  Today's Author would rassle a gator for a klondike bar.  That is so small and all and not tall, maho maho.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

The Unthankful

The Unthankful
are undead that hate those that loved them most in life
Why this sea change no one knows
but they are implacable foes

Things You Need To Know #158

The Mystery Plots of Good Reach Cemetery are a true mystery. Every even plot will not keep its dead. They simply disappear after seven days. The management is aware and they have altered things to avoid any more problems. No one knows happens to the deceased buried in the Mystery Plots and some have specially asked for the service willing to pay more for it.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: splinter monster

Source:  Splinter
Location:  Woods
Threat Assessment:  8.  Don't understand why it hasn't already taken over the world.  A parasitic growth that can revive the dead and even parts of the dead.  Very agressive.
Limitation:  Senses heat.  Dumb.

Today's Secret Code

I learn something new everyday, and then forget something else.  Again:  I learn something new everyday, and then forget something else.  Today's Colour is vermilion.  Today's Author is secretly a mutant bitten by radioactive spiders who were struck by lightning from Thor's hammer.  That is excelsior!  maho maho.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Dapper Assassin

The Assassin
comes from Munx
not know for its assassins
but maybe that's for the best
The Assassin
is clever
and neat
perhaps it doesn't matter that he's well dressed
but at least it shows respect

If you are THIS crazy make sure not to bite through your leash

This should be the bass line for crazy.  If your arguments sound anything like this lady's be sure to call a doctor.   Oh and check out the fellow behind her.

Moon Dirge

Oh my ladies
I mourn your passing
into the dawn
Come back to us
my ladies

X-men the Anime

I don't know how essential this latest installment in the X-men saga is.  After all, there has already been several cartoons here stateside involving everyone's favorite mutants.  But, I suppose it can't hurt to try to take Japan as well.  It's a little odd though, because while faithful it's also off in odd ways.  Just in the grammar of body language it feels just a little wrong.  Specially the character of Wolverine who is played more like the ronin in the classic version of "The Seven Samurai." 

The basic plot is that the X men are called to Japan first to find a little mutant girl and then to solve some bigger mysteries like why does the Professor's mutant detector doesn't work in that area of Japan.  There are some bad guys named rather cheekily "U-Men" who look nothing like humans.  They are robot/cyborgs who are interested in harvesting mutant organs.  They save the Japanese girl and Emma Frost who both join the team.  The girl, Hisaki, is a brilliant little piece of patching two cultures together.  Her mutant power is basically creating a psychic mecha.  So we have our giant robot even though this is an X-men show.  The animation is smooth and impressive.  I like how they handled the Beast.  The big mysteries are little "meh" but the action is pretty spot on.  Cyclops is still a massive buzz kill, but what can you expect? 

Overall, worth a watch.

10 Comic Books That Should Be Made Into Films #6: Strontium Dogs

A brother to Judge Dredd this British comic is a cunning mix of science fiction, old west, and humor.  Thanks to nuclear warfare a generation of mutants is born.  Most of these mutants are just ugly on a stick, but a few get some cool super powers.  Unfortunately, like in the X men normal people are having no truck with having mutants living next door much less marrying their sister.  So these poor mutants are often forced to take crap jobs.   Some with the skill and chops become bounty hunters.  That brings us to Johnny Alpha who is a bounty hunter that works for a group that travels through time and grabs people like Hitler to try them for war crimes.  Because there is often competition for the big bounties the adventures of Johnny Alpha often come off like a science fiction satiric version of "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly."  How could anyone not like a movie like that?

Villainy and Blackguards Incorporated #41

Villains and Blackguards Incorporated (VABI) is an organization found on Earth 32aa which has dedicated itself to protecting the interest of those of differently enabled morality and enhanced humanity. They take care of legal expenses and investments. It has become a very successful organization and is considering spreading to other Earths. In case they do here are some of it's members.

The Concierge was a being born to serve.  As such he enjoys working for VABI.  We treat him well and pay him handsomely for his efforts.  He has a natural ability to apport minor non living items from other universes and some little telekinesis.  His main ability though is he's a natural empath and knows what makes a person happy. 

Currently he works out of our customer service unit.  He goes to VABI members who feel they've been slighted.  He smooths over all those rough edges and by the end of the day not only does the VABI member end up satisfied but the Conciege is usually handsomely tipped.

Things You Need To Know #157

One of the last of the unicorns has taken on a human shape over in Groover's Millany. She's toned down the natural beauty and charisma of a unicorn so she just looks adorably cute. Unfortunately she still hasn't mastered the whole casting a human shadow thing. Please don't embarass her by pointing it out.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Deadite in the well

Source:  Army of Darkness
Location:  In the past, in a well
Threat Assessment:  8.  Instant death unless you are Ash.
Limitation:  In a well, Allergic to Ash.  Groovy.

Today's Secret Code:

Is the medicine too bitter for the sweetest cure?  Again:  Is the medicine too bitter for the sweetest cure?  Today's Colour is the off brown of a Swedish cur.  Today's Author wonders if his sweat is pure.  That is all, maho maho.

What If I Told You.....

Monday, May 14, 2012

Today's Secret Code:

The Orrery of Tontentodd is clad in gold and dreams.  Again:  The Orrery of Tontentodd is clad in gold and dreams.  Today's Colour is a sliver of silver linings.  Today's Author is not facing his past because he'd miss seeing the future.  That is all and kick out the JAMS, maho maho.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

The Ghul Lord

Hunger is his diabolic right
as Lord of the Ghuls
He could eat a thousand men a night
and desire a thousand more

10 Comic Books That Should Be Made Into Movies #7: Doom Patrol

What ever incarnation you choose "The Doom Patrol," tends to be the funkiest group of superheroes around. Of course, I'd choose the Grant Morrison run because it don't get more freaky than having your base being an intelligent transvestite STREET. Yeah, we are talking super weird.

The gang at tha point was made up of the brilliant but cold Chief. Robot Man who despite being just a brain in a robot's body was the heart of the group, if rather grudgingly so. Crazy Jane who had a different super power for each of her personalities, and Rebus who was once Negative Man and later Negative Woman and now is a fusion of the two.

This odd group would fight threats like a book that tried to eat the world, or the Brotherhood of Dada. Perhaps the strangest episode involved the relationships between Robot Man, his new independently AI robot body and two of his oldest foes. It's not every day your life is saved by ABC gum.

Things You Need To Know #156

The password is "Swordfish." The door is behind a broken door leaned against a cellar wall on Off Street. Bring five dollars and one guinea coin. Do not make eye contact or mention "mother."

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Grendel's Mother

Source: Beowulf
Location:  Cave
Threat Assessment:  7.  Grendel tore warriors into pieces.  She is tougher than he is.  In myth she's a crone.  In the movie she's a cougar.
Limitation:  Got to be tough to walk with ingrown high heels.

Today's Secret Code

"Would a hungry lizard eat its own tail confident it would someday grow back?"  Again:  "Would a hungry lizard eat its own tail confident it would someday grow back?"  Today's Colour is found in St. Olaf.  Today's Author probably shouldn't write the menu for the Mother's Day brunch.  That is all be at peace, maho maho.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

The Necromaniac in the Still Zone

Gobi the Necromaniac
loves to travel to the Still Zone
There he can find streamers
of ectoplasm
that smell to him
of faded
happy memories

Ghury's Herbavore

Not all alien creatures are fearsome
Ghury's Herbavore
looks a bit silly
and is completely harmless
Of course....
Ghury's MegaCarnavore
sort of makes up for that

10 Comic Books That Should Be Made Into Films #8: Bone

If there is a "Duh, right" on this list then this is it.  Bone is incredibly beloved and respected.  A well written tale with lovely yet deceptively simple art.  It harkens back to the days of "Pogo," or "Scrooge McDuck," with a modern sensibility.

The tale starts with the 3 Bone brothers fleeing Boneville.  Our hero Fone Bone, and perpetually happy brother Smiley Bone are blameless.  That can't be said for brother Phoney Bone who thinks of himself of something of a scam artist and businessman except that his scams are generally busted quickly enough.  Phoney would sell defective crutches to a disabled orphan if there was money in it.  As they flee they are separated.  Fone has many adventures in a place simply called "the Valley."  Here he meets talking animals, vicious (yet stupid) giant rat creatures, a very non talkative dragon, and a beautiful girl whom Fone is instantly smitten with.  The brothers finally meet at Thorn and Grandma's farm and from there the story gets mixed up with Thorn's mysterious past, the mysterious leader of the rat creatures, and Phoney trying to fix a cow race.

The first collection of Bone stories would be enough for any film.  Again, I would prefer if it was done in 2-d animation, but I understand the market.  The main thing is to be respectful to Jeff Smith vision.  I think voice casting is what would make or break a Bone movie.  I would avoid star power as much as I can.  Though if I had to have some stars I suppose Danny Devito can make amends for "The Lorax" by taking on the role of Phoney Bone.