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| The bakemono lives in the dreams of others lives on the dreams of others like some men do unfortunately |
STRANGE SPANNERS being an accounting of strangeness of the warp and woof of my mind For those of you new here, think of this as 1/2 "Night Gallery" Our Motto: Nos somnium quisnam es futurus fatum quod insolitus tutus vos!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
The Bakemono
Locust of Hyperion
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| Everyone hears about those butterflies that can cause a hurrican but few hear of the Locuts of Hyperion Their song can drive your future children to madness |
Legend of the Fist
Right now this his kung fu the way kung should be fu'd. Set when Japan occupied China it's a sprawling story of one man fighting oppression. In a lot of ways it has the graze notes of zorro. By day (and most nights) our hero is stylish half owner of a night club. But when trouble rears up our dandy puts on what looks like Kato's better duds and fights crime as the legendary warrior.
Look this a beautiful film. It's a well acted film. It has an interesting script that weaves history with everybodies spying on somebody plot. But, let's be truth, you want to know about the kung fu. The kung fu is strong. The kung fu very strong.
Look this a beautiful film. It's a well acted film. It has an interesting script that weaves history with everybodies spying on somebody plot. But, let's be truth, you want to know about the kung fu. The kung fu is strong. The kung fu very strong.
The Desert of Forbidden Art
I know, documentaries are rarely kick ass. But not everything should be kick ass. Sometimes it's good to see something that really gives you hope for those crazy primates called man. The Desert of Forbidden Art certainly does that.
This is the story of a person you never heard of. He was sent into the desert as the communist revolution was in full bloom. He discovered a people whose colorful folkways were being destroyed by communist theories. So he gathered the bright clothes and applied for a museum. By some miracle he was approved so in the middle of the desert a museum bloomed.
If it just ended there it would have been interesting but a little local interest. But it doesn't. Over the decades he starts gathering art that the KGB has banned. More than banned since many of the artists wound up dead. They would kill one for being a christian, and another for being gay showing they were something of equal opportunity killers. So our guy here was in some danger as he gathered these banned works. Beautiful stuff by the way, the very best soviet avant guarde.
Definitely this is a great film to watch. There are things you will see you won't forget wrapped in a fantastic story.
This is the story of a person you never heard of. He was sent into the desert as the communist revolution was in full bloom. He discovered a people whose colorful folkways were being destroyed by communist theories. So he gathered the bright clothes and applied for a museum. By some miracle he was approved so in the middle of the desert a museum bloomed.
If it just ended there it would have been interesting but a little local interest. But it doesn't. Over the decades he starts gathering art that the KGB has banned. More than banned since many of the artists wound up dead. They would kill one for being a christian, and another for being gay showing they were something of equal opportunity killers. So our guy here was in some danger as he gathered these banned works. Beautiful stuff by the way, the very best soviet avant guarde.
Definitely this is a great film to watch. There are things you will see you won't forget wrapped in a fantastic story.
Monster of the Day: West World Robots
Source: West World
Location: West World Amusement Park
Threat Assessment: 5. Some are fairly useless, but most west world robots are combat grade robots. They are even given heat vision.
Limitation: Limited battery life. It doesn't take more than a day for them to run dry. But that's a day of being hunted by very annoyed androids.
Location: West World Amusement Park
Threat Assessment: 5. Some are fairly useless, but most west world robots are combat grade robots. They are even given heat vision.
Limitation: Limited battery life. It doesn't take more than a day for them to run dry. But that's a day of being hunted by very annoyed androids.
Today's Secret Code
"Why is it doctors and nurses always say 'we' as in, 'How are we today?' I don't see them bare assed on some examination table." Again: "Why is it doctors and nurses always say 'we' as in, 'How are we today?' I don't see them bare assed on some examination table." Today's Colour is sickly. Today's Author is tired of pricks. That is all, maho maho say ahhh.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Mirx Assassins
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| Mirx Assassins must remain hooded or else their bile lust would lead to massacres which is always bad at a party |
The Cyber Agent of the Broc
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| The Broc have trouble acknowledging humanity being tenth dimensional creatures we are but paper cut outs to them Cyber Agents contain the conversion sensory tools for our two races to communicate so far the Broc want to learn more about these curved yellow fruits called... ...bananas |
Maubay Yama the Dream Actress
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| In the 24th Century the Malsian Maubay Yama would become the leading actress within dreams |
Monster of the Day: Killer Lawnmower
Source: Blades
Location: golf course
Threat Assessment: 4. A killer lawnmower is obviously dangerous with pointy bits. What's amazing is how it can sneak up on you.
Limitation: Not immune to explosives.
Location: golf course
Threat Assessment: 4. A killer lawnmower is obviously dangerous with pointy bits. What's amazing is how it can sneak up on you.
Limitation: Not immune to explosives.
Today's Secret Code
"Swords and/or Sandpeople make everything better." Again: "Swords and/or Sandpeople make everything better." Today's Colour is sharp. Today's Author is AUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! That is all, maho maho.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
From the Depths
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| From the Depths an Artocian Transport A mix of the living and the metal designed for crushing depths She is fast and sure and happily glides from the depths to the skin of sunlit seas |
Scrowls
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| Scrowls are interdimensional predatory birds They can travel between universes and smell like pickled popcorn Some have trained them to deliver messages but they aren't reliable |
Swamp Shark
Wow, almost decent. That's four stars in Syfy land. Simple story. There's a swamp, and there's a shark in it. An ugly shark. Maybe inbreeding is involved. In any case, it wouldn't be a "Jaws" rip off without some event that is going to attract clueless locals which in this case is some aligator fest. There's the typical beautiful and feisty lead, and there is a pair of friends of hers that act sort of light comedy relief. One is very much in Larry the Cable Guy mode, and the other is a pudgy computer nerd. Add to that a crooked sheriff and some animal smugglers and you have enough ingredients for gumbo.
The special effects are still gawd awful, but they aren't generally in the forefront screaming attention to themselves. The acting ranges from gawd awful to acting(?), but it doesn't distract from the film. Story wise it zips along and keeps things fairly interesting. Of course at this rate Syfy is fast running of of new places to put a shark. I doubt they could get much mileage out of "Log Ride Shark," or "Fountain Shark."
The special effects are still gawd awful, but they aren't generally in the forefront screaming attention to themselves. The acting ranges from gawd awful to acting(?), but it doesn't distract from the film. Story wise it zips along and keeps things fairly interesting. Of course at this rate Syfy is fast running of of new places to put a shark. I doubt they could get much mileage out of "Log Ride Shark," or "Fountain Shark."
Futurama: Let's get small
Futurama is back with a new season, and everyone's favorite robot is causing problems again. Being his insolently lazy self, Bender can't bring himself to fold the professor's sweater. So he takes the professor's new duplicating machine and incorporates it into himself. Presto, now he just adds matter and out comes two smaller benders. Since they have a copy of the copy device they can just add matter and out comes two even smaller versions of bender. Soon it's a Bender world as they threaten to destroy the world with unlimited copy. They even go so far as starting to turn all the water to alcohol so soon everyone is too drunk to stop the Benderization of the world. Thankfully, Bender's own nature stops the destruction of the world, or does it.
This episode isn't a classic, but it's in fine futurama mode. It will be interesting where the show is going to go this year after last seasoning strengthening of the relationship between Leela and Frye.
This episode isn't a classic, but it's in fine futurama mode. It will be interesting where the show is going to go this year after last seasoning strengthening of the relationship between Leela and Frye.
Monster of the Day: Damien the Anti Christ
Source: The Omen
Location: Upscale neighborhoods
Threat Assessment: Eventually a 9. As a child Damien is protected by devilish influences. So if there's any glass to fall it will be on your head. If there are dogs they will attack you. Basically a walking case of murphy's law on a bender. When grown up, according to Biblical prophecy will bring about armageddeon without the giant asteroid.
Limitations: Only rates a 9 because the same prophecy says Jesus is coming back and will mop the floor with him.
Location: Upscale neighborhoods
Threat Assessment: Eventually a 9. As a child Damien is protected by devilish influences. So if there's any glass to fall it will be on your head. If there are dogs they will attack you. Basically a walking case of murphy's law on a bender. When grown up, according to Biblical prophecy will bring about armageddeon without the giant asteroid.
Limitations: Only rates a 9 because the same prophecy says Jesus is coming back and will mop the floor with him.
Today's Secret Code
"In the TV show, why did Superman let them shoot him in the chest, but would duck when they threw the empty gun at him?" Again: "In the TV show, why did Superman let them shoot him in the chest, but would duck when they threw the empty gun at him." Today's Colours are the red, white and blue. Today's Author won't pull on the cape. That is all maho, maho.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
The Red Ghost
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| Through the halls the darkened halls she would walk if she walked but she floats crimson toes brush the carpets through the halls the darkened halls |
The Dholk
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| The Dholk are a peaceful race they live in free stations between the stars they no longer remember their homeworld The Dholks are masters of zero g biology and ecologies Their gardens are like dreams of green and white |
Films I Would Remake: Animalympics
Well after a long streak looks like Pixar has come a cropper at least as far as the critics. I'm not surprised, even if "Cars 2" was good there is something about too much Larry "The Cable Guy" that causes a knee jerk reaction. It would go about as well as "Hee Haw: The Movie."
At this point maybe a change of pace would be a good idea. So why not a remake of something that didn't really have a chance before. I suggest "Animalympics." This was a rather odd film in that it had some major talent associated with it (Billy Crystal, Gilda Radner), and it had a nice soundtrack for the time. Yet, I never heard of this film and caught it only by accident on HBO one night.
Why would this be a good subject for a remake? Well, one thing that Pixar tends to do well is story and that is one thing this film needs. It is a bit disjointed as it follows various animal athletes on their ups and down. A better framing story would make for a stronger film. Secondly, this is the type of film that would be stronger with computer animation. Watching animals really look like they are exerting themselves as they leap and run and such would make it more exciting. Finally, it would be a good chance to work on a more modern soundtrack. Imagine all the artists who would be excited to lend their talents to a Pixar Picture.
At this point maybe a change of pace would be a good idea. So why not a remake of something that didn't really have a chance before. I suggest "Animalympics." This was a rather odd film in that it had some major talent associated with it (Billy Crystal, Gilda Radner), and it had a nice soundtrack for the time. Yet, I never heard of this film and caught it only by accident on HBO one night.
Why would this be a good subject for a remake? Well, one thing that Pixar tends to do well is story and that is one thing this film needs. It is a bit disjointed as it follows various animal athletes on their ups and down. A better framing story would make for a stronger film. Secondly, this is the type of film that would be stronger with computer animation. Watching animals really look like they are exerting themselves as they leap and run and such would make it more exciting. Finally, it would be a good chance to work on a more modern soundtrack. Imagine all the artists who would be excited to lend their talents to a Pixar Picture.
Monster of the Day: Klaus Nomi
Source: The Venture Brothers
Location: Germany
Threat Assessment: 4. While looking like a gay bat, Klaus Nomi has the power of super sonic shrieks.
Limitations: Feedback can cause him to blow up.
Personal Note: There is a "real" Klaus Nomi
Location: Germany
Threat Assessment: 4. While looking like a gay bat, Klaus Nomi has the power of super sonic shrieks.
Limitations: Feedback can cause him to blow up.
Personal Note: There is a "real" Klaus Nomi
Today's Secret Code
"Never trust a tall dwarf, he's lying about something." Again: "Never trust a tall dwarf, he's lying about something." Today's colours are big and bold. Today's Author is considering jumbo shrimp. That is all, maho maholito.
Friday, June 24, 2011
The Totem Wall of the Technocritii
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| The Technocritii are an artificial life form but even they have faith Believing in gods of quarks and warps they build alters that can calculate Pi to the billionith place |
Monster of the Day: Octaman
Source: Octaman
Location: The Swamp
Threat Assessment: 3. Big and strong with lots of tentacles. Surprisingly sneaking.
Limitations: Not too bright. Eternal foe of Kal from Calvin's Cave of Canadian Coolness.
Location: The Swamp
Threat Assessment: 3. Big and strong with lots of tentacles. Surprisingly sneaking.
Limitations: Not too bright. Eternal foe of Kal from Calvin's Cave of Canadian Coolness.
Today's Secret Code
"Classic books aside, one shouldn't put anything in their mouth labeled 'eat me.'" Again: "Classic books aside, one shouldn't put anything in their mouth labeled 'eat me.'" Today's colours are edible. Today's Author might taste something labeled 'drink me.' That is all, maho maho.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Our Lady of the Blue Fairy
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| Our Lady of the Blue Fairy Guards the recipe for a beverage that is said to be able to bring life to even a wooden puppet It is also supposed to go well with fish |
A Storm of Swords
Well this is the third book in George R. R. Martin's "A Song of Ice and Fire" saga. Woooo, it's an exhausting read, and vexing but in a good way. There were several times I wanted to hurl my book across the room, and it's an E READER!!
So, what can I say that isn't an instant spoiler? Well, it continues the great war for succession, but by the end there are a lot fewer kings. The Stark children are still following their own ways. Jon, is trying to defend the wall, Bran is going north to learn how to control his magic. Robb has grand plans. Sansa, just wants to survive in Kings Landing, and Arya is something of a football falling between factions as she tries to go home. The Lannisters aren't doing much better. Jaime is allowed to escape but leaves something important behind, and his brother is not liking things now that Father has come to put things to right.
The story movies like gang busters, there's never a dull moment. I love it, and I am glad to have been introduced to this series. Read it, dang it!
So, what can I say that isn't an instant spoiler? Well, it continues the great war for succession, but by the end there are a lot fewer kings. The Stark children are still following their own ways. Jon, is trying to defend the wall, Bran is going north to learn how to control his magic. Robb has grand plans. Sansa, just wants to survive in Kings Landing, and Arya is something of a football falling between factions as she tries to go home. The Lannisters aren't doing much better. Jaime is allowed to escape but leaves something important behind, and his brother is not liking things now that Father has come to put things to right.
The story movies like gang busters, there's never a dull moment. I love it, and I am glad to have been introduced to this series. Read it, dang it!
A dream I had...
Been reading too much George R. R. Martin that's for sure. I was dreaming that I was leader of a fleeing people. We were in 12 times 12 ships going blinding into the deep seas. We lost many, but after the storms we found a huge fertile island.
I would not let anyone land save to gather fresh water and supplies til we went completely around the island mapping it. Then I bid all the remaining ships moor at a rocky island that was in the mouth of a great bay. I made my people wait a further 30 days and 3 as I did something at the top of the rocky hill.
Finally I bid them to come to the hill...
There I was seated and to my north, south, east, and west were hand carved rocky idols. "My people," I said, "I have led here, to this island, but I cannot lead you further. Instead, I have torn my soul to the four directions to create a compact for a kingdom that will stand the test of time and wars....and worse."
"My people, the column to the north is dedicated to all the peoples of my land. Carved upon it are the rights of all free men of this new kingdom. Be it known that if these rights are not allowed, that Lord will find himself against the very land and he will fail. You all may look upon the carving later but be it known that among the rights of the free people are the rights to demand protection from their Lords, the right carry arms, to own what property or land that they can, and to worship however they please as long as it is modest and lawful."
"My people, the second column to the West is dedicated to the Lords of this land. I decree that the 12 captains whom I have given the red badge shall be the fathers of 12 great houses. From these great houses a king to rule all shall be decided upon. The Column shows what land each house shall lay claim to. Also, why the fortunes of the houses will wax and wane, if a house is extinguished, it shall rise again in full power. Thus, a balance for all times shall be made."
"My people, the third Column to the South is dedicated to the societies that will be needed to make this kingdom thrive. The 12 captains that I have given silver badges to shall be the leaders of these societies. Each society shall have a free city that will be free of all Laws save that they make and the King's law. Like my Lord's houses, if a society be destroyed it shall rise again. The Societies shall provide needed services, and act as a balance between Lords and the People."
"My people, finally to the east is the fourth column. There are those I gave no badges to, but they know who they are. These shall lead 12 secret societies. They shall own no land, nor shall the be loved by Lords or Societies. Yet, they shall not fail, and shall rise again if destroyed. Also, each of the secret societies will know a secret lore that will be their power. I have made them, because men are weak and prone to failings. Law can do much to instill virtue, but in the end there should be those that will organize such failings so they do as little harm to society as possible."
"My people, this is my decree... my will... my love for you. Go on now and take your lands. Name them, and make them yours. I will stay here, in this seat of stone. I have given my soul to this land to your kingdom, and I am nothing now but a husk. Bring your dead here, and I shall keep them safe. I am now Ran Barrowman King of this isle of stony death. Leave now my people...."
"Leave now.."
I would not let anyone land save to gather fresh water and supplies til we went completely around the island mapping it. Then I bid all the remaining ships moor at a rocky island that was in the mouth of a great bay. I made my people wait a further 30 days and 3 as I did something at the top of the rocky hill.
Finally I bid them to come to the hill...
There I was seated and to my north, south, east, and west were hand carved rocky idols. "My people," I said, "I have led here, to this island, but I cannot lead you further. Instead, I have torn my soul to the four directions to create a compact for a kingdom that will stand the test of time and wars....and worse."
"My people, the column to the north is dedicated to all the peoples of my land. Carved upon it are the rights of all free men of this new kingdom. Be it known that if these rights are not allowed, that Lord will find himself against the very land and he will fail. You all may look upon the carving later but be it known that among the rights of the free people are the rights to demand protection from their Lords, the right carry arms, to own what property or land that they can, and to worship however they please as long as it is modest and lawful."
"My people, the second column to the West is dedicated to the Lords of this land. I decree that the 12 captains whom I have given the red badge shall be the fathers of 12 great houses. From these great houses a king to rule all shall be decided upon. The Column shows what land each house shall lay claim to. Also, why the fortunes of the houses will wax and wane, if a house is extinguished, it shall rise again in full power. Thus, a balance for all times shall be made."
"My people, the third Column to the South is dedicated to the societies that will be needed to make this kingdom thrive. The 12 captains that I have given silver badges to shall be the leaders of these societies. Each society shall have a free city that will be free of all Laws save that they make and the King's law. Like my Lord's houses, if a society be destroyed it shall rise again. The Societies shall provide needed services, and act as a balance between Lords and the People."
"My people, finally to the east is the fourth column. There are those I gave no badges to, but they know who they are. These shall lead 12 secret societies. They shall own no land, nor shall the be loved by Lords or Societies. Yet, they shall not fail, and shall rise again if destroyed. Also, each of the secret societies will know a secret lore that will be their power. I have made them, because men are weak and prone to failings. Law can do much to instill virtue, but in the end there should be those that will organize such failings so they do as little harm to society as possible."
"My people, this is my decree... my will... my love for you. Go on now and take your lands. Name them, and make them yours. I will stay here, in this seat of stone. I have given my soul to this land to your kingdom, and I am nothing now but a husk. Bring your dead here, and I shall keep them safe. I am now Ran Barrowman King of this isle of stony death. Leave now my people...."
"Leave now.."
Things I want: A Gort
Ok, so in reality Gort pretty much owned Michael Rennie and not the other way around. Still Gort is pretty sweet. The movie was made in the fifties and Gort is still frickin' Scary. Just park him in the front yard and there's your home security. Plus he can bring you back from the dead. Pretty sweet deal really. I bet he can dance the robot too.
Monster of the Day: Psychophants
Source: World War IV: the African Front
Location: The Battle of Kenya
Threat Assessment: 6. Meant to be a distraction. The new Mau Maus took 25 bull african elephants and first armor plated them. Then they gave them both the equivalent of elephant PCP and occassional painful electric shocks. Finally, on the back of each was a cannister that was releasing into the air an experimental gas weapon that gave humans fearful hallucinations. Released, or rather unleashed, just before the big battle they played havok with the the other side's troops.
Limitations: Mad and insane.
Location: The Battle of Kenya
Threat Assessment: 6. Meant to be a distraction. The new Mau Maus took 25 bull african elephants and first armor plated them. Then they gave them both the equivalent of elephant PCP and occassional painful electric shocks. Finally, on the back of each was a cannister that was releasing into the air an experimental gas weapon that gave humans fearful hallucinations. Released, or rather unleashed, just before the big battle they played havok with the the other side's troops.
Limitations: Mad and insane.
Today's Secret Code
"Don't make me angry Mr. McGee." Again: "Don't make me angry Mr. McGee." Today's colour is green, or grey, or red. Today's Author is slowly walking away to sad piano music. That is all, maho maho.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
The Minotaur of Shizar
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| The Minotaur of Shizar is not worshipped like his more famous cousin But neither is he in the a labyrinth The woods are his and he's free to forage as his wont |
Cross
Cross is one of those interesting failures of an independent movie. It doesn't quite do what it wants, but it does enough and shows enough heart that you don't feel too cheated. Basically a superhero film on the cheap, it's about a fellow named Cross who has a magic green cross passed down through the generations. It makes him bullet proof and other powers. He is fighting against crime bosses and an unkillable viking who are trying to get an ancient staff of mass destruction to work.
In truth, Cross isn't that great of a superhero. Neither his power or character is really that exciting. What works is all his friends. He has an entire cabal of trained fighters that work with him. They all have cute code names and different styles of fighting. The stand out is Jake Busey who is labeled (Literally) "Comedic Explosion Master."
Definitely nice casting helps this movie. Robert Carradine, Jake Busey, and others make for some interesting combinations. Also, the general style is nice, you can see these folks have watched both "Heroes" and "The Cape." The script drags in places and the action scenes aren't as good as they could be, I think they could have done with a better editor. Still, I'm pretty sure this is no worse than the "Green Lantern."
In truth, Cross isn't that great of a superhero. Neither his power or character is really that exciting. What works is all his friends. He has an entire cabal of trained fighters that work with him. They all have cute code names and different styles of fighting. The stand out is Jake Busey who is labeled (Literally) "Comedic Explosion Master."
Definitely nice casting helps this movie. Robert Carradine, Jake Busey, and others make for some interesting combinations. Also, the general style is nice, you can see these folks have watched both "Heroes" and "The Cape." The script drags in places and the action scenes aren't as good as they could be, I think they could have done with a better editor. Still, I'm pretty sure this is no worse than the "Green Lantern."
Monster of the Day: Martian Crab Sharks
Source: Outer Limits
Location: Mars
Threat Assessment: 5. They swim under the sands of Mars, so they can sneak up on you. Also the sands act as a shield. They have huge claws and jaws. There are lots of them.
Limitation: About as bright as a shark. Bet they taste good in soup.
Personal Note: This episode had Adam West almost becoming old chum.
Location: Mars
Threat Assessment: 5. They swim under the sands of Mars, so they can sneak up on you. Also the sands act as a shield. They have huge claws and jaws. There are lots of them.
Limitation: About as bright as a shark. Bet they taste good in soup.
Personal Note: This episode had Adam West almost becoming old chum.
Today's Secret Code
"I don't trust children, they are our replacements." Again: "I don't trust children, they are our replacements." Today's colour is Paranoid Android Purple. Today's Author is considering immortality as a career. That is all, maho maho.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Today's Secret Code
"Flies are a dead man's revenge." Again: "Flies are a dead man's revenge." Today's colour is too dark to see. Today's Author is healing nicely. That is all, maho maho mao mao.
Wait that's not all....
Sorry for the light posts.. will be back in full strength tomorrow.
Hang in their loyal readers!
Wait that's not all....
Sorry for the light posts.. will be back in full strength tomorrow.
Hang in their loyal readers!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Today's Secret Code
"Fly high or dig low. There is no try, there is only do." Again: "Fly high or dig low. There is no try, there is only do." Today's colour is Dagoba green. Speaks backwards today's Author does. That is all, maho maho.
Friday, June 17, 2011
The Curse a Film That Should Get Remade, But I Wouldn't
The premise I've been using here is that one shouldn't be remaking good films but rather remake those films that need a second chance. In many ways, "The Curse" fits the bill perfectly. It's a cheap film, it's shoddy, it has an absurd cast, and a laughably bad script. For all that, I'm not sure if I'd want to remake it, because for me "The Curse" works.
It's based off an HP Lovecraft story but it's updated to the present and set in the south. It also makes the family much more interesting. The family is a blended family but very divided. Mom marries the old farmer because basically she needed him economically. He needs someone to cook and clean as he farms. This isn't going to work cause he is incredibly religious in the bad way. Almost constipated by it. She is younger and has .. ahem.. needs. The kids aren't doing too well either. The wife's kids haven't been raised on a farm and his son is big huge hulking bully. This is not going to end well at all.
Well one night, the wife's ... needs get real needy. So she goes to the farmhand for a hand and more. Ok, I'd remake this film just for a different guy here. No one should have a pelt when they take off their shirt. Anyway, husband catches them but before things go ballistic a huge THING from space hits the ground. So now there's a big glowing rock on the farm and the farmer can't help but think this is some sign from God. Other people in town are more afraid it's a sign of lower property values so they agree not to tell anyone certain important things like that it doesn't seem to follow the rules of physics.
Well the meteor melts and becomes part of the water supply. Yum. Soon everything is growing big and the farmer is thinking maybe God has given a blessing. That lasts all of like 3 minutes, as the food is fook'd and like nastily so. Maybe things might have gone different, but the whole family (except for the two youngest) have been drinking thekool aide water. Instead of getting big and luscious looking, they start getting funny in the head. Like stitching socks to your hand funny.
Well the kids try to get out, but nobodies listening at this point. Folks are still trying to keep it all a secret in the face of a big land deal. But you can't keep a good curse down. Soon cows are exploding in maggots and people are getting ugly and all stabby like. The death toll goes up and in the end the farm turns to dust. Oh and don't drink the water.
This film was successful enough that a string of unrelated films were called "The Curse" two through four. They were all wastes of time, but at least Curse 2 had Jaimie "Klinger" farr as a door to door salesman injecting snake antivenom into a mutated snake bite.
Wheee!
It's based off an HP Lovecraft story but it's updated to the present and set in the south. It also makes the family much more interesting. The family is a blended family but very divided. Mom marries the old farmer because basically she needed him economically. He needs someone to cook and clean as he farms. This isn't going to work cause he is incredibly religious in the bad way. Almost constipated by it. She is younger and has .. ahem.. needs. The kids aren't doing too well either. The wife's kids haven't been raised on a farm and his son is big huge hulking bully. This is not going to end well at all.
Well one night, the wife's ... needs get real needy. So she goes to the farmhand for a hand and more. Ok, I'd remake this film just for a different guy here. No one should have a pelt when they take off their shirt. Anyway, husband catches them but before things go ballistic a huge THING from space hits the ground. So now there's a big glowing rock on the farm and the farmer can't help but think this is some sign from God. Other people in town are more afraid it's a sign of lower property values so they agree not to tell anyone certain important things like that it doesn't seem to follow the rules of physics.
Well the meteor melts and becomes part of the water supply. Yum. Soon everything is growing big and the farmer is thinking maybe God has given a blessing. That lasts all of like 3 minutes, as the food is fook'd and like nastily so. Maybe things might have gone different, but the whole family (except for the two youngest) have been drinking the
Well the kids try to get out, but nobodies listening at this point. Folks are still trying to keep it all a secret in the face of a big land deal. But you can't keep a good curse down. Soon cows are exploding in maggots and people are getting ugly and all stabby like. The death toll goes up and in the end the farm turns to dust. Oh and don't drink the water.
This film was successful enough that a string of unrelated films were called "The Curse" two through four. They were all wastes of time, but at least Curse 2 had Jaimie "Klinger" farr as a door to door salesman injecting snake antivenom into a mutated snake bite.
Wheee!
Idaho Is Famous For Potatoes
Like Oregon there is a certain lack of folks in long underwear in the state. Well, not counting the normal type of long underwear you have under your clothes. This stings a little in the pride of a state when something like State Heroes comes up. Everyone wants to be able to show something.
In Idaho's case it got even worse as a self proclaimed "Warrior of the Future" started taking billboard ads and radio spots to urge state legislators. The embarrassing part was that it was revealed he was a member of a white seperatist group. Things might have gotten even more embarrassing for the state except that a radio station began to air counter ads for Sasquatch to be called state hero. After all he has many qualities of a hero. No one knows where he is, or who he is, and certainly Sasquatch is strong. By turning it into a joke they defanged the Warrior of the future who slunk back to some stockade in the north of the state.
...and that's why Sasquatch is the State Hero of Idaho
In Idaho's case it got even worse as a self proclaimed "Warrior of the Future" started taking billboard ads and radio spots to urge state legislators. The embarrassing part was that it was revealed he was a member of a white seperatist group. Things might have gotten even more embarrassing for the state except that a radio station began to air counter ads for Sasquatch to be called state hero. After all he has many qualities of a hero. No one knows where he is, or who he is, and certainly Sasquatch is strong. By turning it into a joke they defanged the Warrior of the future who slunk back to some stockade in the north of the state.
...and that's why Sasquatch is the State Hero of Idaho
Span From the Past: She Watches From the Sky
Maybe the sun does not give us warmth. Maybe we just take. Maybe the sun sees this and perhaps, just perhaps, is annoyed. After all, what do we ever do for the sun? Maybe she watches us with a hot cold eye and thinks what a nice solar flare can do.
Monster of the Day: troll
Source: Troll
Location: An apartment?
Threat Assessment: 3. He's not much, he's more of a plotter. He can shape change and has other spells. He turns some of the renters into other monsters and open some doors to other worlds.
Limitation: As a magical creature he is vulnerable to magic himself.
Location: An apartment?
Threat Assessment: 3. He's not much, he's more of a plotter. He can shape change and has other spells. He turns some of the renters into other monsters and open some doors to other worlds.
Limitation: As a magical creature he is vulnerable to magic himself.
Today's Secret Code
"Curse you sudden but inevitable betrayal." Again: "Curse you sudden but inevitable betrayal." Today's colour are prehysterical. Today's Author is like a leaf in the wind. That is all, Maho mahoooooo.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
The Mechanical Systers of Uncompassion
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| The Systers act cruely but not from cruelty they are made to unmake and that is all there is |
Battle: Los Angeles
Some folks complained when this first came out that "Battle: Los Angeles" was a little light plot wise. I suppose that's true. There's not much back story, character development, and all that. But really it doesn't need it. The title is "Battle" Los Angeles" and that's exactly what it is about. Aliens have come to kick our ass and kick it good. Our heroes are a mix of marines and civilians who are trying to survive and find some weakness in these invaders. Do you really need a plot, or a love interest, or anything else? This is basically one fine tuned action sequence with slow spots just so you can catch your breath.
The aliens are a little iffy to me. We are told they are powered by water, which seems like not the best source of power. Also the weapondry seems to vary in both power and accuracy. On the other hand I like how they build up. They fall as drop ship/meteors and come out as infantry at first. Then they start building up their command structure and technology and soon they are followed by flying drones and heavy artillary.
Certainly, all doubts aside, this is an exciting war film with a science fiction flavor. Well worth watching if you need your adrenaline pumped up!
The aliens are a little iffy to me. We are told they are powered by water, which seems like not the best source of power. Also the weapondry seems to vary in both power and accuracy. On the other hand I like how they build up. They fall as drop ship/meteors and come out as infantry at first. Then they start building up their command structure and technology and soon they are followed by flying drones and heavy artillary.
Certainly, all doubts aside, this is an exciting war film with a science fiction flavor. Well worth watching if you need your adrenaline pumped up!
Films I Would Remake: Asylum
Horror tends to work best in shorter form. You don't see many western anthologies, or mystery anthologies, but there has always been the horror anthology. Twilight zone, outer limits, tales from the crypts: all have shown the strength of weird fiction in the short form. I think one reason is that the anthology format frees us of the conventions of standard drama. We can kill the main protagonist with impunity in an anthology because we are just going to start another story with a new protagonist right after. We can do anything push the envelope to the extremes. There is no safety.
Gotta love it...
"Asylum" was one of a group of anthology films made after "Tales of the Crypt" (Not to be confused with the HBO series). The strength of the film is not in its stories but rather the premise. The frame for this is just delightful. A psychiatrist drives to a distant and forlorn sanitarium for a job. Once there he is told that the doctor who hired him had a mental breakdown. The Doctor now in charge proposes a test. Will the Doctor go upstairs and interview the patients and then be able to tell which one is the Doctor? Of course the Doctor takes up the challenge and winds up hearing some very odd stories upstairs.
The thing is the premise is so good we can change the stories to what ever we want. This updates so easily it makes the head spin. Not that the original stories, as conceived by Robert Bloch, were bad. But some are a bit dated. The best, and the one I'd keep is the story of the tailor who is charged with make a strange suit. Peter Cushing does a great job in it, and they really sold the strangeness of the suit by playing different colored lights over it. The other stories I'd replace by modern masters of horror. Maybe a Thomas Ligotti story for example.
Gotta love it...
"Asylum" was one of a group of anthology films made after "Tales of the Crypt" (Not to be confused with the HBO series). The strength of the film is not in its stories but rather the premise. The frame for this is just delightful. A psychiatrist drives to a distant and forlorn sanitarium for a job. Once there he is told that the doctor who hired him had a mental breakdown. The Doctor now in charge proposes a test. Will the Doctor go upstairs and interview the patients and then be able to tell which one is the Doctor? Of course the Doctor takes up the challenge and winds up hearing some very odd stories upstairs.
The thing is the premise is so good we can change the stories to what ever we want. This updates so easily it makes the head spin. Not that the original stories, as conceived by Robert Bloch, were bad. But some are a bit dated. The best, and the one I'd keep is the story of the tailor who is charged with make a strange suit. Peter Cushing does a great job in it, and they really sold the strangeness of the suit by playing different colored lights over it. The other stories I'd replace by modern masters of horror. Maybe a Thomas Ligotti story for example.
California home of superheroes
California is the mecca of superheroes on the west coast whether it is Marvel or DC. Only makes sense, it's a happening state with a long history. So in the State hero program there would, unlike Oregon, be a whole host to choose from. The deciding factor here would not be who is the most powerful hero, or even the most popular, but rather which hero would serve the political agendas of the california legislator. With that in mind, Ms Red was the perfect candidate.
Starting her career back in the late thirties, she protected the west coast from crime and foreign agents with her wits and staff. She served during WWII even going out into the pacific. Like other heroes she was accidently exposed to Alton Particles which slowed her aging (She's chronologically in her 90s now but physically looks only around 40) She briefly disappeared in the fifties only to reappear in the sixties. She changed her named from "Miss Red," to "Ms Red" and became a proponent of women's right as she fought crime. In the seventies she started her own super group, the Women Warriors. Unfortunately, that's also when pictures came out that showed that she was a lesbian. The scandal could have tarnished everything, but she bravely faced the cameras and announced the truth. She resigned her roll from the Women Warriors but kept up her fight against crime. She became a new role model and eventually received public acceptance. She still fights crime and teaches martial arts. She spends more time, however, doing charity work. The California assembly has granted her State Hero in light of her decades of public service.
Starting her career back in the late thirties, she protected the west coast from crime and foreign agents with her wits and staff. She served during WWII even going out into the pacific. Like other heroes she was accidently exposed to Alton Particles which slowed her aging (She's chronologically in her 90s now but physically looks only around 40) She briefly disappeared in the fifties only to reappear in the sixties. She changed her named from "Miss Red," to "Ms Red" and became a proponent of women's right as she fought crime. In the seventies she started her own super group, the Women Warriors. Unfortunately, that's also when pictures came out that showed that she was a lesbian. The scandal could have tarnished everything, but she bravely faced the cameras and announced the truth. She resigned her roll from the Women Warriors but kept up her fight against crime. She became a new role model and eventually received public acceptance. She still fights crime and teaches martial arts. She spends more time, however, doing charity work. The California assembly has granted her State Hero in light of her decades of public service.
Blast from the Past: A gentle plea of waves
Listen...
...no.. listen...
I want to tell you all the nothing I know
the poetry of fossils
a limmerick of lineages
the riddle of origins
Listen...
..please.. listen...
I feel it in me
near bursting
this need to confess
to teach
love words
Listen then... or not...
the shores are the echoes of the moon and motor boats
the sea down deep is silent
so quiet
unless you
..listen
Monster of the Day: Evil Ed
Source: Fright Night
location: The Neighborhood
Threat Assessment: 3. Even as a vampire, Ed's a loser. Still a vampire is a vampire and should be approached with caution. Capable of strength, shape change, and armed with fang and claws.
Limitations: Easily distractable and a smart ass. Brewster you're so coooool.
location: The Neighborhood
Threat Assessment: 3. Even as a vampire, Ed's a loser. Still a vampire is a vampire and should be approached with caution. Capable of strength, shape change, and armed with fang and claws.
Limitations: Easily distractable and a smart ass. Brewster you're so coooool.
Today's Secret Code
"In the end, we are all songs if we are lucky." Again: "In the end, we are all songs if we are lucky." Today's colours are in harmony. Today's Author can't carry a tune. That is all, da da daaaaaa maho maho.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
The Frog Queen
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| The Frog Queen can whistle up a storm whistle down a murder of crow and can croak a mean dirge |
Rango
Like a strong spice, a little Johnny Depp goes a long way. This isn't to say he's a bad actor (he's not) but he's drawn to characters that wear their neurosi on their sleeves and clothes like they were nascar endorsements. So for every Ed Wood (his very best film in my view) there is his take on Willy Wonka (which gave me dry heaves). Not to put too fine a point on it, but I got tired of his main meal ticket of playing Captain Jack Sparrow about three pirate films ago.
So Rango makes a very nice change of pace. It's the story of Depp as a chamleon, no the reptile not his usual self, who has some identity issues. He finds himself due to an accident along the side of the highway in the desert. Following the advice of a wise but bisected armadillo he travels on. The desert is a bad place to be for a tiny bright green not so bright lizard, but he somehow survives and find his way to an old west town. There are problems there involving bad guys and the lack of water. By dint of luck and delusion he becomes the sheriff then tries to heroically bungle his way to solve the town's problems.
This is a very funny film. I have to say a lot of the praise has to go to Depp. I love how he adds a touch of Kermit to his voice work here. Visually, this film is incredible. It's one of the very best computer animated films in my view. It takes some of its visual cues from "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" (even with a Hunter S. Thompson cameo) and from every western ever made (even with a Clint Eastwood cameo.) Some of the film references, like to "Chinatown," will be over the heads of the younger set but it doesn't detract from the over all fun. Definitely there is something for everybody here.
So Rango makes a very nice change of pace. It's the story of Depp as a chamleon, no the reptile not his usual self, who has some identity issues. He finds himself due to an accident along the side of the highway in the desert. Following the advice of a wise but bisected armadillo he travels on. The desert is a bad place to be for a tiny bright green not so bright lizard, but he somehow survives and find his way to an old west town. There are problems there involving bad guys and the lack of water. By dint of luck and delusion he becomes the sheriff then tries to heroically bungle his way to solve the town's problems.
This is a very funny film. I have to say a lot of the praise has to go to Depp. I love how he adds a touch of Kermit to his voice work here. Visually, this film is incredible. It's one of the very best computer animated films in my view. It takes some of its visual cues from "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" (even with a Hunter S. Thompson cameo) and from every western ever made (even with a Clint Eastwood cameo.) Some of the film references, like to "Chinatown," will be over the heads of the younger set but it doesn't detract from the over all fun. Definitely there is something for everybody here.
Films I would remake: Brides of Fu Manchu
The knock on Fu Manchu is that it's basically racism on a stick. The knock from the movies is that it is racism on a stick and they didn't even have the balls to get a real asian to be Fu Manchu. In this version we have the always great Christopher Lee. Now Lee's great and all, but it's distracting noticing how not asian he is no matter how much make up they trowled on.
Once you get past that part, Fu Manchu basically plays like turn of the century James Bond. Nayland Smith is Bond and Fu is the Bond villain with the extravagant plan. In this case he's working on a device that basically is a death ray and working on how to hypnotize as many pretty ladies as he can. When not doing that he keeps himself amused by feeding people to the snakes. Nayland doesn't bed near as many ladies as Bond and is more of a detective trying to find where Fu's secret base is. There's a lot of derring do and action and swashes buckled and of course at the end Fu makes his escape as his lair is compromised.
So if I was going to redo this puppy, how would I go about it? Well first, of course, I would make sure we had an asian playing Fu. In this day of age with hong kong cinema it shouldn't be hard to find someone to fit the bill. Now I'd love Jet Li to do it as a counter to his usual role as a hero, but I realize maybe he wouldn't go for it.
The next thing is a rewrite of the character. Now we don't need to get all PC and all, what we need is context. Perhaps give Fu stronger ties to chinese organize crime like the triads would help. In fact, what I think I would do is give Fu the back story that he was strong in the triads and then broke away. This gives background in the criminal element and sets him up as a very strong figure. It also gives Nayland an unlikely ally as the Triad never forget or forgive a betrayal.
From there things fairly write themselves. Play up the turn of the century James Bond elements. Kick up the action. I'd certainly would like to use exotic locations. Actually it would save costs in some respects as there are parts of the world that still look nearly as they did at the turn of the century, something a little harder to achieve in London.
Once you get past that part, Fu Manchu basically plays like turn of the century James Bond. Nayland Smith is Bond and Fu is the Bond villain with the extravagant plan. In this case he's working on a device that basically is a death ray and working on how to hypnotize as many pretty ladies as he can. When not doing that he keeps himself amused by feeding people to the snakes. Nayland doesn't bed near as many ladies as Bond and is more of a detective trying to find where Fu's secret base is. There's a lot of derring do and action and swashes buckled and of course at the end Fu makes his escape as his lair is compromised.
So if I was going to redo this puppy, how would I go about it? Well first, of course, I would make sure we had an asian playing Fu. In this day of age with hong kong cinema it shouldn't be hard to find someone to fit the bill. Now I'd love Jet Li to do it as a counter to his usual role as a hero, but I realize maybe he wouldn't go for it.
The next thing is a rewrite of the character. Now we don't need to get all PC and all, what we need is context. Perhaps give Fu stronger ties to chinese organize crime like the triads would help. In fact, what I think I would do is give Fu the back story that he was strong in the triads and then broke away. This gives background in the criminal element and sets him up as a very strong figure. It also gives Nayland an unlikely ally as the Triad never forget or forgive a betrayal.
From there things fairly write themselves. Play up the turn of the century James Bond elements. Kick up the action. I'd certainly would like to use exotic locations. Actually it would save costs in some respects as there are parts of the world that still look nearly as they did at the turn of the century, something a little harder to achieve in London.
State Heroes: Oregon is out of luck...
All the problems I had with Washington I also have with Oregon in deciding the State Hero. There's another problem though, and that's Oregon is the middle child on the coast. Talent for Oregon is generally drained either north or south. I frankly don't see any superhero type sticking in Oregon. Portland is nice and all but with choices like San Francisco, Seattle, and of course LA, there's just no comparison. I just don't see it happening, and if there is anyone from Oregon who disagrees I'd love to hear about it. But for now, Oregon is our first strike out state for the State Hero idea.
Blast from the Past: What Ought to be Not in Nought
Video camera in the Castle of Nought. The figure there is not there. The figure there is not in Nought. People have never died in the castle of Nought. There have been no screams, or blood streaked walls. Video cameras lie. There are openings in security in the Castle of Nought.
Monster of the Day: rust monster
Source: Dungeons and Dragons
Location: Dungeons mostly
Threat Assessment: 3. Not a skilled fighter. It's real danger is its touch rusts metal to dust. So an encounter with one will disarm most fighters generally in a very hostile environment.
Limitations: Dumb as a stump. Arrows work well.
Personal note: Not sure where this beastie is taxonomically. It seems to have some crab like features along with reptilian. I do remember a child's toy in a 1.99 bag of dinosaurs that was the spitting image of one. Interesting, no?
Location: Dungeons mostly
Threat Assessment: 3. Not a skilled fighter. It's real danger is its touch rusts metal to dust. So an encounter with one will disarm most fighters generally in a very hostile environment.
Limitations: Dumb as a stump. Arrows work well.
Personal note: Not sure where this beastie is taxonomically. It seems to have some crab like features along with reptilian. I do remember a child's toy in a 1.99 bag of dinosaurs that was the spitting image of one. Interesting, no?
Today's Secret Code
"Like with any gift, one should look surprised when facing present day." Again: "Like with any gift, one should look surprised when facing present day." Today's colours are jaunty. Today's author is jovially jaundiced. That is all, maho maho kaching.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Blast from the Past: The Paris-site
Paris-site in repose. The Paris-site is a lover of the finer things of life. The Paris-site will stroll through museums and galleries. Not generally found in the finest restaurants. The Paris-site dines alone. The Paris-site is mute, but people around the Paris-site tend to find themselves muttering its thoughts.
In the room the women come and go speaking of michaelanglo
fearsome hunger robs all of decorum
you look nice
Technical Difficulties
Due to difficulties beyond my control the blog will be light today. Sorry dear and constant readers.
Today's Secret Code
"If horses have horse sense then why are we riding them?" Again: "If horses have horse sense then why are we riding them?" Today's colour is chestnut. Today's Author is riding into the sunset. That is all, maho maho away!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Washington's State Hero: The Utopian
Goinig south from Alaska we hit Washington. Those who haven't lived in the state think "rain, grunge, coffee, and Seattle" when they think of Washington. All that is true but there is much more. Washington is very much a divided state. The west side and the east side differ greatly in both climate and politics. So, in a way picking a hero that would represent truly the state would be a very hard decision. However, since it would be a political decision and the political structure favors western Washinton, it turns out not so hard after all.
The choose Tom Steward to represent Washington. Why? Well, it helps that he was rich and well spoken and didn't have a messy secret Identity. More importantly it was what he spoke about. He spoke about man's civic responsibility to his fellow men and how technology can enable everyone to make a bigger difference. As an example, Tom had an entourage of 20 small black spherical drones that flew around him everywhere he went. Each drone was equipped with special tools and followed Tom's special command. True not everyone had a hundred million dollars for such a system, but it sure made for dramatic interests. Because of this, Tom "The Utopian" Steward was a shoe in to be Washington's hero. Something that he took with great humility as only a proud man can.
The choose Tom Steward to represent Washington. Why? Well, it helps that he was rich and well spoken and didn't have a messy secret Identity. More importantly it was what he spoke about. He spoke about man's civic responsibility to his fellow men and how technology can enable everyone to make a bigger difference. As an example, Tom had an entourage of 20 small black spherical drones that flew around him everywhere he went. Each drone was equipped with special tools and followed Tom's special command. True not everyone had a hundred million dollars for such a system, but it sure made for dramatic interests. Because of this, Tom "The Utopian" Steward was a shoe in to be Washington's hero. Something that he took with great humility as only a proud man can.
A Curious and Happy Surprise
Howdy, dear readers. Just wanted to say something rather interesting has been happening all week. Attendence to our little fun factory has jumped up quite a bit. So much so that the first day I noticed it I assumed it was some fluke or mistake. But it's been a week now and the numbers are steady.
To my new, and very dearest readers. Howdy. Thank you for coming and I hope I am entertaining you to some extent. Please feel free to drop a line or two. We like feed back here at the Span.
To my new, and very dearest readers. Howdy. Thank you for coming and I hope I am entertaining you to some extent. Please feel free to drop a line or two. We like feed back here at the Span.
Monster of the Day: The Devil (from "Constantine")
Source: Constantine
Location: Hell
Threat Assessment: 9. He's the devil. Generally he gets what he wants and if its you, then you is screwed.
Limitations: God is still the boss.
Personal note: Love the white suit and bare feet.
Location: Hell
Threat Assessment: 9. He's the devil. Generally he gets what he wants and if its you, then you is screwed.
Limitations: God is still the boss.
Personal note: Love the white suit and bare feet.
Today's Secret Code
"The present day is just that, a gift." Again: "The present day is just that, a gift." Today's colour is your colour. Today's author keeps his cool under lock and key, never shed a tear, another sign of his condition. That is all, maho maho.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Equus Stellor
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| The Star Stallion roams the sky Searching for his herd He paws at the stars distracted |
Malbog Berserkers
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| Malbog Berserkers were the nightmares of the Helnorhev wars unable to feel pain unable to sleep incapable of higher reason beyond following their masters the Berserkers would never stop or give mercy |
"What A View"
 |
| "What a View" was the third album of the Esoterrorist band "No Wave" It was said that for inspiration the band spent sixty six days in solitary confinement in the dark |
Ice Road Terror
So it's Saturday night, and I don't got a life. So here I am watching "Ice Road Terror," on Syfy. First off, as always let's give what good news there is. This was actually a good idea. I don't recall any horror film set in the world of Ice Road Trucking so this is actually fairly original in concept. Also the actors and writing are as such that I didn't instantly wish the cast dead.
The plot is basic. It's the end of the ice road season and the road is melting. However, a mining company needs one last run of explosives. So the two bravest truckers who are competing against each other are out doing the run. For reasons of plot convenience they are also taking a "Pretty Lady Scientist." Meanwhile, up the road the miners have unleashed a horrible monster that is eating them up like they were bacon flavored M&Ms. Well, our truckers and girl get up there, and then taking the survivors try to run back. Of course, it's not that easy and the horror tracks them both on and under the ice.
Right now the bad news. The creature is horrible. Limbs as angular as a stick figure and about as convincing as a child's picture on a fridge. Worse, the special effect for it coming out of the ice are stinking crap. What little character development we have ends about half way through and the characters become interchangeable with the millions of disposable people we've seen before. Finally, there's just not enough ice road. We are promised ice road action and I wanted more. I also wanted more ice road before the monster's appearance so we can really savor the unique environment and culture. Not to be, guess they didn't have many days filming on the actual ice roads.
Still for Syfy this is a positive step. They need more good concepts like this and a little more work on the execution. Ok, a lot more work.
The plot is basic. It's the end of the ice road season and the road is melting. However, a mining company needs one last run of explosives. So the two bravest truckers who are competing against each other are out doing the run. For reasons of plot convenience they are also taking a "Pretty Lady Scientist." Meanwhile, up the road the miners have unleashed a horrible monster that is eating them up like they were bacon flavored M&Ms. Well, our truckers and girl get up there, and then taking the survivors try to run back. Of course, it's not that easy and the horror tracks them both on and under the ice.
Right now the bad news. The creature is horrible. Limbs as angular as a stick figure and about as convincing as a child's picture on a fridge. Worse, the special effect for it coming out of the ice are stinking crap. What little character development we have ends about half way through and the characters become interchangeable with the millions of disposable people we've seen before. Finally, there's just not enough ice road. We are promised ice road action and I wanted more. I also wanted more ice road before the monster's appearance so we can really savor the unique environment and culture. Not to be, guess they didn't have many days filming on the actual ice roads.
Still for Syfy this is a positive step. They need more good concepts like this and a little more work on the execution. Ok, a lot more work.
Chamber of Horrors
This 1966 film is something of an oddity. Filled with actors like Wayne Rogers (also in MASH) and Wilfred Hyde-White, it has an odd hybrid feel to it. It doesn't seem quite a motion picture. Indeed, when you look at the production history it turns out this was at first design a pilot for a TV show. It was deemed too horrifying for TV (unlike most pilots which are too horrible for TV), and retooled into a film. Shame really, I would have watched a TV show about detectives/wax museum owners.
The plot has a dastardly killer who is captured by our detectives and their dwarf assistant. The villain escapes but loses his hand. Everyone thinks he's dead, but of course that is wishful thinking. He comes back later now adorned with a fake hand that can change out to various weapons. His goal is nothing less than the perfect vengeance against all who crossed him. Judges, doctors, our heroes... no one is safe. Can our detectives find the madman first?
This is a fine gothic melodrama that is slightly spoiled by a TV budget, and by a cheap gimmick. Whenever something "horrible" is about to happen the screen flashes read and a horn sounds off. Cheap, but also good fun. I like some of the writing. There are choice bets of dialogue. I love how a judge is described as having "High standards for low wenches."
Definitely worth watching for old timey horror.
The plot has a dastardly killer who is captured by our detectives and their dwarf assistant. The villain escapes but loses his hand. Everyone thinks he's dead, but of course that is wishful thinking. He comes back later now adorned with a fake hand that can change out to various weapons. His goal is nothing less than the perfect vengeance against all who crossed him. Judges, doctors, our heroes... no one is safe. Can our detectives find the madman first?
This is a fine gothic melodrama that is slightly spoiled by a TV budget, and by a cheap gimmick. Whenever something "horrible" is about to happen the screen flashes read and a horn sounds off. Cheap, but also good fun. I like some of the writing. There are choice bets of dialogue. I love how a judge is described as having "High standards for low wenches."
Definitely worth watching for old timey horror.
Kodiak The Hero From Alaska
I was kidding around yesterday and suggested that Captain America should get behind the state superhero movement. I started trying to think what a state superhero would look like and I found it a fun exercise. So I'll be listing some suggestions.
Starting in the frozen north we have Alaska. A huge state with a small population. Rich in wildlife and resources. What better hero to represent it than the awesome Kodiak, or Cody to his friends. Most everyone in Alaska is his friend.
Kodiak is an impressive figure. At seven feet and four inches and weighing at 600 pounds of pure muscle, Kodiak is definitely literally heads and shoulders above everyone else in the room. Besides super strength, Cody is quite tough. In fact, one of his favorite entrances is to drop down from prop plane piloted by his good buddy Tim Tucker. Finally, the Kodiak is completely immune to cold. He once put his fists into liquid nitrogen and kept them there till the nitrogen boiled away.
So this is our first state hero. The Awesome KODIAK!
Starting in the frozen north we have Alaska. A huge state with a small population. Rich in wildlife and resources. What better hero to represent it than the awesome Kodiak, or Cody to his friends. Most everyone in Alaska is his friend.
Kodiak is an impressive figure. At seven feet and four inches and weighing at 600 pounds of pure muscle, Kodiak is definitely literally heads and shoulders above everyone else in the room. Besides super strength, Cody is quite tough. In fact, one of his favorite entrances is to drop down from prop plane piloted by his good buddy Tim Tucker. Finally, the Kodiak is completely immune to cold. He once put his fists into liquid nitrogen and kept them there till the nitrogen boiled away.
So this is our first state hero. The Awesome KODIAK!
An idea: The sad death of Eric Lee
Just an idea for the beginning of an odd plague. The first victim would be one Eric Lee, not because he deserved to die but was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. Eric Lee was a college student. Bright, eager and driven to succeed. He was earning both credit and much needed money working with some scientists on a project. It wasn't a glamorous project, it wasn't the cure to cancer or anything. The scientists were working hard to increase the yield from fermentation. No different from thousands of such projects done all over the world. Thus we gather our knowledge slowly.
That fateful night Lee didn't even feel the small cut he got off a petri dish as he was putting them in a sterilizer. He wouldn't even realize he had the small cut till hours later at his dorm where its origin would be a mystery. He would put some bactine on it and a band aid and call it a day.
Too bad it was already too late.
No one at the time knew that in that petri dish some of the yeast mutated to an extraordinary degree. No one knew because there was no chance for the yeast to manifest its new ability in the carefully controlled environment that was crafted for it. Like the other yeasts it greedily ate sugar and excreted alcohol. Now though, the mutant strain was in Eric's blood. A place where it should not thrive, but indeed it did. It began greedily to convert protein into alcohol.
And it grew.
Later that night Lee woke up dazed and confused. He knew something was wrong but he couldn't say quite what. Despite being a college student Lee had never been drunk before in his life. He managed to lurch to the infirmary. Unfortunately, the doctors there did have experience with drunken students. They ignored Lee's instance that he had not been drinking and sent him home.
The yeast was growing faster within Eric Lee. His body defenses could not handle the one two punch of an unfamiliar invader and the alcohol which was acting as a miniature chemical weapon to Lee's immune response. His body was trying to process the the alcohol as fast as it could, but it was a losing battle. Along with the effects of the alcohol in his blood stream, Lee was also getting a fever. The combination was making him delirious.
Trying to get back into the infirmary he attacked a security guard. The guard put him down and took him to town police where he was put in the drunk tank. No one would listen to him. Eventually he stopped talking. At 4:30 am, Eric Lee died of alcohol poisoning. He was survived by his parents (always a sad thing for a parent to outlive their child), and a younger sister.
Later that day the coroner would take a blood sample and find an blood alcohol limit ten times the legal limit. Not quite believing the results they did another test an hour later (they had stopped for a light lunch) and found the level to be now 11.5 times above the legal limit. This was the first sign that there was something very different about Eric Lee's death. In time they would isolate the new strain of yeast and call it the Dionysus strain. The Dionysus strain would be sent to the CDC and what happens after that is another story.
That fateful night Lee didn't even feel the small cut he got off a petri dish as he was putting them in a sterilizer. He wouldn't even realize he had the small cut till hours later at his dorm where its origin would be a mystery. He would put some bactine on it and a band aid and call it a day.
Too bad it was already too late.
No one at the time knew that in that petri dish some of the yeast mutated to an extraordinary degree. No one knew because there was no chance for the yeast to manifest its new ability in the carefully controlled environment that was crafted for it. Like the other yeasts it greedily ate sugar and excreted alcohol. Now though, the mutant strain was in Eric's blood. A place where it should not thrive, but indeed it did. It began greedily to convert protein into alcohol.
And it grew.
Later that night Lee woke up dazed and confused. He knew something was wrong but he couldn't say quite what. Despite being a college student Lee had never been drunk before in his life. He managed to lurch to the infirmary. Unfortunately, the doctors there did have experience with drunken students. They ignored Lee's instance that he had not been drinking and sent him home.
The yeast was growing faster within Eric Lee. His body defenses could not handle the one two punch of an unfamiliar invader and the alcohol which was acting as a miniature chemical weapon to Lee's immune response. His body was trying to process the the alcohol as fast as it could, but it was a losing battle. Along with the effects of the alcohol in his blood stream, Lee was also getting a fever. The combination was making him delirious.
Trying to get back into the infirmary he attacked a security guard. The guard put him down and took him to town police where he was put in the drunk tank. No one would listen to him. Eventually he stopped talking. At 4:30 am, Eric Lee died of alcohol poisoning. He was survived by his parents (always a sad thing for a parent to outlive their child), and a younger sister.
Later that day the coroner would take a blood sample and find an blood alcohol limit ten times the legal limit. Not quite believing the results they did another test an hour later (they had stopped for a light lunch) and found the level to be now 11.5 times above the legal limit. This was the first sign that there was something very different about Eric Lee's death. In time they would isolate the new strain of yeast and call it the Dionysus strain. The Dionysus strain would be sent to the CDC and what happens after that is another story.
Monster of the Day: S&%^ Weasels
Source: Dreamcatcher
Location: In the woods, in your john, and maybe in you
Threat Assessment: 4. They are strong for their small size. LOTS of teeth. Repeat, LOTS of teeth. Like to enter human beings and control them. Enter from the rear. LOTS of teeth.
Limitation: Don't like fire. They are small.
Location: In the woods, in your john, and maybe in you
Threat Assessment: 4. They are strong for their small size. LOTS of teeth. Repeat, LOTS of teeth. Like to enter human beings and control them. Enter from the rear. LOTS of teeth.
Limitation: Don't like fire. They are small.
Today's Secret Code
"Never bring a spoon to a knife fight, or a knife to an ice cream social." Again: "Never bring a spoon to a knife fight, or a knife to an ice cream social." Today's colour is glimmering. Today's Author admires the Blue Rajha. That is all, maho maho.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Dopplergangers
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| Dopplergangers are a side effect of faster than light travel they are images of you from the near future Don't stare. |
Rubber
To understand why Rubber is awesome you have to see this first:
This is a film about a killer tire that can blow up heads. Why? NO REASON!! And that is not the weirdest part of the film by far. Trust me on this one people you have to see this film. It merges a dadaistic sensiblity with exploding heads. It's brain candy man.
This is a film about a killer tire that can blow up heads. Why? NO REASON!! And that is not the weirdest part of the film by far. Trust me on this one people you have to see this film. It merges a dadaistic sensiblity with exploding heads. It's brain candy man.
The Summer of Stupid: An Idea for Marvel
Well this is certainly the Summer of Stupid for DC comics. In the interest of fairness I offer this idea for free to the good folks of Marvel to even the playing field.
Marvel, dudes... DC is cleaning your clock with this Batman Inc thing. How can you beat a bunch of bat dudes? Here is my idea: Have Captain America get behind the band wagon of State heroes. Why not, there are state birds, state songs, even state lizards. Why shouldn't states sponsor some hero that best reflects the virtue of that state. Imagine all the fun you will have trying to come up with a superhero for say Rhode Island. Maybe someone who can shrink but has super strength.. "Tiny but mighty!"
Have fun guys!
Syrio might have been the biggest badass in Game of thrones
Syrio was hired to teach one of Ned's daughter sword play. He's a minor character, but man oh man he went out better than nearly anyone...
Oh yeah he's the man! We'll miss you Syrio. Now the biggest badass is still the Khal. See what he's like below, but be warned.... definitely not safe for the work place!
Oh yeah he's the man! We'll miss you Syrio. Now the biggest badass is still the Khal. See what he's like below, but be warned.... definitely not safe for the work place!
Monster of the Day: Fire starting beetles
Source: Bugs
Location: Underground
Threat Assessment: 3. At first merely a pest. A beetle that can start fires. However, scientist wouldn't leave enough alone and they became CARNIVOROUS flying beetles that can start fires.
Limitation: squishable.
Location: Underground
Threat Assessment: 3. At first merely a pest. A beetle that can start fires. However, scientist wouldn't leave enough alone and they became CARNIVOROUS flying beetles that can start fires.
Limitation: squishable.
Today's Secret Code
"Fire is the Devil's only friend." Again: "Fire is the Devil's only friend." Today's colour is from the Chevy. Today's Author split for the coast. That is all, bye bye American Pie maho maho.
Friday, June 10, 2011
As the Fires Burn Outside
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| As the Fires burn outside there is a fire within as the moon is full the hearts are empty As there are those who are afraid there are those who are Fear and fear itself |
Morago Lord of Vultures
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| The Hill People of the Low Lands used to worship Morago Leaving living offerings tied to rocks The Hill People were not well liked and were never buried there is nothing left behind perhaps this pleased Morago perhaps not |
HR PufnStuf, "The Magic Path."
Well, I thought it might be an interesting project to review all of HR Pufnstuf. We'll see how far this nonsense will go on. So won't you dear readers turn the page and join us in the magic lands of Living Island!
The Wild Hunt
On of the early memes involving D&D was besides proof you were nerdy beyond all hope, it will eventually make you crazy and you'll be wandering the steam tunnels looking for goblins. Never mind that the actual incidents like that were few and far between, it was just too juicy to pass up.
In later years LARP (Live Action Role Playing) became more of an in thing, so yes there are now wonderfully nerdy people wandering woods dressed as elves throwing "thunderbolts" at each other. But they are functionally sane, right? Right? To answer my own question, I do believe they are functionally sane but there is a danger when you take a bunch of people into the woods for a long time doing strange things.
That's basically what happens in "The Wild Hunt." Our hero has no interest in LARPing but he knows his girl friend there. Worse he has heard rumors that she has been captured by an evil shaman who is trying to have his way with her. This is just too much so he drives to the woods and there he teams up with crazy viking brother. He just wants to talk with his girlfriend but he's forced to play the game by everyone so he decides to capture her back instead. Unfortunately, all the real life tensions underneath this begin to warp and wrap around the fantasy. Soon the Wild Hunt becomes a dangerously real thing.
This is an interesting film and I enjoyed the Viking brother's jovial nuttiness. He tries to help his brother but he's just... so... serious. I wish LARPers looked this good. It has bits of good action, and fine drama, and really it's interesting watching just where to drop off point to reality is.
In later years LARP (Live Action Role Playing) became more of an in thing, so yes there are now wonderfully nerdy people wandering woods dressed as elves throwing "thunderbolts" at each other. But they are functionally sane, right? Right? To answer my own question, I do believe they are functionally sane but there is a danger when you take a bunch of people into the woods for a long time doing strange things.
That's basically what happens in "The Wild Hunt." Our hero has no interest in LARPing but he knows his girl friend there. Worse he has heard rumors that she has been captured by an evil shaman who is trying to have his way with her. This is just too much so he drives to the woods and there he teams up with crazy viking brother. He just wants to talk with his girlfriend but he's forced to play the game by everyone so he decides to capture her back instead. Unfortunately, all the real life tensions underneath this begin to warp and wrap around the fantasy. Soon the Wild Hunt becomes a dangerously real thing.
This is an interesting film and I enjoyed the Viking brother's jovial nuttiness. He tries to help his brother but he's just... so... serious. I wish LARPers looked this good. It has bits of good action, and fine drama, and really it's interesting watching just where to drop off point to reality is.
The Company Men
I don't do "real life" films as much as I should. Films about "Real life, and real people," are often as not to me a code for "Real boring." "The Company Men," I found against my expectations to be a very good drama.
Ben Affleck is a one of the company men. An upper management type he thinks he has his career fully planned and outlined. But his company in a big to manipulate their stocks cut out the division he's in. Suddenly he's out of work and very unready to be in today's job market. He falls into a depressed, smoldering anger that threatens his relationship with his wife and family. Meanwhile, others are affected by the division loss and even the management that stays are filled with questions about it.
Besides Ben Affleck who gives a great performance, I enjoyed (as always) Tommy Lee Jones as Ben's old boss. He tries to be the moral conscience of an amoral company. My favorite scene is when some stooge goes on about how everything they are doing is legal. Tommy just fixes him with a stare and says, "Legal? I thought we had higher standards."
Ah if only that was true.
Ben Affleck is a one of the company men. An upper management type he thinks he has his career fully planned and outlined. But his company in a big to manipulate their stocks cut out the division he's in. Suddenly he's out of work and very unready to be in today's job market. He falls into a depressed, smoldering anger that threatens his relationship with his wife and family. Meanwhile, others are affected by the division loss and even the management that stays are filled with questions about it.
Besides Ben Affleck who gives a great performance, I enjoyed (as always) Tommy Lee Jones as Ben's old boss. He tries to be the moral conscience of an amoral company. My favorite scene is when some stooge goes on about how everything they are doing is legal. Tommy just fixes him with a stare and says, "Legal? I thought we had higher standards."
Ah if only that was true.
A Theological Insight
There's a question that is passed around eventually in any discussion about the nature of God that is designed to make the asker seem so clever. The question is: "Can God create a stone that he cannot lift." The point of the question is it creates a paradox where God loses either way. If God does create a stone he cannot lift then the questioner can say, "AHA, what sort of weak god can't lift a stone?" If God doesn't create a stone he cannot lift then the questioner can say, "AHAHA! What sort of deity can't create what he wants to create?"
I've thought about this for a bit and then I realized the real answer to the riddle. The testing point of this question is when God makes the attempt to lift the stone. But what if he doesn't? What if God says, "I CHOOSE not to lift this rock I have created." If the premise is untested then neither point of the paradox can be said to be true or false. They are left indeterminate. The stone has been created, and it has not been lifted so both requirements of the question are met without actually testing God.
Besides annoying to no end the type of person who poses this question, I think there's a more profound point here. A paradox was avoided by the use of free will. Not only does this give an important clue to why we have free will, it is also an indication that God himself must have free will.
Think about it.
I've thought about this for a bit and then I realized the real answer to the riddle. The testing point of this question is when God makes the attempt to lift the stone. But what if he doesn't? What if God says, "I CHOOSE not to lift this rock I have created." If the premise is untested then neither point of the paradox can be said to be true or false. They are left indeterminate. The stone has been created, and it has not been lifted so both requirements of the question are met without actually testing God.
Besides annoying to no end the type of person who poses this question, I think there's a more profound point here. A paradox was avoided by the use of free will. Not only does this give an important clue to why we have free will, it is also an indication that God himself must have free will.
Think about it.
Monster of the Day: morlocks
Source: The Time Machine
Location: Underground in the future
Threat Assessment: 4. Flabby and highly phobic of light, they aren't good combatants. But there are lots of them, and they attack in the dark. They also have excellent motivation. You are dinner.
Limitation: Bright lights, unknown what happens if you feed one after midnight...
Location: Underground in the future
Threat Assessment: 4. Flabby and highly phobic of light, they aren't good combatants. But there are lots of them, and they attack in the dark. They also have excellent motivation. You are dinner.
Limitation: Bright lights, unknown what happens if you feed one after midnight...
Today's Secret Code
"Bird is the word, the sentence you'll have to guess for yourself." Again: "Bird is teh word, the sentence you'll have to guess for yourself." Today's colour is canary blue. Today's Author is taking flight. That is all five miles high, maho maho mahoanimo!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Pre-view to a Crisis
There.
Ok, so why is this horror in front of my eyes? Well it's because DC lost it's collective mind and I suspect its will to live. They have decide to do a company wide reboot of EVERYTHING. All their titles at the end of summer are going to roll back to issue #1 and it looks like they are redesigning half of everything. Now, I'm not instantly against reboots. The new Dr. Who for example has done very well for itself. But you need a coherent plan. If you are radically changing HALF of your line up, that tells me you do not have a coherent plan. Things like the picture above only proves the point.
Here's the real problem. Their are two general types of comic book readers. Those that go through a "Phase" of reading comic books and then drift away from medium, and those who keep reading. Those that leave the medium have their memories of the character in stasis. Meanwhile, to keep the constant readers interested in the title, many plot points and reboots and crisis and new costumes are thrown around like confetti. By the time it's all done the casual reader will not recognize the character they fondly remember. Since the casual reader is in the majority movies and tv generally side with them. So you get Bruce Wayne as Batman not Dick Grayson, or Batman's son (as has happened recently). This gigantic reboot is not going to bring the casual reader back. It's just one more mutation of a cherished, slightly dusty childhood memory. Meanwhile, the dedicated fan who has bought issue after issue has just been slapped in the face. "Hey you, you've kept track of all the costumes and and everything, you bought all the cross overs, and you know every bit of trivia. Guess what? Doesn't matter now. New ball game. Buy our product please."
I think you gentle readers can see how this isn't a winning marketing strategy.
XXXenophile
Phil Foglio isn't a household name though I think he should be. He's an artist and a writer and just plain funny. I first saw his work in Dragon magazine where he gleefully lampooned the world of Dungeons & Dragons. The long running gag of strip was that they were always interrupted from doing their "Sex and D&D strip" by some absurd crisis. Well a few years later when on his own he did do his version of "Sex and D&D" among other strange things with his magazing "XXXenophile."
Now I'm not prudish by nature, but neither am I too interested in Porn. What I have seen I generally found boring. There is more sexual tension and heat in some burger commercials than most porn. "XXXenophile" though was a horse of a different color. It was actually funny, and often as not oddly sweet. It played more like a cross between cheers and the twilight zone with a whole lot of T&A. The playful spirit is best scene in the cover where a lady is reclined in bed with little paper buildings all over her body and the fellow next to the bed is zipping up a godzilla suit.
If you are of age and in good humor it wouldn't hurt to look up a back issue of XXXenophile. If you like Phil's humor (he's as funny in real life I can tell you that) you should definitely check out the tamer "Genius Girl."
Now I'm not prudish by nature, but neither am I too interested in Porn. What I have seen I generally found boring. There is more sexual tension and heat in some burger commercials than most porn. "XXXenophile" though was a horse of a different color. It was actually funny, and often as not oddly sweet. It played more like a cross between cheers and the twilight zone with a whole lot of T&A. The playful spirit is best scene in the cover where a lady is reclined in bed with little paper buildings all over her body and the fellow next to the bed is zipping up a godzilla suit.
If you are of age and in good humor it wouldn't hurt to look up a back issue of XXXenophile. If you like Phil's humor (he's as funny in real life I can tell you that) you should definitely check out the tamer "Genius Girl."
Insectia Queen of all that Flutters
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| Insectia knows the secret name of rainbows and what they really mean all butterflies bow to her and the bees dance a jig just for her |
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