Monday, July 25, 2011


Well every other fighting game known to man has been made into a movie, so why not "Tekken?" Right, after the terrorist wars 8 corporations rule the Earth. The one that rules America is Tekken which is controled by an asian with weird hair. Typical post apocalyptic future which means cheap looking visual designs... oh future what would we do without chain link fencing? Only in movies is the architech of the future Home Depot.

So in this future our surely, lone wolf hero plies his trade of being quick on his feet. People want him to join the "Revolution," but he blows them off. Still under it all he has a heart of noble goodness (Tell me if you've heard this story before dear readers), and eventually he decides to try out to be the people's hero in yearly manic fisticuff jamboree.

Right so the people's hero, and a bunch of other bruisers with bad hair and attitude now ply for honor and glory not seen since wrestlemania infinity. Ah but the son of the asian with the bad hair has other plans. Not only does he want to take over the company from dear ol' daddy, but he wants to turn this ass stomping party to eleven by making it to the death. The People's Hero is not amused. He is less amused to discover he is the son of this wankturd. Daddy issues are about to be ask kicked to kingdom come and we are all in it for the ride.

Ok, the story is bad, the acting is cardboard, the hair stands out though. The martial arts though aren't bad. Just enough of the real to keep it from becoming like "Double Dragon 2." And really, it was fairly painless fun which really is the best anyone can hope for in an exercise like this. Enjoy!

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