Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Today's Secret Code:

"You die, she dies, everybody dies." Again: "You die, she dies, everybody dies." Today's Colour is evil glowing green.  Today's Author's only hope is that they bury his body in an unmarked grave even though he has an in because hanging's too good for him; burning's too good for him, they should rip him into itty bitty pieces.  That is all Hanover Fist, maho maho.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013


Unlucky Charms

Charles Band is at it again, and finally he's done his leprechaun picture without getting his B movie butt sued.  Oh wait, it's not a leprechaun it's a far darrig a.k.a. the red man.  What ever, it's short, has the hat and the shillelagh, and is in a film punnily named after a breakfast cereal; so screw you Charlie it's a damn leprechaun.  Congratufabulation.

So, what's happening?  Well first turns out our far darrig should have been named gearán soith (go to google translate), because he just complains complains and oh yes complains.  Turns out that him and three other wee beasties name raped from celtic lore are the slaves to the charms on a certain necklace.   After centuries of hanging around they have finally been called back to earth to do the bidding of whomever has the necklace.

Meanwhile, at Wayne manor (well, ok but it looks sort of like it) a reality show is in progress.  Ok, now mentioning Charlie's short coming as a director is sort of low at this point.  It's like kicking an autistic puppy.  The puppy isn't going to learn anything and you just look like a jerk.  But I do have to say that it takes a true lack of ability not to be able to ape the tropes and look of a reality show.  It's just sad and an under used concept in this movie.  It's only used for two purpose the first is to have a bunch of girls hang out together call each other names and take off their clothes (take off their own clothes I should clarify), the other use to come up with ridiculous reasons to split everyone up so they can be alone and attacked.  Or alone and be ogled, one of  the beasties (the one eyed monster naturally) has been out of circulation for centuries so takes the time to appreciate the female beauty to the gynacological upmost.  So does anyone figure out who has the charms?  Will there be any ladies left by the end?  Will the damn leprechaun shut up please? 

Well, who cares. 

Yeah that's the feeling this film left in me.  It's about a half hour worth of material stretched into a feature in a painful manner.  For example, one of Charlie's tricks is to end the whole thing with a slow crawl roll call of all the players.  The acting of the actresses aspires to the level of strippers everywhere.  The beasties at least were able to hide their embarrassment.  Unfortunately they hid it behind make up that falls below halloween high school party levels.  I will say on the plus side the movie on DVD starts with a introduction of Charlie talking about his plans while a stripper behind him is doing various breast tricks.  On the down side one of Charlie's plans is "Gingerdead man vs. the Evil Bong.

Things You Need To Know #411

Haunting spiders are normally only annoying.  They develop a passionate desire to wrap one person in webs.  They wait till they sleep and begin to work.  Usually the victim wakes up to just a thin webbing and the feeling of scuttling legs.  However, things can go differently if the victim is otherwise detained say by an accident.  Sometime later police might find a rather odd, morbid silk package.  No spider in sight as it seeks another to devote itself to.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: The Bridge

Source:  The Bridge
'Location:  A ruined bridge, then the world
Threat Assessment:  10.  There is no hope.  The Bridge is a singularity level event leading to new life based on man's waste.
Limitation:  Individual creatures can be killed but the event cannot be stopped.  No future.

Today's Secret Code:

Jack was a pre-theist believing there is not a God...yet.  Again:  Jack was a pre-theist believing there is not a God...yet.  Today's Colour is a charming chocolate.  Today's Author is not afraid to listen to ABBA.  That is all dancing queen, maho maho.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Today's Secret Code:

Bing Bang Digga Rigga Dong: First things I say after I wake up.  Again:  BIng Bang Digga Rigga DOng:  First things I say after I wake up.  Today's Colour is UN blue.  Today's Author is not through.  That is all Sporticus, maho maho.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Urban Sasquatches while still large can become so thing they can slip through cracks in the wall.


Food and gluttony have always been tent poles of humor in manga and anime.  Toriko just takes this and runs with it to its infinite ridiculous extreme.  Either in another reality or Earth's far future there is the Gourmet Age.  Now manly men hunt the world for the most dangerous ingredients.  These Gourmet Hunters have their own code and customs.  One of them is each must prepare their ultimate feast that best represents them using only the most dangerous and rarest ingredients.

Toriko is one of the best of  the Gourmet hunters.  He's blessed with super strength and an almost canine sense of smell.  Now with a young cook and a battle wolf pup he scours the world and fights of evil (yes EVVVIL) Gourmet hunters.

It's all grand silliness but it is FUN grand silliness.  It's like if Superman worked for the Food Network.  I like how each episode begins with a tale about some strange treat like pumpkins filled with pudding (called pumppuddings of course) or a pensula of fried rice where chili shrimp wash ashore.  Personally, I'd love to set a game in the world of Toriko.  It's a neat combination of superhero antics with classic dungeon crawl morality.  Adventures would be easy to start, "Go get that giant flying Gorgonzolakey, it's worth 500 million.  Oh and don't look into its eyes.  Oh... it has eyes all over.  Have fun boys, and eat well!"  Mostly, I'd just love to see players make up crap about how Gorgonzolakey tastes or how they are going to prepare it.  That sort of creativity is always fun.

Things You Need To Know #410

There is an abandoned house, and abandoned for good reason. Within lies the kitchen of despair.  No food stored there will be useable.  Nothing cooked there will be edible.  There is only hunger served from the kitchen.  Luckily there is a McDonald's down the road, and so not all is lost.

Monster of the Day: Regal Mammoth

Source:  Toriko
Location:  Biotope 1 in the Gourmet Age
Threat Assessment:  8.  1500 meters at the shoulder.  8 legs.  Two trunks capable of sucking man sized creatures from great distance.  Teeth that can comfortable seat six (at least before the munching.)
Limitation:  Animal intelligence and hunted for their prized meat.

Today's Secret Code:

There is no bottom to a dog's love or hunger.  Again:  There is no bottom to a dog's love or hunger.  Today's Colour is Labrador black.  Today's Author doesn't whisper to his dog but has shouted at him from time to time.  That is all Marmaduke, Maho Maho.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Today's Secret Code

The poor Colour was innocent, lost and alone.   Truly a beige in the woods.  Again:  The poor Colour was innocent, lost and alone.  Truly a beige in the woods.  Today's Colour is sad.  Today's Author sees the skies are grey like a TV channel tuned to a dead station.  That is all Molly, Maho Maho.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Today's Secret Code:

Sometimes it's not enough to be hip.  Sometimes you need the whole pelvis.  Again:   Sometimes it's not enough to be hip.  Sometimes you need the whole pelvis.  Today's Colour is United Nations Blue.  Today's author is under the weather and radar.  That is all WHO, maho maho.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Today's Secret Code

Sometimes it's not enough to know where all the bodies are buried.  Sometimes you need to remember where is the shovel.  Again:  Sometimes it's not enough to know where all the bodies are buried.  Sometimes you need to remember where is the shovel.  Today's Colour is a somber caput mortuum.  Today's Author wonders why it has to be snakes.   That's all Indy, maho maho.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Today's Secret Code:

Never bother a brother, just love one and other.   Again:  Never bother a brother, just love one and other.  Today's Colour a preciously pious puce.  Today's Author is just of no use.  That is all, maho maho.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

The Great Old One's Sexton Ghi'dor'kra

The Shambling Guide to New York City by Mur Lafferty

This is an enjoyable and rather light hearted romp into both travel and the occult.  Our heroine is Zoe and her life is at a crossroads.  Fleeing from a bad work place situation that went completely nuclear she now finds herself in New York and looking for a job.  Maybe it's a case of out of the frying pan and into the fire but she lands a job as a travel writer for a unique audience: monsters. 

Ok, monsters maybe a bit strong and they don't like being called that.  They call themselves the coterie and they range from vampires and zombies to gods and fay.  She finds herself working with vampires, zombies, sprites, incubus, and a death goddess.  It's a little stressful for Zoe being thrown into the metaphorical deep end of the pool.  It's not helped that she knows that here co workers had to be reminded she's not on the menu.  She's fascinated though by this new world and she's not a quitter (except when she had to quit) so she makes the best of things.

The first third of the book is all about describing and discovering this new world of the coterie.  Even learning the alternate currency systems they use is a challenge.  Unfortunately for Zoe things get worse.  Some force is meaning no good for the Big Apple and for some reason Zoe finds herself a target.  Can she and her friends(?) stop the menacing from taking a bite from the Apple?  Well, certainly you'll have to read it to believe it.

I found this a fun little book and I truly enjoyed the character of Zoe.  There's enough little details to make the world feel real but leave you wanting to know more.  Why for example do the birds actually control finances?  How does one spend a hell note, and if you are human do you have to worry about your soul doing so?  There are cute little out takes from her travel book between chapters that ad even more interesting things about New York that I almost wish were true.  Definitely worth a read.

A Rather Odd Idea: Barnabus Jones

I've been watching a lot of seventies TV of late and after falling asleep I had this dream. I dreamed of a vampire detective named Barnabus Jones. He choose to be a detective because he can set his own hours which is an advantage to a person who's photophobic.  Also, it keeps him involved with people which he considers a good thing.  He is unique among vampires because he kicked the blood habit for another liquid produced by mammals:  milk.  You will almost always find him with a glass of cold milk nearby.  The change has made him lose some of his vampiric strength but on the plus side animals are now very comfortable now that he doesn't give off the aura of a predator.

Things You Need To Know #409

You do not want to meet Marco.  You do not want to see his unshiny car with teeth in the fenders.  You do not want to meet Marco and you certainly don't want to be introduced to his 507.  Let him drive into the sun as is his want whistling Quaker hymns backward.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Mr. Slant

Source:  Discworld Novels
Location:  Anhk-Morpork
Threat Assessment:  6.  True he's no more powerful than a regular zombie, but he's a lawyer in good standing and uses the law the way an assassin uses a bit of piano wire.
Limitation:  He likes to keep in good standing so while he'll dance along the edge of the law in the end he will follow it if not respect it.

Today's Secret Code

Some religions say that evil is God's shadow.  Discuss.  Again:  Some religions say that evil is God's shadow.  Discuss.  Today's Colour is indigo.  Today's Author is not Plato.  That is all and get out of the cave, maho maho.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Beware the Mark

The Evil Dead Remake

It didn't turn out badly.  If fact it is a  very frightening film.  It is, however, a very different film from the original even if it followed  the plot pretty closely in most places with its originator.  The difference is one of tone.  While the first film is truly a frightening film, there is an underlying sense of fun not found in this film.  When watching the firest Evil Dead you are very aware that you are watching a bunch of probably just out college kids having a hoot.  It's like going to a frat house haunted house.  You still jump and get spooked you get the feeling that around the corner is a party somewhere.  In the new version its pretty darn grim and unrelently so.  The cast is good but there is no one with the insane charisma of Bruce Campbell.  I think I would certainly enjoy the film a bit more if it was named anything but "Evil Dead."  Still, definitely a good film for any horror fan.

Things You Need To Know #408

The Rokko Mystery is still missiing. Mentioned in only a handful of the more exotic occult works.  It is said that the Mystery has great power, but not exactly what that power can do.  It is said to be animated by a conscious spirit, but not what that spirit's goals are.  It is said that it has five dials, seven switches and four locks; however, not one word on how any of these functions.  If found it would be best to give it to some illuminated organiation.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Gort

Source:  Day The Earth Stood Still
Location:  Space.
Threat Assessment:  A freakin' 9.  One Gort can destroy the Earth.  The space folk have a police force of them, or they have them as they are policed now by a bunch of planet destroying robots.
Limitations:  Must follow programing and magic words "Klaatu Verada Nictu."

Today's Secret COde:

Say "What" again I DARE you.  Again:  Say "What" again I DARE you.  Today's Colour is le royale bleu.  Today's Author is dancing at slim shadey.  That is all Zed you're dead, maho maho.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

The Cricket Spirit

The sun rises and the earth wakes
and some were woke before
the cricket spirit
listening to the dew rise
smelling the light
for someone to sing
to him

Things You Need To Know #407

The old movie theater in Grand Pines has a rift back to its 1932 self.  If you you sneak into the supply closet in the men's room you'll find a smaller door.  Go through that and you'll be directly in the theater as it plays the popular film of its days.  Don't leave the theater, and be sure to leave before the lights go up.  Bad things happen otherwise and it won't be a hollywood ending.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Djinn

Source:  Wishmaster
Location:  Can be found anywhere
Threat Assessment:  9.  In theory one Djinn can end the world because if it manages to get someone to do all three wishes all the OTHER Djinn are allowed back to earth.  Creatures of near limitless magic ability.
Limitation:  Can only use magic to grant other people's wishes.  Of course there's a reason why the saying "Be careful what you wish for," exists.

Today's Secret Code:

It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses.  Again:  It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses.  Today's Colour has the blues.  Today's Author would like some dry white toast.  That is all Jake, maho maho.

Monday, July 15, 2013

A Child's view of a Glumph on Alta V

Today's Secret Code:

Never double down when playing black jack with the devil.  Again:  Never double down when playing black jack with the devil.  Today's Colour is a hot streak of pink.  Today's Author might be a cooler or so he thinks.  That is all Johnny Sorrow, that is all.

Banshees Are Rarely Morning People, Though By Nature they ARE Mourning People

Things You Need To Know #406

Sex zombies are a disturbing is rather harmless phenomena.  Some spirits are so passionate for each other that their bodies re-enact their love.  The corpses animate and move heaven and earth to get together generally leaving quite a mess.  Once together they continue their love making till rot and friction destroys the last of their material form.  Some of the more odd members of psychic community arrange views of sex zombies in action for necrophiliac voyeurs.  It's a profitable if not respectable business.

This was something you needed to know, but probably should never see.

RIP: Dr. Venture

We are here to mark the passing of Dr. Thaddeus "Rusty" Venture, Child star and adventurer and marginal celebrity and super scientist.  He met his demise by giant disco ball to the shock of all.  He is survived by his two cloned sons, his personal servant robot, his brother whom they shared a special relationship for decades as they shared his body, his own arch enemy the Monarch, and two bodyguards Brock Sampson and Sgt. Hatred.  Though Dr. Venture never reached the heights of science that his father did, his name will always live in infamy as a description of a rather torrid, if nebulous sex act.

Monster of the Day: Iron Man

Source:  Black Sabbath
Location:   Cave and both the future and past
Threat Assessment:  0 or 10.  Spends most of his time just in his cave but he's planning his vengeance on the people he once saved.
Limitation:  Spends most of his time deactivated.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

By Her Glow You Will Know Her

Films That Should Be Remade: Phase IV

I love "Phase IV," but as a true fan I have to acknowledge it has some faults that made it less  than perfect.  The script needed work and there is the hammy taste of seventies hippism that infects mostly the end. 

Other than that it's a great film.  Ants start becoming intelligent and working together.  A scientists notices this and decides to put himself (and his assistant) in peril to test and communicate with this new life form.  It becomes a back and forth game of one upmanship as each species probes the other's weaknesses.  There are some incredible creepy yet fascinating images like ants with runes on their heads or a brave soldier dying as it drags a samplle of poison to the queen so she can make immune soldiers.

What I would do here is clarify why this is all happening.  Not only the intelligence, but the new venom the ants seem to have which is far more deadly than normal ant stings.  I would also widen the scope a bit and let the ants take out a small town and not just a ranch.  Make it clear they are a serious threat.   At the end of the original there were basically two choices given to mankind; resist and die or become part of the hive.  I want to make it clear in the remake the terrible, terrible price it would be to lose one's humanity joining the hive. 

Anyway that's just me...

Gamer's Toolbox: the New Breed

When doing a superhero or science fiction type game it's always a challenge to come up with the mounds of villains ou need to be pounded.  One solution I like is the hidden breed trope.  Look, as an eample, how well Marvel has done with both  their inhuman race and the mutant race of humanity.  DC didn't do as good a job with their concept of "metahuman" but then they never really defined it well.  On the third hand the wild card books did well with the wild card virus effectively creating a race of genetically enhanced super humans.  The trick was even put to good use in Clive Barker's "Nightbreed."

For my purposes, I've come up with my version of this trope called simply the "New Breed."  The New Breed are initially human and can't be told apart from humans with a DNA test.  That's because the genetic information that sets them apart is hidden in the cells in nearly unbreakable spore like constructs.  The very hidden nature of the New Breed plus that it only people born within a five year period (which years can be changed to suit the campaign) points to it being an artificial creation.  But who created it?  More importanly why?  These questions can certainly be food for thought in any campaign.

Becoming truly one the New Breed requires death.  It can be any sort of death as long as most of the head is there along with 50% of body.  In this case, as soon as the person dies the sphores release the New Breed genes and infuse the DNA with a sort of pseudo life along the lines of a virus.  Within one hour two unique organs are grown within the body connected by a string of nervous tissue.  The first is in the chest opposite the heart.  It's the size of plum and has been informally called "The Grand Shakra."  It's working are a mystery still but it seems to gather virtual energy from the spongy quantum space that concerns much of string theory.  The other organ is the size of a pearl and is formed under the hind brain.  From it radiates two prongs that go from the hind brain to the frontal lobes.  The tissue of this organ (dubbed "the Focus) is a combination of nerve tissue and dense pods that are filled with bacteria that seem to be acting as small computers.  When both organs are formed there is a sudden rebirth and the New Breed starts life again.  Generally, they are regenerated back to their own previous self though without any chronic health conditions.  I say generally because there is a random component that happens because the whole New Breed program was ultimately a failure.  The New Breed should be able to manipulate reality and do practically anything.  Unfortunately, this was the equivalent of strapping space shuttle engines onto a gremlin and going for a spin.  Humanity just can't handle the power and so as a defense mechanism it tends to shut down a huge part of the potential of being a New Breed.  Don't get me wrong, the New Breed like marvel mutants are extremely powerful beings they just don't live up to their potential. 


One example of the New Breed and a good way to introduce the New Breed to the campaign is Mercy.  Mercy was killed and left for dead in Central Park by a mugger.  When he arose he was acutely aware of his own death and new self to a degree that profoundly shook his sanity.  He immediately tried to kill himself.  And failed.  His powers includes a truly incredible regenerative ability.  He's harder to kill than a story about the Kardashians.  He might have checked into a mental institution to help with his profound depression except his other power kicked in at that point.  Unlike modern science Mercy can sense the New Breed before they die and enter the new stage of their lives.  This ability is not perfect being that he gets a false positive result about one third of the time.  Still that's two thirds of the time where he has the ability to bring a person to his ultimate ability to the world.  This has filled him with a mission.  He will awaken all the New Breed he can and if dull humans die then so be it.  Mercy has become an extremely dangerous serial killer.  It would be a good introduction to the entire concept if Mercy gets a vibe off a friend of someone in the campaign and then targets them.  Trying to stop a nearly unkillable killer would definitely provide a challenge and if he does succeed  then the Game Master has two interesting choices.  Either Mercy was wrong and the friend is now dead and the hero is going to have to deal with that lose, or suddenly hero's friend is now a superhuman being and the hero is going to have to deal with the new state his friend is in.  In either case it's good drama.

Things You Need To know #405

In an infinite multiverse all things are true and all things are false. What it is is where you're at. But remember, no matter where you go, there you are. Or aren't. This was something you needed (not needed) to know.

Monster of the Day: Aswang

Source:  Folklore, "Lost Girl"
Location:  Anywhere really
Threat assessment:  In Lost Girl I have to give it a 3.  Yes they eat human corpses but they do it as a public serivce to rid disease.  They have an incredible constitution.  They can eat ebola infected meat with no sign of infection later.
Limitation:  Rather tied to their non kosher diet.

Today's secret code:

Black keys I understand, and white keys I understand.  When they come to the plaid keys though I give up.  Again:  Black keys I understand and white keys I understand.  When they come to the plaid keys though I give up.  Today's Colour is reader's choice.  Today's Author is Limp Von Moist.  That is all Pump Number Nine, maho maho.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Planeshikers Tend To Hitch Themselves Interdimensionally To The Up And Coming

Films That Should Be Remade: Puppetmaster

The original Charles Band's "Puppetmaster" was an ok B film that stalled in various places as we waited for the stop motion puppets to do their thing.  Now for Charles Band a B film is like his "Lawrence of Arabia."  Since then he's been doing sequels, reboots, out right thefts of his own ideas to ultimately the apathy of everyone.  Still, the original film had promise.  I say get Del Toro and do a remake.

It's not just the idea of little puppets killing each other that make it a good candidate for a remake.  There's also the entire "psychic agatha christie" turn of the plot where a bunch of people with psychic powers who really detest each are forced to get together in a large, dark, scary hotel.  Get the right cast and this thing would tick like a swiss watch.  I would also revamp the designs of the puppets.  They had a certain funkiness but their reason for existing as such was questionable.  Why put a huge drill head on a soldier puppet?  I just don't see it, it would at least need some more justification.  Anyway that's just my two cents.

Things You Need To Know #404

Vampire being the smarter undead have for years been working with publishers and hollywood to muddy the waters of vampire lore.  Each movie and book has it's own "take" on what powers and vulnerablities a vampire has.  The net effect is the new vampire hunter often doesn't know even the basics of how to take care of a vampire, which is just how the vampires like it.  Take care of the young vampire hunter and you'll never have to worry about old ones.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: The Dickies

Source:  Killer Klowns From Outer Space
Location:  The Video that killed the radio star
Threat Assessment:  Sonic damage a 3 sanity damage a 4
Limitation:  Working for t he Killer Klowns means you get paid in pop corn

Today's Secret Code:

"You gave me the high hat." Again: "You gave me the high hat." Today's Colour is now brown. Today's Author is memorizing the Song Of Solomon. That is all, maho maho.

Friday, July 12, 2013

The stargazer did ask, "Why so Sirius?"


Look it was on Syfy, done by the Asylum, and is about a tornado filled with sharks.  It is a review proofed film armored in its own stupidity like a turtle trapped in amber.  All I can say is, "hey guys share a little.  There are folks that need good medical marijuana."

Things You Need To Know #403

The exact location of the human soul in the body has been independently discovered 533 times.  The mystery now is what happened to those 533 pioneers.  No one knows, or no one is telling.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Dark Waters

Source:  Pirates of Dark Water
Location:  The 20 seas of Mer
Threat Assessment:  9.  The water has literally gone bad and when enough dark water gets together it can bring down entire civilizations.
Limitation:  There are 13 treasures that are said to be able to stop the dark water.  Of course they aren't in one sensible place.

Today's Secret Code

Don't pull on Superman's cape, don't spit into the wind, don't take the mask of the lone lone ranger and don't mess around with extremely large men with poor impulse control.  Again:  Don't pull on Superman's cape, don't spit into the wind, don't take the mask of the lone lone ranger and don't mess around with extremely large men with poor impulse control.  Today's Colour is a fabu vermillion.  Today's Author still likes Brando.  That is all take the canolli, maho maho.

Monday, July 8, 2013

Today's Secret Code:

NEovbeordyyo Pnarnriuce!  AAggaaiinn:  NEovbeordyyo Pnarnriuce!  TTooadaayy'ss CAoultohuorr iiss ttehaelre.  TTooddaayy'ss ACuotlhoourr iiss hbelruee.  Tmhaahto miash ottahlalt, imiaahlo lmaho.  (Sorry about cross dimensional interference)

Sunday, July 7, 2013

The Dead Pose Briefly If At All


Sometimes things just don't work.  On paper, Monkeybone should have been a madcap cross between "Beetlejuice" and "Who Framed Roger Rabbit," when in fact it ending up been a middling movie that was a world class stinker in the box office.  The why of it can probably be laid down to a chopped up script and chemistry that just doesn't work.  The actors here are all fine.  I always like Dave Foley, but then he's become a huge giant jinx you see him and you know the film is going to bomb like Bush in Iraq.  As good as they are they don't gel.  I don't believe in the main romantic relationship.  I don't buy the betrayal certral the film.  The worlds presented while interesting are disjointed and without an internal logic.  So in the end you find yourself looking at certain parts and ignoring the rest.  I will say the parts that work are very interesting.  The nightmare imagery is something like a cross between Ed Wood and old pulp illustrations brought to life.  In the end, for the serious fan it's worth a look now that it's on netflix streaming.  All others might stick to Beetlejuice.

I, Vampire

Last year DC launched their New 52 campaign.  It was a grand relaunch of all their titles with some new titles added in.  It was fairly audacious and to most viewers a mix of the interesting and the obviously very bad.  Well now the collections are the New 52 are trickling in to the library so I'm playing catch up. 

I, Vampire was definitely inspired more by Dark Shadows than Dracula originally.  It was as close to soap opera as a comic at that time was going to get.  Because it was such an odd duck title in a sea of super hero titles the character spent years on the sidelines.  Of course, after Blade and a certain series of books and movies of glitter vampires that I shall not name, vampires are now very much the in thing so they dusted the character off and went to town.  Now I don't know what they were doing with him pre New 52 but this current incarnation is pretty interesting.

Well actually the hero isn't that original.  Typical brooding vampire with a touch of Blade in that he's not afraid to off his own kind.  Nor is the tragic love hate romance between him and his nemesis Mary that original.  Now having Mary start a war between vampires and humans and having her actually come through like jihadist with fangs, now THAT is pretty interesting.  When you start with 300 dead in Boston you know the stakes (heh) in the series are going to be high.  That plus a rather interesting artwork that is both bold and soft at the same makes for an interesting read.  I do hope to get the second collection as like in most comic books it ends on a heck of a cliff hanger.  For horror fans definitely check it out.

Things You Need To Know #402

There is an old well on the Castor property.  It's well hidden behind hedges that have become a small wilderness.  The stones of the well are old and worn.  Granite and soapstone side by side.  The wooden top has long rotted away.  If you go to the Castor well at night and wait for the moon to be overhead the waters below will reflect truly all things shown.  Be careful though, some are not ready to see their true faces.

This is something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Funky Manga Parasite

Source:  Parasyte
Location:  All over the world
Threat Assessment:  7. 5 there are a lot of them.  They cut off their hosts head and takes its place.  The parasite is a shape changer and loves making lots of sharp limbs.  They can also stretch very far.
Limitation:  Kill the host and you kill the parasite.

Special note:  One parasyte accidently took his host's hand instead of head and they've had to learn to work together.

Today's Secret Code:

The red door opens to the west and the cat is on the wrong side.  Again:  The red door opens to the west and the cat is on the wrong side.  Today's Colour is not red.  Today's Author is not the out of sight cat.  That is all Mr. Bond, maho maho.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Today's Secret Code:

If God had meant us to fly there wouldn't be those little life insurance vending machines in airports.  Again:  If God had meant us to fly there wouldn't be t hose little life insurance vending machines in airport.  Today's Colour is wild blue.  Today's Author is looking a little green.  That is all Amelia, maho maho.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Today's Secret Code:

Tänään Secret Code on antanut vieras kirjailija, se tarkoittaa se on vielä salaisuus. Jälleen tänään salainen koodi on antanut vieras kirjailija, se tarkoittaa se on vielä salaisuus? Päivän väri, taivas, rakkauden väri. Sinun kirjailija on kääritty sen. Sade, Sade, Sade laulaa vahva.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

The X||| is a parasitic thought form that haunts dreams of lethargic lepers thinking of leaping. As one can guess it's rather specialized.

Things You Need To Know #401

Some people say that if time travel could happen we'd be awash in time travellers. Though there is a certain logic to this the truth is that it is merely not the time for time travel. As the universe expands certain constants yet undiscovered by humanity change slighty. At some point in the future the universe will become favorable to time travel. The travellers cannot go beyond the point of the change so the past that is our present is protected. What happens though to the future is extremely chaotic. The universe has been destroyed since passing that point at least 3,201 times only to be recreated. Don't even ask about family trees.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Triffids

Source:  Day of the Triffids
Location:  Everywhere
Threat Assessment:  Man eating plants with poisonous stinger.  They can be kept in check except when humanity gets blinded.
Limitation:  In the movie, salt water.  Yeah, riiiiiight.

Today's Secret Code:

If you meet a time traveller on the road you should kill him.  Again:  If you meet a time traveller on the road you should kill him.  Today's Colour is a sublime amber.  Today's Author is not one of the nine princes.  That is all in shadow, maho maho.

Monday, July 1, 2013

King of the Middenfolk

Things You Need To Know #400

There's a red door in a popular theme park. It is marked with the number six and seven eights. If you can figure out how to knock that number you will be allowed in. You will truly find a magic kingdom. Many were sorry they did.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: White Walkers

Source:  Game of Thrones
Location:  North of the border
Threat Assessment:  Unknown but they can raise the dead and folks thought it was a good idea to put up a six hundred foot wall up to keep them out.
Limitation:  Fire and obsidion, but remember Winter is coming.

Today's Secret Code

The smell of the crowd the roar of the greasepaint!  Again:  The smell of the crowd the roar of the greasepaint.  Today's blue is Colour.  Today's Yoda is Author.  All that is, maho maho.