Saturday, July 31, 2010

Bad Robot

Bad Robot is not happy. Bad Robot does not smile. Bad Robot has nothing to smile with. Bad Robot just has claws. Claws, and claws and claws.

Birth of Rainbow

Birth of Rainbows is also the End of Rainbows

Don't Look Up

"Don't Look Up," earns bonus points for actually at least caring enough about gypsies to rip off a few words and ideas. It's not all brightly colored clothes and horse drawn wagons. This is the story of a myth. Someone tried to capture that myth on film and failed. Now nearly a century later a disturbed film maker is trying to do what the first film maker couldn't. Unfortunately, the same curse seems to be in coming back.

It's a small film, but it has some nice scary zing to it. I also like how it is clearly channels the film makers love and experiences with low budget film. For another view read Kaufman's "Make your own damn film" (Short form: shoot your nude scenes first and be prepared to having to poop in a paper bag). One bit I really enjoyed was when a romanian helper was pointing out he wasn't "Igor" but "Gregori" then went into the entire history of Igor in frankenstein films. My main problem with the film is that the main characters didn't engage enough for me, and that ultimately they didn't do enough with they gypsy origin of the curse. Still, better than most horror films of this level.

Today's secret code for July 31, 2010

"Today is either Shadow day which is good after Fry Day, or today is Satyr day which is for the ladies." Again: "Today is either Shadow day which is good after Fry Day, or today is Satyr day which is for the ladies." Today's Colour is cool. Today's author is having a good time maho maho.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Secret Code for July 30, 2010

"Today is Fry Day, bring the cooking oil or sun screen of your choice." Again: "Today is Fry day, bring the cooking oil or sun screen of your choice." Today's colour is lobster red. Today's author is extra crispy. That is all, maho maho.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Tekkalotl the 4th Discourses Upon Hidden Jokes Within the Universe

Tekkalotl the fourth, once a ruler of men. Now rather wrapped up in the business of dying. As he shriveled and dried he learned what he didn't living; that all tragedies can be told as a joke. Now he smiles, smiles so gleaming. Now he wants to whisper to you in his ancient tongue with his withered tongue all he has learned. Will you laugh with the dead?

Fire Dragon

Fire Dragon flying high
under cold moon's darkened sky
burning but not consumed
not a myth as some assumed

Galaxy of Terror

A classic of badness. This shows off so many of Roger Corman's strengths. An interesting cast, a crew of veterans and enthusiastic new comers (like James Cameron), not afraid to be crassly exploitive, and making pinching pennies a virtue all make for an interesting film.

Let's get something out of the way. Yes, this is the film where the chick gets raped by the maggot. I remember when I was 15 and it was on HBO at 3 am, and I couldn't believe my eyes. Bonus points when you learn the poor actress' name is "Taffee."

The story begins at the edge of human space. A planet controlled by the "Planent Master," gets a report that a ship has been lost. The Planet Master (head glowing like Dormamu as he plays a sophisticated game that is half a step above pong with the old "seer" whom we never see again) orders a rescue mission. He tells his seer to leave because now he plays alone. Given the choice of an old hag or playing with myself, I'd do the same.


Our crew. Magnum P.I. (ok, not tom selleck but the man is WORKING that seventies porn 'stache!), Freddy Krueger (ok, just the actor Englund there are no finger knives), Captain Spaulding (ok, it's just Sid Haig, there's no clown make up), My Favorite Martian (Ok, Ray wise you got me there cowboys), Joanie (yes Joanie from happy days and no chachi to be seen!), grace zabraski, some dude who plays too much with his gun, some old dude who's supposedly leading the mission, scared wormy guy, and poor soon to be bewormed Taffee are our crew here. Really, try to get a more interesting crew for a sf film in this day in age.

The ship crashes into a mystery planet, with a mystery pyramid. Soon everyone is dying. Dying in pretty weird spectacular ways. Heads being torn off, giant flying leeches, and heads exploding. Really it's good clean fun.

Now to be honest, some of the characters are hoary, some of the lines are shaggy. There are bits when the film sags a bit. But I think over all, it still holds up well today. The pyramid is a very interesting structure, obviously stolen in bits and pieces from Alien but Corman is an honest thief. You knew going in there wasn't much orginality at work. But like good left overs it is something of a comfort dish. With exploded heads.

I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle

Mostly a waste, but at least a fairly good natured waste. For the record: satanic motorcyclists conjure demon but get killed by another gang. Demon possesses a bike that is eventually sold to our hero who slowly discovers he's got something worse than a lemon.

This is an excuse for someone to show off their flair for gore make up to so so effect. The special effects for the vampire motorcycle are also so so. Thankfully, so were the special effects for the talking turd. Note to film maker: The viewing audience is not clamoring for dream sequences of talking turds throwing themselves down the throats of people. Thank you.

If there is a saving grace to this film, it is that some of the actors are not TERRIBLY bad. The lead is personable enough and doesn't seem as thick as a brick as so many heroes in horror movies tend to be. The leader of the motorcycle gang is sort of filtering a "Fright Night" Evil Ed/Matthew Lilliard thing and that works. The priest chews the scenery rather nicely. All these fellows could certainly be in better films.

All in all "I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle," just shows the world isn't really ready for hybrids yet.

Today's secret code for July 29, 2010

"Today is the day of Thor. It's not too late to get hammered." Again: "Today is the day of Thor. It not too late to get hammered." Today's colour is the bright blue of the sky after the storm has passed. Today's author is writing sagas and resumes. That is all, maho maho.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Moon Wraith

The Moon Wraith would want you to know it is not personal. Really. The Moon Wraith does not enjoy your pain. Does not enjoy your blood. Does not enjoy knowing that the Moon Wraith will soon extinguish all that you were. The Moon Wraith would want you to know these things, but the Moon Wraith cannot speak. It merely does the unspeakable.

The Hunter

The Hunter blends into his environment. The Hunter waits. Patience is the Hunter's gun. Are you prey? Pass by and see.

The future's so bright I feel dim

The sky is our new beach.
The stars our shells.
Come hear the waves.
Come hear the waves.

Time on my mind

One reason that I love games is that they often have the raw inspiration of ideas going for them. That and I used to play them in my (more) geeky days in college. "Continuum" was always a game I liked, but never played. Probably because it was a very intimidating game. The board was all of known human history, and you had the ability to travel it at will.

Well not really, things are never that simple. The characters were initiated into the Continuum a society of time travelers. The first thing you get, is the implant that allows you to travel through time and space. As Dr. Who would tell you, you need both as the earth is in constant motion in the universe. If you go back to next year, and don't have the ability to travel through space I certainly hope you can breath in a vacuum.

The other thing you get is the rules of your new society. See there is never a freebie, you get vast powers but are given rules so you don't abuse them. There's a reason. The continuum was created by those grey aliens. Those aliens aren't aliens, they are our descendants, and they get PISSY when their own origin is threatened. So they walled off a part of space time, and basically made it a nature perserve and we are the rangers. If we fail they come in and fix things, but they are not happy campers.

So why do things need to be fixed? Because not every time traveller is a happy member of the continuum. Some are narcissists who think they can change the universe if they try hard enough. This brings up the issue of paradox. Basically, in the game paradox happens when something you know to have happened changes. In cases of paradoxes the universe will "choose" the solution that will cause the least change to the universe as a whole which means that you could very likely become non existent if you get enough paradox or "frag" as they call it. Narcissists always believe they have a plan for dealing with their own paradox, but the Continuum insist they are just deluded individuals. So the fight continues.

To avoid fragging yourself, your future self will often not tell you things, also you are asked to record every journey in time you make in a diary. That's so you can remember, "Oh yeah I have to sometime go back to 1970 and tell myself not open that door." As long as you follow these simple rules you can avoid most grand father paradox.

The game had even more weirdness within like time travelling yeti, and vast empires of rogue time travellers in what we mostly consider prehistory, but you get the idea. I think the base ideas would make the perfect idea for a tv series.

Maybe in time

Secret Code for July 28th, 2010

"Today is Wotan's Day. Never hope the one eyed god will wink at you. Just stay to his blind side and smile." Again: "Today is Wontan's Day. Never hope the one eyed god will wink at you. Just stay to his blind side and smile." Today's colour is just so raven. Today's author is humped. That is all, maho maho.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Earth dragon

The Earth Dragon's direction is the West. His nature is slow to anger. His office is all things lost, all seeds yet sprouted, all treasures yet to be found. He is kind and likes little humans, but if affronted he will destroy all, even the innocent. Where he bleeds rubies can be found. Where his cry is heard later Malicious Willows will be found.


I am embarrassed to have seen this. Oh, I could tell you I get these things blind. But come on, a live action movie of a man and his robot maid? I had to have some inkling that it was going to get perverse.

Well it did. Pretty much soft core porn without out the great seventies soft focus and wah wah music. It is the story of an old man and his robot maid. He's had the maid since he was a child, and it always took care of him (in more ways than you want to think about). Now the maid's battery has nearly died and ther are no replacement parts, so she sits in the corner only able to talk to her Master. As he takes care of her now the neighborhood is plagued by a robot rapist and the police are confused because robots follow the three Asimov laws.

The story sounds more interesting than it is presented. Honestly I feel a bit dirty for watching this. Thank you Japan for making me lose another five points on my purity score.

All My Friends are Funeral Singers

Title that is engmatic? Check!
A story of very little real action? Check!
Semi annoying music by a "post punk" band? Check!
Enough 'quirkiness" to have it coming out your ear till the next film festival? Double Check!!

And here we are in independent filmland ladies and gentlemen. "All My Friends Are Funeral Singers," is not bad. It is however, a good checklist of all things that tend to haunt independent films in america. The worst offender is the quirkiness, I mean I like nonconventional characters and stories, but I don't like it pretty much SHOUTED WE ARE NONCONVENTIONAL CHARACTERS AND THIS IS A QUIRKY STORY. If you get my meaning.

Speaking of story, this is the story of a psychic trying to make a living with the help of all the ghosts filling her house. She has so many ghosts that she has to put salt along her bedroom door to keep them out. The Ghosts themselves want to go into the light but can't and until then interview each other and play slide guitar. There's also a little girl ghost who seems to do most of the work in the being psychic department but doesn't talk.

So can our lady reach some accord with her ghostly guests? Can our ghosts go into the light? What is it with the little girl ghost? It is actually a decent story, sort of "Ghost" with out his holiness The Patrick. Some of the hoodoo details are pretty interesting. Also, while I kid the moniker of "post punk" (about a useful a phrase as "post modern art") the music isn't so bad when it's not being shouted out as QUIRKY.

So if you are into the independent scene it is worth a look. If like a good little ghost story, well it's not the best but it has interesting points. So there you go, and now I'll go play my slide guitar.

My Wife is a What?

"My Wife is a Mermaid," is just the latest example of the strange girlfriend genre of anime. The basics are simple: typical japanese whimp suddenly gets a magical girlfriend, AND her friends, AND her rivals, AND her family. It might not be the first, but the prototypical example of this is "Those Annoying Aliens," aka "Lum" that alien in the tiny tiger skin bikini.

The title says it all here. Our hero accidently sees a mermaid and to save her life because mermaid law prohibits anyone seeing a mermaid he agrees to marry her. Oh, it should be mentioned these are YAKUZA mermaids, so daddy is a bit... extreme. Her mommy is all for it, and is like, well why aren't you already getting it on with my daughter, what's wrong with you. Our hero's parents don't care as long as all the damages are paid in gold coins. Oh, and there is a tiny girl in a shell who is homocidal, our hero's old girl friend (not girlfriend) who is the queen of school discipline, and the chief aide of the merman yakuza boss who is so beautiful he bewitches everyone regardless of their particular gender identity.

Oh and our mermaid grows her tail back anytime her legs get wet. So this gets into all sorts of "wacky" fun. It's not bad really, but I've seen it before better. I like the intro song in that it is done surf style rather than the usual idol singer style. Sort of fun, if you are an anime nut check it out!

Today's Secret Code for July 27, 2010

"Today is Two's Day. If you are number Two, please be kind to number Six, and remember Soylent Green is built from better bodies." Again: "Today is Two's Day. If you are number Two, please be kind to number Six, and remember Soylent Green is built from better bodies." Today's colour is yummy green. Today's author is not a number. That is all, maho maho be seeing you.

Monday, July 26, 2010

The Magician at Home

The Magician at home. The Magician longs to see the future come to past. Fire walking free, but even he knows it cannot last.

There are no Maps to Zone Six

The Glondra rule Zone Six. They are merciful. The Glondra rule Zone Six. They will kill only if you transgress against their eight thousand rules of decorum that they have compiled over a million years. The Glondra rule Zone Six. They will kill you with memories of all that you never had, never won, never were to be able to fully love. In the final moments, you will at least in Zone Six briefly have all you desired. The Glondra rule Zone Six. T hey are merciful.

LOLcats don't live an easy life

Officer Tibbles last day on the job.

Again with the Vampires

So far we've established a basic idea and some rules. Some of this will no doubt change in the writing of the beast. I don't know about you dear readers but I tend to find that in writing the characters will change themselves as I write things. I guess I need a bigger rock on my imagination some days.

For now though, let's look at conflict. Conflict is of course the meat of the story. You can have the neatest character and if you don't have any conflict then you'll have bumpkiss. This is why it sucks so much to be in a soap opera or comic book; that character will always be tossed hither and yon to the winds of fate and if he finally gets the girl its only because the writer has decided the girl is going to die of cancer, be a guy, or an alien. Sometimes an alien guy who dies of cancer, but that's rare.

The main conflict here as I see it is very clear. It is the character versus his base nature. Unless one is bat shit crazy no one wants to hurt others (Mondays excepted of course), so there is an inherent conflict in stealing the life from people just to fuel your own selfish needs. Our character here might want to fight against his addiction as it becomes clear what the costs are to his very soul. One thing I like about my concept is that it's possible to actually stop being a vampire, our character can take back his boring old morality. So there is a real choice for the character to make. I would want to be careful here. It's too easy to get into an emo, teenage, self pity spiral in this type of conflict. I would want it more "Trainspotting" and less "Silver Surfer."

The next level of conflict as I see it is between mentor and student. From how I set it up, it's obvious to me that the story should at least for a small part deal with character's learning about his new world. A mentor/student relation can be very rocky in the best of circumstances, and these are far from ideal. Why did his mentor pick him? How will he keep our character under his thumb? Also, given their natures, can two alpha predators share the same hunting ground for any length of time. Again, here I want to be careful not to imbue this relationship with too much angst, and I certainly don't want anything romantic for this one.

From the mentor we come to the rest of the vampires. How often do they interact with each other, if at all? How will they react to our new character? I have to think on this part more. I certain think it should be a wary friendliness. I think there should be secrets. Will have to think on this some more.

Now, we have the conflict between our character and his "food." Unless mentally influenced by the vampire, or mentally unstable, no one is going to volunteer for giving even a little of their life force to the vampire. That means our character is going to have to take it either by being agressively physical or by mind games. One thing that I wonder about is can a vampire resist "Playing" with his food. I mean you have the power to mentally influence others, wouldn't you want to see how far you can push it? Didn't you have a special person that you thought, "If only I could make him/her look at me like I meant something." I have a feeling every vampire has tried this, and I have a feeling there is a distinct point where if you aren't careful (and who would be?) you could "break" your new toy. I like this idea; it's horrible, mean and wicked and would be perfect for the story. It could be the fulcrum of the other conflicts. Our character could wake up a vampire, be taught all the rules, and for a bit likes it. Then he wants the affections of X, he tries the vampire mind games and even though warned by others that it just will never work, he continues. He pushes and pushes, and boom, X is now a broken doll. The illusion that he can live this life without causing others undue suffering is shattered, and then all the other conflicts rise up.


As an aside: For an author who treats his characters so meanly you can't get better than Stephen R. Donaldson. What he does with the "Into the Gap" series shouldn't be done to a dog, but it does make for good fiction!

The next level of conflict would be those in active opposition to the vampires. I don't know about this. Vampire hunters are so hoary a cliche. The only thing I can think of to liven it up for this story would be that they are all ex-vampires. I could work with that, instead of killing vampires they want to catch them, immerse them in running water to get rid of the life force, then tie them down and make them go through cold vampire turkey. Basically, it would just be going from one cult to another, but at least that's a bit more intersting than van hellsing around.

Anyway, what do you think?

Today's secret code for July 26, 2010

"Today is Moon Day. Does it strike you odd to start the week with the celestial body associated with lunacy?" Again: "Today is Moon Day. Does it strike you odd to start the week with the celestial body associated with lunacy?" Today's colour is the silvery hue. Today's author is the hare in the peach grove. That is all, maho maho aooooowwwoooo!!

Sunday, July 25, 2010


Clown Ghosts

I hate clown ghosts. Don't even get me talking about clown ghost cars.

Science at work

Viral particles of X-23 moving through a blood vessel. X-23 is responsible for chronic de-evolution. A vaccine is close.

War Fans

War fans are a weapon of suprise. No one expects the pretty girl to suddenly have what amounts to a handful of razors. No one expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Vampires part 3

So, now I've established my premise. That vampires steal life from others to use in their addictive lifestyle of daily dying. Now I have to work on the rules. There is a basic checklist of vampire rules we can go down and see what does and does not apply, and here is how I'm working my gang:

  • Vampires need blood: My vampires don't need blood, but they want the life force of others. Blood is just the most convenient way of transferring that energy. Some of the more gifted (perverse?) vampires have found other ways of taking the life force.
  • Vampires don't age: Conditionally true. Vampires can use the life force of others to halt the aging process in themselves. It is a very minimal expenditure, so most do it.
  • Vampires are very strong: Again, if they wish to use the lifeforce they steal then they can become very strong. This is a greater use of the life force though, and so they avoid doing so except in life or death circumstances.
  • Vampires don't need to eat or drink. Conditionally true. Vampires can live off the life force. Most do so because if they eat or drink and then enter their death state, then that food is basically rotting inside them. The results when they return to life... isn't pretty. Most vampires teach their students to purge themselves if they eat anything before dying.
  • Vampires and the sun. Ok, here I make a rather arbitrary ruling, but I hate the idea of vampires merrily dancing in the sunlight. They are creatures of darkness, right? So, I'm going to say that the stolen life force is a bit more fragile than the native life force of a being. The sun won't kill a vampire but it will cause their stolen life force to fade quickly. So, if you spent all night sucking blood then you don't want to go out and get a tan. So vampires COULD make an errand or two during the day, but they wouldn't want to.
  • Vampires and running water: For a similar reason a vampire doesn't want to be immersed in running watter or even a heavy rain. The water "shorts" the life force away from them. On the other hand they can cross running water without a problem.
  • Vampires and stakes. Any physical damage a vampire receives can be healed via their life force. However, some damage takes a lot more life force than others to heal. A stake to the heart takes a LOT of life. So, it is probably any vampire hunter has seen a vampire tragically run out of the needed life force before fully healing. Thus the legend.
  • Beheading. Beheading on the other hand will stop all the vampire nonsense utterly. It breaks the needed alchemical link between the heart and mind that allows the life force to work. Break the chain and it is the end. Anyone see high lander?
  • Burning. Yep, ain't getting out of that.
  • Coffins. Aren't needed. But vampires do tend to put their bodies in safe places.
  • Garlic. Yes please.
  • Holy symbols. No, a vampire is not automatically repulsed by a holy symbol. Most vampires don't like them though. Being creatures very familiar with death they have a little more concrete, objective knowledge of the afterlife and there are other reasons they don't want to fully die. Finally some people can with great faith and concentration use their own life force against a vampire, that these people often use holy symbols as a focus doesn't make them any more popular.
  • Shapechanging. No, for the most part a vampire can't change their shape. Maybe some modification in how their human body looks, but that takes so much life force that it is silly.
  • Death State. The holy grail to my vampires. Mostly, they just want to lie there and enjoy the "death high." But it is here that they are also the most powerful. Firstly, they can leave their dead body and let their astral body roam around. That means they can see things without being seen at all. They can hear to but since sound is a physical medium they have to concentrate (expend life force) to hear. But, if they do all their senses in this state are at a supernatural level. Also, they can sense the thoughts and feelings of others in this state.
  • Being seen. A vampire can expend life to have their astral state seen and heard by the living. When in this state the vampire will not show up on film, or any media (they aren't physically there after all), they can also more easily change how they look in this state becoming beastial or insanely beautiful.
  • Influencing. A vampire can expend even more life and begin to influence the thoughts and feelings of the living. This is how they cultivate many of those they steal life from. It is a nasty, painful process. But with the right influence before hand a victim will willingly swoon into the vampire's arm. This is the vampire's basic hunting tool.
  • Touching. With even more use of life force a vampire can interact with the physical world of the living. In such a state they are nearly invulnerable. It is a great use of life force though, so rarely used.

So this is my basic rules for my vampires. Do they sound interesting? I would like to know!

Today's secret code for July 25, 2010

"Reap what you sew, but don't drop a stitch and watch the pricks." Again: "Reap what you sew, but don't drop a stitch and watch the pricks." Today's colour is golden glittery. Today's author is Rumple--------. That is all, maho maho.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Never hide your LOLcat under a bushel

The Ghost Girl in the Inbetween

Ghosts do not forget, that is what haunts them. Most ghosts stay in the inbetween fearful of crossing the LINES. Lines become lions if one isn't careful, and the wicked stepmother danced in red hot shoes. Ghosts do not forget, but they remember everything. It muddles and mires, pools in their head. The Ghost Girl stands in the in between. She remembers and watches for lines and lions.


A Town Called Panic

A cute production of childlike wonder and non logic. "A Town Called Panic," does remind me of some of Gumby's adventures. It is the story of Cowboy and Indian (that's their names folk) who are two toys who are living with Horse. It is Horse's birthday, so our two friends who are both mischievous and not so bright, decide they need to get a birthday gift for Horse. This leads to accidently ordering fifty million bricks. This leads to all sorts of troubles and soon they are fighting giant, robot, snowball throwing penguins and other wonders.

This is fast pace and fun. I love the little details like the piano for horses (the keys are on the ground!). The characters are broad but drawn in fun ways. It's like a children's book written with a wink and a nod to grown ups. Truly a fun thing. It's subtitled, but I also liked it without the subtitles and I could make up what they were saying.

Back to the Vampires

Yesterday, I was thinking of a new slant on vampires, today I think I can construct a scene using it. It would go something like this:

He woke up, but he didn't. There wasn't that sense of rising from
slumber. He just suddenly was conscious. For a moment he did
nothing. The moment stretched, and stretched. He should be scared,
he remembered last Montelanche's attack, those fingers around his throat.
His throat? He wanted to touch it, but more he suddenly realized he wanted
to breath. He wasn't. He hadn't since he awoke he realized.

"I'm dead," he thought to himself. He was suprised that there was no
emotional punch to that thought. It wasn't just shock, though he was sure
he was in shock. The honest truth is he felt too good at the moment to
really, really care. He had done his share of drugs, the little drugs that
everyone does not the dangerous type, and he had never ever felt this

"Being dead gets you high," he thought and wanted to giggle. Mostly
though he just wanted drift in this state. So he did.

Time passed, he was sure of that. When next he focused he realized he
was looking at Montelanche's face. There was a smile upon his pinched up
little face and in his current state he was willing to forgive Montelanche for
looking like a constipated mouse.

"You killed me," he told Montelanche in the matter of fact tone of a five
year old.

"Yes," Montelanche said in his usual mournful tones, "yes I killed you, and
if you listen to me you can die like this every night for as near as forever as
any being can stand. Would you like that, Jerry?"

He didn't remember saying yes, but yes would have been his answer.

Montlanche smile, widened.

Today's Secret Code for July 24, 2010

"Denizens of the deep, they haunt my sleep. Are whale songs where my heart belongs?" Again: "Denizens of the deep, they haunt my sleep. Are whale songs where my heart belongs?" Today's colour is deep blue. Today's author is raptured. That is all, maho maho.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Hand of Glory

Gentlemen everywhere approve of the emerging Hand of Glory. Let the Dreamers Awaken.

The Old Alien

The old alien walks among the Vrocklbrat. The subtle reverbing echoes calms his troubled thoughts. Soon he most go and rest, but for now he walks with his thoughts.

Dying is Easy, Writing is Easy, Comedy and Taxes are Hard

Is there anything more overdone than the Vampire? The sheer amount of fang fiction that has come out the past few years is staggering. Still, I believe that writer can make anything interesting with a little work and imagination. Sometimes you just have to come to the subject through a new angle.

So, I was thinking of vampires (yes I often think of things that hopefully don't exist, don't you?), and a new angle did strike me. It doesn't seem all that new at first blush: Vampire as addict. We've seen this before haven't we? The vampire needing his hemo fix so badly. I can throw a stone at least a dozen films that has this at least as a subtext. So what's new about my take then?

It's not blood to which they are addicted. Blood is just their means to what they really want. What they will kill for. They are addicted to dying.

I like this and I work out the details. That what they are taking is life, either a little or all of it. Blood is just a convenient vessel of transfer. They use that stolen life to be able to die and to come back. Questions grow as I think about it:

  • What's so addictive about death?
  • If blood is just a convenient vessel can they take life in other ways?
  • What about the other bits of vampire lore can I fit them in?
  • Can the vampire use this stolen life for other things, would they want to?
  • Why would the vampire make other people into death junkies? Do they have a choice?

Given enough time I can come up with a pretty interesting tale. At least I hope I could. What do you think dear readers? Do you have any interesting ideas regarding the undead? Do you have any possible answers to the questions I have posed? An enquiring mind wants to know.

Audrey's Door

If you have not read "The Haunting Of Hill House," just calmly stop everything you are doing (including reading yours truly) and go read it. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Back? Good you can join the rest of us then. Now "Audrey's Door," is a haunted house novel that could be the daughter of "The Haunting of Hill House." Both are able a woman of dubious stability who just want to escape. Unfortunately they escape to a bad place. It might be haunted, it might not, but what it truly is is wrong.

In Audrey's case she runs to the Breviary. The Breviary is the last remaining example of Chaotic Naturalism which wasn't just architecture but a cult. Within the Breviary still resides the rich, mad, inbred children of the original owns. Those children that have not yet committed suicide that is. The Breviary seems to induce that in its tenents.

Audrey is running from her past. Having lived her life with a mother afflicted with mental illness, she doesn't feel so well either. Pathologically shy and suffering from OCD she tries to make something of herself as architect. It is her passion for architecture that first drew her to the Breviary, well that and criminally cheap rent. But really she is running, not just from her past with her mother but her possible future with the first man to have loved her.

You know a person with OCD shouldn't go into a regular haunted house. It's just too easy. The ghost rearranges your closet ten or twelve times and you'd have a raging psychotic fit. The Breviary as I pointed out is not the normal haunted house, so we are very concerned for our Audrey.

Specially when the house tells her to build a door.

Read this please. It is good, vibrant, sometimes funny, and darkly frightening and unsettling. I liked it very well and will put it on shelf next to Shirley Jackson. I will also seek out other books by Sarah Langan, if they don't seek me first.

Today's Secret Code For July 23, 2010

"A door is just a wall with options. Swing, baby!" Again: "A door is just a wall with options. Swing, baby!" Today's colours are jazzy. Today's author has the key. That is all, maho maho.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Church of the Redeeming Wraith

The Holy Symbol of the Redeeming Wraith. This one was found on the wall of Karl Mutang. Karl was never found. Nor were certain parts of his 27 victims. The Church of the Redeeming Wraith said "We are not responsible for the actions of our members. The Redeeming Wraith touches all in a unique way. There is no way of telling how the human mind will react the lessons brought to it. We suggest that if you a darkness descending upon you after a revelation that you see the Head Flayer of your Lesson."

The Bone Farmer

The icon of the Mayan god Tlacktlach the Bone Farmer is said to be curse. Such a silly rumor to be started just because of the five people who discovered it there is only one who lives still. He can tell you how they found it, encased in slime drenched black stones. He can spin the tale of their harrowing escape from a snake infested swamp. He'll tell you that for just a cigarette, but you'll have to light them for him. Oh how his garden grows.

Being human

Being Human is an excellent comedy/drama series from Britain that sounds like the beginning of a bad joke. "A werewolf, a vampire and a ghost all become roommates. There are moments of comedy but mostly its a drama of three people trying to find themselves and hoping that they are ultimately human.

The Character I like most from the start is George. He's uptight, a bit nerdy, and now a werewolf. These things do not go easily together. He's constantly on edge, and is the one who most wants to be "Normal." The vampire is the main plot spring for the first season at least as the other vampires seem to be plotting something and are not. nice. at. all. Our ghost is at first the most passive of the three and gets on their nerves a bit for constantly making tea (even though she doesn't of course drink tea), but gets more interesting as her past is revealed.

This show is a joy to watch and reminds me somewhat of the Buffyverse but a bit more realistically grounded, if you can use realism while discussing a werewolf, a vampire, and a ghost. By the way they handle such diverent characters I sort of wish that the creators of "Being Human," would try their hand with "The Baby, the Immigrant, and the Guy on Mushrooms."

Today's Secret Code for July 22, 2010

"The Oracle looked up, then down, shivered and spaketh: 'The Red Aunts shall carry away even the last of your line. But remember; old scars protect against new scars." Again: The Oracle looked up, then down, shivered and spaketh: "the Red Aunts shall carry away even the last of your line. But remember; old scars protect against new scars." Today's colour is red. Today's author is confused. That is all, maho maho.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Ballad of the Heavy Stone

That stone
That damnable stone
I put it up
carved the words with a pistol barrel
took some time
that did

Give me drink
strong drink
I'm a weak man
She wasn't
the baby's mother
She was strong
Held that baby
as it died in her arms
that there mister
is the weight of the world

Thank you thank you
I needed that drink
I need it cause drinking
stops me from thinking
of her tiny fever cry
and fever eyes wound shut
and bright red fever cheeks
oh god she did stink of it

Maybe she shouldn't have been born
the babe of a weak man
and a strong woman
in god's nowhere
maybe not
But I loved her mother
and contrarily she loved me
she's now buried yonder
down row three

God I wish I had never loved
Good God I wish it would have never ended
Now too weak for heaven
bound for hell
Give me the rest of the bottle
you've had your fill
of me
and I'm empty

LOLcat of the desert

Trapped Ghost

The ectovore entraps the spiritual enity in a honey comb of neutralized memories. Slowly it becomes trapped and unable to move at all. Then the ectovore feeds. It is not pretty, but nature's pagentry of life and struggle extends beyond the pretty light.

The Super Hero Squad Show Trailer

OK, um how's this:

"They're tiny, they're tuney"

"Marvel's heroes are a little loony."



"Marvel babies, making their dreams come true..."

no... ok how about we do a super deformed version of marvel characters and have them act sort of like teen age mutant ninja turtles and give them this broad over arching quest as an excuse for superhero fights and the silver surfer to say "Cowabunga?"

Brilliant, just brilliant.

Today's Secret Code for July 21, 2010

"The Universe has the strong anthropomorphic principle and the weak feline principle, that means that humans rule and cats do what they want." Again: "The universe has the strong anthropomorphic principle and the weak feline principle, that means that humans rule and cats do what they want." Today's colour is sleek. Today's author is resting comfortably. That is all, maho meow.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

FANTASTIC MR. FOX - Official Theatrical Trailer

I really love Roald Dahl. I love stop motion style animation. I have a certain fondness for George Clooney. I have...I don't know what I have about Wes Anderson. I really love "The Life Aquatic," but some of his other films I find far more annoying than anything. Wes Anderson has that annoying sort of self knowing that knows you know his knowingness. It's that sort of meta thing that can just form a feedback loop from here to the nearest non starbuck coffee house.

Luckily Wes keeps it mostly in check in this film, and Dahl's story keeps it sharper edge. It is enjoyable and certainly very unique. In this day of dreamworks animation that can mean a lot. I don't think young kids would be comfortable watching this, when the animals actually act animalistic at points might not sit well and some of the rambling scenes would bore them. Luckily I don't have any kids, so to heck with 'em.

One completely off the mark sidenote: This may be the best film ever by a director that supposedly literally "called it in." The story is Wes didn't really understand nor had the patience for watching animation being done, so he stayed in Paris and would daily call London and tell them "his vision," and the animators were able to pull it off without a hitch.

Doctor Who- The Horns of Nimon trailer

One really nice thing about writing fantasy or science fiction is that one can revisit the myths of old and give them new twists, or just steal a good story for your own needs. Either way, it can work out to be great fun. Here we have the fourth doctor, Tom Baker, foiling a vile alien who just happens to live in a maze and just happens to have bullish features. The story pretty much follows the line of the myths of old, with the additions of black holes, zap guns, and of course the Doctor.

One thing I love about the fourth Doctor stories are his companions. Not just the usual bunch of Doctor groupies along for the ride, they tended to be very capable characters in their own right. I've always enjoyed Romana most of all. Being a fellow Time Lord she could double speak techgoop as good as the Doctor, and she looked really good doing it.

the drone

The droning at the door is of course from the drone at your door. They do not knock. They do not ring. Just droning drones. Best not to answer. Best not to open. The Drone drones for you.

Red Garden

There are always flaws in any genre of the art. It's the nature of the beast and it is that quality that is an embarrassment to the lovers of that genre and the proverbial nails on the chalkboard to its detractors. In anime (ok perhaps not a genre per se, but bite me and sue me) one of those qualities is the whine factor. The line between intense drama and a snuffling whine is thin indeed.

Red Garden is about the whiniest anime I've had to see in some time.

It's rather odd really, the beginning is so upbeat. Some up tempo jazz, flowers, dancing, it all looks like a big ol' party. I figure that's either the creators trying to get all ironic and that, or they were hoping to to attract viewers with bright colours and the lie of "come and watch we are safe, it's a happy place."

So, not the happy. What we do get is four whiney teenage girls. They are given reason to whine see because they are dead. Well, not really dead, but they did die sort of. Now some rich ice princess with pony tale has control of them. When ever they see a pretty butterfly they have to take to the street and fight businessmen who turn to demonic killing machines. All this is just a big excuse for "Whine, whine whine, life is so unfair. Whine, whine, whine, I'm dead."

I had to take a couple of asprin after this experience and really the only thing I found interesting was the jazz song at the begining and some of the animation designs. Other than that, I wasn't impressed.

Today's Secret Code for July 20th 2010

"Killing time is not yet considered a crime, still it is best to wear gloves." Again: "Killing time is not yet considered a crime, still it is best to wear gloves." Today's colour is contemporary. Today's author is in a fit to acquit. That is all, maho maho to infinity.

Monday, July 19, 2010


Ask Dorthy about the poppies. But right now, it's important not to look. Do not look at the blossom before you. Do not stare deeper. Do not let yourself feel like you are drifting. Do not press your face to smell. Do not let the petals carress your cheeks with wet kisses. Do not let your mouth open. Ask Dorthy about the poppies.

The End

When the End comes will you walk with me?
Under blistered skies
When the End comes will you walk with me?
beneath fruiting bodies
When it comes I'll offer my hand
there will be no more lies
When it comes I'll offer my hand
will you come walk with me?

Terribly Happy

The film starts with an odd little story. One time a cow sank into the mud. A month later the cow rises again, bloated like a balloon. It gives birth to a two headed calf, one of the heads being a human head. This causes all sorts of trouble till the farmers bury it in the mud. From then on there was no trouble for humans or for cows. This is the type of place for such stories. Isolated with nothing but cows and mud, and people you know too well and not at all.

Our main character is a cop who did something to get him exiled here. The locals don't like or trust him. There's a girl though who he becomes very attracted to. She's married to an abusive man, or at least that's what she said. Her husband shows his scar that he says he got when she stabbed him with a butter knife. So who's telling the truth? What is the truth? The movie takes it time telling a tale set in nowhere.

This is a wonderful film, the quirky elements are kept in control so you don't get a "Twin Peaks" feel. What you do feel is that feeling you get when you stopped at that town for gas once and everyone seemed to be looking at you. It reminded me of a european version of a Cohen brother's film, and it's definitely something to see.



Today's Secret Code For July 19th, 2010

"Fish fly, birds swim, and a dreamer just has to follow the neon tracings of the fingernails of his, or her, or horse, muse." Again: "Fish fly, birds swim, and a dream just has to follow the neon tracings of the fingernails of his, or her, or horse, muse." Today's colours are in gadda de gaudy. Today's author just tripped on a cloud three miles high. Just checked in to see what maho our maho maho is in.

Sunday, July 18, 2010


They ride, they ride, they ride
and no one hears the screams
Day and night if there was a day
They ride the NEFARIOUS WHEEL!
Did it matter if they choose a side?
Did it matter the contents of their dreams?
No. The King of Dark is the King of Fay
and all he enjoys are their fates now

Exalted Master

The Exalted Master of the Friends of Dagon bids you welcome. He apologizes that you must wear those heat vision goggles. The Exalted Master does not like the light. He does not like many things. But he likes you. He invites you to come on down, come on down, come on down. We all float here.

The Queen's Lady

She walks in beauty in the woof
She walks in strangeness in the warp
Her touch is cold
Her gaze is old
and she beckons you to come to the warp
step for step to be lost like the wolf


James claim to fame
is merely that
there is no one like James

Goodbye Kitty


"Parasomnia" is actually an interesting premise for a horror film, that's a pretty rare bird some times so enjoy it just for that. Our hero visiting his rehabing sib finds a gal who spends say 80% of her life asleep. Like Prince Charming he falls instantly in love. Our sleeping beauty is endangered by a bunch of eggheadery who want to poke her (he wants to poke her too but at least he's polite enough to wait til she wakes up), so he frees her from the mental institution.

Bad move.

See there's this crazed, killer hypnotist chained next door. Though having never been near her somehow he's got psychic claws in her. So soon a possessed sleeping beauty is doing very naughty things, and of course you know killer hypnotist guy is going to get out. It is all getting very bad for our hero, can there be a happily ever after?

Beyond the premise, I like the actors. They make the most of their rolls, specially our sleeping beauty who really communicates who alien she is to our world. There are also some impressive dream sequences where our villain exerts control over fair damsel in distress. Overall, certainly a good low budget effort. I was never bored!
Badness can come for many directions. From Japan we have "Killer Car," about young adults driving a car that is possessed with a killing spirit. Like the car the film is a featureless box. The cast is boring and the killings are as well. Best to avoid as the addition of subtitles make it a sleep inducing experience.

Syfy once again downed itself with "Goblin." A town is cursed and every halloween a goblin like thing terrorizes everyone, specially if you happen to have a baby, aka yard ape, with you. It tries for some personality by the cast but it is undone by haphazard pacing and just a bad creature effect. Really folks I don't understand it, the creature is human sized, and human shaped. Why bother with cheap craptastic CGI to make this wonder? No one ever heard of make up? Stan Winston? Ok, stan's dead but you get the idea. IF you are going to continuously do CGIwtf effects why not change up the looks? At least it would be interesting to render a Goblin ala say cubism.

While no doubt it will be as equally sucktastical, I do want to see "Sharktopus" when it comes out. I want to see a half shark, half octopus monster. Really. That's it. I'm easy.

Today's Secret Code for July 18th, 2010

"Jimi, have you listened to the songs of in no sense? Does your guitar gently laugh?" Again: "Jimi have you listened to the songs of in no sense? Does your guitar gently laugh?" Today's colour is white of the lamb. Today's author contemplates fearful simian trees. That is all, maho maho.

Saturday, July 17, 2010


Today's Secret Code for July 17, 2010

"The Spirit is willing, the exorcist though needs an old priest and a young priest." Again: "The Spirit is willin, the exorcist though needs an old priest and a young priest." Today's colour is bright gold. Today's author will save the day after coffee and chores. That is all, maho maho.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Some Practical Advice

When the day comes, when the seven year treaty is signed. When the marks are made. When the end comes, well it will be too late by then. Might as well check what the last show on the TV is, and make some popcorn.

To Mark

Mark, is a man among princes. He is a friend, and philosopher. He is a gamer, but still is saner. To Mark.

Stop me before I LOL again

Just a note


"The Phenix City Story/Dial 1119"

When I first saw the title for "The Phenix City Story," I thought it was a typo. Turns out the city in question is Phenix Alabama. Please no smarmy thoughts on the ability to spell in the South, I'm sure there is a quite colorful history to the name. At any rate, this film is supposedly based on a true story. Now I could probably google it and get to the bottom of whether it's based on the truth or not, but I don't see the point to that. I like the mystery of whether it is real or bullshit. I think personally we spend too much time in debunk mode. Let there be a santa and let the story of Phenix City be true.

In the story Phenix City is a small town next to a larger town and more importantly an army base. For nearly a century the machine in Phenix City has been devoted to shaving off any spare cash of the army lads who come over to 14th street. Fixed gambling, and loose girls, and if you don't like it, then to the river with you chump. Our heroes are an old lawyer who just wants to be left alone, and his son who just came back from the war and is used to fighting evil. Maybe too used to it, as he seems eager to embrace the fight than the peace with his wife.

Truly a movie of small town evil writ large. The machine fights against our heroes tooth and nail, even to the point of dumping a dead black girl on their lawn. This leads to the films two best /worst lines. From the police: "Some one dumped a dead N--------- girl on their lawn, go look into it." and later on trial the killer said "I like N-------- as long as they are dead." Truly a snapshot of an ugly time in an ugly place.

"Dial 1119" is a bit more conventional but still interesting. An escape mental patient takes a bar hostage as his shrink and the cop that originally nabbed him argue over him and the larger social issues. Forget about the shrink and cop as that is all "Law & Order" bs, I love the barflies being held hostage. From the floosie, to the wormy guy trying to hit on the brainy and chaste coworker it is a lovely character piece and each actor shines their flaws till they gleam. I love the bartender "Chuckles," and was really sorry to see him get wasted. A nice bit of film noir that shouldn't be lost.

The Familiar

It is always interesting to me that some of the most interesting takes on faith come from horror movies. "The Familiar," is a low budget film about a man who has lost his faith in God, but is pursued literally by a demon. He knows it is there, so he's not a Lovecraftian materialist that rejects the supernatural. He's more like Mel Gibson (sans sugar tits comments) from "Signs." He's a man so hurt by life that he can no longer feel that he can trust the God he knows exist.

The Demon in question has been haunting him since childhood. Now it has begun to possess the sister of his dead wife. Can our hard drinking, shotgun shooting, ex preacher get it together? Can he reconcil with his past? With his father? Can he cast out the demon? Is there a darker secret?

All is answered in time dear Pilgrims. The problem is it a bit of a slog to get there. This film has heart but it needed a bit more muscle tone. So, I'd say this is for only folks really interested in the low budget horror field that aren't hoping for gore jamboree.

Today's Secret Code for July 16th, 2010

"There is no pain like absence. It is the open wound of the soul." Again: "There is no pain like absence. It is the open wound of the soul." Today's colour is somber. Today's author is under his hat. That is all, maho maho.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Going down

Down down going down
The sea opens

The Game

The stakes are high, oh so high
cards burning your fingers
stinking of luck
The pot is full and boiling chum
lay them down, lay them down
but the dealer's on the glim
So you lost chum no matter how you try
each note leaving its stinger
and you are out of luck

Still Can't resist the LOLcat

Armored Car Robbery/Crime in the Streets

Part of a collection of film noir features, "Armored Car Robbery" and "Crime in the Streets" are wonderful little B films. First you have to love a film like "Armored Car Robbery," just because it is so direct. Crooks decide to rob an armored car, cops catch crooks. Of course there are complications and double crosses. One reason I love this film is because it harkens back to LA Confidential in that it shows how hollywood protrayed the LA cops. Each rising shot of city hall just adds to their aura of pious protectors. The villain is a true villain willing to kill anyone one to keep his money, specially his cohorts. There's a girl involved of course, and a wonderful scene where some one backstage describes her stripping from the sounds over the intercom in her room.

"Crime in the Streets," belong to that fifties genre of "trouble youths," or if you are in the bronx "youts." A small gangs of 'boys' (most are old enough not only to shave but vote for wilson) trouble the local neighborhood. A saintly social worker tries to get them to turn around before the inevitable murder. My favorite line from a concerned father, "You are too old for me to beat you now." Paging Dr. Spock! Great stuff and fantastically photographed. They just don't light people this way any more.

Both are well worth a watch!

Doctor Who: Underworld

I think I am on record on stating that Tom Baker is my favorite doctor. In some ways it's because he's the perfect middle of Doctor-dom. He's neither too old, nor too young. Too scholarly or too crazy. He is just wonderfully enough the doctor. He also manages to be sexy to woman while looking like a human muppet and boyo that takes some doing. I think it's his voice, it is both at the same time commanding yet gentle. Everyone's favorite teacher. He's of course aided by able writing that makes him someone who is at the same time both distracted yet highly caring.

This is a lesser part of his saga but fun none the less. The tardis finds itself on the arse end of the universe where they suprisingly find both a space ship and a nebula. The space ship has been on a 100,000 year quest and since the people on it were sort of screwed by the time lords (all a misunderstanding) the Doctor decides to give a hand. It turns out that inside the nebula is a new born planet, and inside that planet is the end of their quest. There are slaves to be freed and plenty of cliff hangers. It is all great fun!

Fragment from a new novel

"So then, let us be clear: you want my organization to fund your attempt to steal back our one hundred million dollars from a secure and secret location?" His gaze was direct but the set on his face was neutral to the point of statury.

I just smile and say, "yes."

"If you manage this miracle of theft, just how much do you think you should be your take?"

"All of it, every red cent."

An eyebrow raised.

"All? Why should we let you take all of our money?"

"Because it is not your money now. It is federal evidence. If said evidence disappeared it will make a series of court cases against friends of yours go very easy. In the end you not only win in the courts, but on the streets because everyone will know you had it done. For that it will be will worth the extra money you give me to see this done. You wouldn't want the money back anyway, since if it is ever traced back to you then the original shit storm comes back now as a shit tornado."

He was silent for a moment.

Then he nods.


Today's Secret Code for July 15th, 2010

"How the movie begins: The plucky vampire steps into the coming day. Cue: The Rolling Stones "You can't get what you want." Cue: Opening credits." Again: How the movie begins: The plucky vampire steps into the coming day. Cue: The Rolling Stones "You can't get what you want." Cue: Opening credits. Today's colour are bright. Today's author spilled the popcorn. That is all, maho maho blah blah.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Fire Wizards

Fire wizards are a surly lot. They just want to burn everything, even themselves. It is said an old fire wizard is just another ash.

Today's Secret Code for July 14th, 2010

"The movie ends: 'You can have everything you wanted, but you can't have me.' Fade, loud noise, roll credit. The movie ends." Again: "The move ends: 'You can have everything you wanted, but you can't hve me.' Fade, loud noise, roll credit. The movie ends." Today's colour is silver. Today's author wasn't crying. That is all, maho maho.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Dr. Satan Rises Again

A Galactic Picture, "Dr. Satan Rises Again," was a sequel to "Dr. Satan Rules Your Soul." Both starred Billford Penny an unfortunate victim of a genetic abnormality. Mr. Penny would be in one more film, "Dr. Satan Takes a Mistress," before his untimely death. It was also an untimely death for 32 of his guests that night. PR from Galactic spun it as an unfortunate accident and it would be years before one survivor would reveal the simple scrawled note: "I am not Dr. Satan!!"

The man is the Mask

Strait to the Point

"Strait Jacket" is an anime of a more graphic nature. People are cut in two or worse with depressing regularity. The reason for this goes like this: In this alternate world someone figured out that magic was real and industrialized it. Good as far as that goes, except folks that use magic sometimes go nuts and go all mini akira. So there is a market for licensed tactical sorcerers. They don't turn into demons (as a rule) cause they have a containment system that means basically they have an exoskeleton molded onto them.

Our heroes in this world is one very cute bureaucrat and one very moody tactical socerer sans license. Basically he doesn't have a license cause he has a mysterious past, tends to go all overkill with collateral damage, and by george he's a moody loner so he doesn't need a license, a badge or even a badger. Of course these two forces get together and along with a young "half demon" girl make the world safe for BP style magic. Hooray.

Now I did like some of the designs, I think a mystic Iron Man frankly rocks. I did NOT like the designs of the monster. They were just silly, think of ten thousand pounds of fat on two itty bitty legs. Yeah, that works. I will say it was rather interesting that each monster tended to spout its own nonsense phrase. There is something more sinister about being strangled as someone keeps screaming "ARE YOU HAPPY ARE YOU HAPPY ARE YOU?" Overall, however, this is just the same old same old. There's really nothing to recommend it.

Today's Secret Code for July 13th, 2010

"One should not duck even when goosed, or someone might call fowl." Again: "One should not duck even when goosed, or someone might call fowl." Today's colour is simply splendid. Today's author knows you get down off a duck and not an elephant. That is all, maho maho quack quack.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Hunger Elemental

Hunger Elementals are very hard to dismiss. They will glad take everything you give them as food. Only containment is the only sure way. The Circle Without, followed by the Sign of the Unbidden Way are best.

Watch the Birdy

At the avian Masque, the foppish prince Holoolooy gives adoring onlookers the feather up.

Catch the Catey

One of my favorite books as a child was "The Hungry Caterpillar."

Legend of the Tsunami Warrior

"Legend of the Tsunami Warrior" is just Thai craziness. It's not super Tony Jaa Thai craziness, but since Mr. Jaa has shaved his head and is now a monk, it will have to do. This is the story of a kingdom beseiged by other kingdoms who are using pirates, assassins, traitors, super cannons, and black magicians to take over. Our heroes who stand in the way are an intrepid inventor, a masked man who kicks butt, and a magical zen aquaman who is learning how to speak with the fishes. Sometimes it doesn't make as much sense as it could but by Lordie the action never stops. Also, it has to be said the underwater special effects are not bad at all! Certainly worth watching!!

Battle League Horumo

Now this is much more like it. This is one reason I watch japanese cinema, out and out silliness! Students are asked to join an "ordinary" club. Repeat, an ordinary club, nothing special here, just ordinary, so very ordinary, did we mention we are ordinary? HA! We all know not to trust anyone that says they are just "ordinary" and are we right. Turns out said club is part of a century old institution where rival schools battle using itty, bitty, cute oni spirits. There is much more of course, as an epic love triangle forms causing the Gods who watch over Harumo to become angry. Can the city be saved, and more importantly can the guy get the girl?

This is all wonderful fluff! The oni are super cute even when they did and fly up like little cartoon characters. I wish we had the same sort of humor to make a film with cute little battling demons or angels. One thing that I never got tired of is one of the characters looked oh so unfortunately like "Edna Mole" of "The Incredibles." She just lights up the screen every time she pops up. This is certainly worth a watch!

Rental Magica Opening

Rental Magica is fairly standard for this kind of anime. It didn't light any of my fires that's for sure. Shame really cause a hero with a literally "evil" eye had promise.

Children's Hospital

I am against "Children's Hospital" on principle. I want that on the record folks. Not because it is not a funny show, but because it is a live action show on the cartoon network. Hello Executives, it is CAR-TOON network, not the live action channel. This is the sort of channel mission creep that has robbed MTV of all music and NBC of all good sense.

That being on the record now, "Children's Hospital" is indeed very funny. It is a list of all the cliches of medical shows (I'm looking at you ER) rolled around in a light gel cap of dead pan humor. That one of the main doctors is running around in clown makeup and bloody scrubs without any remark just adds to the healing power of this comedy. Plot wise it is mostly how the doctors don't care for the patients and are more concerned with their sex lives, so really it is a slice of life.

Special bonus points go out for that is ten times more coherent than the average adult swim show, so someone at some point had to put down the bong. Good work there boys. Double points for the line, "I want to jump her clumsy vagina." Quadtriple points for the bonus ad for an upcoming show.

Today's Secret Code for July 12th, 2010

"Pat your head and make the secret sign, 'Perry Freemason: Lawyer For The Illuminati' is on tonight." Again: "Pat your head and make the secret sign, 'Perry Freemason: Lawyer For The Illuminati" is on tonight." Today's colour is secret. Today's author is the Widow's Son. That is all, MAOho MAOho"

Sunday, July 11, 2010

An Open Door Policy May Be Unwise

Poor Mrs. Fhalorlicks. Her boarder told her to never open that door. But she was a sweet, if curious old woman, and thought what harm could there be? What harm indeed. Mrs. Fhaloricks is survived, briefly, by her three cats and the small town of Watonome. Anyone seeing Watonome should see a doctor and consult their sacred scrolls.