Thursday, September 30, 2010

A gentle plea of waves

Listen... listen...
I want to tell you all the nothing I know
the poetry of fossils
a limmerick of lineages
the riddle of origins

..please.. listen...
I feel it in me
near bursting
this need to confess
to teach
love words

Listen then... or not...
the shores are the echoes of the moon and motor boats
the sea down deep is silent
so quiet
unless you


Well first there was "Open Waters," and then there was "Thirst," so why not round up with a trilogy of people having to survive an over abundance of nature.  "Frozen," is in some ways better than "Thirst," but not quite as good as "Open Waters," but over all it's a good film and manages to keep suspense and interest up in one of the crampest sets imaginable.

Unlike "Thirst," our heroes are not incredible doofusses (doofussi?).  It's not like they were planning on going into the deep mountains with nothing but a wind breaker and semaphor flags.  No, our three young people are just doing a little snow boarding and not even the extreme stuff.  What happens is just a combination of bad luck.  They scalp tickets onto the chair lift, and the chair lift operator is called away, and the upshot is they are now stuck for what could be a week 50 feet off the ground in blizzard weather. 

First, of course there is denial.  Of course, someone one will figure out there's just been a little mistake.  We'll all laugh about this later.  Then comes the annoying problems which suddenly gain new importance like how am I going to pee? 

Then comes the frost bite.

Then comes the deep dark fear.

Then that fifty feet doesn't look so far at all.  I bet I can jump down and then go get help.  I mean, it's snow right?  Snow's soft.  Fifty feet.  Not so bad.

Very nasty little film in that it combines the fear of being isolated, with both heights AND claustophobia.  The actors do a nice role and really they have to.  They are carrying the film here all the way.  If it is not as good as Open Water it is just because the older couple in that film had more interesting relationship issues that come to fore in their harrowing experience. 

Definitely worth a watch, but have a blanket handy. 

You might get a chill.

A Door is just a Wall with flexible hours

Today's Secret Code for September 30, 2010

"Today's Archangel is Tzadqiel, and today's angel is Sachiel." Again: "Today's Archangel is Tzadqiel, and today's angel is Sachiel." Today's colours are in splendour. Today's author is Thor's day child. That is all, maho maho.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Along the shore the cloud waves break,
The twin suns sink beneath the lake,
The shadows lengthen
In Carcosa.

Strange is the night where black stars rise,
And strange moons circle through the skies
But stranger still is
Lost Carcosa.

Songs that the Hyades shall sing,
Where flap the tatters of the King,
Must die unheard in
Dim Carcosa.

Song of my soul, my voice is dead;
Die thou, unsung, as tears unshed
Shall dry and die in
Lost Carcosa.
King in Yellow
Robert W. Chambers

Iron Man 2 - Iron Man vs War Machine Full Fight Scene [Over 3 Minutes DV...

This is what I am talking about. Beautifully done, and a fun little scene.

Iron Man 2

So it's finally out in DVD now.

Well legally.

After watching it, I felt happy.  It was a good feeling after being let down by too many sequels that had the money but no heart.  Oddly enough, for a tin man with a mechanical heart there is indeed a core of emotional truth to both these films.  You have to cut away nearly all of Tony Stark that you see, all that self absorption and wit, but it's there.  The characters hang together because they do care about each other rather than just staying cause the plot says you are the heroes' gal pal.

The movie does have a lot of plot threads but generally that's how comic books run, they are manly soap operas for all intents and purposes.  Here, as you no doubt already know, we have Tony slowly being poisoned by his own invention, he doesn't want to tell Pepper because she's as close as someone he could really love so he just makes her the CEO of his company instead.  He's being pressured by the government to turn the suit over to them.  This creates friction between him and his friend Rhodes who is also the military's attache so he's being pulled like taffy all over the place.  Meanwhile, Justin Hammer a Stark wannabe wants to make his own splash and thinks this crazy Russian guy who hates Stark and just happened to have jury rigged his own super suit with super whips could be the guy to help him out.

Yeah it's a little complicated.  Throw in a little alcohol abuse and daddy issues, and a dash of S.H.I.E.L.D. wanting Stark to lead the Avenger's and you see how the film's pacing can get a bit boggy at times.  Yet for all this it never quite stops in its tracks and soon enough it is booking like a squirrel in a disco. 

Once again, Robert Downy Jr. holds this ship together with a seemingly effortless grace.  His character is so shallow he's deep.  He plays with the suit like it's his biggest toy, but under that there a sense of duty that keeps him from being a total ass.  Which is good, you don't want asses with battle suits or they all be like Sam Rockwell's Hammer.  He is so sleezy, cheesy and thinks he's all that and all so slick that it is truly sad that he thinks he's anywhere in Tony Stark's league.  He'd be a joke if it wasn't for Mickey Rourke, as Ivan Vanko, standing behind him.  That combo dear readers is like seeing a three year old holding a cocked and ready 50 caliber desert eagle.  You know it's going to go off and it won't be pretty.  Vanko was obviously in a lot of Russian jails and is tougher than anyone else in the film.  He's like Kevlar with tattoos and eyes.  When he's at the races swinging those crazy energy whips it is totally believable badassery. 

Aided with a little help by Nick Fury, and the Black Widow, this is a wonderful film set in the Marvel Universe.  It makes me hopeful about "Captain America," "Thor," and specially "The Avengers."  It has taken a lot to make me trust this new trend in Marvel movies.  I still sometimes get flash backs to "Electra," or "Ghost Rider."

Today's Secret Code for September 29, 2010

"Take no prisoners, accept no tokens, give no cooties." Again: "Take no prisoners, accept no tokens, give no cooties." Today's colours are running bright. Today's author asks "what have you got?" That is NOT all, maho maho

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

She watches from the Sky

Maybe the sun does not give us warmth.  Maybe we just take.  Maybe the sun sees this and perhaps, just perhaps, is annoyed.  After all, what do we ever do for the sun?  Maybe she watches us with a hot cold eye and thinks what a nice solar flare can do.
"!" had this done for a concept album they were working on before the inevitable break up, suicides, and mysterious disappearances that plagued so many esoterrorist bands.  It was going to be called:  ! SINGS !.  It was going to recorded only between midnight and three a.m. using equipment made from salvaged materials from plane crashes.  Only one song was recorded, "We are !" but the master was lost because of a hideous hair spray fire.

Venture Bros Sad Tits

This scene is so, so wrong. But it is BRILLIANTLY written. Honestly, I can see two guys talking this trash way too easily.

"Birds of Prey" from Batman: The Brave and The Bold

those LOL cats are just too cute!

What was the name of the neighbor in Home Improvements?

We Want You!

What we want, what we really need, is a new Vincent Price.  Or a new Boris Karloff.  We need someone with some CLASS who would like to be in horror films.  I mean I love him but when we have to go to Sid Haig as our go to horror guy we are at a low reserve.

So, if can act, be refined, and willing to act in lot of horror films, report your butt to hollywood right now.  A british accent would certainly be a plus.  Must look good in a tux and in a casket.

what's a meta for?

Some actors start with great promise and the fall from grace.  Some luck into an early role, and then the natural inertia of their true talents bring them down.  You can decide on the reason, but the fact is after "Highlander," Christopher Lambert has been haunted the made for DVD section with regularity.

On the plus side he seems to be enjoying himself.  On the negative, I don't seem to be enjoying his performance here in "Metamorphosis," as much as he is.  Worse news, he's the best thing in the movie...well except for Irena A. Hoffman's twin talents. 

Our hero played by Corey Sevier is an ardent scholar looking into the history of Elizabeth Bathory the infamous "blood countess" serial murder, and in this movie vampire.  Well, he gathers his friends/fresh meat and they go to the old country.  There they meet Irena A. Hoffman in an improbably dress who is a very suspicious character specially considering her deep knowledge of Elizabeth Bathory.

Oh and Christopher Lambert is a vampire.  Oddly, though, he thinks he's in "Fright Night 3."  Seriously, it's like they gave him a completely different script.  I'd like to watch the film he THOUGHT he was in a lot more than this turgid mess of a supernatural dalliance.

Today's secret code for September 28, 2010

"He had so many phobias that he just had one big FULLbia." Again: "He had so many phobias that he just had one big FULLbia." Today's colours are red and orange. Today's author is not going to sneak up and go "BOO", honestly! That is all, maho maho...

Monday, September 27, 2010

The fires will come and the flowers will follow.

Sher Shiva dreams of the fire that will come.

Baba Bog

Behind the dark and in the strobing lights there is Baba Bog.  A daughter they say of Baba Yaga.  She is not pretty but has some family talent.  She lives in clubs.  Others die in clubs.

My Kingdom for a squeegee

The Global Terror is a great costume.  It creates a sense of menance and perfectly hides the identity of the criminal within.  It is armed with black market Plus 4 Stunners and is capable of limited flight.  The globe itself allows the wearer to connect up with the internet and celluar phones in the area.  It is quite effective overall.  It's just... well sometimes the globe mists up on the inside and no matter how you rub it, it won't go away.

La Llorna

La Llorna is the wailing woman.  To hear her is a bad omen, and to see her is worse.  I wish I knew how to avoid her curses.


Dorian Gray

This is a story that is actually quite a challenge to film.  First, it's about a painting. Paintings are not action oriented.  They just sort of hang around.  Secondly, it takes place over the years.  Keeping track of everyone's make up or lack thereof is a production headache.  Most of all, the problem is one Dorian Gray.  How do you approach this character?  He's naive at first yes, lead into a life of sin by others.   But that only gets you through the first act.  The rest of the story is about a bastard that gets to do whatever he wants, looks good doing it, and then in the final minute feels bad about it.  There's a definite question of sympathy here.

So did the film makers here tackle these problems?  Eh, not so much.  Oh they loved the degradation scenes, they definitely had a taste for it and went into it with gusto.  But, cgi-ing the painting didn't make it any better.  While people's hair got whiter really I never really felt time passing.  Look at this film and say "forrest gump," to see what I mean here and perhaps its a little unfair comparison but you have to do more than just say "years later..."  Finally, no.  They did not make Dorian really sympathetic.  They tried hard but first the script fails to add any ump to the last romance he has which changes his mind about living forever as a scoundrel.  Also, the actor confused looking handsome forever for "not moving my face." 

It is not a horrible film like "Sharktopus," and more is the pity.  If it was a good film I could show it others.  If it was a horrible train wreck that was funny I could watch it again myself.  But as it is, it is just like watching paint dry.

Venture Brothers Prove that Loves Mean Cashing in the Ransom Checks

Last night's Venture Brothers was not the best of the series.  The main story was sort of fuzzy.  It was a mystery involving someone kidnapping all the hired hands, henchmen, and second bananas of the ventureverse and pitting them into gladitorial games of death.  Brock has to get together with evil folk and NOT kill them as they try to figure out who did it.  The mystery didn't really go anywhere and you really didn't feel quite the energy that should be there for such a large event.

On the other hand, the "B" story was oddly touching.  Dr. Rusty Venture lays out in the driveway of their compound waiting to be kidnapped, not knowing that no one wants him.  The boys and Sgt. Hatred in a move to help Dr. Venture's ego kidnap him themselves.  As they "torture" him Hank finally wants to know why his dad doesn't seem to love him as much.  The answers may suprise.

It was a great episode for TV, just not the best the Ventures have ever done.  I liked how badass 24 just keeps evolving into.  I always love the bickering between Billy Quizkid and Mr. White.  It got so bad their capture had to yell, "Quit fighting and fight!"  There was a sad and funny exchange between Brock and Hunter Gathers about the state of one poor stripper's balcony.  All and all, fun for the whole dysfunctional comedy.

Today's Secret Code for September 27, 2010

"Never treat Eve like your spare rib."  Again:  "Never treat Eve like your spare rib."  Today's colours are from the heart.  Today's author has the heart of a young lover, but won't say where.  That is all, maho maho.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Rider or Ridden

Never call what you can't put down.  A cat will never come when called unless it is in its interest.  A cat will never leave when asked, only when it is bored.  You were warned.

Little known facts

Few know that Professor Snape once played bass for a local band.  They were quite good, but mostly just a bar band.

Some Thoughts for the Day

Mimes are just clowns who have forgotten the words
Cats know more than they are saying
Politicians know far less than what they are saying
A good heavy book is the swiss army knife of the scholar
It is never a legendary party till someone says something best left unsaid

Killer klowns original video

I apologize for the quality but I think you can see why I love this song so much!



Well syfy you certainly jumped the gene adled shark this time.  This really is no different from any other of syfy's recent "masterpieces."  A genetically engineered hybrid of shark and octopus gets loos and causes mayhem.  Only the pretty female scientist, and the handsome maverick scientist has any hope of saving the day.  We've seen it all before, but as the saying goes the devil is in the details. 

First they did it up like it was a big deal.  In some sense this is pretty silly, like giving everyone at a game a "participation" award.  On the other hand, since the whole thing is as funny as a three dollar bill it all makes sense.  They had the host from one of syfy's "reality" shows (i.e. run around in the dark and look scared) host the darn thing.  He'd make "funny" comments and had people from the movie come back to, for example, reinact their hulu hoop death trauma body language.  It reminded me that yesterday was also the day that Elvira returned to tv.  Like Elvira the jokes weren't getting any younger.

Speaking of jokes, what about the movie itself?  Well Eric Roberts was in fine form chewing the scenery quite nicely.  The rest of the cast was adequat to purposes of being fish food and in some cases fish food in a bikini.  The special effects are terrible.  Horrible.  Yet, for once they did the special effects with an air of the absurd worthy of CGI that seems to be happening on a different planet from the rest of the cast.  Also, I have to honestly say that the design for the shark/octopus hybrid was pretty strong.  I particularly liked the spikes coming out of the gill slit.  It made no sense, but it was interesting to look at.  Also, for those who were curious, the octopus beak was in the shark's belly not nestled in with the tentacles in the rear.

Extra points for having it's own theme song.  Don't see that a lot any more.  My favorite song of that nature is the Dickies doing "Killer Klowns from Outer Space."

As a bad joke of a bad film on a saturday night, it has become my second favorite after Mega Piranha.  Maybe they'll have "Sharktopus vs. Mega Piranhas."  Anything is possible with syfy movies except perhaps good taste.

Today's Secret Code for September 26, 2010

"Absinithe makes the hearth grue fondue."  Again:  "Absinithe makes the hearth grue fondue."  Today's color is a mickle thing.  Today's author is James re-joycing.  Look at the moocow, that is all, maho maho.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Never Suffer

"Witch Commissionaire" was an album by Strange Angel.  It's highly rare and sought after by collectors.  It is said that the last song, "Witch For You" cannot be recorded and can only be heard from the original album.  A silly rumor really, like much in the esoterrorist movement.  One should pay no attention to it, nor should one remark if after listening you see a woman that looks something like the cover shown here.  Life is full of unexpected syncronicities.


Good morning Mr. Jones, and how are we?  Are you ready for your morning probe?  Mr. Jones!  Such language.  Now don't go carrying on like that.  You wouldn't want us to fetch.....the fluffy thing.  That's better Mr. Jones, and after the probing we'll have a fun morning of tests and some nice warm yeastlings for breakfast.  Wouldn't that be nice?  Wouldn't it?

Swimming through the Quilt

Swimming through the quilt, the clothopus darns its way through life.  Feeding on lint and moths and other less wholesome things.  One wonders what it thinks about, it's eye gives no clue nor warmth. 

Now for a limited time

The Wurms have done their magic and Gerry has lost that unneeded weight.  He had lost so much he didn't need.  Extra pounds, morality, humanity.  He was a lean, mean hunger machine.  Now he wants to share his success with you.

A thought...

Someone once wrote that there is nothing spookier than waking up one night, looking out the window and seeing a clown on your lawn.  I think H.P. Lovecraft would have said:  "It might be spookier if you knew he was your cousin, and worse you suddenly remember that you have some clown white in your bedside drawer, and how nice it would be to open it up right now with the moon being so full."

The worst monsters are ourselves.

Today's Secret Code for september 25, 2010

"Have you met my date? Miss Terry?  Don't know much about her, but she's so fascinating."  Again:  "Have you met my date?  Miss Terry?  Don't know much about her, but she's so fascinating."  Today's colour is found in cats and midnight.  Today's author doesn't want to turn to the final page.  That is all, maho maho.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Dolls Awakening

No face for the Crowd

Scattered Violence was an esoterrorist band from Utah.  Jordan Jordan was obviously rebelling from his mormon roots when he took up the esoterrorist movement.  Some part of him was still very uncomfortable with his path in life.  He could not perform facing the crowd instead playing his guitar with his back turned.  Oddly, it has now become impossible to find any pictures of his face at all.  Even his old drivers lincenses have turned up missing.  Some say one the faces here on their cover for their album, "Glories," actually belonged to Jordan Jordan but that is probably just an unfounded rumor.  His face may now be never known, even his friends cannot remember, but his music lives on.

Inconstant constants

The scientists say they know
"We know, we have measured
and reasoned, and we know."
Then they find out and say
without trace of humility
"Well, we didn't know

The Experiment

Psychologists are curious people.  They want to know what makes us tick.  That means they sometimes come up with an experiment or two.  They ask people their favorite colour, or which stick is longer, or sometimes they'll ask you to shock someone.  Yes, psychologists are curious people and sometimes their experiments go to the edge of sadism, and put their toe on the otherside.

Then jump.

Which brings us to "The Experiment," loosely based on a real experiment.  The experiment is simple, a bunch of normal people are divided into two groups.  Convicts who will be treated as prisoners with no civil rights, and guards who will instill order and disciplin.  If the rules the guards have been given are not followed, then the experiment ends early and no one gets paid.  If there is physical violence the experiment will end and no one gets paid.  Within that wide context the guards are free to do whatever they want to keep order.

It's truly scary to see how quickly people lose their identities.  They quickly forget they are just a bunch of guys doing an experiment and really become convicts and guards.  It's scary because this is exactly how quick it happened in the original experiments.  One con, number 77, tries to look after the other cons and keep their dignity.  The head guard realizes that dignity is exactly the thing that they are free to rob from the cons.  As the stakes get higher the guards humiliate and degrade their charges, pushing harder and harder.  It is only a matter of time before everything explodes.  The only question is will those in charge of the experiment end it before then, or is the explosion the event they want to observe?

The film is both well shot and acted.  It is certainly better to watch this fiction of a the real experiment than the experiment itself.  There are somethings people shouldn't really see.  Luckily this film is something you should see.

Today's Secret Code for September 24, 2010

"A slender thread can hold a sword over head or start a coat."  Again:  "A slender thread can hold a sword over head or start a coat."  Today's colour is known to the emperor's tailor.  Today's author knows it's best not to tug.  That is all, Maho Maho. 

Odd Idea #23

How about mixing King Arthur with Shaun of the Dead.  Pull the sword out of the zombie and be the ruler of zombie world.  You'd certainly want castles and knights if there are zombies everywhere.  And merlin, maybe he can help.  Morganna could be a smart zombie, or maybe the person starting the zombie plague in the first place. 

Interesting or stupid?

Things that make me go "Holy $%@#!!!

I do a lot of spinning of the tales here in spanners.  But I'm not just a dreamer.  A dreamer needs influences, ideas, events.  So, I keep an ear to the ground and an eye on the sky.  Sometimes, I find the most amazing things.  I swear to you, good readers, till I know otherwise these things are true:

  • One of the things we have taken for universal constant may not be so constant.  The fine structure constant may now be slightly different in different parts of the universe according to new observations.  This is slightly important because this constant helps define where life as we know it can exist.
  • Hordes of eight foot long squid are now hunting fish in packs up to 1000 squid.  They are now also attacking humans leaving two mexican fisherman dead and badly mauled.  SyFy network could not be reached for comment.
  • A security firm has fond bots on the internet making incredibly odd, nonsensical and unprofitable stock trades.  No one knows who is sending them, or why they are doing this.
  • Also found on the net is the first military weapon of mass destruction class of computer virus.  This worm which has taken experts four months to open up and reverse engineer has been specifically designed to infiltrate the software of a power plant and tell it to destroy itself.  No one knows who built it, or why, but speculation is that it was to target the Iranian nuclear plant.
Ladies and gentleman, when today is weirder than fiction, a dreamer like myself can only humbly bow.

The Cockatrice

Old Dungeons and Dragons, most games of that nature in fact, take a lot of their beasties from traditional mythology.  The crazy is when you take something from a fairie tale and put it into an ecology.  Now take the cockatrice (please!)  In the myth, the cockatrice was deadly poison.  So poisonous that if you ran it through with a lance the poison would run up the lance, kill the knight, THEN kill the horse.  It was so deadly that soon the area around would be reduced to nothing but barren waste.

Now in the old D&D (I haven't picked through the new stuff) they changed it a little.  In the D&D world the cockatrice merely turned someone to stone with a touch (and a failed saving roll, but let's not get into saving rolls that way lies madness I tells ya).  Also, they decided that the cockatrice was an uncommon monster.


Did anyone ever think what this meant?  We have something that's basically a scaley chicken that is turning everything into stone.  Worse, there most be quite a few of them if they are something that is not a rare or a unique beastie but rather uncommon.  It's basically using their stats about the same chance as meeting a mountain lion.  What isn't being turned to stone?  Is the world just full of statuary?

Well, on second thought it might not be so crazy a situation.  Of course the cockatrice would be uncommon when you think about it.  Turning things to stone must be a hell of a defense mechanism.  What's going to be the natural prey of a cockatrice?  Even diseases aren't going to do much.  They must be continually shedding a light dust of bacteria.  The question would be, is the cockatrice a predator or the type of creature that is going to go out of its way to turn everything to stone?  It could be a rather peaceful and retiring creature.  Nesting in stony once trees and pecking on petrified berries (it would have to be ingesting stone even if it was turning it back into flesh once in its belly).  This cockatrice would be something that the farmer might see in the distance but not a monster that is flying out attacking everyone.  No doubt the lore would be, if you see a cockatrice very carefully and SLOWLY back away and don't upset it.  They would still be doing vast ecological damage to the environment turning trees and such to stone but at least it would be no worse than say an infestation of gypsy moths.

What do you think?

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Mr. Shouty has a Trombonesis

As you can tell I love cooking shows.  It's reality TV in which you can actually learn something.  Well, almost.  Then  there is Hell's Kitchen starring Mr. Shouty.  Now Mr. Shouty is a good chef and in some of his BBC shows can often appear sane.  On Hell's Kitchen, though, he's like a rabid cockeral who swears like a drunken sailor.

The show itself is always the same.  Even when they do something different, it is always the same.  It's like "Groundhog's Day," with swearing.  You get a bunch of punters who are mix of the credible and incredible and you immediately start breaking them down.  I don't think anything could hurt a cook's ego more than chef ramsey mcshouty puking up your "signature" dish into the close at hand garbage can.  Then there is the traditional wake them up at 3 in the morning in a loud "Wacky" way (this time it was Japanese drummers), then there is the kitchen itself which must be 3000 degrees and dispite the open floorplan is as clastrophobic as the pit.  No one wonder the show feels like boot camp with risotto.

Let's not even talk about the prize.  Riiight, like Ramsey is actually going to let any of these knobs actually run his restuarants.  A job title and a salary is not the same thing folks.  And why you'd want to do this I don't know.

So why do I watch?  Well I admit to slowing down watching the car accident.  This year's prime boob is the big, fat guy who wheezes like a garbage truck, drinks too much and then does "karate."  Watching him and "Lil Miss Ghetto" perform is a hoot.  They are so badly good that Ramsey has had the chance to boot them both out already but has wisely passed on it (the show is NOT fair as to who gets the boot each week.)  But, there's another reason.  I do think the show is teaching something of importance.  All the other cooking shows are graceful arty affairs.  Oh look at me, I turned a ham into a butterfly with a fragrent nutty sauce.  What Hell's Kitchen teaches ultimately is not art but consistency.  It's tough as hell to come out with the perfect risotto THIRTY TIMES a night.  Learning that is truly something awesome.

Moon Girl

She has the Earth in her eyes. She gazes up to a blue world. So close. So big. How often has she reached out to pretend to pluck it from the diamond studded velvet? If she could would she eat it all up, or just hold it to herself. For herself. To feel the warmth of a living world to her cold breasts. Would she?

Tweet Revenge

Yesterday I put up "Tweeter and the Monkeyman," a song by the Traveling Willburys. Not only is it a good song but really when I hear it the movie that it could be springs into mind. It's amazing really how somethings are so clear. You can be walking down the street see a cloud and think to yourself, "I could paint that." It is this ability to translate that essential something we see to another medium that is the bones of art.

What I saw in this song was a throw back to something I dearly love. Seventies action films. From blackspoiltation to serpico, there was something very special and gritty about the seventies that's very hard to recapture. Even the look and lighting of these films (all done by different artists, sometimes very indifferent artists) creates this special identity. Generally I can spot a seventies films as easily as I could say a film from the forties. The song clearly takes place post vietnam and in new jersey which makes it a double winner for seventies grime and gritty in my book (sorry Jersey people, I hear your state has gotten better.)

What really draws me though is the relationships penciled into the song. It's a four way "triangle" of relationships. You have the Monkey Man who is the center of problem. We don't know much about him on a personal level. We know he has no problem with crime. We know he and Tweeter are at least partners. We know the Undercover Man hates the Monkey Man. We know know that the Undercover Man's sister Jan loves the Monkey Man. This suggests that the Monkey Man has some charisma at least, if not morals. I could easily see a young James Woods being the monkey man. He's the type you know you shouldn't trust but you wind up doing so.

The Undercover Man is also something of a cypher. We gather that he is probably corrupt on some level. He tells his sister "Everything in Jersey is legal as long as you don't get caught." We know he hates the Monkey Man, and we are pretty sure he knows his sister is married to a mobster. Makes you wonder, who is he chasing the Monkey Man for really? To bust him, or maybe to do a hit. He hates the Monkey Man even when they were kids, so I could see in the story where Jan's husband makes an offer.

Tweeter is the most interesting character of the song. Once a boy scout till vietnam. Now he is a she, a real jersey girl. Now of course being a song it doesn't go into great detail, maybe tweeter's just wearing a dress. I, however, like the idea that Tweeter would go all the way. A vet wouldn't do things by half measures. The question would be why? I would like to think that Tweeter's vietnam experiences were so bad that he no longer wanted to be who he was. Nothing more revolutionary than changing your gender. So, I would love to protray Tweeter as a slightly crazed, take no prisoner, very capable woman in the seventies mode. Then one can reveal Tweeter's pass and as one song lyric says "mess up some minds."

Jan is given more of a voice than anyone else in the song. She comes off as someone who is also very no nonsense. She knows everyone is playing games, but can't help how her relationships entangle her. She is married to a mobster (since she was 14!), she loves the Monkey Man and is sister to the Undercover Man. It's clear from the song that she's talking with all sides, and is trying to maintain some "peace." When it finally all breaks down though she's not afraid to grab a gun and hold off the Monkey Man on the bridge.

The song itself gives some good beats for the movie and how it progresses. It starts with the problem that Tweeter and the Monkey Man need some cash and have been dealing drugs. It's obvious the Undercover Man is going to bust them so they go on the lamb. Twice more they encounter the Undercover Man, the first time they leave him tied up after messing up his mind, the second time he's face down in a ditch. That's when Jan grabs her gun, tells her mobster husband he doesn't want to know what is going to happen and has the show down on the bridge with the MonkeyMan using Tweeter as a shield. The song ends probably years later as the narrator says he can't help thinking about them all.

Ok that's a good start it obviously needs more. It helps a lot that the song mentions that they knew each other since they were kids. We have a layer of flashbacks we can work off of so that even when the characters are separated we can still have earlier memories to bridge between them and the action.

What I would do is start with a fragile hold. The Monkey Man is under the protection of Jan's husband, so even though the Undercover Man wants to bust him, he can't. But the Monkey Man gets closer to Jan, rekindling their earlier relationship. The Undercover Man learns of it, maybe from Tweeter (is Tweeter jealous?), and tells Jan's husband. Without protection and with no cash our pair has to flee with the Undercover Man following with the full force of the law and the mob. Jan is still trying to be peace maker, talking to both as they take off across the state. This is also where she can have some flashbacks to help fill in the gaps. Finally, the Monkey Man goes too far and kills her brother. She goes to take revenge and there they are on the bridge. Tweeter being held as a shield as ex lovers square off. Guns fire, and then black, then to a seeming dive. To our narrator, an old man with a limp. I'd make that man Tweeter, having gone back from being a she. I think that would work.

Anyway, that's how the muse hit me on the head with a baseball bat yesterday.

Today's Secret Code for September 23 2010


Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Beginnings Never End

"The only problem with Eden," thought Adam, "is I really need a shave."


Thriller part 2

Still watching "Thriller" and enjoying it immensely. I love some of the back stories on Boris Karloff. Everyone (Bela lugosi excepted) seem to have nothing but love for the man. He was the type that every dog's tail would wag for. He was also a logger early on, and that always is good to me cause my dad was a logger.

The stand out episode this day was Masquerade with Elizabeth "Bewitched" Montgomery and Tom "newhart" Posten. They make a great daffy couple as they explore a "haunted" mansion in "Masquerade." It is the perfect Thriller show. Old mansion, crazy people, nice little twist at the end. Certainly makes you wish for more episodes. Oddly, rumor is that the show wasn't killed by ratings but because it offended Alfred Hitchcock who's own show was being produced by the same company. Being Hollywood, I wouldn't neccessarily believe the story but I don't see any real positive evidence for it.

Tweeter and The Monkey Man- The Traveling Wilburys (CD) HD


Die-ner (get it?)

Right you lose 10,000 points for the "(get it?)" in the title. You never ask the mark if they get the joke, it hints that you don't have much confidence in their intelligence.

The plot is that folks are in the diner that begins to get full of zombies. It gets full of zombies mostly because one of the folks there is a sociopathic killer. Really, he's the only reason to watch this as the actor channels his inner ed norton to amusing effect. The rest is just blandly bad.


I love watching Chopped. For reality tv it excites me far more than Survivor ever could. The premise is simple. Cooks are given mystery ingredients and then cook like mad. Their wares are tasted and one is chopped from the competition as the rest go on to the next course. It is always interesting how they deal with odd ball ingredients. But why limited to professional chefs? Here's my challenge. I'm going to list ingredients and you come back with how you'll cook them. The one I deem a winner will get a certified "no prize" in the mail.

Ok, ready? Here goes... your ingredients are:

Red Cabbage
powdered sugar
chicken thighs
...and sardines

have fun!

Secret Code for September 22, 2010

"The Moon is full at noon." Again: "The Moon is full at noon." Today's colour is silvery. Today's author contemplates the arcana. That is all, maho maho.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Charlie's Lonesome Dreaming

Charlie never got respect. Even in his dreams. He would envision vast empires and legions of sultry woman needing to please men. Yet he would always find himself the janitor of his own Xanadu. Or a haberdasher in times where people wore no hats. Now, ol' charlie has gone stoic and has learned it's best to enjoy what little joys his own subconscious will dole out. A psychic stoic, Charlie has found something of happiness and more of enlightenment.

In the end...

Just another warrior of the postpsycodecoappalousapocalypse. His stem cell cannon is still smoking after he just laid to waste the forces of naught. Now he'll probably search for clean water and fresh reading material. Even at the end of the world a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

On Plant Spirits...

Plant spirits come by many names. Some folks call them Dryads. They say all sorts of silly things, like they are lovely ladies living in their trees. A plant spirit would no more look like a pretty lady than a car would look like a goat. Not many people have seen a plant spirit, and there are always less.


LOL paranoia

Deer LOL....

A little creation

There is the world.
The God Az made it
Az made everything in fact
except his brother
and his sister
Neither could create
so they were jealous
The brother wanted the world to destroy it
The sister wanted the world and would lie
and deceive to take it
Both had their hands in Az's creation
and it made him sad
He didn't want to fight his siblings
So he removed himself from his creation
until it was again pure
Well, actually he didn't remove himself totally
as that would be a hard hearted thing
He left the tools for the people of the world
to fight back

There were ten dreams
Each dream was a prophecy
but every dreamer saw different details
Each dream exerted a price
but that didn't stop the seers
from trying to experience all ten

There were nine keys and eight gates
Each key unlocked a gate to a realm
still pure and full of power
the ninth key unlocked anything

There were seven crowns
the symbol of divine authority
and responsiblity
no one who wore one
could act against the the best interest
of the kingdom

There have been six censors
Each censor has arose when the world
was being very wicked
burning with divine fire they would set example
for all to witness
Their names have been removed from history
Their tombs now fortress
less they rise again

There are five living saints
Each granting powers to those in need
One faces each cardinal directin
and one in the middle

There is more to this world
but I haven't dreamt it yet.

Thriller Part 1

Thriller was a tv anthology show that ran between 1960 and 1962. It started out mostly in the same line of stories as Alfred Hitchcock presents but the did a left turn into the twilight zone. More "Weird Stories" actually, going for a gothic horror feel. It was a perfectly logical thing given that the host was Boris Karloff. It's a good Boris too, not the sick Boris of a few years later. You can tell he still loves acting.

The show itself is a fun trip into memory lane. First off, black and white. How can you beat black and white ladies and gentlemen? It instantly helps set the stark mood of the stories. Then you have the credits which are sort of mod with straight lines suddenly cutting across the screen, but then it also reminds me of cracked glass or a spiderweb. Over that is strong, strong music. Very emotional, with a bongo beat. It was like William S. Burroughs doing a voodoo ritual.

There would be a scene to set the story. Karloff would then appear, as Karloff by the way not some unnamed narrator, and he'd give a spiel to set the story up more. Then they would introduce the players often with literal head shots. All this had only just a hint of camp, it mostly came off as just plain classy.

As you can tell I have some fond memories of this show, so its a pleasure to finally see it again in DVD. Like many older properties it has not appeared in DVD heretofore because of the idiocy of "Rights, rights, who owns the rights." Well things have FINALLY been sorted out and I'm pigging out right now.

The most interesting episode so far has been "The Premature Burial." It is a straight up adaption of Poe with a few added twists. It's interesting, more interesting besides the story itself that is, because it came out at the same time as Corman's movie of the same material. Also, it's one of the few Thrillers that Boris stepped down from narrator to join in the fun. Here he is Dr. Thorn and manages to shock the not so dead corpse back to life with steam punk shock pads. Feeling responsible after saving his life the good doctor helps his patient get over his fear of being buried alive again with elaborate plans to protect against it. Unfortunately, those plans hinge on the wife being a good and loving wife. In this sort of story?? HA! Before you can say "Michael Jackson's thriller," the poor guy is put in the ground again and the wife is making whoopee (this is sixties tv) with the handsome young stud. Someone is going to come back from the grave very annoyed.

It's a great little hour of television and Boris adds a lot to the story. One never knew exactly how good the good doctor was, which added to the suspense. Like every episode of thriller this is very moodily lit, with a great music score. Definitely if you can add this show to ye olde netflick line do so!

Today's Secret Code for september 21, 2010

"Sing it boys: Maybe the rain, is not really to blame. So, I'll remove the cause, but not mmmhmmmm the symptom!" Again: "Sing it boys: Maybe the rain, is not really to blame. So, I'll remove the cause, but not mmmhmmmm the symptom!" Today's colour is blue. Today's authour is thinking about a party. That is all in the time warp, maho maho.

Monday, September 20, 2010

zombie rabbit time!!!!

Sorry this is taking awhile to hand out all ten of these. I just want to make sure I'm giving it to the best! Speaking of best...

Aka, Chadzilla ROARS!!! You have won the Zombie Rabbit Award! Your place is fun AND thoughtful!!! So enjoy in good health and pass it on!!

Wright Wrock

Wright Wrock was an esoterrorist band from Albertia. Known for a powerful baseline from Paul "Fizz" LeMonde. The Fizz's bass powered up ballads such as "Lower Birth," "Coffin Born," and "Little Lead Butterfly." They produced one album "Wright Wrock Dead," from live performances. After the album was released the entire band died when its van fell into the Wojo Gorge. Police said "Fizz" was at the wheel.

The Colour Guard Still Flies

The Colour Guard has a long reputation of protecting the crown. Even in this day an age of an aged remains of an empire smoldering, the Colour Guard still flies fast and hard. This is Cassie Isingham who is known as Photonia. She's a fast girl our Photonia. She poses a challege to the press as she is faster than most cameras.

The Seer Emerges

The seer emerges from the doll. The seer has a message. It is a message of great importance. The message of the seer is...........

The Venture Brothers for the september 19th

Things are looking good for an exciting season. This time around the boys have "graduated" from their learning beds and now must think about the future. Dr. Venture is pushing Dean into going to college and becoming a super scientist. Hank wants to join the army. Meanwhile, Phantom Limb escapes evil villain prison with the help of a mug, a toaster and a woman's shoe. He goes on to find a way to get his invisible electric limbs back.

This isn't a top notch episode, but it moves at a fast pace. Most of the problem is that it is all meaty set up for up coming episodes. Obviously, the boys are going to have a lot of trouble transitioning into adulthood. Most colleges don't take super scientific learning beds seriously. On the other hand the Phantom Limb looks like he's going to make a credible threat later on. So I'm excited to see what's going to happen next!


You I actually hate to review a bad film. That might seem odd for a critic type fellow like myself, but I'd rather spread happiness. I'd much rather find a good film, maybe one no one has ever heard of, and promote that. Trouble is, I see a lot. You have to go through a lot of dirt when you pan for gold dear readers, and gold is awfully rare. So sometimes everything just comes up a cropper and all I get is a wet fart little picture like "Squeal."

Well.... it had nice previews on the DVD.

Basically, people we don't care about and would rather see dead get captured by pig people and put in cages and treated like.. gasp... animals. Oh the horror, oh the horror.

I wish.

Look folks, I get it. The animals are treating us like animals. This is like PETA's dream. But, as you can see from the above description we have a problem. We don't care that these particular people are being treated like animals. I have no idea right now what their names were, I think it was "Jerky, Blandie, Slutty, Screamy, and Huh?" Look, whomever made this, just go back and try again. Pay your players more than a case of scotch, remember that a script has to have these things on it called WORDS, and maybe next time you'll be worth something.

Today's Secret Code for September 20, 2010

"Alright mateys, let's tighten up our shorts and sing like the Duke." Again: "Alirght mateys, let's tighten up our shorts and sing like the Duke." Today's colour yellow. Today's author would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. That is, maho maho and your little dog too.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Forbidden Planet

Forbidden World isn't so much forbidden as forbidding. it's a desolate rock that just HAPPENS to look like the rocks that Captain Kirk fought the Gorn on. That is just one bit of coincidence that occurs in Roger Corman's "Forbidden World." Look and see footage from "Battle Beyond the Stars," and other Corman goodies. Also, they managed to reuse set from other films, and reuse its own footage in various odd flashybackyforwardy things that defy explanation. This is less a film, and more a primer on how stretch a sow's ear into a sow and end up with a kangaroom.

This was made around the same time as "Galaxy of Terror," but it lacks the interesting cast and story. Instead we get a basic "Alien" rehack. Our hero and robot side kick go to the forbidden planet cause the scientists have screwed up. They now have on the loose a horrible beast that chews up people and turns them to goo. Can our hero save the day? Why is that scientist coughing so much?

It's silly stupidity, but if if you can handle a D grade Alien you might find some fun.

Today's Secret Code for september 19 2010

"Arggggh, guile is the best thing for a pirate's gear." Again: "Argggggh, guile is teh best thing for a pirate's gear." Today's colours are flying high. Today's author is a sailing the seventy seas. That is all, maho maho.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Mr. Halloween 2010

Halloween is just around the corner. I'm finding candy corn now every morning, and I never buy candy corn. Then this fellow appeared on my doorstep. Seemed friendly enough, so I invited him in.


Legends crack over time
revelation up revelation
and the picture wavers
Lancelot slept with his queen
Magic slept with everyone
And when we are finally
to admit, "Just a man."
Then all we can do is wait
for the Hero reborn

Wow, just WOW!

"Samurai Jack," stands as a standard bearer of quality animation and excellent story telling. The original "Clone War" cartoons proved that Lucas WAS a hack. That other people could take his universe and tell stories to rock your socks off. So I was pleased as punch to hear that cartoon network had a new series from Genndy Tartakovsky.

"Sym-bionic Titan" is the story of people trying to blend in. In this case, they are trying to figure out how to be human beings. They are a space princess, her guardian, and their faithful robot. Theyare new to earth and decide the perfect place to hide is in a high school. Of course sorting through all the cliques and clacks become a major problem.

But not their biggest. See of course they are on the run from nasty aliens and one of their own who has betrayed them. Also, our own government would like to have "words" with folks that can slice tanks like paper. Luckily, our heroes are not unarmed. Each can become a huge robot like warrior on their own, and all together they can become the positively Voltronic Sym-bionic Titan.

Ok, the plot sounds old, but I perfer "timeless." I like the characters, they aren't stupid and work together really well. I love the nerdbot Newton, he has such an easy going voice presence that it helps sell what ever is on the screen. But there's more. The animation is GREAT. The battles and action are AWESOME. I had a good half hour of just good fun joy and it's been awhile since I've felt so giddy about any TV animation.

Sym-Bionic Titan you had me with the WAVE MOTION GUN!!

Head Games

"Locke & Key" is a graphic series set in the fictional town of Lovecraft. Odd things are happening in Lovecraft and it revolves around an old house and some very odd keys. "Head Games" is the latest collection I've read and it's pretty darn interesting. The heroes have found a new key that literally unlocks their head.

Imagine popping a key into the back of your neck and turning it. Then suddenly there you are with your head opened up. If you look inside, yes you can look inside your own head hole which is pretty dizzying, you can see all your memories and thoughts. Go ahead take one out see what happens. Better yet put something into your head and see what happens.

As you can guess giving a bunch of kids this odd ball power can lead to at the very least insanity. Doesn't help that someone seemingly close to them is plotting against them. Or that the horrible ghost might come back at any time.

Lock & Key is certainly great creepy fun, and the art is wonderful. Also, a small thing but I just LOVE books that come with their own cloth ribbon book mark sewn into the binding. That my friends is posh!

Today's secret Code for September 18 2010

"In the steaming, warm waters one can dream of jungles." Again: "In the steaming, warm waters one can dream of jungles." Today's colour is a riotious green. Today's author is well showered in blessings. That is all, maho maho.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Today's Zombie Rabbit winner

Today I am proud to award my second Zombie Rabbit to Steve Loya who creates A splotch Monster A Day blog. This is good art and I am happy to award you this honor. Wear it in good health and remember to pass it on to ten others.

For those who want a taste of splotch here it is:

The Dark in the light surrounded by the dark

Dr. Walker Carr has explored deeper than most. Even he was suprised to find this cavern exploding with light. He was frozen in fearful wonder as a dark form arose from the pillar of light. After that, Dr. Walker Carr could not be reached for comment.

Akon walking

When Akon walked between the worlds he thought what could I make next? Shall I make new wonders or new horrors? Shall I make something I love, or challenge myself creating something I do not find pleasing. So Akon walks, thinking of what do, leaving only shades of what may as he passes.

Warp With Cats

Perhaps the first alblum of the esoterrorist movement was "Warp With Cats." Composed by Aldrich Shamlar, who changed his name to Father Dada Zombie, it was an album that blended psychodelic rock, soul, and esoteric rituals for summonings. It has always had a dangerous reputation and copies are now extremely rare. Even rarer was the 45 of the song "Dweller in Me," from the album. Rumor has it the edges of the 45 were sharpened so that it became very unsafe to handle.

The walls live in stillness

Ever been in an old house, or an old hotel? One of those places that has a smell but you can't say of what. Not musty, or bad, just... there. And the carpets are so worn you could follow the tracks with your eyes closed. Then there are the walls...
the walls...
the old wall paper faded in places. Endless repetition of faces. Is one of them looking back at you? No, it can't be. Best to move on. Move on.

Grimm Love

Some events are rather like black holes. We see them, but we can't see into them. We generally don't venture too close because there is a fear, if only at the back of the mind, that if we get beyond some imaginary event horizon we too would be sucked into the black. "Grim Love" is a film both about the observer and the event.

The Event in this case (luckily not on NBC) is the horrible real life crim of Oliver Hartwin. Hartwin advertised in the personals that he wanted to eat someone. This wasn't a metaphor or a sexual expression. He wanted to eat someone, seriously. The amazing thing is that he found someone that said, "yes."

The observer is Katie Armstrong an american student in Germany who is retracing the life of Hartwin. As played by Kari Russel, we certainly have a fear for her sanity. She seems far too entranced by the event. At the beginning of the movie, despite the based on true events, I was laying down bets that she was either going to be dinner or go to hannibal's school of cannibal cooking.

This is just a disturbing movie, too much real life of things I wish didn't really happen. It left me down, depressed, and wanting that psychic shower to come out all clean again. Despite the skill behind the production and the abilities of the actors its just not something I could recommend to people.

Something graphic

"Skelebunnies" by Tommy Kovac is not Richie Rich by a long shot. A humorous cartoon about the undead, bunnies, and a very crass devil, the thing delights in being both gross and cute. It's a hard balance to maintain and it doesn't always do so for my taste. I like some of the art, the two undead and unhinged zombie bunnies do indeed straddle the realms of cute and gross quite nicely. It's just not my cup of tea mostly. I'd be more interested in future t shirts than more strips.

"Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" shows that zombies can indeed improve anything. Even Jane Austin. Still the story of the intricate dance that is british upper class society it is now complicated by attacks of the lovely named "unmentionables." This graphic novel moves fast and has considerable wit. The art is ok and moves the story along, but isn't very interesting on its own. It sort of reminds me of those old classic illustrated adaptions, something not entirely unwelcome. I would certainly read a sequel or better yet a movie version.

Some Ideas

So, one thing that occurred to me the other day is how neat an african western would be, or a western with africans. The Masai have traditionally valued cattle. While we weren't looking for immigrants from Africa post civil war, I can see somehow a pair of Masai brothers riding the Kansas prarie with their cattle. Call it the brothers MaBing. It could be good!

Lately, scientists are finding the universe is a good deal odder than we thought. More to the point they have that a constant we thought was well... um, constant.. isn't quite so constant. That this constant is very important for life to evolve makes for a very interesting opportunity for a sf story. Imagine a first contact story complicated by the idea that the aliens come from a part of the universe has a different constant from ours. Can we even meet? Or do we have to find some border area (natural or artificial) between these constants. What could we have in common? Just a thought.

Today's Secret Code for September 17 2010

"U were great and so was the T." Again: "U were great and so was the T." Today's colour is earl grey. Today's author is painting in the drawing room. That is all, maho maho cheerio!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Planet XX##

The Album "Planet XX33" from the Esoterrorist band "Unreadable Cymbal." The lyrics on the back read:

Batter plans drawn by awe-filled monks
going to carve XX33 into bloody chunks
Do it for the money
Do it for the glory
Do cause the girl you love only makes you horny

Oddly enough when the song is played there are no words to be heard. Dr. Emile Lintwhistle once tried a subsonic analysis of the song but never released the results and instead retired to train fish to climb.

cows & cows & cows


If there's a name "Lopez" shouldn't there be a "Hipez?"
Would "boobies" be more festive if renamed "Hooraybies"
If you can be "ruthless" why not "ruthful?" How much ruth do you need?
Does it matter what type of shark you jump? Whale sharks don't bite.
Is it racist to label animals by skin colour? On that subject "White Rhinos" aren't. Why the lie?

Legal Advice, 8th Circle Edition

The Judges in Hell are not lenient nor known to be wise. They can be bribed, but it's a tricky thing. Would you know by looking at this one that he truly likes old Micronaut action figures? Unless you have an Baron Karza in your pocket you might be in trouble.

The Great Rift

I know I generally delve into the Fantastic here, but people, my dear dear readers, how can one appreciate the fantastic if you don't appreciate the wonders around you right now? I love nature documentaries. Always have. I grew up singing that silly "da da da" national geographic theme. I nearly drowned because of a love for Jaque Costeau. I was going to grow up to be an entomologist paleotologist that signed to gorillas.

"The Great Rift" captures all that wonder again and I can't recommend it enough. Set along and in the great rift in Africa it captures stuff I have never seen before, and that my dear audience takes a little doing. From the only (currently) permanent lava lake to a literal river of jungle nestled in one the great plains, there are sights that are so beautiful it would move a stone to give and give generously. If nothing else, I have never seen a monkey beetle before and now I am richer for it.

It's not just pretty pictures either. The thoughts for example on grass should give any author pause. I have never seen grass in such a predatory manner before but now I can see my lawn openly warring with surrounding trees.

Definitely watch this. I'd say watch this with kids but then it may lead to birds and bees discussion as there is definitely mating involved from time to time. But if you can handle that, definitely have the kids watch! It's a beautiful world and sometimes it's good to be reminded how beautiful it is.


"Tapped!" is a documentary that just proves you can't win. Hey kids, remember when bottled water sounded like a good idea? Better than coke, or pepsi. Just good clean pure water? What can go wrong?

Or as they said in the trailers in "Westworld," "go wrong, go wrong, go..."

Ok, so basically here's the deal. Multinational corporations like Nestle form shell corporations. They find nice little towns and basically suck off all the tap water. So basically 9/10 of all bottle water is just tap water in a plastic bottle. But wait there's more, some folks are saying chemicals are leaching into the water from the bottles (doubltlessly true, but then there's always the question of how many parts per BILLIONS you should worry about.) Oh, and I forgot you are such a stupid, inconsiderate slob that you aren't recycling so now we have all those plastic bottles killing wild life. Bottles made from oil.

Don't you feel bad now? All you wanted was a bit of water and now you are killing the earth. Look, as always a bit of moderation here would be appreciated. I hate folks who will never touch tap water and live on aspen spring water whatever, but not because they are killing the earth but because they are snobs and rather silly ones at that. But, if I'm on the go I'm not going to feel an extra ten pounds of guilt because I decide to get a pint of H2o from a vending machine. That's just me, but in penance I'll go watch "Soylent Green" again.