Today's Secret Code:

The Snake eating it's own tail was the first drama queen.  Again:   The Snake eating it's own tail was the first drama queen.  Today's Colour is orange not porange.  Today's Author is witch not a ..... twitch.  That is all, maho maho.

Dr. Salacriss Will See You Noun

Five Things I Learned From Last Night's Game of Thrones

1.  There are more hot tubs in a fantasy universe than I had thought possible.
2.  Jon Snow DOES know something
3.  It's never comforting when your health care provider tells you he lost his license due to "unnatural experiments.
4.  Being open minded is important in any relationship specially when your hubby is stchupping the high priestess.
5.  Nothing is creepier than a creepy kid singing a song a bit off kilter. 

Things You Need To Know #387

The Dritch is a spirit trying to put itself back together after death by burning. One thing about burning is that it tends to destroy all the juicy bits.  The Dritch if it can get its withered hands on a living human will try to suck every bit of moisture from the poor victim.  The trouble is that it never lasts so the Dritch goes through cycles.  Truly it is said that their is nothing more vexious than either a Dritch or a writer going through a dry spell.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Hell Unicorns

Source:  Ice Cream Cyanide
Location:  Hell, the big "H", Down down down town
Threat Assessment:  In theory an 8 just by sheer numbers and they are from HELL
Limitation:  Hooves

Today's Secret Code:

Never look a gift dragon in the mouth, or any dragon really.  Again:  Never look a gift dragon in the mouth or any dragon really.  Today's Colour is an easy peach.  Today's Author teases and teach.  That is all flame on, maho maho.

Today's Secret Code

The only name the owls call is the Doctor's.  Again:  The only name the owls call is the Doctor's.  Today's Colour is saffron.  Today's Author carries on.  That is all, maho maho.

Today's Secret Code

Stop me if you heard this one.  Again:  Stop me if you heard this one.  Today's Colour is Marrow red.  Today's Author is a straight arrow, she said.  That is all, maho maho.

In Loving Coils

Things You Need To Know #386

Dr. Arjin Gutpa suffers from sleep flying.  It is a very embarrassing condition as he has woken up in trees on more than one morning.  So now he sleeps in a locked room with pillows duct taped on the ceilling.  It's not perfect and there's the odd bumping noises at three in the morning, but at least he hasn't woken up on the top of a steeple lately.

This was something you needed  to know.

Monster of the Day: Giant Tube Worms

Source:  G.I. Joe
Location:  Under the seas guarding a pool of heavy water (just flow with it)
Threat Assessment:  Theoretically 6 even though all they really did was scream and wrap themselves around Joe and Cobra units.  But they did show a lot of resistence to lasar fire.
Limitation:  Shooting the base of their tubes made them float up and become harmless.

Today's Secret Code:

Is that a rocket in your pocket or are you just North Korea?  Again:  Is that a rocket in your pocket or are you just North Korea?  Today's Colour is a failed shade of red.  Today's Author is Kim Chi and is fiesty and spicy.  That is all maho maho.

The Sending

Things You Need To Know #385

The Final Shift hasn't started work yet.  Of course not, they only work once and then it's done.  Everything's done.  But that doesn't mean that they don't do the occassional odd chore.  Just to keep in practice.  They also get together at torn down bars to drink spirits and tell tales of all the things they will do when the Final Shift starts. 

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Mummy Beetles

Source:  The Mummy
Location:  Tombs
Threat Assessment:  an easy 7.  One can kill a swarm can strip your bones in seconds
Limitation:  Bug brains

Today's secret code:

When you dig you have no idea what all you'll find.  Again:  When you dig you have no idea what all you'll find.  Today's Colour is salmon.  Today's Author is looking for a shovel to call a spade, sam.  That is all Lazarus, maho maho.

Today's Secret Code:

I heard that Conan likes to hear the lamination of the women... weird.  Again:  I heard that Conan likes to hear the lamination of the women... weird.  Today's Colour is bronze.  Today's Author is living in a finnish basement with his swedish friend.  That is all Inquisitor's Hat Rack, the spice must Flo maho maho.

proinvocation

John Dies At The End

Ah it's been a long time since I've had a good brain stretching.  I had a good clue to what I was in store for when the film started with a classic question of philosophy ("If you gradually replace a ship piece by piece until no original piece of the ship exists, then is it still the same ship), but applies the question to axes, monsters, and zombies ending with the zombie saying "That is the weapon you used to kill me with."  The narrator then asks, "Is he right?"

That's the sort of midnight, eating too much popcorn, brain bending that I love and this film just goes over board with it.  I first described it as "Ghostbusters on acid," but that's not fair since I've never been on acid so now it's "The illegal, imoral, unnatural love child of 'Phantasm,' 'Buckaroo Banzai,' and 'Ghostbusters.'"  I think that pretty much covers all bases and if that doesn't ping on your groove thang then don't buy a ticket of admission because you will be bewilldered, bebothered, and probably bebopped.

The story is about two dudes of moderate wit who take a drug called "soy sauce."  Or rather the drug took them.  Ever since things are not the same, the can see things others can't.  They can travel to other dimensions.  They can even tell how much change you have in your pockets.  They put their gifts to good use by taking out all the weird trash we don't see.  Monsters, and leeches, and ghosts, and things from other dimensions that you don't want to see.  Now one of the, the one that isn't John, is in a chinese restaurant telling his tale to a reporter.  Will he believe him?  Did John die at the end?
Watch and find out.

Pure and simple I love this film.  It is fun, it is thoughtful, and unlike "Holy Motors" it is a happily light weight. 

Loving the 3rd Season of Game of Thrones So Far!

Things You Need To Know #384

The Yallow is the unfortunate mystical mating of a raven and a black cat.  Generally they are able to hide their wings from casual view but they try hard to stay away from humans.  A group of Yallow is called a Parole, no one knows why.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Misery

Source:  Ruby Gloom
Location:  The Mansion
Threat Assessment:  5.  Epic bad luck plus attracts lightning bolts.
Limitation:  Her threat assessment applies to herself.

Today's Secret Code:

Modern murder mysteries have become less fun due to less butlers doing it.  Again:  Modern murder mysteries have become less fun due to less butlers doing it.  Today's Colour is emerald.  Today's Author is in a green and pleasant land.  That is all mum, maho maho.

Today's Secret Code

Never look a gift horse in the mouth, have you seen the size of their teeth?  I mean really!  Again:  Never look a gift horse in the mouth, have you seen the size of their teeth?  I mean really!  Today's Colour is a chestnut brown.  Today's Author is watching wiggling lances in the round.  That is all Bard, maho maho.

Today's Secret Code:

You never know the mettle of a sushi chef till you try his eggs. Again:  You never know the mettle of a sushi chef till you try his eggs.  Today's Colour is a funny yolk.  Today's Author is just one of the folk.  That is all Jiro, maho maho.

The Widow of Wails

Mr. Ebert We Hardly Knew You

This is the film he wrote. 

Things You Need To Know #383

Mr. Benefore has passed on.  His shadow though has declined to leave.  It does so love the movies, and mostly it is not bothered as people seeing the dark shape ahead of them just assume its another patron.  It's best to keep one's cell phones off around Mr. Benefore's shadow....it can get..techy... if annoyed during a viewing.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: head on a stick

Source:  Re-animator
Location:  Arkham university
Threat Assessment:  As a head about a negative 3 (on a stick!), but since it can control other dead things it goes way up to a six (on a stick!)
Limitation:  Say it with me gophers, ON A STICK!

Today's Secret Code:

As the great sage Omba Lamba said, "Too often the eggs of wisdom are brooded upon by the icy bottoms of fools."  Again:  As the great sage Omba Lamba said, "Too often the eggs of wisdom are brooded upon by the icy bottoms of fools."  Today's Colour a shiny sliver of scarlet.  Today's Author is parked in the far lot.  That is all great sage, maho maho.

Fire Yetis are Thankfully Rare

Things You Need To Know #382

There is a nest of spun goal in an oak tree on Waterbee Mountain.  There is a yellow crow making its home in the nest of spun goal.  The yellow crow making its home in the nest of spun gold is incubating an ebony egg.  Within the ebony egg being incubated by the yellow crow making its home in the nest of spun gold is a smaller silver egg.  What lies within the silver egg which is within the ebony egg being incubated by the yellow crow making its home in the nest of spun gold is a mystery.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Giants

Source:  Game of Thrones
Location:  Beyond the Wall
Threat Assessment:  12 feet tall and can drive wooden poles deep into the permafrost with just their fist.
Limitation:  Supposedly shy.  Don't test it.

Today's Secret Code:

Men might not need nipples but I'm a keepin' 'em.  Again:  Men might not need nipples but I'm a keepin' 'em.  Today's Colour is an unsullied sunrise yellow.  Today's Author is still writing like the wind.  That is all, you win or you lose maho maho.

Things You Need To Know #381

The New England Spell Ripper is a very rare breed of dog that was originally created by a band of obsessed Puritans.  These big blonde shaggy dogs can smell magic a mile away and it just drives them wild.  A pack of Spell Rippers are a murderous nightmare to mystics.  On the other hand they are good with children and don't shed much.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: The Unsullied

Source:  Game of Thrones
Location:  The slave cities
Threat Assessment:  7.  Trained to ignore pain and die on command.  Super warriors.
Limitations:  Sometimes dying on command is not a good thing to train people.
P.S.  The true monsters are the men that made them Unsullied.

Today's Secret Code:

The Spider has art literally coming out its butt, top that.  Again:  The Spider has art literally coming out its butt, top that.  Today's Colour is a chocolate orange.  Today's Author is a happy camper.  That is all, Valar Dohaeris maho maho.