Friday, June 17, 2011

The Curse a Film That Should Get Remade, But I Wouldn't

The premise I've been using here is that one shouldn't be remaking good films but rather remake those films that need a second chance.  In many ways, "The Curse" fits the bill perfectly.  It's a cheap film, it's shoddy, it has an absurd cast, and a laughably bad script.  For all that, I'm not sure if I'd want to remake it, because for me "The Curse" works.

It's based off an HP Lovecraft story but it's updated to the present and set in the south.  It also makes the family much more interesting.  The family is a blended family but very divided.  Mom marries the old farmer because basically she needed him economically.  He needs someone to cook and clean as he farms.  This isn't going to work cause he is incredibly religious in the bad way.  Almost constipated by it.  She is younger and has .. ahem.. needs.   The kids aren't doing too well either.  The wife's kids haven't been raised on a farm and his son is big huge hulking bully.  This is not going to end well at all.

Well one night, the wife's ... needs get real needy.  So she goes to the farmhand for a hand and more.  Ok, I'd remake this film just for a different guy here.  No one should have a pelt when they take off their shirt.  Anyway, husband catches them but before things go ballistic a huge THING from space hits the ground.  So now there's a big glowing rock on the farm and the farmer can't help but think this is some sign from God.  Other people in town are more afraid it's a sign of lower property values so they agree not to tell anyone certain important things like that it doesn't seem to follow the rules of physics.

Well the meteor melts and becomes part of the water supply.  Yum.  Soon everything is growing big and the farmer is thinking maybe God has given a blessing.  That lasts all of like 3 minutes, as the food is fook'd and like nastily so.  Maybe things might have gone different, but the whole family (except for the two youngest) have been drinking the kool aide water.  Instead of getting big and luscious looking, they start getting funny in the head.  Like stitching socks to your hand funny.

Well the kids try to get out, but nobodies listening at this point.  Folks are still trying to keep it all a secret in the face of a big land deal.  But you can't keep a good curse down.  Soon cows are exploding in maggots and people are getting ugly and all stabby like.  The death toll goes up and in the end the farm turns to dust.  Oh and don't drink the water.

This film was successful enough that a string of unrelated films were called "The Curse" two through four.  They were all wastes of time, but at least Curse 2 had Jaimie "Klinger" farr as a door to door salesman injecting snake antivenom into a mutated snake bite.


No comments:

Post a Comment