Thursday, September 23, 2010

Mr. Shouty has a Trombonesis

As you can tell I love cooking shows.  It's reality TV in which you can actually learn something.  Well, almost.  Then  there is Hell's Kitchen starring Mr. Shouty.  Now Mr. Shouty is a good chef and in some of his BBC shows can often appear sane.  On Hell's Kitchen, though, he's like a rabid cockeral who swears like a drunken sailor.

The show itself is always the same.  Even when they do something different, it is always the same.  It's like "Groundhog's Day," with swearing.  You get a bunch of punters who are mix of the credible and incredible and you immediately start breaking them down.  I don't think anything could hurt a cook's ego more than chef ramsey mcshouty puking up your "signature" dish into the close at hand garbage can.  Then there is the traditional wake them up at 3 in the morning in a loud "Wacky" way (this time it was Japanese drummers), then there is the kitchen itself which must be 3000 degrees and dispite the open floorplan is as clastrophobic as the pit.  No one wonder the show feels like boot camp with risotto.

Let's not even talk about the prize.  Riiight, like Ramsey is actually going to let any of these knobs actually run his restuarants.  A job title and a salary is not the same thing folks.  And why you'd want to do this I don't know.

So why do I watch?  Well I admit to slowing down watching the car accident.  This year's prime boob is the big, fat guy who wheezes like a garbage truck, drinks too much and then does "karate."  Watching him and "Lil Miss Ghetto" perform is a hoot.  They are so badly good that Ramsey has had the chance to boot them both out already but has wisely passed on it (the show is NOT fair as to who gets the boot each week.)  But, there's another reason.  I do think the show is teaching something of importance.  All the other cooking shows are graceful arty affairs.  Oh look at me, I turned a ham into a butterfly with a fragrent nutty sauce.  What Hell's Kitchen teaches ultimately is not art but consistency.  It's tough as hell to come out with the perfect risotto THIRTY TIMES a night.  Learning that is truly something awesome.

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