Thursday, March 31, 2011

Coming from the Voices

Coming from the voices
he wants to take your hand
or neck
he wants to take you here
and there
and that place where
the voices are

The Coming Out

In the back of the closet
in the dark of the shadow
practicing courtseys
and formal dances
to come out

The Lost Blair Witch Frame

the lost frame of the blair witch

Abstract #23/32

Cult of the Cobra

Anyone remember "Nanny and the Professor?" Thought not. It's a pretty obscure little "Bewitched" type show. For some reason it always stuck in my brainpan. I guess one reason is that I liked Richard Long. A person who could make being the straight man to weirdness fun. So it was amusing to me when I was watching "Cult of the Cobra," and there was Richard Long being straight man to weirdness.

The film is set in 1945 in "Asia," here he's in the Army on leave with his buddies. They are sucking in the exotic sites and honestly looking for a bit of adventure before going back home to the boring old states. After talking with a snake charmer they are led to a forbidden snake cult ritual. One dim bulb decides to use flash photograph and mayhem ensues. The upshot is now they got themselves a bad cobra curse following them back to the states.

This is a good general horror picture in a time where there were actually few horror films being made. It moves a good pace and its fun seeing actors like Richard Long go through their paces. One criticism I did have is that they used the greek mythology of "lamia" where there was already an existing mythology of the "naga." Guess they figured americans wouldn't be able to handle a little far east mythology.

I, Madman

"I, Madman," is a film that deserves more attention than it got. It is a fun, freaky little movie that is pretty inventive despite some cliched main characters.

Basically, you have this girl at a used book shop. She has discovered the books of an obscure author that are really really good. It's the type of books when you read them really put you into the story. Oh oh, guess what. She IS really into the story. Soon the madman from the second book appears before her. He has hes face all cut off, and he has done so because he wants a blank canvas. He wants to create the most perfect face. The most perfect face for our heroine. Soon people are dying left and right and losing facial features. Honestly, badly stitching a nose over your face hole isn't helping.

So, will our heroine's policeman boyfriend finally figure things out. Will she figure things out? Will the Jackal Boy ever be released. Watch and find out!

Last Night was Elton John Night on American Idol

Aliens Vs. Ninjas

This is the type of campy craziness that the Syfy network wished it could do. Basically a bunch of ninjas are ninjaing about. There's a little rivalry between them all but mostly they are a bunch of good guys for murdering assassins. SUDDENLY!! a huge fireball descends from the heavens.

Well now the ninjas have to fight killer aliens of the "Aliens" school of extraterrestials. Can ninja skill defeat monsters from beyond? Of course it can, but it's still a fun fight to watch.

The aliens are knock offs but good ones. They remind me of certain burrowing amphibians if they were eight feet tall and had more sharp edges than a Lewis Black routine. They also have cute mind control fetuses which lead to an incredibly tasteless but funny scene as the ninjas are forced to pull out cute gummy fetuses from the throats of their brother ninjas.

Overall a fun film if you don't think about things, and why would you?? Enjoy.

Garbage Disposal in Goblin Town

Waste disposal is always a problem in any civilization. Goblins, though only nominally civilized share that concern. Their solution is clever. First they seperate the night soil from the rest of the trash and take it to be processed to into fertilizer. Say a prayer for the goblins that work that detail. It is hard work and they have few friends.

The rest of the trash goes into the silver bin for 30 nights. It is not really silver as if it was it would be nicked in less than half a night. While in the the silver bin any citizen of Goblin town may pick at it to their heart's content. This is a primative but very effective form of recycling.

From there it is dumped into the Smelly hole. Goblins COULD go into the Smelly hole, but few would. Not only is the stench strong as popeye after a spinach bender, but the hole is rife with magically augmented vermin. A six foot long rat will ruin anyone's day.

After collecting for a year the Goblins send the collection team in. Six mages and sixty soldiers. The soldiers are there to keep the mages safe. They arrange themselves around the pit armed with burning spears.

The first mage is the most senior and powerful. He will chant for hours and use extremely expensive ingredients to create a spell of rarification. He doesn't transform the garbage so much as to purify it to pure information. The "soul" of the waste if you will.

The next two mages then start to take this information and weave it to words, and then bind it to the pages of a book. The final three mages are in a state of magically enhanced perception. The quickly scan the pages as the words are bound to them. If there is anything of interest they can stop the process and take it back. It is an expensive process but it has been proven worth it.

Finally, all the waste is now in a book. The mages retire to scented baths and unnameable pleasures. The soldiers press the book between two heavy iron plates and wrap it in silver wire. They then place it in a steel box that has been hexed to resist magic. It is then riveted and sealed with bronze and taken to the Midden Library. So a whole year of waste has been reduced to a book. Hopefully nothing will dismiss the spells or it would be quite a mess.

Monster of the Day: Weresnake

Source:  Lair of the White Worm
Location:  Scotland
Threat Assessment:  5.  Killer were snake bitch.  Seductive when she has to be, poisonous when needed.  Worshipping a big ass snake that could eat a car whole.
Limitation:  Bag pipers.  Hubris.  High moral standards.

Today's Secret Code

"Watch out for that tree, George."  Again:  "Watch out for that tree, George."  Today's colour is jungle green.  Today's author is just another damn dirty ape.  That is all, maho maho.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Devils and Angels

Angels and Devils
Devils and Angels
hide in light and shadow
Devils hide as Angels
and Angels as Devils
Until all is revealed

The Fire Rat

Fire Rats exist on all circles
Gentle rodents but
they have a body temp of 350 degrees
and they are very curious
willing to probe anywhere
remember that song
Mississippi Squirrel?

Falling Pictures

Black Lagoon

Sometimes you can go straight to the other side of macho. Being so over the top that no one can really take you seriously. When you are no longer a body but just lumps in a line, no one is going to see you as a complex character. Black Lagoon, an anime from Japan, is like that. It tries to out gritty the grittiest grit that ever grit a screen and just falls into itself into a pile of camp.

The story is a typical Japanese guy accidently getting involved in a city that makes Sin City seem virtuous. He is helped (?) by a crazy woman with more guns than sense. A walking billboard for senseless violence. With a few other just a tad more laid back types they form a mercenary company.

In the very special family episode I just watched the villains were twin romanian "vampire" kids. Dressed as kewpie goths, armed with machine guns they are taking out the local russian group. The entire city is poised for war as the Russians try to find these pint sized assassins and more importantly who sicced them on them. Of the four episodes that had this arch, most of it was just over the top violence followed by over topping that violence. Only in the end was there a very brief bit of depth. The characters find themselves tired and numbed to their souls. Maybe that's the point of all the excess to make the viewers eventually feel the same numbing exhaustion of seeing too many people die for too few reasons. I don't know if that's a good reason to watch a show.

Mostly stupidly entertaining, and if you can handle action with a generous side of stupid sauce it's not a bad way to pass a half hour.

They are Crime, the Horrible Mr. Cobb

Everyone has a dream of the type where you pitch for the Yankees during the World Series. Mine would be designing a Spiderman villain for the great Steve Ditka to illustrate. I have one that would be perfect for his style. His story would be something like this...

Dr. Randolf Cobb heard an interesting story once. There was a study involving radioactive spiders and one got out. What makes it interesting is that incident occurred shortly before the debut of Spiderman. Obviously, there was a connection there in Dr. Cobb's mind. So he hunts up the details of the experiment and whips himself up some radioactive spiders. He then lets one bite him and he waits to become a super human.

Well, he indeed got spider powers. Just not the same package that Peter Parker got. The good news is that he became super strong, stronger even than Spiderman. The bad news is that every hair follicle on his body started spinning out spider silk. Worse he has very little control over the process. Instead of becoming a super powerful Adonis (with TIGER BLOOD, heh), he ended up looking like a mummy after being dipped in a cotton candy machine.

Very very upset at this, Dr. Cobb still had one course of action. Obviously the experiment worked, just not as it did with Spiderman. Therefore, he should capture Spiderman and study him. Hence our villain's motive.

Cobb's set of powers makes for quite a problem for our Spiderman. Peter likes to use his agility and speed and duke it out hand to hand. Getting close to Cobb though would take out effectively take out his agility and spidersense. Hitting Cobb would be like hitting a tar baby, and while he doesn't have much control over his webs he is essentially a walking web bomb. Spiderman would be quickly entangled and then fall victim to Cobb's greater strength. So Spiderman has to keep his distance and figure out how to stop him.

I can definitely see in my mind a series of Ditka panels that would just rock. As a character there's definitely room for growth and change. Cobb could easily become a part of Spidey's stable of unstable villains. I can even see a team up between Dr. Octopus and Cobb.

Monster of the Day: Violator, aka, the Clown

Source:  Spawn
Location:  Hell, Earth, Hell on Earth
Threat Assessment:  5.  As a clown he might sit on you, and annoy you to death with nattering.  But in the blink of an eye he can become a giant, horned demon and the fun just begins.
Limitations:  Strictly a goon, he knows to follow orders or else.  Not too bright.

Today's Secret Code

"The soul has a secret door, and the heart a secret window."  Again:  "The soul has a secret door, and the heart a secret window."  Today's colour is classified.  Today's Author is classfiable.  That is all, for now, maho maho.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The Late Mrs. Brillman

She asks in a voice ladled with vice
why do they say one is late
when one has come before
seems to me dearies that it should be
the Early Mrs. Brillman
and she laughed and laughed

The Last Phantom Behind the Mirror

Dr. Brillman Will See You

Dr. Brillman's scalpal is sharp
and his heart is hard
Of all the doctors he's a cut above
when he sees red
so it is said

Elfin Lied

A confusing series for me on many levels. The very title was sort of confusing. I thought it might have been a bad translation, and it sort of was but not as I thought. It is actually "Elfinlied" which is German for "Elf Song" and the name of a poem.

The series is about the Diclonii a mutant species of human. The Diclonii have horns on their heads that sort of look like cat ears. They more importantly have "Vectors" which are invisible telekinetic arms with which they can cleave or lift things with vast strength.

The series starts with one of these Diclonii naked save for a funky metal helm. She's in some bad ass secret government base and she's walking out and taking out anyone in the way. I mean anyone, doesn't matter if you were just an office girl bringing coffee. Off goes the head. Finally a sniper clips her just as she finally escapes.

She is later found on the beach by our hero, a typical japanese boy nerd and his friend girl friend. Generally when I find a naked horn girl who only makes cat noises I would call the police. These two basically adopt her and take her home. The series then basically is a back and forth between good people and evil secret organizations and good Lucy/ and bad evil Lucy.

The thing that conflicts me about this series is the misogyny present in the series. I've said before it's an unfortunate part of Japanese culture, and it's really vivid here. The worst is the character of Seven who has taken the character of "Female doormat" to extremes. She has been so tortured that she now considers her torturer a father figure even calling him "papa"

On the other hand, there is a compelling story here. Lucy has in effect been given a second chance by her "innocent" state after the shooting. Can she intergrate that and learn to care about people?

Definitely not for everyone, but also definitely a step above the usual "Magical Girlfriend" genre.

Last Night's Adventure Time

Adventure Time is my favorite of the new shows on the cartoon network's Monday night line up. It truly captures the innocent immaturity of boyhood. While the animation isn't stellar it is pretty and distinctive. The scripts are generally very good and make for a fun 15 minute run. Honestly, though the shows only rank up to 4 stars when Marceline shows up.

Marceline the vampire is the perfect foil for Finn. While Finn can be selfish it is the unknowing innocent selfishness of boyhood. Marceline is very knowingly selfish and loves to play mind games with Finn. But what's really nice is that despite all the chaos she causes, Marceline deep down really likes Finn even though he's a rube.

Last night's episode was classic. Finn was trying to get the Princess to go with him to the movies and Jake and Marceline were giving competing advice on how to woo the Princess. Marceline convinces Finn that the Princess really needs to feel excitement so they put wolves in her room. Quite rightly the Princess kicks them all out. Finn then realizes thinking back on how much fun it was getting the wolves and everything that it is Marceline whom he should ask. But Marceline isn't ready for dating. Once Finn convinces her that it's not a date, just friends she's cool with it. As they realize that smoochy films isn't their thing and they set wolves out into the theater I think they both realize that they are pretty cool together.



When the Japanese let themselves go, they don't muck around. This is daffy, loony toons anime. It's set in an alternate Japan where aliens have landed and banned swords putting the samurai out of work. One of these fellows is Gintama our hero, we know he's our hero cause they say so. He and his band of warriors have formed an odd jobs corporation where they will fight the good fight for a good price. From this premise is spun just wild ass craziness. The characters are constantly breaking the 4th wall as they bounce of the walls from one crazy siuation to another.

Honestly I don't get all the jokes since many are cultural in jokes on other parts of Japanese media, but for every joke I didn't get there were five that I did making it a joy to watch. It had enough energy to keep me going.

Monster of the Day: The Incredible Melting Man

Source:  The Incredible Melting Man
Location:  Lurking
Threat Location:  3.  After catching a space bug he needs to eat human flesh to keep it together.  He's capable of great strength and violence.
Limitations:  Not graceful.  Condition is terminal, just a matter of time before he's goo.  This is what happens when you tamper in God's Lo Mein as Joel and the Bots would say.
Personal Note:  A hideous bad film. 

Today's Secret Code

"If you have ants in your pants, an ant eater will not improve matters."  Again:  "If you have ants in your pants, an ant eater will not improve matters."  Today's colour is a firery red.  Today's author can do the hokey pokey.  That is all, maho maho.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Our Lady of Martins

From the wood she comes
and in the woods she stays
but kill the last tree
and at last she'd be free
And the Martins would dance at her feet
And all foxes bow
as the last Hunt Started

The God of Neon Dances

Sola Bora Lun
The God of Neon
in Las Vegas
of course

The Sad Kangaroo Girl of Side Show Tent #10.23

Monster of the Day: Pinhead

Source:  Hellraiser
Location:  Somewhere in hell, close by
Threat Assessment:  6.  (Goes down as the series progress)  A creature from beyond, Pinhead has his associates.  Pinhead has lots of hooks.  Pinhead can change space to suit him. 
Limitations:  He's bounded by the puzzles that allow him into this world.  He likes suffering so he'll tend to overplay his hand.  Also, he's very much of a visionary.  He wants to show you things rather than take over the world.
Personal Note:  I've always liked that Pinhead is sort of a S/M cultist going from door to door.  "Pardon me Sir, but I have such sights to show you."

Today's Secret Code

"If you are going to play dead, I wouldn't suggest method acting."  Again:  "If you are going to play dead, I wouldn't suggest method acting."  Today's colour is subtle.  Today's Author is not here, and not there.  That is all, maho maho.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

The Changing Room

They won
in the end
but the heavy particles
forced a price
as they prayed
one last time
in the


Is the strange angel of time
A laughing clown
who takes away the hours
but adds all the years


Scream of the Banshee

Well I'll be a hornswaggled vermicious knid, the syfy saturday movie did NOT suck this week. Oh don't worry, we aren't talking anything oscar worthy or even good cultish fun. But it was a good compentent horror movie that kept the action going pretty good throughout the run. I found myself enjoying it pretty much and it only took syfy 200 tries to get it right. Way to rock a learning curve syfy!

So basically back in the times of olde, this guy figures out how to trap a banshee. He uses a funk shield that turns into a flying box that takes the banshee's head off. Cue to modern times where a bunch of acedemics are going through the basement and taking an inventory. This group is no better written than most but certainly better acted. I definitely got to care about them at least 300 times more than most Disposable Young People.

Anyhow they somehow open the box that should not be opened and there is a cool banshee head in it that starts screaming. The head then fries and the spirit of the banshee is released. The banshee's mo is that it needs for you to scream so it will completely screw with you till you do. It's sort of like a cross between Steve Tyler and Freddy Kruger.

Definitely worth a watch the next time it pops on the syfy network.

Creepy Country Songs

What's Your Story

"Not much of a story really."

"You don't know how lucky you are to be on Earth. Everywhere else it's all we hear about. You are right up there with Kula Lumpar and the Green Zone. I come from a place that had only two and a half spatial dimensions and an in constant temporal one. We could only go forwards. If you wanted to go back you had to leave the realm and reenter back where you wanted to be. It was a pain. It was also deemed immoral by the local powers that be so you were always getting gruff for it."

"It just sucked toads..."

"So one day I had enough. I had enough spells to make the jump, and more importantly I had the desire, the moxie for something better. So I bid my three mothers goodbye and left that place without one look back."

"Since everyone wanted to come to Earth it's tough now to just walk right in the front door. Heck I understand, everyone wants to keep the piece of the pie just for themselves. But I'm smarter than most of spiritual baggage that want in. I find a way under the fence through the dreams of a schizo in Miami. Through him I was able to enter the dream country and despirte rules they are always looking for an eager pair of hands. Soon I was a migraine worker in the mind fields."

"I didn't mind at all. It was already ten times better than where I was, and I liked the work. I drifted from mind field to mind field making contacts. We'd talk about all things earthly on breaks as we drank the bitter memories of others and watched the butter cutlery fies flit from here and there."

"Nice as that was I still wanted more. It was just a matter of timing and will. I found a perfect host and inbetween shifts I'd prepare him with dreams of dark inspiration. After a few years I had an accountant with a sleep disorder become a sorceror of some power. Of course he was very surprised when his final spell released me."

"I almost felt sorry for him. Almost."

"And so here I am, I sleep in a shack out on the edge. I eat mostly what I can catch. I've never been happier. I'm already gaining a reputation of a nightmare smith. All those years as a migraine worker is paying off. I'm even seeing a girl psychically. So there you are, that's my story."

Today's Monster: Superman 3 borg

Source:  Superman III
Location:  Cave Lair
Threat Assessment:  4.  It is the cyborgnetic arm of an all powerful super computer.  It is super strong, tough, and has a variety of energy weapons.
Limitations:  It didn't kill anyone, and it was vulnerable to Richard Pryor.

Today's Secret Code

"The wise man's heart meditates on wisdom."  Again:  "The wise man's heart meditates on wisdom."  Today's colour is a thoughtful yellow.  Today's author is a pale shade.  That is all, maho maho.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Today's Secret Word is "SCREAM!"

The Blue Ghost

The Blue Ghost
is actually quite happy
She knows something
but only smiles

What was in Side Show Tent #13

Atomic Submarine

A bit obscure but if you like science fiction you definitely should find this. Something is disrupting subs from their polar routes so the Government sends the Tiger Shark to find and destroy the threat. The usual grouping of military and scientists try to coexist in the cramp sub as they hunt down this unknown threat.

The beginning is done competently but it is standard early sci fi boiler plate. Once they get down to hunting the flying saucer though things pick up quite nicely. There are nice special effects and very good pacing. Plus a fun one eyed alien. Certainly it's the best finding aliens underwater film until "The Abyss."

Oh fun drinking game. Take a drink of your favorite beverage every time someone says "Atomic."

Even Boring People Can Have Creepy Music (Watch Out For That Tree Edition)

Monster of the Day: Sontarans

Source: Dr. Who
Location:  Edge of the galaxy, but they do get about.
Threat Assessment:  7.  An entire race of highly technological beings with a militant culture.  They are from a high gravity environment and are very strong and tough.
Limitations:  In a war already with the Rutins.  They have one big weakness.  The probic vent at the back of their necks is highly susceptible to damage.  A good whack there can take a Sontaran down.  One reason Sontarans never back down from a fight.
Sontarans are all clones so there isn't a lot of genetic variety there.
Personal note:  Love how they look like a cross between trolls and Volgons.  I also like that they really don't care much about humans.  They only get in our face as they work out how to beat the Rutins. 

Today's Secret Code

"Never play footsie under the covers of Darkness."  Again:  "Never play footsie under the covers of Darkness."  Today's colour is sleeping furiously.  Today's Author knows that Holmes is wrong and the game is not a foot.  That is all, maho maho.

Friday, March 25, 2011

The Savage Queen

The Savage Queen
Ruled a land primeval
where the serpent steeds
still glide
and men
were judged with steel

Monster of the Day: The Twilight Zone Killer Bunny

Source: Twilight Zone the Movie
Location:  In a spooky ol' house somewhere.
Threat Assessment:  3.  Had big claws and teeth and seemed to want to eat people.
Limitation:  Didn't really exist.  He was a mental projection of Anthony brought to life.  Anthony is the real monster who has a threat assessment of 8.  He could unmake the world with a thought. 

A Dream I Had

A Dream

I was at the beach doing art
but no one else was digging it
"Do your old style they said."
But I was digging it.
Colors so bold it was glowing
off the poster board

Tony the leader said
"Hey I have a great idea for lunch"
so we piled into the van and went
to market
but there was no parking
so we kept circling in the back alley
and we had to dodge vans
that were driven badly
and they kept hitting
garbage cans

We get Tony and the stuff
and we go to the house
there is a hole in the middle of the yard
I look down and there is a man in a chamber
looking up
I said "Hey come look."
Tony said, "Oh that's just the priest
come on we have to make lunch."

So we were making a great big lunch
and then Tony says,
"Someone has to go to Nano Spain
and get us Nano nano madera"
I volunteered because I felt bad since
usually I only do the dishes

So someone comes to give me a shot
to shrink me to Nano Spain
it hurt but nothing happened so he looks at the box
and learns it will take SEVEN shots

So he's looking for more places to poke
when the nurse with the flaming black hand
and my mother come in and they are mad
"Unprofessional and foolish," said the nurse
she sets up an IV drip in the back of my hand
"You should tell us before you go to Nano Spain."
I said I was sorry and ask her to go to the beach
and see the new art
she said she wouldand that made me very happy
and I said thank you.
"Don't," said the nurse. And she let the IV run....

Everything went black
then white
then grey

I heard myelf say I was checking out

and then I saw everyone in the world
a little screen for each person
then with the sound of dominos
falling down
one by one
each screen
went black

Then I woke up

What's Been Going On

Yesterday I had to go to the doctor for a new stage of my clinical trials and I just didn't have the energy to post.  Everything is fine and here I am back.

GREAT ENTERTAINMENT  NEWS:  The Venture Brothers have been signed up for two more seasons and an hour special.  More information when it comes.

MY POLITICAL RANT:  I get it, some people really don't like Obama.  If Obama came and handed them a thousand dollars, a medal then kissed their baby, these folks would think Obama stole the money and the medal and just tried to eat their baby.  That's cool, but please keep a position for at least ten minutes if you want to be treated like adults.  All before our bombs were bursting in midair these folks were "Why isn't Obama doing something", and now they are complaining that he has done something about that pesky Qadaffy Duck.  Now he was either right to do nothing, or he's right to do something.  Pick one and stick with it.  And don't get all "he didn't consult congress," on me.  The War Powers act covers that, and then don't get all "prove it was a clear and present threat to the US," because that particular passage is considered legally shakey and has not been challenged when other presidents have done the exact same thing.  Now true, Obama did say the exact same thing about consulting congress about President Bush.  But at least he waited a couple of years to change his opinion.  Not ten minutes. 
Rant over.

Today's Secret Code

"It is always better to bare arms than to arm bears."  Again:  "It is always better to bare arms than to arm bears."  Today's colour in hot.  Today's author is cool.  That is all, maho maho.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


A Chulplex Priest Wearing his Snake Hat

All Star Superman

For longer than I care to count the animation division of DC has been knocking out some incredible takes on their universe. Aided with great writing and good animation they often put the blockbuster live action movies to shame. All Star Superman is another home run for DC.

The story starts with Lex Luthor killing superman. Opps was that a spoiler? Well it was in the trailer so deal. Lex basically gives superman super cancer and Superman doesn't have long to live. So in true heroic fashion he tries to tie up loose ends. It is never that easy though, as various threats pop up. Also, Luther might have more planned for the Man of Steel.

One thing I like, no LOVE, about this film is that it whole heartedly embraces the weirdness of the silver age and updates it for today. A lot of the story is set around Superman's fortress of solitude and it is delightfully weird to an almost wonkaesque level. There's the key made of dwarf star matter, there's the baby star eater that superman feeds tiny suns that he makes on his cosmic anvil. There are all the superman robots keeping things tidy (maybe batman should by one to help Alfred). It really makes Superman fun.

The characters are all fun as well, but they also have a good emotional depth. Superman's goodbyes feel real and heartfelt. Lois and Jimmy were well realized. Even Lex had a lot more depth than usual. His hatred is what sets everything in motion, but behind that hatred is something else. A longing. Also, they made Clark Kent persona the most fun since the days of Chris Reeve.

The Animation is beautiful and has a subtle glow to it you don't generally see. The Action was great but not really the point of the film. It's the quieter scenes that best rendered.

In short, I say definitely give this a look even if you aren't a Superman fan.

Further Thoughts on Superman and the Justice League

I know that Aquaman gets a lot of crap for being the most useless hero in the Justice League. But I got to think that the one that the one made superman raise his eyebrow the most in askance was Hawkman I can imagine their first meeting like this.

SUPERMAN: Hey, Hiya. Glad you can come. I'm Superman.

HAWKMAN: I'm hawkman.

SUPERMAN: Great, that's a good strong name Hawkman. So you have hawk powers?

HAWKMAN: I can fly.

SUPERMAN: Great! I can fly too. So do you have vision like a hawk?

HAWKMAN: I can fly. I have these big metal wings and I fly with them. THey are made of space metal.

SUPERMAN: .... Um. Space Metal that's cool. I don't need anything to fly but you know whatever gets you there. So... how do you fight crime?

HAWKMAN: I use a mace.


HAWKMAN: You know it's like a big club...

SUPERMAN: I know what a mace is, what's make it special? Does it hurl thunderbolts or something?

HAWKMAN: It's made of space metal so its hard, but it's just a mace.

SUPERMAN: Well, excuse me, but has it occurred to you that being able to fly and all, that maybe a ranged weapon could take advantage of that? I mean... if you like the old timey stuff you can go out like Green Arrow.

HAWKMAN: I like the mace.

SUPERMAN: Well to each their own... it just doesn't seem ... hawk like. I mean hawks aren't know for blunt force trauma.

HAWKMAN: I like the mace.

SUPERMAN: Riiiiiight.... ok then. The buffet is over there, try the shrimp. I see the Martian Manhunter and I have to have a word with him. Enjoy being in the League.


Monster of the Day: Dalek Human

Source:  Dr. Who
Location:  1930 Earth, New York
Threat Assessment:  5.  A last ditch attempt by Daleks to survive, the Dalek Human was their leader who went through a merging with a human.  Incredibly intelligent with high technology backing him.  Able to exist out side his battle armor unlike other Daleks.
Limitations:  In his short life the Dalek Human learned to appreciate positive human values which isn't good for a Dalek.  Also he lost support from his fellow Daleks.

Today's Secret Code

"If you censor a censor is that freedom of expression?"  Again:  "If you censor a censor is that freedom of expression?"  Today's colour is blue.  Today's Author is confused.  That is all maho maho.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Deconstructing Cal

Zelada is a Demon and Happy to See You

Zelada has many talents
and literally has eyes in the back of her head
she is never surprised
but often surprises

Grimmolda The Troll Queen

Grimmolda the Troll Queen
She rules the trolls with a black horny fist
They say she has heart
she keeps it in a jar

Getting Ready for the Dance

The Goatherd

I can't say enough how much I was let down and disliked "The Goatherd." First, I was disappointed because reading the little blurb on the netflix envelope it said tourists were being threatened by a psychotic goatherd. Neat, that sounds like "Black Sheep." Turns out they meant "Psychotic goatherder."


Then the film got bad along the lines of "Wolf Creek" and "Hostel." I love horror, but people in tiny dark rooms screaming, and people in tiny dark rooms screaming, and people in tiny dark rooms screaming (hits my head), anyway all that screaming gives me a headache and the idea of a movie is you are suppose to SEE something.


They Fight Crime: Superman Squared

Recently they had to close the comment section of the DC site for comics. TInhe reason was that the flame war over who was faster, Superman or the Flash, got too heated for moderator's tastes.

In so many ways, this is a useless debate. Even if the Flash was faster, Superman will always win because besides being fast he is invulnerable, super strong and super smartt. The Flash just can't win. He, and his fans, shouldn't feel so bad, no one in the Justice League can measure up to the all around performance of Superman.

So why be in the League a all?

Well besides companionship there's just the problem that there's only one Superman. So it helps to have friends. But, at some point if Superman were stop to think about things he'd have to realize this is just a half measure. The only way to really solve the problem would be to have more Superman. That's a very real possiblity. Throughout the silver age of comics Superman was always creating robot supermans to help pull off his Clark Kent disguise. At some point it's reasonable to assume that idea of making a whole bunch of Superman robots to lighten the load would just have to occur. Besides the fact that they'd be almost as strong, fast, and invulnerable as Superman, they would have the advantage of just being robots. There wouldn't be any tears of remorse if Darkseid batted down ten or twelve of them.

So my Superman Analog the Zenith thought this all out and created the Zenith squad. 144 Zenith android patrolling the earth with the Zenith himself overseeing the operations. Oh there would be early problems as the androids get tweaked here and there to better suit their mission but soon enough every city would nearly free of crime and supervillains fear the skies.

It wouldn't be all roses though. Many nations would be very resistent to the Zenith squad. Also, it would just smack of facism to many people. Soon young people start throwing stones and worse anytime a Zenith appears. No doubt even other super heroes would be dubious and also some would certainly have bruised egos. The challenge for the Zenity would be to ride this tiger and keep enough people on his side to keep the the Zenith squad in the air. Otherwise, he'd face a revolt from the people he swore to protect.

Monster of the Day: Dracula's Dog

Source:  Zoltan:  Hound of Dracula
Location:  USA
Threat Assessment:  2.  A dog with fangs.  Are you kidding me?

Today's Secret Code

"Never drink more than a duck."   Again:  "Never drink more than a duck."  Today's colour is murky.  Today's Author is thinking about how to get down off a duck.  That is all, nyoki nyoki.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Ghost hag

The Ghost Hag
haunts a certain cabin
in a certain yacht
the lower berth



Gantz is a horror film pretending to be an action style anime. It's heroes are two students, one heroic the other apathetic. They both die as they try to save a homeless bum that fell on railroad tracks. This opening scene of their heads flying all around the train station as people take cell phone pictures capture the feel of dehumanized horror of the series.

Our heroes then find themselves in a small apartment with a bunch of other people from teachers to yakuza. Also in the room is a big black sphere. Sort of like 2001's monolith but with a FU attitude. It tells them they are all dead and they belong to it. It then gives them guns and cool suits and tells them to kill monsters.

It's a fascinating series. I'm bothered by its misogyny, a common problem of japanese media. Of course the woman is the only one to appear in the apartment naked. In the course of ten minutes she's nearly assualted by the yakuza and a dog. Ugh. I've only seen a few episodes so I don't know exactly where this is all going. I also see it's been made as a live action film which I would be interested in seeing.

Worth viewing if one can handle graphic violence and is willing to see past the misogyny.



A few little mistakes and thousands died. We are currently watching Japan to see if they can fix their reactor, but we gloss over a history of industrial accidents. Boston once was flooded by hot molasses that killed horses and men. Dam breaks have killed hundred of thousands of people. We don't want to think about how death might be just a block away.

Unstoppable is about a train that gets away from its conductor (played with amusing reality by the guy who plays the idiot brother in "My Name Is Earl"). The train is loaded with dangerous chemicals and gaining speed. Can anyone stop this train before it blows up in someone's backyard? Well two train employees, a newbie and an old hand, think they can.

This is an exciting film and has a nice feeel of reality. Is it surprising? Not so much. You know how the characters are going to act, and you are pretty certain what actions will result in mishap or victory. Somehow, though, that doesn't take away from the fun. This is a good old fashioned movie in all the right ways.

They Fight Crime: Ronin of Time

He might be called the Lonely Man.
Or the Ronin of Time.
If anyone remembered him at all.

Once, there was a creature so wicked it tried to crash the universe. It used temporial paradoxes to try to force the universe to undo itself. It killed Hitler as a baby, and pulled Jesus off the cross. It gave Davinci a lobotomy and gave nuclear bomb secrets to the Japanese in 1927. The universe wobbled by the constant attacks on reality.

One man was in the right place, the right time, and had the right attitude to fight the monster. Using technology that no longer ever existed he pulled up his past and his future like big carrots out of the ground. He then rolled up all that he was into one present without past or future. A walking paradox, he could not longer be effected by changes to the the timestream. He couldn't even be tracked as he existed only in the forever flitting horizon of the present. With the ability to travel all of space with a thought the newly created Ronin hunted the creature and finally killed it. He then traveled to those who could span time to tell them how to repair the damage.

Since then the Ronin has traveled the universe doing what good he can. He's lonely though. One of the odder paradoxes of his new existence is that the universe recognizes his actions but conscious minds do not after he has left his presence. He could rescue someone from a fire and the minute he left the would forget how they were saved.
Only three beings remember the Ronin. The Master of Phoenixes who lives on the Island of the Moon will remember the Ronin no matter what incarnation he is existing in. The Galatic Historian will always remember since it is his purpose to remember what is, what will, and what was idly thought of on a Thursday afternoon. The Lost Love remembers, and the less said the better.

If for some reason you avoided death by some miraculous means but can't exactly remember how, perhaps you were saved by the Ronin of Time.

Monster of the Day: Cerebus

Source:  Greek Mythology
Location:  Gate of the Underworld
Threat Assessment:  4.  A huge monsterous three headed hound that guards the gates of hell.  An incredible ball of fury.  A pit bull rolled up with a devil times three.
Limitations:  Doesn't have any plans besides guarding the gates of hell.  Can be lulled to sleep.  Bestial Intelligence.

Today's Secret Code

"When good men do nothing, evil wins."  Again:  "When good men do nothing, evil wins."  Today's colour is brighter in the dark.  Today's Author is an authority.  That is all, maho maho.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Chimera Child

Divided and United
Chimera Child
The Love and the Hate
Chimera's Child
Together as one
all together as none
Chimera Child

Sighting of Unknown Spiritual Being Along the Coast of Wales

What Came Out the Door

Creepy Music

Birdemic: Shock and Terror

Bad films.

Some folks scratch their head why some bad films receive a cult status. Why watch something that is complete schist, right? I have to admit I have no good answer. I just know every now and then comes a film so jaw droppingly bad that it becomes an experience.

The trouble is, in this day in age the cult of bad films is now recognized. That means folks intentionally try to make a bad film. Trouble is, that's an art you can't really fake unless you are some genius. The general results then are films that wind up like third rate "Airplane" knock offs or worse bore fests.

I saw the trailer to "Birdemic" a while ago and nearly swallowed my gum. This, I could see was the real McCoy. After seeing the film, I can safely say this is a truly bad film. It is a modern classic of the genre of crapola. If there was a king of crap he'd have to give the crown to this one.

One thing that makes this a truly real bad film, is that it actually takes it time. It's not some ADD riff on "Plan 9 from out of space." It gives us time to wallow in pointless traffic shots and incredibly bad sound work. One of my favorite early points in the film was in the very credits where it lists "Supporting Casts." Plural. Love it.

The film is about a boring guy, and he meets a boring girl. He says he remembers her from high school, she was two seats behind him. She says, "You can remember that far back," though it's not clear if far back is all the way to high school, or two seats back. From this meeting they become eventually, oh so eventually bed buddies. Then one day, they wake up and the sky is full of screaming, oh so screaming, cgi birds.

This is the type of film that after watching you go and grab a friend and say, "Oh holy crap you have to see this!" Truly a classic of badness. It will not be topped or bottomed for generations.

The Fighter

This is a film about heart, about the hearts of people who aren't suppose to show their hearts.  It says its based on a true story but as always I don't know how based that is so I'll leave that aside.  It's the story of two brothers.  The older brother is a fallen hero, the younger wants to be the next champ.  The mother is the manager of the younger brother but is still clearly thinks the older brother is the special one.  The father is passive.  The sisters are a harpy squad.  Mix in the older brother falling into crack addiction and this is not a good recipe for success.

Our hero, the younger brother, must step away from this poisonous situation and does thanks to his love of a feisty waitress.  But he also must then learn to reembrace the same family he had to leave because it is a deep part of who he is.  If he can manage these two warring factions maybe he really can become the champ.

Love the film, great acting.  Oscar worthy acting that is really oscar worthy.  Christian Bale is able to once again channel his inner asshole to play the older brother.  Mark Wahlberg is just very tough vulnerable as the younger brother.  There's nothing not to like about this film.  It's a realistic "Rocky" that doesn't lose sight that there's a reason we root for the underdog.

The Magic I have

The Magic I have
is the Magic you have
we are all Magicians
Magus and Imagos
Angels and Demons
We have but to cast
We have but to dream
The Magic I have
is the Magic you have

Monster of the Day: Predator Dog

Source:  Predators
Location:  Wherever there are Predator aliens
Threat Assessment:  3.  Fast.  Deadly.  Hard to kill.  They have lots of teeth, claws and horns.
Limitations:  They are domesticated animals under control of the Predators.  Enough firepower will kill one.  Beastial intelligence.
Personal note:  Some critics said that these dogs couldn't have evolved naturally because their horns would get in the way of feeding.  To this I say, "duh," because we humans have taken a perfectly good natural predator (the wolf) and turned it through breeding into a pug which has the survivablity in the wild of a soap fish.  It makes perfect sense for the gung ho predator aliens to take some nasty beast and breed it to outlandish nastiness.

Today's Secret Code

"He thrusts his fists against the post and still insists he sees no ghosts."  Again:  "He thrusts his fists against the post and still insists he sees the ghosts."  Today's colour is in a different spectral.  Today's Author has a haunted look.  That is all, maho maho.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Mad Annie

Mad Annie
is moon struck and drunk
follows the tydes
of warp and woof
she's good company
when the world
turns outside in

The Ghost Marm

Class is in session
She's old fashioned
and strict
spare the ax
and spoil the child

An Eye in the Pie

What a sight to see
an eye in a pie

The Uninvited

The Uninvited is a smart little horror film that takes a page from "Vertigo."  Like "Vertigo" our hero has a phobia.  Here it is a fear of all space (how Lovecraftian), at the beginning of the film we see how she has to often walk with either eyes closed or facing a wall inches away.  She mentions she got this way after an odd encounter with a spooky old woman.

Later she's supposedly cured, and is now living in a new place.  Things are looking up, or maybe not.  When left alone, things begin to happen.  She begins to see ghosts.  She gets her phobia back.  Oh and she keeps hearing a crying baby.  No one believes her, and now she has to face her fears and ghosts.

It moves along well, and you really feel her odd fear of space.  It's certainly an effective little chiller.

They Fight Crime the Retcon

Retcons, or retro continuity, is now a standard tool in the comics industry. There's some reason for this, after sixty plus years of publishing some characters have a lot of dead weight in terms of out dated villains and such. Some comic book characters are themselves no longer relevant and need a fresh update.  Sometimes though a retcon is done just as a form of publicity.  Other times it is a form of ego massage as new writer takes over and wants to make the character "his."  The upshot is sometimes a retcon can be good, like when Swampthing discovers he was never a human being at all.  Other times it can be very bad like when they took Wonder Woman's powers away and made her dress like Emma Peel.  Mostly though, it doesn't do much one way or the other and just marks time till the next retcon.

With that in mind, I've designed a character that embraces the retcon with a vengeance.  Our hero has variously quantum inspired powers.  One day he wakes up and realizes he's not in his house.  There's a note by the bed that says "If you don't know what the heck is going on play this."  And there is a DVD, except it is square not round.  Our hero plays it and learns the truth:  he has become unstuck in reality.  See, one of the many models in quantum physics is when a particle is faced with a "choice" it splits the universe into two universes so that both choices do occur.  While it is logical most physicists say, "yeah right pull the other one."  Writers though love multiple worlds cause who wouldn't like an evil Spock with a goatee.  Anyway, for our hero the multiple worlds are very real and he has become unstuck and his consciousness now flits between various reality of himself.

On the plus side, people he thought dead might not be dead in whatever reality he's in.  On the other hand, dear loved ones could be dead in the next reality or even bitter enemies.  Sometimes he'll find himself with different powers or even no powers at all.  Other times the whole world will be"crazy" like a world where Germany won World War II.  The real problem is over time our hero faces the problem of alienation.  How can you stay close to anyone when everything changes without seeming rhyme or reason.  Our hero of course would try to find a way to get himself fixed in one reality, hopefully a good one. 

I don't have a name for my hero yet, but I call him the Q'd (sounds like "dude.")

Monster of the Day: The Production and Decay of Strange Particles

Source:  The Outer Limits
Location:  Another dimension, and nuclear research facility
Threat Assessment:  6.  The energy needs a shell to exist, so it flows into people wearing suits that were suppose to be proof against radiation.  They are intelligent, and don't feel pain.  If you destroy a suit you don't destroy the energy.
Limitations:  They can't operate far from their dimensional rift.  So it's best to close that sucker off.
Personal Note:  For some reason these scared me as a child.

Today's Secret Code

"Art is crazy done right."  Again:  "Art is crazy done right."  Today's colour is shimmering.  Today's Author is going arty.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Don't Be Another Victim of Mind Scans

Album Cover from the Esoterrorist classic "Episodes of Dreary."

Moloch Plotting

From Below
Moloch Plots
and Schemes
to Steal from Us
all Our Dreams

The Loonatics

I'm for seeing old characters in a different light from time to time. After all, it's generally a good idea to shake things up. However, the idea of taking the Bugs Bunny and the Loony Tune crew and turning them into dark ninties style super heroes is just .... loony.

No I never thought, "Gee what if Wile E. Coyote had superpowers." Nope, nope never crossed my mind. After I stopped hitting my head against the wall, I decided to look at an episode with fresh eyes.

Afterwards, and after another bout of head banging, I can safely say even if I were a child again I would say this cartoon sucks. The jokes are unfunny, the characters uninteresting, and the world just has zero logic or coherence.

The sad thing is really people all you have to do to keep bugs bunny fresh is be funny. He's a joke machine. If you can be funny at least say once every thirty seconds for a five minute cartoon you'll be good as gold. But obviously Warner Brothers doesn't do funny any more. At least not funny ha ha.

Monster of the Day: Troll

Source:  Folklore
Location:  Many fantasy worlds, under bridges
Threat Assessment:  2-4.  Depends on the world.  Trolls are generally extremely large.  Extremely strong, and extremely aggressive.
Limitations:  They are also as a rule extremely thick.  Trolls in some worlds will turn to stone.  Consult your mystic scrolls before exposing your troll to light.
Personal Note:  My favorite trolls are those on the Disc World.  They have become to some extent civilized though they still favor physical solutions to problems they encounter.  Disc World trolls are silicon lifeforms and eat minerals.  They have diamond for teeth which probably led to their inevitable problems with dwarves who probably acted as impromptu dentists.

Today's Secret Code

"Does green beer lead to green dreams?"  Again:  "Does green beer lead to green dreams?"  Today's colour is not green.  Today's Author is taking the snakes out of hiding.  That is all, maho maho.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Revelation

Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint; but blessed is the one who heeds wisdom’s instruction.

Proverbs  29:18

Frog Witch

There is nothing the Frog Witch
Wants that can't be found
at the bottom of a pond
There's a moral

Poor George

Some people see
too much
too well

The Seer of Red

The Seer of Red
Sees all murders
you would think she is cursed
so why does she smile?

Death Kappa

You know folks make fun of Godzilla pictures for being bad, a rap I think is only half true. Yes Godzilla vs. Megalon is craptastic but there are good godzilla films out there like the first one. If you want to see a truly bad giant monster film I present to you "Death Kappa."

Right, so here goes. Girl who claims she has no talent is going home back to the country. Given her acting I do believe she has no talent. Her village is something like Dunwhich where there are more people than teeth. Her grandma gets run over by idiots who also knock the local kappa shrine off the cliff.

Our girl is sad, but she perks up when a real kappa (released from the wrecked shrine) shows up. Even better it likes her music! A dancing kappa is a sight best seen heavily sedated.

Ah but there are other monsters out there. Our talentless girl is kidnapped by a rather strange girl, her dead grandpa, and fascist nerds. They dream of making kappaoid soldiers. Our kappa saves the girl, but the bad guys set of an atomic bomb. One of their monsters get to godzilla scale and starts doing the city stomp. Our kappa has to get big and save the day.

A film like this has to be seen rather described. It is both innocent and stupid and is fun in spite of itself.

Monster of the Day: The Kappa

Source:  Japanese folklore
Location:  ponds and lakes of Japan
Threat Assessment:  2.  They do have claws, and they can drown you.  Kappas though tend toward mischief than mayhem.  They are green with turtle shell backs (which provides some protection)
Limitations:  Oddly kappas have a sort of bowl on the top of their heads filled with water.  If they lose their water they lose their power, so tricking them to bow is an excellent way to gain the upper hand.  They also love cucumbers.

Today's Secret Code

"If you are going to be a bear, be a grizzly bear." Again: "If you are going to be a bear, be a grizzly bear." Today's colour is brown. Today's Author is Ursine. That is all, maho maho.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Sucker Punch animated short

I don't often do this, but this is just too great not to share.  This short explains how dead soldiers are turned into zombie bad asses in the Sucker Punch movie.  Enjoy.

The Soul of the City Cries and No One Hears

The Prisoner

A Prisoner of Consciousness
She will not be freed
till she can free herself