Monday, February 28, 2011

Little Billy Brillman was a Shutter Bug

Little BIlly
would flash his camera
at the most interesting

Possession is 9/10s of the flaw

More LOLs

Another Creepy Song


Beware of ancient cave paintings. They are obviously warnings to us by our ancestors. At least that is the case in the movie "Primal." Here a band of Disposable Young People (DYPs) are out camping and to look at the the paintings. One girl immmediately goes into a panic attack in the cave and gets herself cut on a stone. Oh oh, girl blood activates the whatever is there and soon enough they are being attacked by bugs, leeches, and bunnies.

Soon one of their number gets a fever and loose her teeth. It's ok though, she gets sharpie teeth and an attitude for slaughter. She gets all shouty and jumpy and tries to eat everyone else. Now our DYPs are in it deep cause the bugs ate the tires on their car. They have to try to control the who possession situation.

This is a good fast film. Very action oriented with a touch of the bizarre. We are never really given a back story, and that is a blessing actually. It works better as a really rogue bit of nature without mankind over thinking long, sharp teeth.

The Naked Monster

Someone saw "Airplane" one too many times. Maybe two too many times. A loving cheapjack tribute to 50's sf films, The Nake Monster has a 3 eyed giant giving our heroes trouble. The Government and the local sheriff rehire Kenneth Tobey (of "The Thing" fame) to help stop the monster.

Lots of bad puns and slap stick happen. This isn't neccesarily bad. Lines like: "It's come over that mountain!" "It's a butte." "I don't know, it seems nice enough." are just horrid but still make you smile. This is the Junior High School version of "Airplane," and I for one didn't mind it at all.

Tees Maar Khan

I really wanted to like this. It is a very high energy film, and wants so much to be liked. The story begins with our "hero" not even born yet being taught how to be a master thief because his mom watches crime dramas on TV. Once born he's already stealing wallets and jewelry. I like that tall tale quality.

The movie follows a french film (the Fox returns) and our hero is hired to steal a train load of antiques right under the police's nose. First he gets captured on purpose to get back to India and then mades a deal with siamese twin crime lords. All during this he balances a doting mom and hard to please girlfriend with runing from the cops.

As I said,I wanted to really like this, but in the end i was just worn down by the film. I would say I didn't understand the culture but a brief look at indian reviews show that I am not alone. It is a film that is al sound and fury. But the music is still fun!

Area 51

Shame this isn't based on the video game. I wasted many a quarter on that little money sucker. By the way, with a video pistol I'm a dead shot. This though is an original (??) Sci Fi channel feature.

Oh oh raggy.

Well for once, this isn't a total clustercraftfarkingdorf. The basic plot is silly. The Powers that Be open up some levels of the fabled Area 51 to some skeptical press and politicians to show "hey we have no aliens here." Meanwhile alien shape shifting "Patient Zero" escapes and frees different aliens in a bid to escape.

Yeah, the government would let rabble rousin media types roam though Area 51, not. But once you get past that it is for the most part an entertaining creature feature. There is a nice selection of alien monsters with different motives and powers. There are scenes to actually give the humans character and the whole thing moves at a fast pace.


Overall the Oscars went as I generally like these things. Not a total sweep and everyone got a little something. The show itself was mildly painless. The hosts were nice enough if not very funny or that talented as presenters. The show went at a fairly brisk pace for an Oscar show and I'm sure everyone got to their parties on time.

Best Picture:                              The King's English.
Best Actor:                                Colin FIrth for The King's English
Best Supporting Actor:              Christian Bale For The Fighter
Best Actress:                             Natalie Portman
     (This surprised me, I thought it would be too much of a performance for the staid academy voters)
Best supporting Actress:             Melissa Leo
Animation:                                  Toy Story 3
Art Direction:                              Alice in Wonderland
Cinematography:                         Inception
Costume Design:                         Alice in Wonderland
     (This surprised me because Academy voters like period costumes.)
Directing:                                     The King's Speech
Documentary Feature:                   Inside Job
Documentary Short:                      Strangers No More
Film Editing:                                  The Social Network
     (I'm on record now of saying this is my most disliked Oscar pick of the year, the film is boring and about jerky characters I couldn't give a mouse's bum over.)
Foreign Language Film:                   In a Better World
Makeup:                                         The Werewolf
     (Ironically, this is a bad film but on the other hand Rick Baker won the first Make up award and is justly famous for his American Werewolf in London make up made in the days before CGI)
Music, Original Score:                      The Social Network
     (I'm on record here saying that the score for Inception is better.  Sorry Trent)
Music, Original Song:                         Toy Story 3
Animation, Short:                               The Lost Thing
Short Film:                                         God of Love
Sound Editing:                                    Inception
Sound Mixing:                                     Inception
Visual Effects:                                     Inception
Writing (adapted):                                The Social Network
     (boo hiss, this should have been True Grit)
Writing:                                                 The King's Speech

Monster of the Day: Anguirus

Source:  Godzilla Raids Again
Location:  Currently Monster Island
Threat Assessment:  6,  Huge, spikey dinosaur-like creature that can flatten cities.  Suprisingly fast and agile.  Most noted for a bulldog like tenacity.
Limitations:  No ranged  weapondry.  Except for the first film appearance not very aggressive.  More like Godzilla's buddy.
Personal Note:  Love him dearly.  He keeps on fighting even when out classed.  Always amused that the original suit design had hind legs longer than the front and the actor playing him had to kneel.  In the new new version he can curl into a CGI ball and bounce like Sonic the Hedgehog on crack.

Today's Secret Code

"Men see two lesbians and see a challenge." Again: "men see two lesbians and see a challenge." Today's colour is blonde. Today's Author thinks humans are funny. That is all, maho maho.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

strange angel Lorael

The strange angel Lorael
did not fall
but did trip
she follows death
to hear his confessions

Electra in a Blue World

Like many
comic book characters
Electra has died
and returned

Why the Flar Hate Humanity

The Flar are Telepaths
So no matter what we say
they KNOW
we think of them as
Martian Cats

A case of self defense


Megamind is an essentially harmless film for kids. Following two star orphans, one becomes the famous heroic Metro Man and the other becomes the evil Megamind. After years of fighting it seems that Megamind has finally won, but was that what he really wanted after all?

Good animation with a fair story. I like the plucky girl reporter and Minion. How can you beat a talking goldfish in a gorilla/robot body? A perfect design! Really loved the obama styled posters saying "No You Can't."

Last Train Home

Last Train Home is fascinating but ultimately depressing.   A documentary about workers in china it follows a married couple back home.  They spend all year in the city working and can only come home once a year at Chinese new year.  They aren't the only ones and the trains form the nexus for the signal largest human migration in human history.  This year, there is added problems in that their daughter doesn't want to stay on the farm and go to school, but would rather run away to the city for better work just like mommy and daddy.

This is where your Walmart dollars go...

Creepy song

World Building 101: The Almost Pattern

If you think building a world requires a logical, reasonable approach, then just look at ours.  Forget complicated philosophy look at something as supposedly simple of language.  "I before E except after C," indeed.  How many examples against that rule can you think of?? 

Imagine a society hundreds of years old with various philosophers over time struggling over the basic nature of of the universe.  Finally one mage, Qi Li Won unifies the concept of elements into a basic table called the Qi.  The Qi runs like this:


water            earth             air/mist
shina            ana               urnu
1                  2                  4

salts            metals           gold/gems
shiko           ako               urkaa
3                 5                   7

wood          flesh              spirit
wunu           linu                mun
8                 10                  14

female         null                 male
baa             ova                 kal
9                11                   13

lusts          crafts               reason
raka          nana                 laan
16            20                     22

death/hate conflict             life/love
raku          nanu                 launa
6              15                     17

dark          null                   light
bar            ova                   kalu
26             28                     32

Can you see the almost patterns in this table?  An interesting point is when you combine all the qualities of man you gain the number of 179 a prime number which signifies that humanity is unique.  It also allows for concepts we generally don't think of in our system like "Dark, hateful, lightning"  or "Lifegiving gold."

Monster of the Day: Spiders from Kingdom of the Spiders

Source:  Kingdom of the Spiders
Location:  USA southwest
Threat Assessment:  3.  A swarm of many small spiders the size of tarantulas.  They are generally more poisonous than on average and attack in mass. 
Limitations:  Cold bothers them.  Can be kept out with a little thought.  squishable on a one by one basis.  Really it is an exercise in stupid characters that they are the threat they are in the film.  (Hint:  Check your aircraft for spiders BEFORE taking off.)

Personal Note:  One of my favorite films, it is shatnerific!

Today's Secret Code

"Every rule has its exception and every exception is ruled."  Again:  "Ever rule has its exception and ever exception is ruled."  Today's colour is positively electric.  Today's Authour is very negatively optimistic.  That is all, maho maho.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Haunting Self

Katy died on the table
doctors brought her back
she's a brand new girl now
but is haunted by herself

Monster of the Day: Green Goo of Evil

Source:  John Carpenter's Prince of Evil
Location:  A church in Los Angeles
Threat Assessment:  5.  Able to confound physicists and theologians, basically unkillable as slime, it can take direct possession of people and mentally influence the weak willed.  At worst it is able to call an even greater evil.
Limitations:  Can be foiled and get seven years of bad luck by the timely breaking of a mirror.

Today's Secret Code

"There are no secrets."  Again:  "There are secrets deep and dark."  Today's colour is ready.  Today's Author sings the greens.  That is all, maho maho.

Friday, February 25, 2011

When the Dead Rise

When the Dead rise
can you run
Or when the Dead rise
will you join the dance
the Dansen Macabre

The Cat of London

A cat may look upon a king
it is said
and the ghost of a cat
may look right through you
to the other side

LOLs in the Wild


For a brief period of time Stuart Gordon, director of Re-Animator, was Charles Band's bitch. That meant he had to do some films for Band's Empire name. Dolls was one of the results and it really is a decent film done by a fairly indecent company.

The story centers around a cute little girl who has some awful parents. The father is clearly prone to be abusive (Don't hit her or you'll have to pay more child support) and an uncaring step mother. They are for reasons beyond explanation taking a drive through europe when caught by a huge storm. With their car stuck they can only find refuge in the hose of a kindly old doll maker and wife. They are joined by a big man child and two english birds he picked up who were hitchhiking. Soon death by dolls becomes the thing among the guests and it is an open question as to who will survive the night.

A nice little film (only 77 minutes) it doesn't overstay its welcome one bit. The effects with the dolls are nice for the budget and creepy. It's very effective to see one suddenly give a nasty smile. The actors are so so but it's enough to keep things moving. The little girl is cute enough to put diabetics in comas. It's certainly worth a watch!

Queen of Blood

I watched this originally as my plan as another film I'd remake. But I change my mind. This film stars John Saxon, Basil Rathbone, and Dennis Hopper. I can't think of three modern stars that would have the same qualities as these three. If you dear reader can, please illuminate it to me!

The film starts with credits that look like the covers of sixties scifi books. Bright colors and the suggestion of tentacles and such without any real definition. Then we get into the story proper, it is the year 1990! The Future! And we have bases on the moon and are planning trips to Venus and Mars cause we can by george!

John Saxon is all John Saxony as a space pioneering astronaut in training who has a girl friend who does important girl work for the great scientist Basil Rathbone. Things are going apace but then there's a new snag; we receive signals from another intelligence outside our solar system and guess what they are coming for a visit.

We cut to frankly confusing pictures of aliens in ship. They might be doing something important, or they might be playing with model trains. Who knows, those crazy aliens. Of course the earth folks don't know this and they prepare to greet their new alien overlords with glee.

Well things don't go as plan. Somehow this advanced intelligence didn't see the planet in their way and crashes on Mars. Hot Damn! All that Mars training won't go to waste, except for some reason the powers that be don't recognize saxonness and instead take his girl friend and dennis hopper and some gasbag scientist douche and launch them on a rescue mission.

Oh no, they get into trouble and now there needs to be a rescue mission of a rescue mission so our boys have just enough fuel to reach one of the moons of Mars and then use the emergency rocket to reach the surface. On the moon they find the aliens escape rocket and the one lone survivor, a green chick with a beehive doo. Saxon takes the space babe down to the main ship on Mars and they get things fixed and are ready to go.

Unfortunately, space chicks need blood. She does the glowing eye bit and then sucks down Dennis Hopper like he's a juice box. The find her swollen like a tick asleep. Saxon of course votes to out her through the airlock. Douche scientist guy though points out she's the reason for the mission and they could tick off a whole civilization of blood suckers. He suggests there's enough blood onboard the ship to keep her happy.

He's wrong and people die. And they find her secret weakness and she dies. So now there's just Saxon and girlfriend and they are landing and then they discover the ship is riddled with space eggs. Saxon tells Rathbone when they land they all need to be destroyed and Rathbone is like "You've had a long trip so no wonder you are so bitchy, begone wench." So Saxon is like, "Well I told you so, so now I'll go bang my girlfriend before the world is over run with space vampires." The end.

The one thing I'll say about this film is it is ambitious. I'd never attempt a film set on earth, the moon, mars and a martian moon on thier budget. For the most part they are oddly successful. I think it is the moody lighting that covers a lot of the weaknesses in the scenary. Saxon, Rathbone, and Hopper all act well enough and they cover the woodeness around them rather well. This is simply a decent b movie sf chiller and certainly I think "Alien" was inspired by it to some extent.

Monster of the Day: Martians

Source:  George Pal's War of the Worlds
Location:  Mars then Earth
Threat Assessment:  7.   War machines of great power armed with energy beams that are to earth weapons indestructable. 
Limitations:  The common cold.
Personal Notes:  I perfer this version of H.G. Wells' novel to all others. While the tripod design of the original is imposing, I perfer the sleek design of Pal's martian machines.  They are like deadly manta rays firing off death rays.  The martians themselves are suitable alien with their sucker fingers and three pupil eye. They are complete monsters with nothing positive to say about them. 

Today's Secret Code

"The Fool on the hill will often be the Fool at the bottom eventually."  Again:  "The Fool on the hill will often be the Fool at the bottom eventually."  Today's colour is gleen.  Today's Author has yet to be seen.  That is all, maho maho.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

The Universe is Yours

she says so
she says
"The Universe is Yours"
and she laughs
the Harliquin Queen
"It's yours as long as you can hold on."
so she says

The Queen of Atlantis

The Queen of Atlantis
is beloved
the waves

LOLs for the day

The 13 and Half Lives Of Captain Bluebear

Stop. Get this book. If you have children read it to them. If you don't have children, adopt. Really it's that good.

This is the story of the first half of the 27 lives of Captain Bluebear in the amazing words and seas of Zamonia. A wonderous place where Atlantis is just a suburb. Our hero starts life small, literally smaller than a nut. Rescued from a whirlpool by Minipirates he starts a life (or lives) of adventure. Each life is in a different environment and he learns different things. For example, he learns how to cry while living with the hobgoblins who crave negative emotions, and he learns how to speak while stranded on the high seas by babbling waves.

This is all written in an incredible manner. Reminding the reader of the Hitchhiker's guide it is very much it's own fantastic beast. It revels in playing with words and being delightfully silly.

Originally written in German in 1999, the character of Captain Bluebear is something a culture icon in germany being a character in both a movie and a tv show. Walter Moers has truly created a fascinating world and character!
Don't take my word though, read it!

The Cape and the Lich part 2

I've been defending The Cape as good old fashioned kooky fun, but not every episode can be a gem. This is pretty much an anti gem. A turd in the rough. Shame it was the second part of a double header.

So the plot is Orwell is being held in a chemical trance and is tripping balls about having a wedding. Meanwhile, the Cape and the Carnival of Crime go out to figure out where Orwell and the Lich are. Running out of options The Cape appears to his wife to get access to an important witness.

So what went wrong?

1) The Cape hanging with his wife. It's bad enough his son can't figure out who The Cape is, but his wife? His incredibly bright wife can't figure out it's her husband in a funky mask.

2) The Lich. Oh my, someone saw Batman and said, "Hey how can we do the Joker without a copyright lawsuit?" Their answer was to spread cherry colored rubber cement over his face.

3) Script. Script. Script. The writing was tired this time around and the story felt cobbled together. The ending are specially lame.

So was there any good? Well the Carnival was fun as always. Remember, dates = shotguns. The Nurse of the Lich is the most creepy character of the night. Insanely committed to the Lich she is his Harley Quinn without the saving grace of humor.

Here's hoping the next episode is better.
Hopefully much better.

Monster of the Day: The Horta

Source:  Star Trek (original series)
Location:  Janus VI
Threat Assessment:  4.  A silicon creature that looked like either are a large fake rock, a big ugly rug, or the world's biggest pile of fake vomit.  It has the ability to dig through rock at an amazing speed.  Same ability can burn human flesh and bone.  It is fairly tough and is intelligent. 
Limitations:  At the moment there is only one horta.  They have a rather ill conceived reproductive strategy of laying eggs all over the place then dying out save for one guardian.  Though tough, enough firepower will wound or kill one. 
Personal note:  Again, one of those creatures that look much better through the mind of a child.  Still got to give the writers some credit I think this is the first silicon based lifeform shown on tv. 

Today's Secret Code

"You can't square a circle, but you can circle your wagons and square your shoulders."  Again, "You can't square a circle, but you can circle your wagons and square your shoulders."  Today's colour is found in a sad little cloud.  Today's author knows it's a matter of context.  That is all, maho maho.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

To Paraphrase from one Mr. I. Jones: "Clowns, why does it have to be clowns?"

A Dramatic Truth

Every Tragedy needs a Geek Chorus

When the Gate Opens Will You Pass On?

Sometimes an admiring crowd is not the best of things....

Williams S. Burroughs, a Man Within

This is a wonderful documentary about a very important yet difficult figure of the art word, William S. Burroughs. As John Water commented he was the first person to become famous for all the wrong things. The Documentary covers both his art and scandals of his life like his drug use and the shooting of his wife Joan.

It covered a lot I didn't know about the man. There was a lot of interviews with his boyfriends and artists who had come to know him. I didn't know for example that he was something of a gun nut. Footage of him in his eighties stalking around outside with a gun was somewhat unnerving. It was like looking at a predatory turkey.

I owe a lot to William S. Burroughs. I use his cut up technique often to generate new ideas. I also have to say I have always enjoyed his public persona. His voice was always so measured, calm, yet penetrating. He was an amazing man who invented new ways to write, who broke taboos to write about, and lived to tell the tale. Certainly, anyone interested in the arts should watch this.


This is an interesting anime that could easily become live action.  The plot here revolves around synthesia, the condition where the brain mixes sensory feeds so that a person might hear a color or see a sound.  In about twenty minutes into the future so to speak they not only learned how to heighten the condition but make a combat asset.

So two journalists, one a pro the other greener than grass and a bit ditzy, fall into the middle of the fight between groups to control this new weapon and the people afflicted with it.  It helps that the ditzy journalist knows Canaan who is a super soldier type neck deep in this muck.  The show alternates between pulling back one layer of the onion at a time with crazy action scenes.

You know one of the problems with a lot of animation is that it is so mundane.  It's a let down given that you can draw anything.  Now Canaan here is set in the real world but it is so colorful, and the battles take perfect advantage of the medium of animation.  The first battle at a Chinese festival is just eye dropping jaw popping (wait reverse that) incredible!  My only problem with the series is I hate it when the main character is a ditz.  It just makes me face palm about every ten minutes.

Monster of the Day: Witch Ghost

Source:  Black Sabbath (not the rock group)
Location:  In her house
Threat Assessment:  2.  If you don't screw with her.  If you aren't in her house.  You'll be fine.  If you break rule one and rule two you will mosts probably die.  She can play all sorts of tricks with water and light.  Then she can come floating down after you and scare you to death.
Limitations:  Seems content where she is.
Personal note:  This scared the poopoo out of me as a kid.

Today's Secret Code

"We have a date with Destiny, and she ordered the lobster."  Again:  "We have a date with Destiny, and she ordered the lobster."  Today's colour is pink you think?  Today's Author thinks about the roller rinks.  That is all, maho maho.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Officer Toy of the Protean Corps

Officer Toy
Of the Protean Corps
At rest
before the battle
Tinker's Cuss

blue shroud blues

Mary Brillman Still Haunts the Hole

no one talks about the hole
no one talks about the ghost
that haunts the hole
a hole the size of shotgun wound
a wound in the wall
a wound in the world
no one talks about the ghost
no one talks about the hole
Swimming through the hot mercurium
The Adding Mensch
Finds new number strings
binary pearls
to contemplate
he smiles

Dr Who: The Brain of Morbius

This is probably one of the more conventional Dr. Who stories.  That doesn't make it any less fun.  It stars Tom Baker as the Doctor, my favorite of the "classic" Doctors.  He pops in on a very gothic planet where every night is dark and stormy.  The Doctor is peeved cause he knows that this was caused by the other Time Lords and there is some mess he's expected to clean up.  He does what any reasonable person does, he pouts.

Meanwhile, in the very gothic castle there is one mad scientist and one probably mad helper with a wicked hook for a hand.  The Scientist is looking for the perfect head, the helper has yet to provide said perfect head which causes work relation stress.  Meanwhile, in a very gothic cave a bunch of ol' gals are upset cause their eternal flame is going out.  They then find out that there's a Time Lord in the wood shed and they fret that he wants the last of their serum of immortality.

So the Doctor wanders between these two camps.  The Scientist believes the Doctor has the perfect head (of course!), and the sisterhood tries to burn him at the stake when their biddy mind tricks don't work.  The Doctor takes this all in strides and tries the unlikely tactic of talking with people which works more than you think it would.

Oh, the brain?  The brain is the last little bit of Morbius a renegade Time Lord and all around bad apple.  The Scientist has already built a rather ro-manish type body and just needs the Doctor's head to complete the perfect body for Morbius.  Morbius can be characterized as snitty, short tempered, and impatient.   He wants a body NOW. 

This is probably one of the cheesiest of the Doctor's adventures.  I love the faux gothicness of it.  It moves fast and Tom Baker is always fun to watch.

Monster of the Day: Star Trek Salt Vampire

Source:  Star Trek (Original Series)
Location:  M-113
Threat Assessment:  3.  It can appear in different forms to different people, and it can suck all the salt (and life) from a victim with a touch.  It's strong enough to take a punch from a Vulcan.
Limitations:  The last of its kind.  Not ambitious, all it really wants is to be liked and suck salt from people which is admittedly conflicting goals.
Personal note:  I remember this scaring me as a kid. 

Today's Secret Code

The Child says "Bambi," the adult says "Venison."  Again:  The Child says "Bambi," the adult says "Venison."  Today's colours are the colours of Flower.  Today's Author is hunting around.  That is all, maho maho.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Final Girl Review: Frozen

I'm sorry.  For these affairs I usually do a lot of pictures and make a big show of it.  But Frozen?  I'd have 20 screen shots of 3 goofs in a ski lift.  Here is the original review...    Frozen original review

Here are far better girl

Along the streets of New Lovecraft...

In the quaint city of New Lovecraft
Every cat is the king
Touch them not
lest the ask
hurt them not
or be lost

Fem Fatality

As supervillains go
Fem Fatility is
deadly but fair
if you ask nicely
she'll let you have
a running start

Agent Z and the Twins

The Love That Dare Not Speak It's Name

Movies that should be remade: Cool World

Actually everything that Ralph Bakshi ever made could be remade based on my criteria that if it wasn't done right once then it's up for a remake.  Ralph is a frustrating genius of a man.  In almost every project of his there is stuff that just rocks.  He also is one of the very few animators to actually show a personal vision onscreen.  It's just a crying shame he can never keep it together for any length of time.  Hey remember wizards?  The scene with "They Killed Fritz" rocked.  The whole movie?  Not so much.

"Cool World" was basically Bakshi's last shot at a major full length film.  It should have blown the doors down.  Modeled as a more dirty "Roger Rabbit," it's the tale of Holly Would a toon (oops sorry a DOODLE) who wants to be part of the real world.  She sees her key to mundane transcendence in the unlikely form of an ex con who's a cartoonist who believes he has created Holly and her world.  The one thing that is going to stop her plan is Brad Pitt as a cop who's been in the Doodle world since the '40s. 

Sigh.  This has so much going for it.  Brad Pitt.  Gabriel Byrne, Kim WHEN SHE WAS HWAT Bassinger.  It has an interesting visual style and some scenes really do just kill.  My favorite is just a throwaway gag.  Brad's partner calls him and the phone is like being electrocuted and having an orgasm at the same time as it runs around the room yelling "FRANK!!!"

So why doesn't it work?  Well partly it's own design sense works against it.  The cool world is just too busy.  There are a billion throwaways everytime you are there.  It's exhausting and takes away from the plot of the film.  I do appreciate the shout outs to animation history, but I could have done with five to their fifty.

Speaking of plot there are things that are pencilled in that are never explored.  How Gabriel's character needed an escape while in prison.  Or the confrontation between straight laced 40's cop and ex con.  These things are in the script but just fleetingly and they deserved more time.

Also, Gabriel and Kim are good actors, but they are not WARM actors.  Having an affair between two such actors cools the entire film and not in a cool way.  There's no fire, no passion, where there should be.  Which also brings me indelicately to the fact that for a naughty cartoon it's not very naughty.  If a plot point is toon sex then let there be some toon sex and not some half rotoscoped ass pg13 version.

On the plus side, Brad does great and his doodle girl looks hwat and has a fun forties feel.  The music is aggressively dance/techno and works great to drive the movie along.  Plus they have a Bowie song which is always a plus.

Really what this film needs for a remake is just a strong story and the balls to really tell the story about toons getting naughty with us normal folk.  The rest would just take care of itself.

The Doom Patrol

We were just talking in a comment thread about things that can shatter sanity in a comic book universe.  Of course, the minute you mention sanity shattering I immediately think of the Doom Patrol.  The Doom Patrol is a DC imprint that started pretty much as a second stringer.  That's ok though, the second string often is given the liberty of being weird and even in the early days the Doom Patrol took that license and ran with it, and remember that the early days would have plots like Jimmy Olsen being turned into a Gorilla by a Jerkish Superman so when I say weird I mean WEIRD.

The original roster of Elasticgirl, Robot Man, Negative Man, and the Chief have been compared to the early X-men.  There are some likenesses but really they are more aligned with fellow DC group Challengers of the Unknown.  They even had several interesting cross overs one involving atlantean zombies.  The early Doom patrol fought weirdo villains like the Animal-Mineral-Vegtable Man or the Brotherhood of Evil which was lead by a brain in a jar and his french talking gorilla.  Their biggest claim to fame was their death where they bravely sacrificed themselves to save a small town.

As per usual (DAMN you DC) death was not the end.  But at least it took several decades for the group to fully resurrect.  Before that Robotman let a rather boring group of second stringers as the second and third versions of the doom patrol. 

Then things got interesting.

Grant Morrison was basically given free reign (and maybe a barrel full of LSD) to work on the Doom Patrol.  In the first couple of pages of his run we get a taste of things to come as we are introduced to Crazy Jane who had a different super power for each of her multiple personalities.  Robot Man, Crazy Jane, and a freaked out Negative Man/Woman renamed Rebus plus the Chief would form the core of the new Doom Patrol.  This time they would fight villains that wanted to rewrite reality itself.  The best being the Brotherhood of Dada who almost ate all of paris with a painting and freaked out all of Venice with Albert Hoffman's bike.  They also had to fight the thing under the pentagon and stop a war between feuding aliens.  During this span they would make friends with Danny the Street who was a sentient transvestite street and Flex Mentallo who was a comic book character come to life who's greatest claim to fame is that he made the pentagon into a circle just by flexing his muscles.

Are you getting a contact high yet?

Even the quieter moments were just screwed up.  One famous issue had Robot Man's head in a jar as his body was being repaired.  His robot body wakes up and decides you know I don't want a brain in me.  So he drills a little hole in robot man's bottle so he'll slowly die.  Just then the old brain in a jar and his talking ape break in.  They take down the robot body not knowing that it just booby trapped itself so it will never have a brain in it again.  The gorilla puts his master's brain in the robot.  And then THEY KISS finally able  to have the love that can't be named and shouldn't be thought of.  Then the robot blows up.  Robot man is saved because the gorilla had put the gum it was chewing over the hole in the jar just before the mind (and body) blowing kiss.


Well no one can top Morrison's run for sheer whatthefrackery but they managed to keep the weirdness up.  The doom patrol is the only group capable of dealing with a sentient blackhole that wants to discuss how many millions it can kill. 

Sadly, the grape vine says the Doom Patrol is to be cancelled which makes me sad, but that's life and death and rebirth in the comic book universe.  No doubt they'll be back again slightly changed but always odd.

Monster of the Day: Rabbit

Source:  Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Location:  Guarding a cave somewhere in Britain
Threat Assessment:  1.  It's only a cute little bunny what harm can it do?  OMG OMG!!  THE SPEED.  THE TEETH.  THE GREAT BIT TEETH.  HAVE TO GET...
Threat Assessment Reconsidered:  5
Limitations:  Not immune to grenades

Today's Secret Code

"Those who fail history are doomed to repeat the course."  Again:  "Those who fail History are doomed to repeat the course."  Today's colour passes for white.  Today's author is not an authority.  That is all, maho maho.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

They say...

They say there is nothing there
in the dark
to get you
so they say

A portrait of an Ohmanian

The Ohmanians have a rich tradition of being great warriors

The Mutant

the mutant is alone
in the cold
the mutant is angry
and won't be

Young Justice

Young Justice goes completely magical this time around. The human host of Dr. Fate, Kent Nelson. Gets kidnapped by Abra Kadabra and the Witch Child. Young Justice has to make things right, but it's not easy when Kid Flash has no belief in magic.

As an episode it has a lot of ups and down. An early meeting with Madame Xanadu left me cold since they turned her from a real mystic to a faking gypsy. Why cheapen a name in your stable that way? On the other hand they treated Kent Nelson with a lot of respect and you can see how powerful Dr. Fate must have been in his prime.

The pairing of Abra with the Klarion the Witch Boy was interesting. Abra was a Flash foe who only pretended to be magical using technology from the future. The Witch Boy is the real deal, not only magical but a Lord of Chaos which means just about what you think it means. The Witch Boy is an eternal spoiled child who'd love to pull the metaphorical wings off of humanity.

The Kid's inability to accept magic is interesting and odd given that in the DC universe you chuck a stone and you hit a magician or something. But then there are folks who cling to creationism or new coke, so I guess we all have something we have to cling to no matter what "sanity" might say otherwise.

A good action filled episode!

Monster of the Day: Mutated Hungry Beast

Source:  Terror Vision
Location:  Generally the planet Pluton, but soon to a TV near you.
Threat Assessment:  5.  The Plutonic Garbage man believes one Mutated Hungry Beast can end the human race and suggested we not watch Television for the next 200 years.  The reason for this is because an error took one Mutated Hungry Beast and transmitted to earth.  Here it pops in and out of TV and eats people.  It can then take the heads and animate them like puppets though since each head is covered in slime, it is not the most perfect of disguises.  The beast has a lot of teeth and a long tongue pluse a deadly pincher.  I still have my doubts it could end the human race, so I'll keep watching TV.
Limitations:  Well at heart it still wants to be a good pet.  Sometimes it can be stopped from killing if you are wearing spiked leather.  It's curious but not too bright.  It can be easily distracted.  Plutonian technology can kill it, if they aren't having another garbage strike.
Personal Note:  This is from the movie Terrorvision from Charles Band.  It tries for comedy and fails so bad it becomes the backside of comedy and leaves you gaping in cross eyed wonder.  If nothing else it should be watched for the hairstyle and fashions, far more hideous than the monster.  Beweare of greeks.

The Weather Report From the Top of the Stairs

Hey ho,
Faithful readers (I know you are out there I can hear you breathing), I just wanted to thank you all for giving me a good ride.  I've enjoyed what I've done.  I started this to do something new every day.  I think I've succeeded and managed to keep up a pretense of a little quality.
Anyhoo, I'm going through some technical difficulties.  Honestly, I feel a bit on the down side as well.  But, I'm goinging to TRY to keep this fershulging thing a going!  I'm going to make even BETTER art.  I'm going to try to be a better critic but never a BITTER one.  I'll work hard I promise.


Today's Secret Code

"What's a bejabbers and where was it when it was scared out of you?"  Again:  "What's a bejabbers and where was it when it was scared out of you?"  Today's colour is muted.  Today's author is.  That is all, maho maho.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Devil In Repose

Hiding in a warm, dark place
a devil waits
better days

The Magic of a Coming Spring

comes in its own

Today's Monster: Arnim Zola

Source:  Marvel Comics
Location:  Wherever he can be free to experiment
Threat Assessment:  3.5.  He's a genius with genetics.  He has created various monstrous beings.  He can control them via his ESP box or control rod.  His body is in top physical shape.
Limitations:  He's um.... fairly mad.  Still obsessed with nazi ideology.  He's damn ugly.
Personal notes:  Perhaps not a classic monster.  But geez.  He has a headless body with a TV in his chest.  That's fairly hard core monsterous.  I always felt that Arnim should have spent time with the Headmen a fairly obscure supervillain group.  They are all mad scientists who have done weird head things.  One is perfectly normal head wise but has grafted it to the body of a gorilla.  One has shrunk his bones in trying to be the next Antman (that's raising your sights high, not) and Ruby has cut off her head and replaced it with a polymorphic ruby computer head.  Arnim would feel right at home here.

Today's Secret Code

"He put the Harry Lime in the coconut."  Again:  "He put the Harry Lime in the coconut."  Today's colour is lime green.  Today's author contemplates the cuckoo clock.  That is all, maho a maho.

Friday, February 18, 2011

The Hat Makes A man

Random Clothes
Windblown things
Gathered to shape
A human form
but it was inert
because it needed something more
Like Frosty it needed a hat
which proves...
clothes do make a man
(of sorts)

When you Seek you Find

Come with me, come with us
travel and see the show
come with me, get on the bus
and let your world grow
When you seek you find
and what you find will expand your mind

The Wolves Go Marching By

The wolves go marching by
in twos
with big eyes
and bigger teeth
all the better to eat us with


The Horde

Some days are just doomed to be bad.  A band of cops decide one night to go rogue and seek vengeance for a fallen friend.  They know that the gang responsible are using a condemned building as a base.  So one night they put on ski masks and go in shooting.  Things don't turn out well, and look dire in fact.  They are captured and wounded and are about the be tortured.

Then the zombies come. 

Like I said, some days are just doomed to be bad.  Now crooks and cops have to form a short term alliance and find a way out of the building and through the sea of hungry dead.  It won't be easy.  People turn fast after being bitten and the zombies here are fast and strong.  They get unexpected aid from an old military veteran who's half crazy but has his own home made explosives. 

This french film is fairly by the numbers plot wise but some of the images are great.  There's the first zombie attack where the zombie is wearing a black plastic bag over its face and I thought I was going to pee my pants!  The view from the top of the building of a Paris in flames is powerful.  Definitely worth a watch if you are a horror or zombie fan!

They Fight Crime part 2

I can see a problem arising for our masked heroes. The bad guys are just not going to sit around and let them get kicked around by freaks in masks. Eventually they are going to call in the Pro from Dover.

The pro here is an expert killer but doesn't inspire loyalty in any of the people who have hired him. That's because he's a burnt out case, he's tried every ideology and has found them all wanting. All it has left him is a skill set for homicide.

Upon hearing the assignment he finds himself curious. Crazed people in masks hitting organized crime. Totally crazy, they should have the survival time of soap fish, but they are still at it. Our pro develops a plan. Since they are acting like comic book heroes, he'll act like a comic book villain. That would be sure to attract them to him, and he'll have the kill zone ready in advance. Given their theatrical motif and the pro's own philosophy (or lack thereof) his identity of the villain is easy to craft.

World tremble and fall to your knees.  Here comes..... THE CRITIC!

Today's Monster: Harpies

Source:  Greek mythology, Jason and the Argonauts, D&D
Location:  Greece
Threat Assessment:  4.  A fusion between women and birds, they are foul and fowl creatures.  A harpy is sent against those who have annoyed the Gods, so in actual fact if you have a harpy problem that's the LEAST of your worries.
Limitations:  Not too bright, wings can be entangled in nets.
Personal note:  They are known mostlly for taking food from a blind man which even if ordered by the Gods is pretty much a dick move.

Today's Secret Code

"WISEMAN TO THE FOOL:  Why did you bring a ladder to lunch?  FOOL TO THE WISEMAN:  "Because everyone knows every peach has its pit."  Again:  "WISEMAN TO THE FOOL:  Why did you bring a ladder to lunch?  FOOL TO THE WISEMAN:  "Because everyone knows every peach has its pit."
Today's colour is warm.  Today's author will leave it to you if he's the wise man or the fool.  That is all, maho maho.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Why the Hilg Behave As They Do

The Hilg spend their time
sleeping in Null space
Dreaming of nothing
when they wake
they believe
they dream
And Dreams Have No Rules

Tigoru Sees Most

Tigoru did not want
to be
the Blind Prophet of the Hidden Page
but as the markings took his flesh
and the light
took his eyes
he learned
fate will not be

Roboto Steps Out

Roboto Steps Out
The Night is Fine and Glowing Blue
With Estactic Electricity
It's Time For Circuits to Love
And AIs Not to Question Why
So Roboto Shines Up
and Roboto Steps Out

When Music Videos Didn't Have to Make Sense

This leads to my QUESTION OF THE DAY:  Let's say you could actually sing (I can't but by George I never let that stop me), and you were able to sing one song to get into the final 20 or so of American Idol.  What song would you choose?

For me, it would be tough because I know a lot of powerful songs but I'm not sure if other people would take to them cause some are rather obscure.  Still, here would be my choice at least I'd go down swinging...

What would you sing?

Stag Night

A bunch of Disposable Young Men are at a bachelor party.  It's early in the morning and late at night, and things have gone beyond being controllable.  They have just been kicked out of strip club and so go off in search of more trouble to get into.  After some trouble on a subway they are left and marooned in the underground.  Now as they try to find a way out they are menaced by barely human street thugs.

About one part "The Warriors" and two parts "Wrong Turn," it is a film of "civilized" men versus "savages."  There is a lot of action in the dark, but do you really care if any of these knobs get out alive?  I had trouble with it.  Also, the underground thugs were only so interesting.  I did like that they used dogs to hunt folks down in the transit tunnels.  I also liked that at least one young idiot went out with a bang when he decided he rather hug the third rail than be slowly slaughtered.

For this genre, it's a middling effort.  It's made well, it does have some actors that can do a decent line reading, and it does have a story that doesn't slow down for much.  On the down side there's just not a lot of anything to make this different or more interesting than other stories like this.  If you are a horror fan, it's probably worth a watch.

The Cape and the Lich

Still watching the cape but my ability to watch it has been delayed by a couple of days. I admit my enthusiasm has been dampened by the knowledge the show will probably be cancelled.

Here Rollo, the little strong man with a heart of gold, is worried that his girl friend is missing. Turns out she ran into the lich, a near mythic bad guy, and has been turned into a zombie. There's an absolutely hysterical line following the discovery missing an important clause that goes: "(The zombie making process) is common to subsahran africa, and specially in Haiti." Good job gang, it's cause of you that Scooby Doo can find work.  They also find a map to a parade route, and enough empty barrels of zombie juice to turn everyone in town into the halloween special.

So the Cape must team up with his old partner who had betrayed him to stopthe Lich.  The carnival is working to unzombify Rollo's girlfrien.  Orwell is also busy trying to thwart Chess by findind who really owns all port properties in town.  It all ends in a fun cliff hanger as we get ready for episode 2.

Monster of the Day: Modok

Source:  Marvel Comics
Location:  Generally near an AIM base.
Threat Assessment:  5.  Modok was once a scientist of AIM artificially mutated.  He is now a huge flying head in a modified armored chair.  Besides flight, Modok has great intelligence and the ability to fire off beams of incredible damage.
Weaknesses:  An egotist, he also despite his intellect has a problem with creative thinking.  He is physically helpless without his chair.
Personal Note:  I just find Modok cute. 

Today's Secret Code

"Egon said, 'Print is dead.'  Egon owns an Ipad."  Again:  "Egon said, 'Print is dead."  Egon owns an Ipad."  Today's colour is darker than you think.  Today's Author remembers the pulps.  That is all, maho maho.