The Iron Invader

Well maybe the Syfy people have been reading my reviews of their movie.  I've mentioned that given their level of CGI they should try to animate non living things.  I've also mentioned that they should try more practical effects.  Both were done in last nights "Iron Invader."  It's a shame that they didn't bother to read that there should be a good script, still maybe its a case of baby steps.

Set in Idaho, which for some reason tickles me, it stars two brothers who are in the middle of construction.  They are also in need of money.  Suddenly a shooting star falls to earth and they go to see what's up.  It's not a shooting star, it's a compromised russian satellite.  Still that's got to be worth some money.  They take it to the neighborhood junkman not knowing that it contains something deadly.  A piece of it already killed their neighbor and made him veiny in about sixty seconds.

The junkman is working on a big sculpture.  A huge iron giant that he calls an "Iron golem" not a "Golem" but an "Iron Golem," which despite his recital of jewish lore proves to me that the folks behind these movies have played way WAY too much D&D at one time.  Forgetting about the D&D angle does this mean that the junkman here is jewish?  Jewish in Idaho?  Oh my.  This is a state famous for potatoes and crazed militias.  Not a good place to be if one was Jewish I would believe.  Oh well, suspension of disbelief and all that.

So I said they should use more practical effects, but I should have said more COMPETENT practical effects because it looks like someone is just shaking the table to make all the bits of satellite look all lively.  Then with truly horrid CGI it joins with the statue and it becomes the IRON INVADER.  Gee it was lucky someone made a huge humanoid statue for the it or otherwise we'd be terrorized by rolling nuts and bolts.

Well the monster is off, and now the CGI is better to give credit.  It goes around killing people and screwing with the electricity.  People get all veiny and dead and so the elder goes off to kill the giant.  Eventually a gang of survivors including the junkman, and the pretty lady who was the elder brother's love interest at one time, all settle in the local bar.

Here they temporarily destroy the invader but are threatened by, well rolling nuts and bolts.  When I stopped laughing watching this I was able to listen to them to theorize over the nature of the problem.  They figure it is some sort of bacteria thing that likes metal.  As they watch it eat an ax, there is a nice effect where they must of covered iron fillings in green paint.

Anyway, the giant puts itself together and they have to blow it up again and then figure out how to kill the pieces.  Gee, they are in a BAR.  What would kill germs in a BAR?  HMMMMM HMMMMMMM.  It takes them FOREVER to figure out to liquor up the monster to death.  Well at least it wasn't Utah, the world would have ended then.

So there it is.  Another mess on a Saturday night.  On the other hand, it was moderately silly so it did entertain me a bit more than usual.  Who knows, maybe this is the start of an upward curve.  One can always be optimistic.