Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid

*sigh*

Ok, well like in Mega Piranha this has Tiffany (and this time her co-star Debbie Gibson) introducing the film as if it was an event of some sort.  On the one hand I applaud Syfy for aggressive PR.  I've always been a fan of the P.T. Barnums and William Castles in the world.  On the other hand, with the exception of the Troma people who are um.. special, it is gauche to plug your own wares as camp crap.  It's ok if someone discovers you've made a horribly bad film, it's another thing when you proudly proclaim that you can't make a movie to save your own life. 

So, we have Tiffany and Debbie and they are in the swamps.  Each is a specialist of reptiles.  Tiffany loves her gators and Debbie is a snake fan.  Enter some ginormous pythons that start eating all the gators.  Tiffany gets crazed so puts up hunting licenses to the local hunters whom cannoodling is high tech to kill up some snakes.  Things do not go well, and basically after a lot of dead people Debbie is like "It's nature's way beeeooooiiiitch!"  Yeah, the chemistry between these two is somewhere between "Hee Haw" and "Jersey Shore."

Tiffany will not let this stand, and tells her deputy granny cop that she needs her some bigger gators.  Granny cop gets a bunch of steroids, including experimental ones, from a relative and they put them in chickens and feed them to the gators.  The Gators hulk out, except they don't wear purple pants and get big quick.  The funny thing is that they pythons eat some gator eggs and THEY start to hulk out.  This is not a good thing and many people get eaten by the end. 

But not the director of this film.

Well fair's fair, and the idea of some sort of football style grudge between herpetologists is funny.  Having a sort of arms race between creatures that don't have arms is amusing.  The film though is not amusing without recreational beverages and is just sad.  Tiffany and Grandma cop are actually ok at the acting thing but that just makes everyone suck more, and I'm looking at you Debbie Gibson.  The grudge fight between Tiffany and Debbie is just more weird than anything.  If I was looking for a grudge match between eighties singers I'd be more interested in a slap fight between Prince and Boy George.  The special effects, oh lord oh god...it just makes me cry.  They aren't even TRYING anymore.  The snakes move like they float two inches above the ground, and when the gator eats someone it's like watching a sock pocket eat a paper cut out. 

Sad.
Sad.
Fail.