An Algraian With Life Marks

Algraian of note are often given life marks
by the Investive Circus
This mark shows this Algraian to be one of
great bravery

I Kissed A Vampire

I really like projects like "I Kissed a Vampire," not because it is ground breaking but because it shows that people can still make a difference from the ground up in an industry obsessed with 200 million dollar blockbusters. "I Kissed a Vampire," started life as a web series and became popular enough to be made into a movie. It's a simple musical about the boy and girl next door dealing with being turned into vampires. Their source of temptation is the bad boy rocking vampire Trey Sylvania and his bad girls. Their one hope is in the dubious hands of Dan Hellsing.

The music is bright bouncy pop tunes. The actors are appealing. Some of the lines are amusing. It reminds me a lot of the Buffy episode that was a musical. Definitely, not deep but fun and sometimes folks that counts for a lot in this world.

Things You Need To Know #212

"The Psalmody of Pan," is a very rare book written by Childe Houry in 1876. It contains songs to praise the pagan Pan and it is said some can even summon said demiurge. Most people who try to do so do not understand the nature of Pan. Pan is nature and nature contains the songbird and the wasps that lay eggs on helpless spiders so they are slowly eaten. The last one is in a song. In D Major.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Qix

Source:  Qix
Location:  Somewhee very abstract
Threat Assessment:  7.  The Qix is an unpredictable series of lines that waver from one end of the game board to the other.  To touch it is death.  The only hope is to wall it in but that requires a lot of strategic thinking.
Limitation:  Can be contained.

Today's Secret Code:

The difference between venom and poison is moot to the victim. Again: The difference between venom and poison is moot to the victim. Today's Colour is a nasty shade of green and probably smells. Today's Author is the demiurge of dementia. That is the end of the dream -30-, maho maho.

The Great Old One Gh'lantcha Watches From the Spaces Left From the Wings

....of flies

The Blue Magi Prepares a Cunjuration

The greatest spells begin with the will
The best spells begin with the heart

Baby Steps

Dear Hollywood,

I am to understand you want to make a live action version of "Akira." Normally, I would endorse such a ballsy move, but after reading about the on again off again preproduction it is obvious you don't know a thing and are flailling like a fat man going after the last donut. Look, these things happen. You aren't conversant or comfortable with the culture of anime but you want to hop on cause there's obviously a market there. The solution is simple, don't try climbing K2 on your first day. There are other properties which are far more Hollywood friendly than "Akira."

For example, there's the "Bubblegum Crisis." Now yes the title is a bit meaningless but once you get past that it is pure blockbuster material. Check out the movie math: 4 sexy ladies plus Iron Man style armor plus fighting terminators and plus rock and roll should mean everyone is happy.
Granted there will have to be updates but the whole thing is actually fairly friendly to revision. For example, while set in Neo Tokyo it doesn't really have to be there. Any big urban dystopia of the future would do just as well. It could be Neo LA for all intents and purposes. Updating the music could allow all sorts of musical talent to get involved. You could get a lot of cross over appeal fairly easily.

Another plus is that it shouldn't be hard to find four good actresses that want to be kick ass action heroes. The special effects will cost a chunk of change but after Iron Man we aren't talking about breaking new ground.
Really a half way decent director and writer is all you need.

So Hollywood, think it over.







Now Hollywood below are some pictures of a cosplay version of a Priss' suit. Now if it can look that good in cosplay imagine how great you can make it!

Things You Need To Know #211

There will be no earthquakes at Ethan's rock. There will be no geothermal energy. There will be no crops or lawn no matter how much fertilizer you bring in. The earth at Ethan's rock is dead. No one knows who or what killed it, but it is dead. Some sages fear it will spread.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Green Slime

Source:  Green Slime
Location:  Asteroid, space station
Threat Assessment:  Slime turns into guys in suits when there is enough energy.  Each Slime creature has two tentacles that can be electrified and a killer theme song.  They also regenerate and reproduce asexually.
Limitation:  free fall from orbit is bad.

Today's Secret Code:

"Our personal universe is both growing and shrinking as we grow together." Again: "Our personal universe is both growing and shrinking as we grow together." Today's Colour is a velvet purple. Today's Author is a player, referee, and observer. that is all, maho maho elohim.

The Maw

The Maw is wide
and could eat Words
and worlds
and the long shadows
they cast
but the Maw
has changed
and now learns to sing
five thousand tones
from the depths

Things You Need To Know #210

The Shropeshard Rifle is a fine example of 18th century artistry. It will not kill a man, but it can with a steady hand and sharp eyes kill spirits. It fires balls of salt. Blessing the ammo can never hurt.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Empty Suits of Armor

Source:   Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Location:  Jolly Olde England
Threat Assessment:  6.  They are working for the good guys but since this is a spell anyone can cast it so that has to be taken into consideration.  They are like zombies except smarter, harder, and shooting in the head does not work.
Limitation:  They exist within a confine of a spell.



Here's an alternate trailer recut so it looks like a horror movie

Today's Secret Code:

“You remind me of a very young Betty Boop.” Again: “You remind me of a very young Betty Boop.”Today's Colour is a Colour forbidden on Earth but found in nebulas. Today's Author is amazed and labyrinthed. That is all, maho maho.

We All Go A Little Crazy From Time To TIme...

Things You Need To Know #209

"The Dull Brown Book," was written by A. B. Ceed who by trade was an accountant. Legend has it he was raised by a family of wandering advertisers. "The Dull Brown Book" is put on the same shelf as the "Necronomicon" for the exact opposite reason.  It is a book so dull, so devoid of wonder or art or inspiration that it can driver the reader quite mad.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Cyclops

Source:  Greek myth, Wrath of the Titans
Location:  Remote Island
Threat Assessment:  50 foot giants that like setting traps.  I'll give that a 7.
Limitation:  Poor depth perception due to one eye.

Today's Secret Code

"Ray, if someone asks if you are a god you say 'Yes!'" Again: "Ray, if someone asks if you are a god you say 'Yes!'" Today's Colour is metallic green. Today's Author is beseiged, bedeviled, and bewildered. That is all, maho maho.

Despite the Kindness of Missionaries the Fuzzy Wuzzies Refused To Be Shaved

Mirror Mirror

Ok, like why wasn't I given the memo that this was the Year Of Snow White? I mean it's crazy. There's "Once Upon A Time," "Grimm's Snow White," "Snow White and the Huntsman," and of course "Mirror Mirror." A truly staggering array of films and TV projects dedicated to one of literature's most boring characters. I mean, what was the one thing she was know for before all this? That she was a coma chick. The only interesting thing is all the side characters.

Which is why "Mirror Mirror" wisely centered at least on first on the evil queen. As narrated by Julia Roberts the Evil Queen is droll and sarcastic and she knows she's the most important person in the world. The only thorn in her side is the irritating to her foster daughter Snow White. Still, she keeps her spirits up by being needlessly mean to Snow White (which is like kicking a puppy) and punishing her subjects with taxes and more taxes.

Things change when a handsome prince in search of adventure happens by. He's waylaid by a band of dwarves on stilts but he still cuts a regal figure even if half dressed, maybe moreso for being half dressed. Well the Queen sets his sights on him, but he has his eyes only for Snow White. This is the straw that cracks the mirror and soon enough Snow White is running from the horrid beast in the woods and comes to find the dwarves on stilts who are good eggs even though they are thieves.

Here we have some scenes designed to make Snow White more interesting and less of a doormat. She's trained to fight and steal. She wins the hearts of the dwarves and has them now only stealing from the Queen and giving back to the people. The Queen meanwhile turns the Prince into a doormat with a love spell that gives him a literal case of puppy love.

This is a rather fun film, and I enjoyed it much more than I thought I would. The Director, Tarsem Singh, has his usual way with incredible images (specially the Queen's mirror world) even though this is his most "normal" work. Some of the images remind me of Terry Gilliam's work special the scene with living chess pieces wearing model ships on their heads. Fully loaded model ships I might add. Julia Roberts is obviously having a ball with the roll. All in all, it was a fun viewing pleasure.

Things You Need To Know #208

The people of Drate's Landing know something we don't. They never tell their secret, but there has not been one suicide or case of depression in Drate's Landing for the last 150 years. There is hope.

This is something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Giant Monster Bully

Source:  Godzilla's Revenge
Location:  Monster Island
Threat Assessment:  7.  50 feet tall, super strong and can electricfy itself.
Limitation:  Seems to only want to bully the son of Godzilla. 

Today's Secret Code

"Hellloooooo Nurse!" Again: "Helllooooo Nurse!" Today's Colour is black or white, chose well. Today's Author has his foot in but his hand out. That is all, maho maho.

The Public Can Rest Easy Now That The Psycher Twins Have Been Caught

Superheroes

This is a fascinating documentary about the real life "superheroes" walking the streets at night. First I was amazed at how many there were and secondly by the range. Oh there were the self deluded fanboys to be sure but then there was the New York Initiative that were serious business even to the point of learning to be EMTs.  I  don't know what to make of Master Legend who says as a child he was forced to fight in KKK sponsored child fights and believes God has told him to fight evil.  He also between crime fighting enjoys beer and flirting with any pretty lady in sight.  Truly there are some extreme personalities in this bunch of bananas.

Actually most of them seem fairly harmless and they do commit good deeds even if they aren't fighting toe to toe with evil.  Many work hard to help the homeless and they try to keep the public informed on various things.  Still, specially after Colorado, I think we all view someone coming up our street in spandex with grave suspicions.

Things You Need To Know #207

The spring at Gambol's Gorge sometimes has a rainbow of 23 colours. It's a beautiful sight and a reminder that there are small wonders all around us.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Pontypool nonsense

Source:  Pontypool
Location:  outside a remote radio station
Threat Assessment:  8.  An ideological plague upon hearing other victims one becomes infected.  Language soon loses meaning and the victim becomes violent.
Limitation:  Victims are irrational.

Today's Secret Code;

There are no short cuts to success in life, but sometimes there are short circuits. Again: There are no short cuts to success in life, but sometimes there are short circuits. Today's Colour is blue in bee flat. Today's Author is dreaming he's awake having a day dream and then someone spoke. That is all, maho maho.

The Seer of Time

Time is an illusion
But So is the Seer of Time
What is behind both illusions
Only God may know

Superman Vs. The Elite

It's often been said that Superman's message has become tired and cliche. In the last movie with him they even tried to skip the line about, "the American way." I guess it might seem to boyscoutish, and perhaps even corny. But don't the best ideas often require the most faith? In this film there is a scene where Superman addresses the UN and says the world is not broken and that "the grace of Humanity can be seen everywhere. I like phrase, "the grace of Humanity," I wish we would look more for that grace than the darkness that is Humanity's shadow.

As a character Superman absolutely needs a strong moral philosphy. He must have needed one from an early age. After all one little temper tantrum could have utterly destroyed the Kent farm. But you can't have a moral code without faith, and faith sometimes can be questioned and that is the heat of Superman Vs. The Elite.

It starts with a credit sequence that makes use of the pop culture Superman and then segues into a cartoon with Superman in full corny boy scout mode. We pull back and we see the real Superman and Lois Lane debating the cartoon of him they were just watching. Superman/Clark argues that he made a deal so that all the money he could have earned goes to charity. Lois argues that he needs to treat his "S" with more respect. Clark has no real response to that since he knows she is right. I think though he might have said that the "S" has already been degraded to some extent so why not make the most good of it? But before he can answer they are attacked by the Atomic Skull.

The Atomic Skull is a third rate player but they certainly bulked him up for this feature. He is now openly killing people just to coax Superman into battle. This makes for a very personal battle between the two and in the end Superman clearly has a moment where he wants to kill the Skull. He doesn't of course, because while everyone else thinks it's corny he still has faith.

The Elite pop up after this and at first they seem like they could be ok. They are a little rough around the edges and a little creepy but they seem to be on the side of good. Superman befriends them at first and even gives them some tips. Not that these cheeky souls take advice well. They are led by Manchester Black who looks like a roadie for The Who and has incedible telekenetic power. There's a tough guy, and a lady with bugs and things coming out of her. My favorite was the Hat who was a drunk magician always pulling bottles out of his hat.

The fun ends though when the Elite give THEIR message. That message is might is right, we have the might and we'll decide who is right and we'll kill any wanker who we think is a bad guy or gives us the stink eye. Of course Superman can't let them get away with this. The trouble is, besides being incredibly powerful of course, is that the public is eating up what the Elite stand for.

So in the end Superman has to kill their message as well as take out the Elite, because if he doesn't then there is nothing to stop a new Elite forming. So in the end of the film Superman takes their argument to its logical end and shows the world what a Superman completely unleashed might be like. If I was a citizen of Metropolis at that point I think I would have to make a pants check after seeing that.

This is a good exciting film. I like the bad guys, loved how they handled Superman. Once again, DC's animated division shows folks how to do it right.

Things You Need To Know #206

The roses in Mira Cull's garden are fertilized by books. They may talk if the wish but they don't say much. Mira uses old romance novels mostly so the blooms are a bit shallow and often talking with each other over what a "bodice" is. Most conceive it as type of petal.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Yet Even More Piranha

Source: Piranha 3DD
Location: Water Park
Threat Assessment: 8 if you are in the water. Besides mass attacks they seem to have learned some new tricks likt getting into people.
Limitation: Not so smart, pretty much limited to the water.

Today's Secret Code

"When my fist clenches, crack it open ,before I use it and lose my cool.  When I smile, tell me some bad news, before I laugh and act like a fool.  If I swallow anything evil, put your finger down my throat.  If I shiver, please give me a blanket.  keep me warm, let me wear your coat." Again:  "When my fist clenches, crack it open ,before I use it and lose my cool. When I smile, tell me some bad news, before I laugh and act like a fool. If I swallow anything evil, put your finger down my throat. If I shiver, please give me a blanket. keep me warm, let me wear your coat."  Today's Colour is blue of bluest eyes.  Today's Author feels himself today.  That is all, maho maho.

The System Disadminstraitrix Frowns Like An Old Post Marm At Those That Abuse Their Stations

Things You Need To Know #205

The Migrants have been coming for the last 500 years. They are good citizen even if their legal status would be in dispute if the authorities knew of their existence. At private parties they still drink Vispaa from the Old Country. They do have to make sure such parties are well ventilated for the sake of the neighbors. Fermented flouroarsnic has quite the kick.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Bad Books

Source:  Army of Darkness
Location:  In the past
Threat Assessment:  Ranging from 3 to 7.  Avoid the one that opens to a bottomless sucking abyss.
Limitation:  Book worms perhaps?

Today's Secret Code:

If you are dead please abstain from driving, operating heavy machinery, or voting. Again: If you are dead please abstain from driving, operating heavy machinery, or voting. Today's Colour is antique'd copper. Today's Author is soaking in it. That's all, maho maho.

The Bad Dolls

The Bad Dolls play
but you wouldn't like their games
Anti-beauties
They want to mark the world

Things You Need To Know #204

Sorrowful Joe is a homeless man who has the respect of the street because he can bestow the Curse of the Baleful Itch. With a touch of his discolored finger the victim will feel the world's worse itch and the need to scratch it. Some victims have itched wounds into their bodies as they seek relief. Sorrowful Joe is always given a seat of respect round the fire.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Irkens

Source: Invader Zim
Location:  Galatic space
Threat Assessment:  7.  A war like race that has advance technology, and are cybernetically enhanced.  They'd rate higher but they don't really care about Earth.
Limitation:  They base their government on height.

Today's Secret Code:

The dreams of men are the property of God.  Again:  The dreams of men are the propety of God.  Today's Colour is illusionary.  Today's Author thinks he is real.  That is all, maho maho.

Not A Secret...

I've missed you all! I am sincerely apologize for my absence.

The Klah Peers Peevishly Into The World

Things You Need To Know #203

The Door are a small order of people who practice voluntary possession. They don't care if they are possessed by demons, angels or ghosts. They crave the experience. Other members document each possession and make sure things don't get out of hand. They aren't always successful in that.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: The Count

Source:  Seseme Street
Location:  See above
Threat Assessment:  -3 He's a vampire but he's harmless.
Limitation:  OCD.

Today's Secret Code:

Lawyers often are a clause of great disaster.  Again:  Lawyers often are a clause of great disaster.  Today's Colour is black velvet.  Today's Author is not bluish.  That is all, maho maho. 

Alternate Secret Code:  C64-17 P11-4-258 L4 Q19-12-17-23 H18-10 U4  Q17-1268 R516-12-158-21 W16-414-826 D26-11-23 P421-8 L26-8 Q21-898-21-21-12-17-10 R23-18 U21-8478-21?

Monster of the Day: Springfield's Three eyed fish

Source:  The Simpsons
Location:  Springfield
Threat Assessment:   0.  More of an indicator of pollution than an actual threat.
Limitation:  Probably still tasty.

Today's Secret Cod:

A potato is more vaulable than gold when you are hungry. Again: A potato is more vaulable than gold when you are hungry. Today's Colour is a humble coral. Today's Author has neither gold nor potatoes. That is all, maho maho.

Things You Need to Know #202

In a broken Impala in a junkyard there is a half crushed pack of cigarettes in the glove box. Smoke one of the last cancer sticks and you will have a vision of the perfect summer day. Make sure to take a photo to remember it by.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Pizza the Hutt

Source:  Spaceballs
Location:  in a galaxy far, far away
Threat Assessment:  Personally 2 but as a Gangster a 7
Limitation:  Delicious

Today's Secret Code:

The universe may be a hologram and I am just a picture of health. Today's Colour is a cool blue. Today's Author is seeing himself eye to eye. That is all, maho maho. oham oham, lla si tatT .eye ot eye flesmih gniees si rohtuA s'yadoT .eulb looc a si rouloC s'yadoT .htlaeh fo erutcip a tsuj ma I dna margoloh a eb yam esrevinu ehT :edoC terceS s'yadoT

The Dashi Can Only Be Seen In the Electron Microscope.

Since doing so kills the Dashi they are naturally against it.

Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice

Sooooo... eight years after the first corny killer kid movie we have this. I think they were just a leeetle over optimistic to label this the "final" sacrifice, but to their discredit they did their worst to make this the final Children of the Corn movie. If the first film was tepid then this is just a hot mess.

People finally notice that there are a lot of dead adults in Gatlin. So there is a news van and a couple of reporters, and some cops. Oh then there is our hero who is a disreputable journalist with his willfull son in tow who decide to stop in town and see if there is a story to be had in one of the largest mass murders in US history. Meanwhile, a local kid in the WORST cgi scene outside of "The Lawnmower Man," becomes possessed by ....black bubbles and starts the cult over and kills people pointlessly. Will they recruit the journalist's son? Will the journalist live to fight the black bubbles of evil? Yeah, well... no one cared. I mean really no one cared.

Besides the bad plot, bad cgi, horrific acting, the thing the bugs me most is how they treat the mass murder. Granted the film has a dollar forty budget but we are talking about a bunch of kids that murdered AN ENTIRE TOWN. That deserves the hysterical frothing of the mouth journalism of Oliver Stone's "Natural Born Killers." Here we get sort of a "meh." And that says everything about this film.

Things You Need to Know #201:

The carrots in Farmer Lomal's field give more than good night vision. Eat enough and you can see truth from lies, and other people's dreams as they sleep. Rabbits will not eat them.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Giant

Source:  Jack the Giant Killer
Location:  Cornwall
Threat Assessment:  7.  Huge and strong
Limitation:  Not the sharpest crayon in the box.

Today's Secret Code:

"Dreams never forgive, nightmares never forget." Again: "Dreams never forgive, nightmares never forget." Today's Colour is a burnished copper. Today's Author is dreaming to awaken. That is all, maho oham.

The Lost Album Cover to "Rosey Bones"

"Rosey Bones" was to be the third album of the eso terrorist band Blind Gooblings. It was never finished though because lead singer Mitch "The Itch" Linger stuck his head in a jury rigged microwave. It's not true that the model for the cover was Mitch's own skull. So says the publicists at Render Records, so it must be true.

Children of the Corn (1984)

The original Stephen King story, "Children of the Corn," was an eerie, scary read. That was about it. Didn't really have any deep meanings, and it wasn't the greatest story ever written. It's not even the greatest Stephen King story ever. Yet, it was the foundation for this movie, a revamp, and nearly too many sequels to count. Exactly why I cannot begin to guess, the mystery of Hollywood I guess.

The original film was released in 1984 and sort of falls into the slasher category. A bunch of kids get religion real bad, and it's a real bad religion. They follow "He Who Walks Behind the Rows," and they believe he wants them to kill all the adults of the small farming community. This leads to a fairly shocking scene of mass murder that kicks off the film.

We then cut to a couple on the road to a better place. Linda Hamilton and Peter Horton play Burt and Vickey and basically that's about all we know about them before they run down a kid in the middle of the road. It's ok though, the kid had his throat cut so they didn't REALLY kill the kid. Anyway, they find their way to Gaitlin to report what happened and find it is creepy central and full of killer kids (well mostly teens but you understand). So first they have to fight the kids before having a showdown with Mr. He Who Walks Behind the Rows that we never get a good look at. In the end they leave the town with the two "good" kids and everyone is happy.

Now you do have to add some material to stretch a small story to film length, but what they did here was fairly criminal. First off, there were no "good" kids in the story, they were all psychotic little snookers. Secondly, Burt and Vickey were far from a happy couple in the story. The tension in their relationship added further suspense in the story since you were never sure if they could reach out and help each other. Finally, there was no happy ending, except perhaps for the killer kids but even they had to deal with a new ruling from their god that they get live one less year.

So basically they took a spooky story and turned it to a standard Hollywood type story. Add to that fairly uninspired direction by Fritz Kiersch (his other big film was "Gor" and that should tell everything), and just a shoddy overall production. It's a wonder that this film somehow inspired a whole host of sequels. At least the first "Howling" was good, for example. This is at best bland with a few scenes not withstanding. I supose it works mostly because the audience WANTS it to work. We get a special feeling of taboo from seeing children killing their parents that we don't get from a Jason or a Freddy Krueger.

Critics probably liked it because they could write how "corny" it was. We critics can be easy to please sometimes.

Things You Need To Know #200

The Book of the Infinite has only one page because infinity can be captured on one page between the beginning and ending of a sentence. No one has correctly counted the pages of the Atlas of the Finite but everyone knows it has a beginning and an ending. Both books are kept by the Order of Chaotic Wisdom. They are in the Children's Library.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: The Dragon

Source:  Animaniacs
Location:  Camelot
Threat Assessment:  4.  Huge fire breathing dragon that is actually a clever fake powered by mice.
Limitation:  People keep saying "The dragon...the dragon."

Today's Secret Code:

"I stand before you because if I was behind you then you couldn't see me."   Again  "I stand before you because if I was behind you then you couldn't see me."  Today's Colour is polka Dots?  Today's Author knows this means war.  Aaaaaaaannnnvillllllaaaaaaaaaiiinnniaaaaaaaa, maho maho.

Mr. Rill Is On The Hunt

Mr. Rill is on the hunt. He is armed with a six shot evolver and a seven alloy nitch knife. Beware when Mr. Rill is on the hunt.

BOO!

Broken Blade

A fairly standard anime mecha series that is well animated and has some nice things going for it.  Sometime in the future humans can control quartz mentally.  From this odd little skill a whole new  technology is formed that they call magic.  Using flexible alloys peppered with quartz they've created mecha robots.  Our hero is genetically incapable of manipulating quartz so he can't use all this cool technology.  They do find out that he's the only that can control the incredibly ancient mecha that they found so he becomes the typically reluctant pacifist hero often seen in anime.  He only fights because he has personal feelings for the royal family and if they lose they will be executed.  Things are further complicated by having a friend on the other side and a team mate he doesn't trust because he's three gallons crazy in a two gallon bucket.  The series itself does a good job in humanizing characters on all side of the conflict and there are various side plots to keep things interesting.

The animation is good and smooth.  The story, while nothing special, moves along well.  If there is any problem it is that there is some unneeded "fan service."  Really we don't need scenes like, "excuse me if I take off my clothes before we eat dinner."  It just dumbs everything down.  Other than that it's a perfectly fine mecha anime.

Things You Need To Know #199

Shy Johnny is a rather nice ghost. He haunts a fountain at Paradiso Park. He doesn't grant wishes but sometimes he'll whisper good advice in such a way that the person he helps believes he thought of it himself.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Ur-viles

Source:  The Chronicles of Thomas Convenant
Location:  The Land
Threat Assessment:  7.  Highly magical creatures that can shoot acid or energy.  They have incredible sense of smell and hearing.  They fight in wedges with the apex of the wedge having all the power of the entire wedge.
Limitation:  Blind and self loathing.

Today's Secret Code:

It's not the men in black you need to worry about, but beware the women in yellow. Again: It's not the men in black you need to worry about, but beware the women in yellow. Today's Colour is jet. Today's Author flies the coop. That is all, maho maho.

The Oracle would see you...

....except that she has already seen you in saffron dreams

Things You Need To Know #198

Mr. Hartless never learned the value of the golden rule. A known rogue to those in the know. He has suffered some set backs at the hands of his once victims. He still though continues his thieving ways and he does find it easier to crawl through tight spaces without his legs.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Sleestaks

Source: Land of the Lost
Location: Somewhere outside of space and time
Threat Assessment: Currently 4. They are now primatives armed with spears and nets. They concentrate on capture so they can sacrifice to their god.
Limitation: Hate bright light. Can't throw for nothing.

Today's Secret Code:

The village vulgarian might talk a lot, but often has little to say. Again: The village vulgarian might talk a lot, but often has little to say. Today's Colour is mustard. Today's Author is hot dogging it. That is all, maho maho.

The Vezzor Would Like To Talk With Us

The Vezzor are annoyed because in one hundred years we will create psionic pollution that will give their hatchlings psycho-cholic. The Vezzor are a little unclear on human reactions to temporal paradoxes.

The Shrine

This atmospheric little chiller works because it doesn't answer questions.  It lets the mysterious stay mysterious.  It does this mostly through a fish out of water type plot where a bunch of journalists are investigating a small Polish village.  English is not spoken, the inhabitants are not friendly and we the audience aren't blessed with subtitles so we are in the same boat as the characters.  The journalists are there looking for a missing person.

What they find instead is inexplicable.

There's a fog like cloud that doesn't move.  There is a statue of a demon within the cloud.  When the inhabitants find out that they've visited "the shrine" they try to capture and kill them.  The rest of the film is a very tense sequences of captures, deaths, and escapes. 

This is a very good horror film that works hard to more than just violence.  You find yourself thinking about it and the whys it never answers.

Things You Need To Know #197:

The Miracle of Easton Street is still the talk of Balnanari.  It occurred in 1943 and it involved a horrible fire that took three houses on Easton Street.  The Miracle was afterwards they found three children completely unburned sleeping on the embers.  Those children are now grandparents today having lived rich but unremarkable lives, but they still talk about the Miracle of Easton Street.

This was something you needed to know.

Trap of the Day: Cube

Source:  Cube
Location:  Unknown
Threat Assessment:  8.  No water or food and randomly trapped rooms.
Limitation:  Have to be taken there.

Today's Secret Code:

"Michael before me, Rapheal to my left, Gabriel to my right, and Uriel behind me." Again: "Michael before me, Rapheal to my left, Gabriel to my right, and Uriel behind me." Today's Colour is a tantric tan. Today's Author plays the game. That is all, maho maho.

The Nunform of Necrophiliam

The Necrophiliam often use the Nunform for various rites from the Shadow Gospel or the Barren Revelations.

Redshirts by John Scalzi

"Redshirts" is an excellent, thoughtful and funny novel. It's based on the old saw that in "Star Trek" if you were wearing a red shirt and was next to the Captain on some planet you were going to buy the farm. On the good ship Intrepid a bunch of new ensigns are confused and puzzle by the crew's reaction to senior staff and away trips. Soon they figure out that it's not just certain death that awaits them but a certain, stupid death.

The genius of Redshirts is not that the characters find themselves in television show but that they are in a badly written science fiction show with horrid pseudo science.  Also they aren't always "on" that is they are controlled only when they are in an episode.  When that's not happening they are free to act as they will.  This freedom gives them hope.  First they must understand the rules (even if they are dumb rules) and then try to figure out a way to leverage them to their advantage.  Scalzi is very intelligent in dealing with stupid situations and his characters work out a way to attack the source of the problem.

This is a fun quick read two thirds of the way then something special happens.  The novel becomes a more emotional read as it goes through three endings or codas.  In each characters deal with the philosophical implications of what happened.  It was definitely a surprise change of tone but it really worked and made what have just would have been a romp into something a tad more deeper.

Definitely read it!

Things You Need To Know #196

Lotus Bloom #64 is a firework no longer being made. It is wrapped in blue paper and has a long green fuse. If you can still find one be sure to have plenty of room. The fire dragon doesn't last long but it's pretty big...and hot.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: A Psychic Chevy Chase

Source:  Modern Problems
Location:  The City
Threat Assessment:  4.  Though Chevy Chase is monsterous enough he uses his psychic ability mostly for minor trouble like nose bleeds.
Limitation:  Chevy Chase's Ego.

Today's Secret Code:

"Sea and Earth, permanence in motion and permanence at rest."  Again:  "Sea and Earth, permanence in motion and permanence at rest."  Today's Colour is a shade of yellow.  Today's Author is not the King in Yellow but is a beetle killer.  That is all, maho maho.

Hound of Love

Things You Need To Know #195:

The Order of the Thorny Rosary has only ten members left. Once a year they pick one member to go into an unnamed tomb and spend a night. Next year there will only be nine members left.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: Freddy Krueger

Source:  Nightmare on Elm Street
Location:  In your dreams
Threat Assessment:  8.  Dude's in your dreams and can kill you from there.  Plus he loves doing the fake out that you killed him but no it's still a dream. 
Limitation:  Tends to be selective of victims.  Bad jokes.

Today's Secret Code:

The thernody of darkness is the joy of dawn.  Again:  The thernody of darkness is the joy of dawn.  Today's Colours are lambent and explosive.  Today's Author has run aground.  That is all, maho maho.

Today's Secret Code:

There is a whole in your head. Again: There is a whole in your head. Today's Colour is a shadowy blush. Today's Author is sometimes called the Space Cowboy. That is all you gangsters of love, maho maho.

The Gluzi Is Noted For Three Things

The Third Thing is each Gluzi has all three of the races sexes by the time they are 200 years old

Things You Need To Know #194

The Glim works the dodges in Vegas. But he's known mostly for being a cooler. The Glim can kill any winning streak with a glance. He's always dressed in red suit and no one can remember his face.

This was something you needed to know.

Monster of the Day: UHF alien

Source;  UHF
Location:  Small Town
Threat Assessment:  0.  Wants to help us with his advance knowledge.
Limitation  Not always up on how humans act or react.

Today's Secret Code:

The anodyne monody of Monday is a brisk cure. Again: The anodyne monody of Monday ia a brisk cure. Today's Colour is an unpeerless pearlish. Today's Author was a monocentric polyannual reincarnationist. That is all, maho maho.